Zecora

by GJT_Productions

Irascible Earth Ponies

"You've gotta be kiddin' me, Granny!"

"Now Applejack, you know what they say: 'A good businesspony never wastes an opportunity!'"

"Yeah, but over a stupid joke that Spike made up?!?"

"What stupid joke?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Look at this thing, Meadow Song!" Applejack exclaims as she shoves a poster into Meadow Song's face, not even bothering with a 'howdy' or 'how do you do?' due to her irritation at the depiction of the poster's contents. Watching the whole scene is Granny Smith, Applejack's siblings Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom as well as Agent of Chaos P1. The lattermost was peaking down from a small cloud above but off to the side (so that his presence wasn't exposed by the cloud's shadow) while the rest were standing nearby.

Meadow Song pushes back slightly to get a distance far enough to actually read the poster, then slowly repeats verbally the words on the poster: "Make your martini Apple style... Exclusive 'Appletini' mixers available soon at a Rich's Barnyard Bargains near you, pick one up today!"

"You see the problem here?!? They're determined to make me a laughin' stock!" Applejack exclaims in anger, flinging the poster away vigorously as the other Apple family members snicker in the background.

"Yeah, I... I really don't see that as funny..." Meadow Song weakly replies, looking over at the tossed-aside poster in confusion.

"Now now Applejack, the deal with Mr. Rich is already signed, can't go back on it now!" Granny Smith points out, referring to Mr. Filthy Rich, the owner and founder of the business on the poster.

"Eeyup." Big Macintosh adds with his usual brevity.

"And besides Applejack, you're just upset the whole thing made you look bad." Apple Bloom also chips in - Applejack feared the fact that Apple Bloom was ultimately right in trusting Zecora was something that the younger sibling would never stop bragging about (although later it was found that those fears were mostly unfounded).

"Very funny." Applejack replies with a glare in Apple Bloom's direction, sitting down and crossing forelegs in a pouting pose.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, I think it's very funny. In fact, I think it's buckin' hilarious!" a male voice exclaims from above, the others turning to see Agent P1 peeking down over the edge of a small cloud. P1 had moved his cloud platform above the crowd, tauntingly out of reach of even Big Macintosh standing on his hind legs.

"Whadda you want?" Applejack snaps out, the others joining her in the glaring disapproval.

"All I'm saying is that 'Apple-tini' is a very fine name for you, filly. In fact, from where I am looking, it fits all of you in a way." P1 replies with a smug grin on his face.

"What do you mean?" Big Mac snorts out, his usage of a full sentence an indication of the growing emotional tension in the situation.

"You don't have wings, and even if you did you would just fall right through the clouds. You're confined to the earth, to crawl around the ground like bugs." P1 begins, confident in his taunting by being out of reach of any apparent reprisal. "Teeny-tiny bugs, crawling around in the dirt. That's what you are."

"We'll make you eat those words!" Applejack shouts at full volume, the taunting having enraged her.

"No decent pony of Equestria is allowed to run down the Apple family and get away with it!" Granny Smith adds with as much gusto as she can muster.

"What could you possibly do to me? I'm out of your reach, mud ponies! Deal with it!" P1 mocks again, this time collapsing back onto his cloud platform in riotous laughter, just to rub it in even further.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While Apple Bloom and Applejack glare helplessly at the mocking pegasus, Granny Smith gestures over both Big Macintosh and Meadow Song, and when Applejack next glances over in her peripheral vision she sees the three huddled in some kind of whispered conversation.

"Granny's up to somethin'." Applejack comments in confusion, turning her full attention to the huddle, which prompts Apple Bloom to copy her older sister's actions.

"Granny's always said she has a plan for dealin' with pegasi that like to make fun of us here. Never seen it in action though." Apple Bloom comments in turn.

The three ponies in the huddle nod to each other and break out of the huddle, Big Mac positioning himself facing the bottom of the cloud P1 is currently laying on top of. P1's mocking laughter has degraded into simple mockery, teasing the stallions below.

Applejack and Apple Bloom watch in surprise as Meadow Song jumps onto Big Mac's back and Big Mac rears onto his hind legs, Meadow Song shifting to balance on Big Mac's upraised forehooves! Big Mac then gives a mighty heave to launch Meadow Song into the cloud above, the impact breaking the cloud and tumbling the unaware pegasus to the ground.

This kind of launch, later deemed "the alicorn toss" after a famous usage by Shining Armor with Cadance that helped save the Crystal Empire, had originally been developed by several different earth pony clans independent of each other as a means of countering mocking pegasi or other persistent large aerial menaces. The surprised but impressed Applejack and Apple Bloom gallop toward the stunned P1, who just barely had enough sense to start running away as fast as his hooves could take him. The two Apple sisters give chase, but Apple Bloom quickly tires and fall back. Applejack gives up after P1 crosses the bounds of Sweet Apple Acres - she felt the point had been made.

Agent P1 kept running until he was a good distance away from the Apple family estate. From that point on, he would never set hoof anywhere near that location again...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MEANWHILE AT SUGAR CUBE CORNER...

"Well of course I'd like to talk all about it with you, sir, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake are out looking at new cooking equipment right now and there's only Twist in the back." Pinkie Pie was saying behind the counter to Lieutenant Crispin.

The words draw the attention of Agent P2, hiding his face behind a newspaper to avoid being recognized by the cafe's other patrons. After narrowly escaping the debacle with Rarity, the Agent had to spend some minutes in hiding and he was afraid

"Twist? Who's Twist?" the earth pony Lieutenant replies to Pinkie Pie in confusion.

"She goes to the school Cheerilee teaches at. I think she's a classmate of Apple Bloom, too." Pinkie says, pointing a forehoof into the backroom where a small filly without a cutie mark could be seen. Crispin could make out a poofy, bright red mane and tail against a cream-colored coat as well as purple glasses currently spattered with cake batter as she tries to operate a mixing machine.

"What's she doing back there?" Crispin asks Pinkie.

"She's on a 'cutie mark quest', and right now she's trying baking. I suggested she change the 'quest' to a 'crusade', to make it sound better, but she has a lot of trouble with that word." Pinkie explains with her usual eager grin.

"I see." Crispin comments, looking past Pinkie into the backroom to see Twist straining on her hindlegs to reach a switch on the machine. A moment later, Twist looses her balance and tumbles head first into the bowl of the machine - thankfully the machine was not on, but the bowl was full of batter that could've choked her to death.

"Something... oh, oh goodness!" Pinkie exclaims as she turns to follow Crispin's gaze and sees Twist's hindlegs sticking out of the bowl in helpless flailing.

Pinkie rushes to Twist's aid, yanking the younger filly out by the hindlegs and sending both of them tumbling to the backroom floor. Twist starts coughing, her face and mane covered in batter and her glasses missing. Crispin also leaps into action, pushing himself on his hindlegs and over the counter through the backroom doorway to help Pinkie out.

"You two alright? Is she choking?" Crispin asks Pinkie as he helps the latter back onto her hooves.

"I'm (cough) fine, but (cough) thith ithn't working Pinkie." Twist replies with extreme disappointment in her lisp-affected voice, her coughing bringing up a bit of inhaled batter.

"Aww, don't worry, just help out at the counter OK? We can try something else next time, like candymaking!" Pinkie states optimistically as she fetches a towel for Twist to use in wiping her face and mane clean.

"OK, but I can't find my glatheses! I think they're thill in there!" Twist exclaims, pointing to the mixing machine.

"I'll get 'em out, don't worry. I know you can't see anything without 'em." Pinkie continues reassuring, tossing Twist the towel to use.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You know, that's exactly what's wrong with you earth ponies." a voice comes from behind Crispin, in the main area of the shop. He turns to see P2 looking back, forehooves on the counter and smug grin on his face.

"I can assure you, sir, everything is under control here." Crispin replies bluntly, as out of the corner of his peripheral vision he sees Twist toweling herself off and Pinkie with a forehoof in the mixing bowl, searching for Twist's glasses sunken to the bottom of the bowl.

"But the filly doesn't even have her cutie mark yet, and you're having her work with professional equipment!" P2 exclaims - having gotten the attention of the other patrons as well as Crispin, he decides to press his point fully.

"Sir, it is a long tradition among earth ponies..." Crispin tries to explain, but is cut off by P2 again.

"Slavery! It's slavery, that's what it is!" P2 exclaims again, slamming a forehoof down on the counter for emphasis. "You earth ponies put your foals into all kinds of demeaning labor in hopes of snaring them for life! If they get a cutie mark in some kind of entangling, confining means of labor, bam! Snared for life!"

"Please don't bang on the countertop, sir, the owners of the establishment won't be happy with you." Crispin calmly replies, after P2 bangs on the countertop again.

"It's a conspiracy you earth ponies all engage in! You think it's wonderful, I say it's confining! You're just hoping to deny that filly her true destiny, and you should be ashamed of yourselves!" P2 continues ranting, banging on the countertop yet again.

"I'll deal with it." Pinkie says to Crispin, after the former had fished Twist's glasses out of the mixing bowl. The little filly was now busy licking the batter off her glasses and wasn't paying attention to what was going on.

"How?" Crispin naturally asks.

"Watch me." Pinkie replies with a wink in Crispin's direction, while P2 looks on in puzzlement. Meanwhile, the crowd behind him is rapt on what is going on at the counter, the usual activities of the cafe having been suspended to watch what was going on...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pinkie puts on a mean glare of a face, and P2's confidence deflates as rapidly as the poof of her mane and tail seem to, the mane and tail taking on the straight curtain of a style that she was born with and shared with her sisters. P2 looks back for support, but finds only rapt curiousity - if he was going to get in some kind of trouble, it didn't seem likely anypony else watching would help him.

Pinkie refuses to let up the intensity of the glare as she slinks toward the counter and puts forehooves up, getting right in P2's face. He can't back up without falling over on his back, and so is subjected to a close-up view of a face that would haunt his nightmares for the rest of his life.

"Listen here, buddy." Pinkie begins in the most angry, sinister tone she can bring up. "I don't know what your problem is, but you are no longer welcome in this establishment. You have FIVE seconds to turn around and walk out that door or I'll bake you into my next batch of cupcakes! GOT IT?!"

P2 stumbles and falls backward due to his involuntary step back in fright, facing a Pinkie giving the most evil, sadistic smile he had ever seen before. He looks around for anypony to come to his defense, but none seem willing to do so - either because of his previous remarks or the scariness of Pinkie's display. As soon as he gets on his hooves, P2 gallops away, slamming the door open and nearly running headlong into another pony before disappearing from view.

Satisfied with what she's done, Pinkie "shakes off" her alternate persona - most stare in shock, a few bang a hoof on the table as a sign of approval and entertainment. Quickly, Pinkie's mane and tail reinflate back to their regular poofy appearance, as does the beaming enthusiasm of her expression. Crispin is left stunned, Twist shocked and scared a bit.

"Does... do the Cakes know about that? What about Twilight Sparkle?" Crispin asks Pinkie in stunned curiousity.

"Thath thome freaky thit, Pinkie." Twist comments, prompting Crispin and Pinkie to look down at her in surprise over her word choice.

"What? My dad thaid ith not a thwear word if you can't thay it right." Twist replies innocently, causing Pinkie to break out in chuckles and Lieutenant Crispin to do the only sensible thing he could've done - slap forehoof to face...

Comments

[BigLurker]

"What? My dad thaid ith not a thwear word if you can't thay it right."

It's official; Twist's dad is awesome...

[Noctus Umbra]

facing a Pinkie giving the most evil, sadistic smile he had ever seen before.

derpicdn.net/img/2015/11/28/1032111/thumb.png
What, no. This is the smile of a sweet innocent angel

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

7105952
If you mean the Angel of Death, then I agree

[Evastarfall]