This is an alternate ending to the chapter Anastantes; that is to say, it is nonsensical, feel-good drivel, an alternative to drink, the written equivalent of a clump of semi-solid, glucose-laden mush. For the love of Celestia, take not a word of it to heart.
“No.” She shakes her head a bit, her voice hesitant. “No, you’re not her. You’re better than she ever was.” Her voice hesitant, but unmoving.
I approach further. “I’ll stay with you forever, Bon-Bon.”
She seems to stop breathing for a moment, and then she looks towards me, tears coming from the sides of her beautiful, enormous eyes. “Really?”
I nod, smiling as I come next to her and sit in that way, the light of the morning sun filling the world as I lean in towards her. “Really.”
And then I hold her, and she does not resist.
And then, I reach in for a kiss.
And I feel love coming from that beautiful mouth, as she pushes me over in unleashed repression, as she pushes me down onto the bench, as she hugs me tighter than I’ve ever been hugged. And she wraps her hooves around the back of my neck and caresses me, the hard keratin as soft as jelly to me.
And I hug her back, and we roll off that bench, and we strengthen our embrace; her buried emotions coming out in a flurry as she licks about inside my muzzle; and I pull away, tongue trailing saliva—hers, and mine, together—and I say the only thing I can possibly say, the only thing I can possibly think.
“Oh hay yeah!”
Wait, that wasn’t me. I look behind and see a pink head popping out from a shrub. She puts her hooves over her mouth, jumps from it and runs off into the distance, her tail flying high as she goes as fast as I've ever seen anypony go.
I shake my head a bit, and smile at her; and she smiles with a kind of impossible happiness, and we just lay like that, grinning like idiots at each other, before I say what I mean to.
“I love you, Bon-Bon. No matter what.”
And she nuzzles my mane. “What’s that thing you always said to your friends, back in college? ‘Se philo’?”
I giggle and bury myself in that wonderful mane, letting myself be entombed by those dark and light strands. “Kai eraoimin.”
“And what’d you always want me to say back, when you said it to me?”
I look up into the beautiful morning sky, and I look at her.
“Alla eimi.”
And we look at each other, look into each other’s eyes; and we cannot control the sheer joy, as we release every bit of repression, every inhibition, and know each other fully, as the sun watches over us.
And we are so, so happy.
751526
You make a compelling argument for me to write a 'good' ending.
Allow me to present my concordance with your appeal.
I originally conceived of this chapter's title as 'Mia Sarx' (from Mark 10:8: καὶ ἔσονται οἱ δύο εἰς σάρκα μίαν, ὥστε οὐκέτι εἰσὶν δύο ἀλλὰ μία σάρξ: And the two shall be for one, so that they will no longer be two, but one flesh). 'Allocatastrophe' is a quick-and-dirty coinage: different-ending. The final exchange is now translateable as "I love you like a friend/and I wish you'd love me like a lover/but I do."
If anyone who knows Ancient Greek's around, I'd appreciate any corrections of grammar.
Excellent Story, even if the canon ending is as bittersweet as a whole chapter of 'Background Pony'. Not that that's a bad thing, but it leaves people horribly depressed...
Still, this story deserves a lot more likes in my opinion. It's certainly different and well thought out. And the alternate ending makes up for my sadness.
4.5/5
Thank you so much for this! You are a very intelligent writer, and you have written a fine work, and both endings have their value.
But I have to say, in my heart, this ending leaves me with a smile within, and gladdens me, and sweetens my dreams. That is always a gift, that which brings joy, and you have done just that, and for that I thank you.
I will be most definitely be watching your work in the future.
751620
While this is the ending everyone wants, you gave the fans what they wanted. You never do that. It was realist, it was bittersweet and it was heartfelt. The old ending was perfect in it's imperfection, thats what made it good. I'm not saying this ending was bad, it was good and very well written but it was what they wanted.
You sold out, now while this isn't as bad because this is a fandom, you still sold out. I'm not judging because this is your story and you wrote it but still sold out.
Was there a better way you could of gone with both ending, yes. You could of had, the 'I don't know how I feel' speech. Sweet while still being realistic. But still it was good, both were. I just feel you sold out. But still this is yours and this comment is simply my opinion.
751681
Personally, I originally intended that there be two endings; one named 'Dyo Sarka' and and one named 'Mia Sarx'. As it is, Chatoyance's comment only got me off my lazy arse.
That being said, I respect your opinion. It is a much better story as a bittersweet tale; the allocatastrophe isn't meant to be taken seriously in any sense. It's written purely as feel-good drivel, drivel which I compiled in like thirty minutes. As much as I like to think that I have artistic integrity, I still owe fans this bit of drivel, because I'm not a goddamned dominatrix and they're not bloody masochists. It is important to assess the reasons that exist for writing.
I write to make people enjoy reading. Some people get their jollies being happy, and some people get their jollies following a cohesive, well-written plot. I'm not going to judge either. It is not my place. So I write, and I write not only for myself but for them. I prefer the original ending, of course, but I'm not going to judge someone who just wants a fuzzy feeling in his or her chest.
Think of it as a fanfic of a fanfic, really. I don't consider the allocatastrophe to be a legitimate continuation of the story.
That wasn't bad. Everyone seems to have already said what I wanted to say. I do fall into the camp which says the old ending is better.
The main reason I liked the old ending was because It was different. When you read these kind of stories they almost all end the exact same way. THis was the first attempt I ever saw that ended differently. So good job with that.
752251
To clarify: I'd prefer it not to be thought of as the 'old' ending as much as it is the 'real' ending. The allocatastrophe is meant solely to be a meaningless clump of mushy words.
Yes, Both endings had a very different feel, I for one prefer anastantes. And the way you approached the feelings side of shipping instead of the physical.
You sir Are a genius
... The thing about this is I actually prefer Anastantes, mainly because it is realistic. It's sad, yes. I try to stay away from sad. But it's a kind of happy sad. Besides, you can't have the words "Behind those eyes I saw a world break apart" and then in the alternate ending have her be okay with it one paragraph later.
That's not to say I don't like this chapter. I still like it, just not as much as Anastantes.
752705
I hate it, personally. It's only for if you 'dislike' the proper ending for some reason.
754286 Well, I always loved happy endings, no matter how cheesy.
Talking about cheese, I just ate manicotti. It has cheese. And it's good. For some reason I am really hyper right now. I have no idea why.
Yay good fic was good!
The "real/sad" ending is my favorite one even though I usually love sappy stuff, just fits the story better.
Even then the original "sad" ending really isn't sad, they stayed as friends and maybe BonBon might move away from her homophobic tedencies.
Sequel with Bon Bons reactions to Lyra getting her first marefriend! (tries in vain to put ideas in Amit's head)
729709
Most homophobes turn out to be closeted gays.
*smiles* My compliments Amit.
Applause is all I can give.
Hmmm... This was a decent read for sure. It wasn't without its pretentious moments, but i think we're allowed a little self indulgence from time to time. Especially with a hilariously sappily in love Lyra.
I think the original ending was best, but you know that. You only made it for somepony else. Of course, lets not kid ourselves, the original is a "bad" ending. I know how painful it is to be in love with another man, to work out with him... To spend enough time with him to admire him for the beautiful flamboyant personality he is. And know that he is in fact very much heterosexual. I'd give him compliments now and then and he'd react akwardly. It's pretty tragic, and i could never be friends with him. As horrible as it is, it;s a soberign fact of life the gay community has to face. We are a minority, and no matter how much love we have for somepony, they are very likely to be completely unobtainable.
I wish I knew what all the funny words meant.
775696
Beethoven, but it can be anyone else; I haven't a clue about composers and their insanity.
775760
The comment I've made on Anastantes explains most of the funny words.
Good ending I liked the 1st one more though but still good story
I loved your Anastantes ending bro. Better than the "Feel Good" one fo sure.
751620
The original ending just makes less sense. I mean, Bon-Bon is clearly displaying all the common characteristics of a closeted gay desperate to repress their sexuality.
751681
Calling the author a sell-out... sounds like you're one of those hipsters who believe fans should be forced to not gain the level of enjoyment they were expecting and that the author is quite capable to provide. You're being quite rude here, and might want to re-think that.
And you have nothing to complain about anyway... there's two endings, if you don't like one... only read the other. Your complaints are completely unnecessary and aren't constructive in any way to helping the author, just attempting to sound degrading.
This is wonderfully romantic without the dirty clop. This short chapter is a great way to put a smile on someone's face.
776154
Ouï-dire besides, not all homophobes are homosexual. Homophobia is an attitude, not any indicator of sexuality. Her 'homophobia' is a generalisation of blame, an attempt to scapegoat, an outright fear of abandonment because of her heterosexuality - in the liberal fascism of Equestrian society, there is simply no impetus for that sort of repression.
Maybe if this story was about Applejack.
776346
I'm a hipstre? What in the world is a hipster? Any way, I find your comment degrading. I did like the ending, it was just fan service. Blatant fan service, now theres nothing wrong with that, I was just saying what it was. I've always believed that a story should be what you want not what the fans want. Now the author did say there was two endings, that they had planned. I didn't know this, I commented before they explained this. Thus how was I to know.
Now constructive criticism comes in many forms, and I believe that my comment was, at least, some what constructive.
And I was just pointing something I thought I saw, no need to take it personally.
Remember we're supposed to respect others opinions wether we like them or not.
Fillyfooler, out.
776509
>dans quatre heure, moi je peux lire, la jument céleste pourra avoir sa lettre
>...in four hours I can read. The celestial mare will be able to have her letter.
Peux is the present first-person of pouvoir; I use the disjunctive for emphasis.
Given that it's a snowclone of an actual French song, (la Jument de Michao, which admittedly does have a problem with the construction c'est dans) I really doubt that it has an error; nonetheless, I've mended the construction to seem a little less awkward:
>je m'en lirai
Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
776427
Patronizing and hypocritical, too. I'm saying, regardless of what you thought you were doing or intention, that your words -easily- come across as being quite rude and insulting. Respecting someone's opinion does not mean suffering those who would do wrong by their words. All you had to do was recognize that the unnecessary insults in your post were not called for. An apology would be nice, I'm sure no author likes to hear "You're a sell-out." without good reason. The ONLY reason you supplied was your -personal preference- which is not a good reason in the least bit.
776970
I suppose that's one way to look at it.
I, personally, think that Bon-Bon is very much heterosexual.
777270
Honestly, I think that starting a story only to stop because you find a background pairing stated in the description itself to be disagreeable is a bit of a juvenile move.
Ah, there we go! I feel better now. Thank you for making the much more fun and lighthearted ending.
Hah! This was great! I love the real ending though only because it made me laugh more. Well, have my cold bloody severed thumbs.
751526
FUCK. You're one eloquent moterfucker. Made me sad. Reality really is a bitch and i, too, want a happy ending.
hehe, even though the original ending is better in both plot and writing style. i still do prefer this one moodwise (i cant help it but im a sucker for succesfull romance). anyways, you have written a great story independent of how it ends. My attention was there every single second so thank you for this ^^ i thoroughly enjoyed the story
778040
I've spelt out the names in the first comment on Chapter Eight. While I appreciate the effort, I don't think it's necessary.
778059
What're you talking about? She's speaking Fancy, and we all know all smart people speak Fancy.
i loved the real ending as it keeps to the story very well , but i can't help but like the fluffy alternate ending a bit more becouse i'm such a sukker for mushy stuf
778167
I'm really smart, and I don't speak in fancy
778761
The idea is that it would be far too out-of-character for Pinkie to give good advice; that last bit is just her conscience speaking to her.
750769
776325
777301
To note: The whole idea behind the fic, really, is that the whole arrangement is unhealthy. Anastantes shows a person making a ridiculous compromise for the sake of another - to love conditionlessly, without the expectation of reciprocation. The allocatastrophe could only be realistically written as an even worse ending, where Bon-Bon would reject her entirely, or feign love for her sake - indeed, that's perhaps the best way to read the allocatastrophe: as a total catastrophe, where Bon-Bon is forced to weave a web of lies (holy shit sequel idea). There is no realistic way for everyone to be happy in this fic. Anastantes is literally the best ending possible.
In that sense, I suppose you could call it a tragicomedy.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
778911
You are an awesome person and this fanfic is awesome. While I preferred the bittersweet ending, at least you tried to give something different even if you didn't have to.
There were some scenes that showed a more sympathetic side to Bon-Bon, but I think that she could have used some more. A little more showing rather than telling of why Lyra loves her, if you'll forgive the cliche. Either way though... the ending with Bon-Bon turning out to be actually heterosexual was truly excellent. Not that the alternate ending is bad by any means, but I think it's important to have stories where confessing your love, while it may be the right thing to do in a relationship, does not automatically make everything perfect.
Amazing story from beginning to end. Well done, Amit.
I usually shy away from first-person (first-pony?) stories, but this one showed a strong narrative voice and an excellent vocabulary -- two things which I hold in very high esteem. It was a simple but effective story, with enjoyable little linguistic tidbits for those who studied Classics.
I found some of the technological anachronisms (movies on disc, telephones) a bit jarring considering the otherwise strongly canon-following setting (though they DO apparently have reel-to-reel films), but that is, all things considered, a somewhat minor quibble.
All in all, it was an enjoyable read. And personally, I liked the chapter 8 ending better than the chapter 9. Nine might be "sweeter," but sometimes the reader likes a little "savoury" as well, you know?
Anyway, good job!
775719
i.imgur.com/MB0IC.png
And to comment on the story itself, overall a very fun read. It was short, but that's not an issue to me. It makes it light reading, something to pass the time with. And I liked it. Both endings have appeal to me, and I'd consider both to be legitimate resolutions to the story, so I won't pick a favourite. I will say that I am glad you went both possible routes with it so that everyone can get something out of it. Alternate endings open up a lot of possibilities.
Nice work, and thanks for writing this.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/208/666/yes..jpg
778832
To be exact, it was a blood flow meter, but yea.
Err, it's umm... Nice...
The characters are a little flat to me; despite the fact that Bon-Bon is turning into Howard Hughes in front of her, Lyra says nothing but "I love that mare."
What's more is that we never see Lyra do the normal rational thing and try to approach Bon-Bon and resolve their issues, leading to more interesting conflict for the story and developing their romance and feelings for eachother.
Pinkie Pie feels like her only job here is to be a giant wrench. She's almost a plot device never contributing more than an excuse to move the story along. I feel a story like this needed to be character driven; the plot needed to be moved by Lyra's desire to confront Bon-Bon's homophobia, to confess her feelings, and Bon-Bon's inability to accept Lyra's homosexuality and to face the issues in her past that led her to become so negative towards them.
While I enjoyed it and loved the concept, I feel that I was pulled along rather than lead. The narrative didn't flow and some of the dialogue seemed awkward. So I personally am overall ambivalent towards this fic, liking some things and disliking others.
Feel free to disregard my advice, I just thought I'd share some comments and feedback with you on the story.
779748
I originally intended it to be a series of vignettes, but then I thought 'hey, this is funny, where does this go?'
I write everything as a single story - and if I think it can go somewhere, I cultivate it like the finest fruit of the finest tree.
779823
Holy shit, you're the guy who wrote half of the good Dark Equestria fics. I admire your work.
Ass-licking out of the way, she does progress, and the story is complete.
781716
Do my eyes deceive me? A specific, fair review of overarching flaws?
You're officially the best commenter. Congratulations.
That being said (as I have said before) this entire thing is meant specifically to highlight the fundamental unhealthiness of their arrangement. As I've said before:
>To note: The whole idea behind the fic, really, is that the whole arrangement is unhealthy. Anastantes shows a person making a ridiculous compromise for the sake of another - to love conditionlessly, without the expectation of reciprocation. The allocatastrophe could only be realistically written as an even worse ending, where Bon-Bon would reject her entirely, or feign love for her sake. Indeed, that's perhaps the best way to read the allocatastrophe: as a total catastrophe, where Bon-Bon is forced to weave a web of lies (holy shit sequel idea). There is no realistic way for everyone to be happy in this fic. Anastantes is literally the best ending possible.
To clarify, rather, this is a comedy first and foremost, with a serious undercurrent; Pinkie giving idiotic ideas isn't meant for any kind of drama. It's just something for readers to laugh at, and the outrageous character archetypes are meant to make people think 'ha ha that guy's so funny'. From a Doylean perspective, that's what they are: simple plot devices, used to interrupt an otherwise static plane.
I'll try to improve on my dialogue. Thank you for your contribution; I truly appreciate it.
This, right here, is a good part of why I enjoy this fandom.
Part one: Awesomely written fanfic. I personally like both endings, and while they both have merit, I kind of wish you had written a slightly more serious "what the fans want" ending. Call me silly, but I just can't stand unrequited love.
Part two: It's nice to see calm and reasonable debate on the internet. Anywhere on the internet. But for some reason it seems to happen more often with MLP stuff. Good people?
Someone probably said everything above before, just figured I'd throw my two bits in.
Just keep doing what you do.