The Book of Awesomeness

by Kimmo Rabies Pronger

Chapter A

Hello, ponies! Are you reading with proper lighting and positioning? You'll need to be once we get started so what you'll read in this book doesn't fly over your head! Oh, wait! I already did! Ha, ha, ha! ...I hope that joke made at least some ponies laugh. I know Twilight or Applejack didn't when I told them...

Anyway, welcome to the first chapter! Here, begins my grand ramble of how awesome I am! However, this is the start of your own journey on being awesome yourself within these pages! ...Careful not to be eating anything that may stain the pages so the quality stays somewhat intact, by the way. Wouldn't want a good book to be ruined.

So now, let's start with our most important rule of being awesome. Simply put, the most important part of being awesome is literally....just being awesome. I can't say that word enough to describe myself! You see it every day as I fly around and greet the citizens of Ponyville and do my part to protect the skies from bullies and Pegasi that try to impede others from taking flight.

However, while I make it look totally easy, it is actually a very hard and arduous process. Believe me, it's deceptively easy. It's the same way how we don't think about how we eat brush our teeth before bed, dress up for the Grand Galloping Gala, or train for the Sisterhooves Social. We just know what to do and so we don't really think about how we're doing it.

Being as awesome as the Rainbow Dash is straight up impossible. Why? Because once again, there is only ONE Rainbow Dash in Equestria and that's me! However, the things I do to be awesome, there really is a lot that goes into it. Going as fast as I am, it looks amazing but to actually do it, I've practised going at that speed for literally since I was a little Filly.

When I was a little Filly, I was out of control whenever I flew. I struggled to control my speed at first and it took some practise to get a sense of precision and control to get the most out of my speed. That being said, it's actually quite hard to stop, too! Slowing down isn't as easy as I make it look, I'll say it once more. I have to think so far in advanced where I'll be in what amount of time and then mark where I'll start the process of slowing down. And I do this process many, many times flying each day. As I said, however, it's become ingrained in my mind that I simply do it without even thinking about it. Muscle memory, essentially. Ever head of it? Well, now you do.

That's simply the flying that gives me my Pegasus identity. What about me as a pony? I may have these wings but I'm still a pony.

The thing about me as a pony is that I like to have fun wherever and whenever. I mentioned her name a lot of times, already, but there are so many things about that mare that just gets on my nerves. First of all, the way she sits down on the floor or table to read books, it makes me feel sore! I'm still! I can't stand being still or in one place for too long because I feel like I won't be able to get anywhere or do anything!

...Then again, you do need your full attention on the book whenever you read, just like this one that you're reading right now.

Whatever! The problem isn't reading. Reading is like food for your brain. The problem that I have with Twilight is that she reads too much! Knowing is important but action is, too! What's the point of having knowledge if you don't even know how to use it? It would be the same as having a shiny new set of shoes but never putting them on your hooves when you go out! Now that's something I would have against Rarity, now that I think about it. She can't stand to get dirty for even a second! Ugh!

It may seem like I'm whining about my friends, but believe me when I say that this is another part of being awesome: Having qualities and traits that others complain about. See, all of us have different perspectives on something. Unlike genuine bullies out there, I know when I'm being a jerk and try to come out a better pony whenever I do something to hurt my friend's feelings. But! If somepony has a problem with me just being myself? Pfft! They can go take a hike for all I care! I can respect when a pony honestly doesn't like my swagger or sense of pride.

I am aware that the pride I take in myself can be unsettling to someponies and can come off as arrogant. It's not like the number of complaints I hear from them when they think they don't notice me lurking around doesn't tip me off! But it's also what makes me myself, and therefore, awesome. You know why my five main mares are awesome? They understand that the pride I take in myself may seem excessive but it's how I accomplish my sense of self and that I don't use it to put other ponies down. They are the ones who can handle this rash, hot-headed, and hyper-competitive pony. But in return, they have a truly caring, dependable, and loyal friend who will never let them down.

I have my ups and downs. Twilight has her ups and downs. We all have our ups and downs! Both of these, however, make us awesome and interesting ponies! There's that delicate balance between good and bad that each of us ponies have that make us interesting to know and initiate conversation with. If everypony was the same and had no differences between each other, would we really we awesome? No. Without a question, the answer is a big fat no!

A large part of being awesome is being different. Different in the ways that make others jealous of us, wonder about us, and creates conflict between us. Think about it. If all of us could do the same thing with as much skill, and we all had the same viewpoint on every concept that exists, what is the point of even saying that life is interesting? It'll be boring.

Can you imagine if every Pegasus that ever lived had my speed in flying? Heck! The reason why we even have speed competitions is because we don't have the same speed! Face it. Not all ponies are cut out to be contenders for the fastest flier in all of Equestria. Seems discouraging? It does, but it's the truth. And the truth does hurt like how I broke my wing that one time and landed myself in the hospital... Nasty stuff I went through, let me tell you that.

Carrying on with this point, I see this all the time where other Pegasus try so, so hard to be like me. Even Earths and Unicorns! Believe it or not, while it does flatter me, that makes me sad. Because there is nopony more awesome or fast like the Rainbow Dash, and I will continue to say it as many times as needed. They're ignoring the real path to awesomeness which is their own path. I am the only one suitable to take the Rainbow Dash path to awesomeness. For them to be awesome, they must find their own path, and walk down it with their gut sucked in, their intervals wide, and their flanks covered! (...And shut up...)

I told you that there is a lot that goes into being awesome, didn't I? Well, we only scratched the surface, seeing as how we're only on the first chapter, my readers. Think you can handle this entire book in one sitting? Go ahead if you can read more but taking a break can be awesome, too. Remember, I hate long periods of inactivity so go do something for yourself if you feel the need to move around. Even having a meal is good.

Whatever you do, I'll be waiting for you in the second chapter.

Who's awesome? ...I am! Hee-hee!

Author's Note:

I was honestly not expecting this positive reception to come so fast within the first 24 hours of releasing this story. Thank you all and consider this fast release a token of my gratitude to you.