Dreams are the truest mirrors to our inner selves, our hopes, our dreams, but our demons also dwell there, succoured by our fears and faults. A dream may therefore be both balm and cage, in reflection excising us of our ills or else trapping us with them in forced proximity. However, just as we are not always alone in our dreams, so too sometimes are the monsters which would make us prey within them far more than incorporeal.
Great thanks to Haphazard for pre-reading.
Also thank you to anyone who reads my stuff.
Notes:
• This involves TwiLuna
• Warning: story contains light description of suicide
• Sketch quote is from William Shakespeare’s The Tempest (Act 4, Scene 1, Lines 156-158)
• I use the word pegasus with both a singular and plural meaning, rather than pegasi, due to personal preference. Apologies if it is an annoyance
• I welcome any and all feedback
Allow me to grace this story with its first of what I hope to be many comments.
Arguably the most important chapter in a story is the first chapter. It's what allows the reader to determine if they want to keep reading or spend their time elsewhere. To use a metaphor, if the summary, tags, and main characters are the bait, then the first chapter is the hook. You could have the best bait in the world, but if your hook is poorly made, dull, or plain incomplete, then we fish are going to get away quickly and easily, and we're unlikely to return.
All that said, you had a great first chapter. Your description and attention to detail, though long-winded at times, painted a delightfully vivid picture of what was going on. My absolute favorite part of the chapter was your juxtaposition between the caravan's dingy interior and Trixie herself. Busying herself with make-up and hair implements, listening to recordings of her past fame, Trixie seemed very optimistic in her poor state, right up until she hanged herself, which was so unexpected that my jaw literally dropped. It was there that you had me. Hook, line, and sinker.
Overall, this was a very well-written and interesting story. I devoured it all in one sitting, and I'm very glad to have done so. There could be some improvements, though; I noticed a few grammatical errors and a spelling error or two, but they didn't take away from the story itself, which is good. I very much enjoyed this story, and I hope to see it get the attention it deserves! Good luck in your future endeavors
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Your writing is as always superb. I don't flinch away from the dark tag and the first chapter has already a lot of impact.
8005889 Major thanks