During the war between Equestria and the Crystal Empire, the mane six get captured. Horrors await, as each of them is 'personally' interrogated by King Sombra.
7042775 Sorry you feel that way Still, if you've followed the story along so far, I am guessing that,at some point, I must have done something right :) I can understand that you might feel disappointed if this isn't how you wanted the story to go, but I am still glad you followed it up to this point.
7042775 I must admit it wasn't an ending I expected either but 'unreadable' like seriously, unless you can't read you should be able to read it crystal clear and I think it wasn't really a bad ending because this was obviously going to happen, the mane 6 escape, king Sombra finds them again then something happens which allows them to defeat him then BAM so really the ending wasn't bad(even though it still says incomplete). In my opinion, if this is the ending, it came to soon.
Epic fight. That was nicely done. But now I'm wondering again what will happen next.
The return and revenge of the dark king, resulting in a bad ending for the mane six and all of Equestria? Or the opposite, another barrel between the two forces ensuring the victory of Equestria?
Looking forward to next week.
By the way, it's nice that you insert the titles of the chapters in the story as well but I don't think that you need them to highlight by making them bold. They're easy enough to spot and highlighting them feels a little bit forced. But that's only my opinion.
7043087 First of all, thank you very much for the compliment. It was really fun writing the scene. Also, really appreciate the feedback.
About the bold thing, someone else also told me bold might be a little bit distracting. I was planning on it being my personal touch, but I understand your concern. I shall un-bold them.
7043103 I wouldn't say distracting, more like "pointing out the obvious" if this applies. So that's why I feel that it's kind of forced. It's a nice touch though.
Hope that this came out right, English is not my native tongue.
Nevertheless, keep going, I think you're doing a good job.
I don't agree, even if this was the last chapter and there is no more clop, this one was done much better then a majority of the other rape fics on this site, even this nice battle at the end. I don't mind Sombra losing at all. In fact the way this chapter ended things are still open. Plus you never know when the author is going to write alternate endings or paths, sequels, and/or let others take over the writing to put their spins on it.
7043103 With an insidious grin, the tyrant proclaimed, "Princess Cadance ... after scores of my troops failed to find you, now the universe delivers you to me as an act of providence!" Looking with contempt at the mad king, the alicorn replied, "King Sombra, please listen to me! We don't have to fight. This war is an unnecessary burden upon both of our nations. You have the power to stop this madness and end it all here!" "You are right … I do have the power. I HAVE ALL THE POWER IN THE WORLD!" retorted the insane ruler, with a demanded gaze in his demonic eyes, as he fired and immense wave of shadow energy into the air, sending shivers down the spines of all who were present.
AVATAR THE LAST AIR BENDER!:)
This chapter had me on the rocks since the beginning. The fight was epic,and if I had to choose a side I would,with out a doubt,go with the resistance. This story has made me HATE Sombra but admire the sadistic King. Anywho this was one of the best chapters by far!
Of fucking course, the mane 6 win again because of "friendship", another potentially unique/interesting story goes down the same cliché route with the happy ending *sigh* at least it was good till this end
7042835 You continue to amaze me through your captivating storytelling skills. No they aren't by children's book standards by any means. The amount of time you write these chapters in plus the length of them (14000+ That's insane!) always astounds me, and the detail and font that is put into it is outstanding. Every time I see your story has a new chapter I'm so excited to read it. Currently there are two stories I extremely anticipate as well as highly enjoy, and that is "The Clockwork Conscience", and "Prisoners of the Crystal Empire."thank you for creating this captivating story.
7043453 Don't give up yet. I bet there is more down the road to come. Cliche is a thing of the past, he is open to suggestions if you want to give him one.
70431667043375 Don't worry about the story being over ... yet. As I stated, it is not ever till I mark it as 'Complete', which means there is more to follow (and probably more clop along the line as well )
7043420 You have no idea how happy your comments made me feel. Good catch on the Avatar reference. I though that show had an awesome final battle and it inspired me when I wrote this chapter :). Also, thank you very much for the lovely words
7043453 If you are a bit upset about how this particular chapter ended and over the fact that I used 'friendship' as a weapon, consider this: I chose to publish this facfiction on a site dedicated to a show called 'Friendship is Magic' . Sure, there are some really awesome stories (both mature or just tragic) set in the MLP FIM universe which are dark and gritty, or don't rely on the same trope as the show does (very often), but I didn't want to write a fanfic which had rape just for the sake of writing rape. I want to write something which fans of the show (with mature/devious tastes ) can somewhat relate to ... that is why this particular chapter went down this route :)
Foaming at the mouth with rage, the king slowly approached the defiant purple pegasus, ranting, "Twilight Sparkle, you could've been my apprentice. All my knowledge, all my power could have been yours. But the only thing you care about is your WORTHLESS LITTLE FRIENDS. Well then, you shall join them, IN DEATH! Soldiers, kill every last one of these cunts and bring me the Crystal Heart."
So... Twilight became a Pegasus all of a sudden? Anyway....... I really felt like this chapter was really epic. We got a sweet fight scene and a nice ending for this chapter. It kinda makes me think that the next chapter would be the last one...But come on! This story can't just end with chapter 9 coming out next week! There's gotta be more to it! Right?!
Wow the part that makes me maddest about this whole thing, is the out of nowhere "happy ending" Total buzz kill. I was really into it too... I was hoping he'd get all 3 princesses at some point. But it's your story and if that's how you want to end it, well all the complaining in the world won't change that. Cheers.
7049230 As a general observation, there are a lot of people on this site who want really bad things to happen to the mane 6 / the princesses
Regarding the "out of nowhere" bit, I have to disagree with you on that one. There are some slight hints here and there (check some of the dialogue for example).
Oh, and one last thing. Since you did mention what you wanted to happen and everything, please... wait until the story is marked as Complete to comment on its 'ending'
7050124 Ok i apologize i thought that Ch.8 ended it, my bad. I'll be honest and admit i just skimmed through it. I'll give it a better read some time today. But in the previous chapters i saw no hints as to them escaping with the heart and defeating sombra with his whole army running away in fear. That's what made me mad.
Also I read this all in one sitting and didn't know it's not done. Lots of stories out there are done, but with an "incomplete" status. And since you're going to keep it going, I will be reading it. I want to see what happens and hope it gets dark again, but mostly because i like your writing style.
And i agree there are lots of people on here that like to see bad things happen to the mane 6 and princesses. And yes i am one of them. But it's clear you are too. And that's awesome
Story is now next to unreadable with an even worse ending in this chapter.
7042775 Sorry you feel that way
Still, if you've followed the story along so far, I am guessing that,at some point, I must have done something right :)
I can understand that you might feel disappointed if this isn't how you wanted the story to go, but I am still glad you followed it up to this point.
7042775 I must admit it wasn't an ending I expected either but 'unreadable' like seriously, unless you can't read you should be able to read it crystal clear and I think it wasn't really a bad ending because this was obviously going to happen, the mane 6 escape, king Sombra finds them again then something happens which allows them to defeat him then BAM so really the ending wasn't bad(even though it still says incomplete). In my opinion, if this is the ending, it came to soon.
7042844 The story was going really well, then chapters 7 and 8 raped it and left it for dead in a ditch.
7042844 It's not the end till the story is marked as "Complete"
Epic fight. That was nicely done. But now I'm wondering again what will happen next.
The return and revenge of the dark king, resulting in a bad ending for the mane six and all of Equestria?
Or the opposite, another barrel between the two forces ensuring the victory of Equestria?
Looking forward to next week.
By the way, it's nice that you insert the titles of the chapters in the story as well but I don't think that you need them to highlight by making them bold.
They're easy enough to spot and highlighting them feels a little bit forced.
But that's only my opinion.
7043087 First of all, thank you very much for the compliment. It was really fun writing the scene.
Also, really appreciate the feedback.
About the bold thing, someone else also told me bold might be a little bit distracting. I was planning on it being my personal touch, but I understand your concern. I shall un-bold them.
7043103 I wouldn't say distracting, more like "pointing out the obvious" if this applies. So that's why I feel that it's kind of forced. It's a nice touch though.
Hope that this came out right, English is not my native tongue.
Nevertheless, keep going, I think you're doing a good job.
"Mediocre!" -nice
Well I came here expecting some >rape and this was certainly not what I expected.
Very well executed though
7042775
I don't agree, even if this was the last chapter and there is no more clop, this one was done much better then a majority of the other rape fics on this site, even this nice battle at the end. I don't mind Sombra losing at all. In fact the way this chapter ended things are still open. Plus you never know when the author is going to write alternate endings or paths, sequels, and/or let others take over the writing to put their spins on it.
7043103
With an insidious grin, the tyrant proclaimed, "Princess Cadance ... after scores of my troops failed to find you, now the universe delivers you to me as an act of providence!"
Looking with contempt at the mad king, the alicorn replied, "King Sombra, please listen to me! We don't have to fight. This war is an unnecessary burden upon both of our nations. You have the power to stop this madness and end it all here!"
"You are right … I do have the power. I HAVE ALL THE POWER IN THE WORLD!" retorted the insane ruler, with a demanded gaze in his demonic eyes, as he fired and immense wave of shadow energy into the air, sending shivers down the spines of all who were present.
AVATAR THE LAST AIR BENDER!:)
This chapter had me on the rocks since the beginning. The fight was epic,and if I had to choose a side I would,with out a doubt,go with the resistance. This story has made me HATE Sombra but admire the sadistic King. Anywho this was one of the best chapters by far!
Of fucking course, the mane 6 win again because of "friendship", another potentially unique/interesting story goes down the same cliché route with the happy ending *sigh* at least it was good till this end
7042835
You continue to amaze me through your captivating storytelling skills. No they aren't by children's book standards by any means. The amount of time you write these chapters in plus the length of them (14000+ That's insane!) always astounds me, and the detail and font that is put into it is outstanding. Every time I see your story has a new chapter I'm so excited to read it. Currently there are two stories I extremely anticipate as well as highly enjoy, and that is "The Clockwork Conscience", and "Prisoners of the Crystal Empire."thank you for creating this captivating story.
7043453
Don't give up yet. I bet there is more down the road to come. Cliche is a thing of the past, he is open to suggestions if you want to give him one.
7042896 Woot woot
7043166 7043375
Don't worry about the story being over ... yet. As I stated, it is not ever till I mark it as 'Complete', which means there is more to follow (and probably more clop along the line as well )
7043420
You have no idea how happy your comments made me feel. Good catch on the Avatar reference. I though that show had an awesome final battle and it inspired me when I wrote this chapter :). Also, thank you very much for the lovely words
7043453
If you are a bit upset about how this particular chapter ended and over the fact that I used 'friendship' as a weapon, consider this: I chose to publish this facfiction on a site dedicated to a show called 'Friendship is Magic' .
Sure, there are some really awesome stories (both mature or just tragic) set in the MLP FIM universe which are dark and gritty, or don't rely on the same trope as the show does (very often), but I didn't want to write a fanfic which had rape just for the sake of writing rape. I want to write something which fans of the show (with mature/devious tastes ) can somewhat relate to ... that is why this particular chapter went down this route :)
References! References EVERYWHERE "Do ya, PUNK?" Quest for Camelot/NC reference again?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OD0v9kvlMOA
So... Twilight became a Pegasus all of a sudden?
Anyway....... I really felt like this chapter was really epic. We got a sweet fight scene and a nice ending for this chapter.
It kinda makes me think that the next chapter would be the last one...But come on! This story can't just end with chapter 9 coming out next week! There's gotta be more to it! Right?!
7046135
References are my guilty pleasure, as long as they feet the story and are not out of context
In the comments, yes, that is a NC reference v (but none in the story).
Wow the part that makes me maddest about this whole thing, is the out of nowhere "happy ending" Total buzz kill. I was really into it too... I was hoping he'd get all 3 princesses at some point. But it's your story and if that's how you want to end it, well all the complaining in the world won't change that. Cheers.
7049230 As a general observation, there are a lot of people on this site who want really bad things to happen to the mane 6 / the princesses
Regarding the "out of nowhere" bit, I have to disagree with you on that one. There are some slight hints here and there (check some of the dialogue for example).
Oh, and one last thing. Since you did mention what you wanted to happen and everything, please... wait until the story is marked as Complete to comment on its 'ending'
7050124 Ok i apologize i thought that Ch.8 ended it, my bad. I'll be honest and admit i just skimmed through it. I'll give it a better read some time today. But in the previous chapters i saw no hints as to them escaping with the heart and defeating sombra with his whole army running away in fear. That's what made me mad.
Also I read this all in one sitting and didn't know it's not done. Lots of stories out there are done, but with an "incomplete" status. And since you're going to keep it going, I will be reading it. I want to see what happens and hope it gets dark again, but mostly because i like your writing style.
And i agree there are lots of people on here that like to see bad things happen to the mane 6 and princesses. And yes i am one of them. But it's clear you are too. And that's awesome