For centuries ponies have wished upon the moon and stars for various things in their lives and futures. What happens when the one who watches over and guides these celestial bodies across the night sky makes a wish upon them while struggling with her own demons?
A.N: There are parts within the story where conversations, such as internal struggles, are not being spoken aloud. During these parts I have changed the text to italics and given each inner voice a color so that it is easy to distinguish between what is spoken aloud and what is within the confines of their respective mental spaces.
This is tagged as teen because of a subject that it touches upon. It is the same reason the story carries the tragedy tag. To some the reason may not warrant the tags, but I felt it was better safe than sorry when it comes to certain topics.
Pre-read by: Bogrick Grey mane
Editors: ASGeek2012
Dragonalias
Dear readers,
If you decide to leave a down vote on my story, I ask that you please comment as yo why you're leaving said down vote. Seeing a down vote without an explanation does not help me improve in any way, shape, or form.
Likewise if you up vote the story, favorite, or trackback it, I would very much like to know what you liked about it that caused it to do so.
I know this first chapter may not have ended where people may have thought it would, but there is still more to come.
Respectfully,
Midnight Blossom.
Since you asked what we as readers enjoyed or disliked, I'll make a quick review.
Overall the story was well written with the exception of some grammar issues, but I think the grammar issues were due to the old english you were trying to use. It seemed to me like you were switching back and forth from old english to modern english mid sentence during the Physician's dialogue. The pacing worked well and you didn't overuse time skips which is always pleasant to see. Some of the colors you used for the thoughts of the characters seemed too faded for me, making them hard to read. Although I do really like the idea though. The paragraph style layout of your story is also very refreshing as well since most either forgo using the paragraph style layout or try something unique that while interesting, can be distracting. And lastly, the stars having a role in the background as a plot device is a very nice touch that makes your story even more appealing, so I hope we see more of them in the future.
With that out of the way I would just like to say that you story seem rather interesting and has a lot of potential. I hope to see more of this story in the future.
Mustangdrew4
6869923
Thank you kindly for your review. I am glad to hear you have enjoyed it so far. I will have to take another look at the Physician's lines to try and find a way to fix them. I'm hoping to have part two of the story up by Next Sunday, fingers crossed.
In regards to the colors being hard to read. Which color scheme are you using, and is it from a computer, or a mobile device that it is hard to read. I ask because I tried to make it so that on all the color schemes it was readable from my computer. I'm not sure if that is because i'm using a TV for a monitor, my graphics card, or just that i'm used to working in low light environments. So any information i can get to help make it easier to read for others while still helping to give the individual voices their own representation would help.
I'm glad you appreciate both my paragraph structure, and the role the stars have in the story. I try and write my work in a way that is easy to read, and helps separate groups of thoughts/actions etc with those they should be with instead of creating a mile long paragraph. Don't worry, the stars will be playing their roles in future chapters.
Thank you again for your review, encouragement, and for taking the time to read my work. It's pleasant to know that there are those who like my work. It helps give me the motivation to continue and to better my writing.
Midnight Blossom
6869996 I'm on a asus laptop with integrated graphic (possibly the worst purchase I've made in all honesty
) I'm using the basic default color scheme (I didn't even know there were different color schemes until now 
) It was the star's dialogue (thoughts?) color was too light a blue for a pure white background and the yellow for celestia was somewhat too bright to work with the white background. Although i'm now using the green on black scheme and all the colors work well with it. Hope this helps!
Thank you for your comment on my thoughts on Foals' blog post. I decided to take a look at what you might be writing and, wow, what a treat!
I was very captivated by the backstory you wove about Luna and what consumed her to become Nightmare Moon, or in this case some entity possessing her. This is a very well thought story and very well written. I especially like you sharing the characters thought in the way you have chosen. It helps create and keep the story flowing, I think. This story has a great deal of potential and I'll be watching and reading it, for sure.
Thanks for sharing it with us! Good luck!
6929927
Thank you kindly for your kind words. I'm currently working on the next part of the story, but alas hit a bit of creative writers block. Can't seem to make progress on it or any of the other stories in my head right now. Trying to work through it, but it's slow.
Alright so I took the time to read this ahead of the 60 something stories I have in my read later list. I have some thoughts on what I've read, and some suggestions how to make it even better (in my own opinion at least.)
I will say that if you don't want me droning on about the details of your story, just say so XD I know how it's like to feel your story is perfect the way it is, and how hard it can be to take criticism.
First of, the beginning. Damn. Slap right to the face XD I like most of it, it does what it was intended to, make you really sad for Luna and understand some of what she's going through. I do feel that it could be made even better though... you have a pretty large timeskip there, before she tells her nameless stallion anything, which is a waste.
Give him a name, let them have that conversation, give him a personality, let us feel that these two do love each other, despite their losses and the hurdles they go through. As it is... he's just kinda... bland. He has one scene where he runs away from her from some unexplained reason (probably because she stopped talking to him?)
Maybe have the scene where she lets Nightmare Moon into her body? It would help understand it a little better I think... but it could work as it is now, maybe. I do like that she feels better after wishing on her own stars and starts acting like herself, and then BAM, she's taken over. It's just so cruel, but it feels a little empty without knowing a little about the fights she had with Nightmare over the two years... I'm guessing it's because you want to get to the plot? Yeah, stories can be really long if you don't skip some stuff, maybe it's just me that has an obsession with explaining everything a bit too much.
Then there's the good stuff. I reeeeally liked the scene with Nightmare and Celestia. The internal dialog really brings out the characters... Luna's regret, Celestia's worry and indecision... and you explain why she does what she does, with the stars guiding both of them. Oh, it made me shiver XD Very good, I approve XD
In fact, I think I'll take this opportunity to be the first to like your story. There's plenty of potential here, you just have to draw it out.
I hope you'll take this criticism for what it is, a wish for this story to become better than it is, and for you to improve :)
That being said, I found some sentences that were weird while reading it.
This line feels off. Had to read it a couple of times, since it felt like a repetition of the one before it. I'm guessing it's there to inform the reader that the pregnancy is halfway?
This might just be me, but why not just say the father's name here?
For her to what?