Mort Takes a Holiday

by AnonymousMaterials

Road to Ponyville

The clock seemed to tick very slowly in the quiet bedroom. Mort risked one glance—confirming it was almost time for the sunrise—before returning his focus towards the spell book in front of him. He read the instructions for the illusion spell over and over again, mentally going over each step. The Candy Mountain game board was laid out next to the bed, its cards scattered on both sides, filled with descriptions that were both saccharine and lurid. He briefly looked over the top of the book, seeing Luna looking at him with eyes that were patient, eager and drowsy.

The two of them had been going over multiple spells nearly all night, trying to find a spell that would not only suit their purposes, but also one he could perform. In between lessons, they would try to relax by playing the board game, and also review some etiquette he might not have experienced much while being the Pale Pony.

There was also the matter of what kind of pony he should present himself as. Alicorns were extremely rare, and because of that they drew far more attention than any other creature. It just wasn't plausible for Mort to be an alicorn that no one ever heard of. If anything, it would draw far more attention to him then he needed. Ultimately, it was a choice between being able to fly, or being able to use magic. Mort chose magic; he didn't really fly all that much anyway.

Speaking of magic, the illusion spells hadn't been going well. The two of them had gone into this believing that it would be a relatively simple matter. Luna was, after all, very familiar with the nature of illusion spells, and Mort was capable of dissecting just about anything he saw, including magic itself. They both could know everything about a spell, so surely it wouldn't be that hard to pull off?

Unfortunately, what Mort found was that magic was just as much an art as it was a science. Everypony could envision a masterful painting, a catchy tune, or an enchanting story, but being able to replicate it was an entirely different matter. Magic was the same way: you could know what the spell would do, and even the steps required to get there, but to actually make that happen would require considerable practice, skill, and magical prowess.

Mort had plenty of magical prowess, but had no practice, and not much more skill. Granted, a pony could argue his scythe was an advanced magic, but he had been created from the ground up to perform it. That magic just came naturally to him. And now that he thought about it, even the simple telekinesis he performed took him a few years to master...

“Okay...” At his voice, Luna perked up, watching intently. He turned to look at the mirror, so to keep an eye on his progress. Keeping his nervousness in check, he concentrated, feeling the magical energy form inside him. He tempered that magic, forging it into a spell that, if properly cast, was supposed to project an image onto his skull. That image, if all went well, would be that of a normal pony face. There would be no messy rearrangement of molecules this time.

With the spell formed, he began to carefully control the flow and amount of magic released into his horn. Too little and the spell would fizzle out, too much and the magical energy could explode. The latter had happened more than once, as Mort soon realized that the magic needed was significantly more than the telekinetic magic, but at the same time much less than what his scythe required. Finding the proper balance was arduous, and he likened it to getting an exact cup of water from a fire hose, without spilling a drop in the process.

He felt his spirits rise as the magic stabilized in his horn, and steeled himself for the trickiest part. Now that the magic had been gathered, he visualized the face he wanted: young, male adult, with a green coat, red eyes, and a white mane. He then let the magic flow out, little by little, like he was slowly putting on a delicate mask. He felt his skull tingle as the magical field began to spread across his skull, until it was completely enshrouded.

In the mirror, he could see something green and translucent covering his face. Looking closely, he felt a jolt of excitement when he saw that it was the exact image he had been thinking of the entire time. He was so close now!

He started to release a little more magic, so that the field could look more solid and lifelike. As it became more opaque and the details became more pronounced, little doubts began to invade his mind. Did it look like there was enough hair? Were the ears in the right place? Did he remember to think about the cornea? Would the teeth—

Suddenly, the image began to distort. The face shrunk and grew at various points as the eyes, ears, and even the nostrils started to change their positioning. In a panic he tries to reestablish control, but that only seemed to make things worse. And in his desperation to keep the image straight, he forgot to keep tabs on the amount of magic he was using.

There was a small bang, and Mort cried out as the magic released itself all at once, creating a small explosion that enveloped his head in a black puff of smoke.

He heard a flutter of wings, and in an instant he could sense Luna beside him. Her voice was filled with worry. “Oh heavens, Mort! Are you alright?”

“I-I think so. Did it work?” He shook his head furiously, trying to dispel the smoke clinging to him. Once it was all gone, he turned to look at the mirror, hoping for the best.

It took him a few moments to grasp what he was seeing. He was staring back at a reflection that looked like himself—meaning, to his dismay, that the spell had failed—but sprouting through his hood was a puffy, round mane that had stripes of every color running through it.

He had intended to project a face, and ended up with a rainbow-colored Afro.

“I don't believe this,” he said flatly.

“I...did not foresee this, either,” Luna added timorously. She put on a nervous smile. “Er...at least thou hast created a mane?”

As she said that, the air was filled with a hissing noise. The hairs of the Afro suddenly stood on end, and the tips were lit by a small flame. In the blink of an eye, they consumed the rest of the chromatic mane, leaving no trace of it aside from some ashes and a smell of incense.

Mort moaned miserably and collapsed to the ground, covering his face with his hooves. “It's hopeless...”

Luna bit her lip, and got down to the ground beside him. She draped a wing over him, and though there was plenty of sympathy and comfort emanating from it, it was not having the effect either of them desired. “Oh, don't say that, Mort. Let's just try again, and—”

“And watch it go up in smoke, like everything else.” Mort sighed. “I can't do this, Luna! Not in a night, anyway. Who knows how long it'll take me to do any of this? I don't think Thanasia's going to wait for that!”

“Please do not despair, dear friend. I promise we'll find something!” Luna shot to her hooves and went back to the spell book. She flipped through the pages, her eyes narrowed in concentration. “There must be a spell here that you can do, Mort. It's just a matter of finding it!”

As Luna went to work, Mort's eyes drifted across the room. He just wanted to get his mind off his latest failure. The things he saw did just that, if only briefly. There was Luna's desk, where he used to see her pouring over star charts as she planned the next night. Her closet reminded him of the times she would sometimes ask for his opinion on a certain dress (and how he always said they should be blacker). The book shelf contained stories that he would often scrutinize and criticize for the lack of plausibility. He didn't even think “suspension of disbelief” was possible at the time.

His eyes eventually settled on something that sat near the windowsill: a plump, pink dragon plush with ridiculously tiny wings.

That brought up a pleasant memory: in the weeks following Luna's return, she had gotten in the mail a number of gifts from every corner of Equestria. There were letters, pictures, jewelry, some chocolate, but the one Luna had been especially fond of was the stuffed dragon. It had come from somepony in Trottingham, who made such toys for a living. According to the note attached, it was not part of any actual line, and had been made completely from scratch. Mort wasn't sure why a pony would think “pink dragon” when thinking of Luna, but the moon princess was happy to have it, and had even teared up as she read the note that welcomed her back, and wished her good tidings for the next thousand years.

That thought of toys also reminded him of Twilight Sparkle, and how she used to carry around a small, pony doll of her own until she had gotten older. It was a silly, little thing with polka-dot pants and button eyes, but it was somehow endearing. When Celestia told him about the “Want-It-Need-It” incident, it was hard for him not to—

“Of course!”

With a gasp, Luna spun around, the book of spells falling to the ground with a loud thump. “Mort! W-what...?”

Mort was already back on his hooves, and was eagerly holding Luna's forehooves in his own. “I know what we can do, Luna! It's so obvious!” He started to bounce on his hind legs in excitement, and was taking Luna along for the ride.

Luna stuttered, trying not to bite her tongue. “W-what does t-thou mean?”

“Did Celestia ever tell you about Twilight did?” Mort finally came to a stop, leaning his face in closer. “When she had the whole town chasing after a doll because of some spell she cast on it?”

Luna looked up thoughtfully. “Yes, that does sound familiar...”

“Well, don't you see? I don't need to know how to cast the spell! You just need to cast the spell on something else! Magic might not work on me, but that doesn't mean I can't wear something magical!” He let go of her, his horn glowing as he grabbed something in the room with his magic. “Luna, I need you to enchant this!”

He whipped the object in front of him, presenting it to Luna. If he were an organic creature, no doubt he'd be breathless at this point. He looked expectantly at her, waiting for a reaction. Ideally a look of realization at his cleverness.

Luna, however, looked befuddled. “Thou wishes me to enchant my stuffed dragon?”

“Yes!” Mort nodded his head eagerly, the stuffed dragon mimicking his movements. “You see, Smarty Pants was a toy, and this is a toy, so all I'll need to do is take this with me, and no pony will be the wiser!”

Luna blinked slowly. “I see...thou see no troubles in thy plan?”

Mort groaned in frustration. “Of course not! I just need to carry this big, conspicuous, unwieldy stuffed dragon around with me everywhere I go! Easy peasy!”

“...Really?”

“Yes! Um, maybe. I-I mean with something this big I would just need to...it's not really that heavy or anything...um...” He slowed glanced at the stuffed dragon, twisting the head so that it looked at him as well. He turned to look back at Luna, feeling a phantom blush. “This, uh, probably needs a little work, actually...”

Luna stifled a giggle. “'Tis a great idea, Mort! We just need something smaller.” She trotted past him towards her dresser, opening on the drawers. Mort gave one last look at the stuffed toy he was holding, then levitated it back to the window sill.

“Aha!” Mort looked in time to see Luna trotting back towards him, a thin, metal chain hanging from her mouth. At the end of the chain was a polished, silver medallion, which bore a smooth, crescent shape pieced of (what else?) moonstone in the center. Beneath it was an image of Luna's face, with her wings outstretched and going along the circumference of the medallion, until it almost entirely encircled the moonstone.

He ooed as she slipped it around his neck. “Fancy!”

Luna smiled, looking accomplished. “Thou should consider ornamenting thyself more often. Everything goes well with black.” She looked towards the magic book from earlier, and drew it towards her, turning the pages. “Hmm, not every illusion spell can work as an enchantment, but there should be a few that...aha!”

She turned the book around, showing Mort the pages. On the left page was the name of the spell, “The Uncertain Weave,” followed presumably by a description of it, some history, and of course instructions on how to cast it. On the right page was a diagram of a pony, with a globe drawn around its head, meant to be the spell.

“This illusion spell,” Luna said, turning the book back around, “enshrouds the caster's head with a bubble that obscures their physical characteristics at a subconscious level. Passerby’s only 'see' the most general qualities without realizing it, and unconsciously fill in any gaps on their own. A 'face-in-the-crowd,' if thou will.”

Mort scratched his chin. “So, when they see me...”

“Most likely, their minds will rationalize that thou art a pony with a white coat.” She glanced back at the book, her eyes moving down the left page. A hint of concern worked its way up on her face. “It is not a perfect spell, of course, but most illusions aren't. It can only obscure details, not hide them completely. That means if they got a clear look at your skull, it's unlikely their minds would be willing to believe it to be anything but a skull. And of course if they touched your face...”

Mort nodded. “Right. Hood stays up, hooves stay off.”

“Exactly. Now lean thy head back a little. Good, now puff thy chest out...”

Mort did as she instructed, and almost felt like he wasn't just being given a piece of jewelry, but an award. Satisfied with his pose, Luna backed up a few steps, aiming her horn at him. Magic gathered at the tip, and a small beam shot out, striking the medallion. The jewelry was enveloped in a cobalt blue glow, crackling with magic, before the light faded.

Mort rushed over to the mirror, eager to see the results. When he saw his reflection, however, he found that nothing about him seemed different at all. Once again he felt that awful despair clinging at him. “Um, Luna? I'm seeing 'me' pretty clearly...”

“Well, thou know what 'thou' looks like,” she said, standing beside him. In the mirror, Mort the differences between seemed even more staggering than usual: to the left was an alicorn princess, whose mane was a cosmos and whose coat was a dark sapphire, while to the right was a skeleton in a dreary, black cloak, who on several occasions had been mistaken for a trick-or-treater. (It certainly made his job during Nightmare Night harder.) “In any case, the spell was made with ponies in mind. I'm not even sure how it would affect other creatures, much less a shade like yourself.”

“What about you?” He turned to look at her, making an effort to present his skull. “What do you see?”

She gave him a tentative look. “It does not have that affect on me either,” she admitted. “The spell blurs details, but only to ponies uncertain of your true appearance. I see thee because I know thee as well.”

That wasn't the answer he was hoping for. He felt the earlier anxiety creeping back into him, starting with his voice. “How do we even know it's working, then?”

Sheer determination flared in Luna's face. “Of course it's working! No pony or creature is better at the illusive arts than I! Even a changeling would blush at how little it knew compared to me!” Her wings flared, and Mort half expected a bolt of lightning to suddenly appear and explode something.

Mort cradled the medallion in his forehooves. The silver glinted as the first rays of the morning sun sneaked into the room. He could certainly tell it was enchanted now, feeling the buzz of magic that now enveloped it. Still, there was that lingering doubt...

“Please have some faith in me, Mort.” A hoof fell on his shoulder, and he dropped the medallion, causing it to swing around his neck. He looked to see Luna, giving him a look that was now more gentle and comforting. She smiled, and it was the sort of smile that could melt away all of life's uncertainties.

His thoughts were interrupted when a bright light caught his attention, coming from the top of the mirror. Mort looked out the window, seeing the edge of the sun as it peeked out from behind the mountains. It rose steadily, lighting up the landscape as it ascended.

“It's dawn,” Luna said, sounding slightly disappointed. “Thou should probably get going.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I mean, it wouldn't take that long for me to fly over there. We can probably finish up Candy Mountain, I could tell you about the more interesting ponies I met, uh...” He trailed off as he noticed Luna shaking her head, her midnight hair swinging back and forth.

“I'd love to, Mort, really,” she said apologetically, “but thou needest this time to practice walking. Real walking.”

“Oh...” Mort was used to walking, in the sense that he moved four legs in a locomotive fashion. He wasn't, however, used to walking while his cloak was completely physical. (When he was physical, he actually cheated a little and kept the hem of his cloak in a gaseous state.) Nor had he ever focused on making sure each hoof touched the ground with actual weight, and not just float a little above it.

“Don't worry,” she said, “we'll finish the game someday. I can keep it out until then.” She bounded up onto her bed, blinking her eyes tiredly. “I'm...” She gave a big yawn, her wings stretching out. “I'm...sure thou will be fine. Thou are a nice pony deep down. I'm sure they will see that.”

“If you say so...” He looked out one of the windows in the room. The sunlight was just now reaching a particular small town, situated almost precariously close to the Everfree forest. “Though, I'm not really a 'pony'. I mean, I can sorta look like one, sorta act like one, maybe sorta talk like one, but...I-I don't know, what if they just kinda sense something wrong? What if...”

He stopped himself, shook his head and steeled his eyes. “Y-you know what, no. No! This isn't a time to be negative. I just gotta be confident! If I can collect dozens—hundreds—of souls, on time, twenty-four-seven, I can definitely have a good time with a few ponies! I mean, a lot of them do it every day! It can't be that hard. I can do this. I can DO this! I CAN-”

His speech was interrupted by a gentle snore. Mort silenced himself immediately, and turned around. He saw Luna curled up near her pillows, fast asleep. Her crown had fallen off, rolling to her side, and half her face was covered by her mane.

“...I can do this more quietly,” he whispered. He silently moved towards the bed, his horn glowing. The royal regalia was gently removed and placed on her dresser. A few pillows were moved underneath Luna's head, and some more under her body. The alicorn snuggled against them comfortably, murmuring softly.

Mort watched her contently for a moment, then used his horn to draw the curtains across the windows, darkening the room. “Have a good day, Luna.” He hesitated for a moment, then gave a quick nuzzle to her cheek. “Sleep tight.”

He continued looking at her, absently touching the medallion with his forehoof, reminding himself that it was there. He slowly became intangible, making sure to take the necklace along with him. When he was done, he turned on his hooves and extended his bony wings.

With a flap, he shot through the curtains and windows, towards the outside, where he saw the rest of Canterlot, its roofs glimmering in the morning sun. The sight of the sun tempted him to see Celestia for perhaps a last minute pep talk, but he felt that if he didn't get going now, he might not go at all.

He did a little loop in the air, and then rocketed straight down, his form going straight through the castle, passing through brick and mortar walls, marble columns, water pipes and the very foundations of the castle itself. Soon the castle was behind him, and he was then flying through Canterlot, seeing its citizens waking from their beds as he passed through their homes, before twisting himself around to fly through the very mountain that Canterlot was built on. On an impulse, he began to corkscrew through the mountain, for no other reason than he thought it could be fun.

After traveling through almost half-a-mile of solid rock, he finally swerved himself upward as he reached the base of the mountain. A moment later he sprouted from the ground, and lowered himself onto a level, dirt road. He glanced behind himself, and saw the city of Canterlot high above, hanging over the mountain side. He had always questioned the reasoning behind such a construction, but at the same time, the sight always made him look at it in awe. And perhaps, he sometimes thought, that was reason enough.

“Okay, let's get moving...” He took his gaze away from the city, and looked down the dirt road, where some distance away lay Ponyville. He concentrated, becoming tangible again, and then went further. His cloak became completely solid, right down to the hems, and his hooves settled solidly on the ground. The feeling of “weight” was not unknown to him, but it was still something he had not gotten used to. Despite earlier practice, he still felt heavy and clunky, despite how he probably weighed a fraction of a normal pony. Still, he knew he had to fit in, and only hoped he would grow used to it.

“A wise pony,” he began sagely, “once said, 'The journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step'.” Holding his head high, Mort put one hoof forward.

Almost immediately, it got caught in the cloak, and Mort cried out as he fell, practically burying his face in the ground. Groaning, he got back up on his hooves, and righted himself with a sigh. He shook the soil from his skull and shot a disdainful look at his clothing.

“Wise ponies must not wear cloaks,” he muttered.

***

Spike let out a battle cry. His fists flew at lightning speeds, landing hundreds of blows in the blink of an eye. Scores of diamond dogs howled and whined as they were flung into the air, the lucky ones landing in dazed heaps, the others propelled into great, wooden pillars and stone statues.

With the last diamond dog down, Spike observed his handy work: an entire regiment of diamond dogs littered the throne room, their armor battered, their weapons broken, and their spirits crushed. He dusted off his orange gi, bearing the symbol of his master's school, and looked towards his ultimate goal.

In the center of the throne room, surrounded by pillars bearing dragon carvings, sat the most beautiful unicorn in the world, her baby-blue eyes looking at him sadly behind a luxurious, violet mane, her fur as white and flawless as alabaster. She wore a kimono that was the color of sakura flowers and lotus petals, and decorated with patterns quite similar to jewels.

His heart began to pound, and he felt it would burst at any moment. “Rarity! You're safe!” He dashed towards the golden throne, weaving around the mounds of diamond dogs.

A snobbish voice rang out from behind the throne. “Not one step closer, fool!”

Spike slid to a halt, his spines bristling. “You!”

From behind the throne that Rarity sat on, another unicorn appeared, giving the dragon warrior a haughty look. He wore a kimono that was a gaudy array of bright colors, his filed horn jutting out of a golden mane that had a closer relation to cosmetics than actual hair. He levitated a fan over his face, waving it briskly.

“Blueblood!” Spike shouted, his fists clenching in anger.

“My oh my, you certainly take your time, Dragon Warrior,” he said haughtily. “For a minute there I thought you would never show up.”

Spike pointed accusingly at him. “Prepare yourself, Blueblood! Tonight you will pay for kidnapping Rarity, for hurting Master Twilight, and for hording all the gems in the kingdom!”

The stallion chuckled, an irritatingly high-pitched noise. “Oh, you misunderstand, Spike! It is not me you'll be fighting, but my apprentice!” He closed the fan dramatically, and as it snapped shut, a dark figure dropped to the ground, landing between the dragon and unicorn.

Spike's eyes narrowed. “Trixie!”

“That's The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie to you, lizard!” the unicorn snarled. She was wrapped in a lavender, star-spangled ninja outfit, her silver mane tied back in a ponytail.

Blueblood laughed again. “Oh, you've finally met your match now, Spike. Trix-I'm sorry, The Great and Powerful Trixie, has studied every martial art known to pony! She can counter any move you make! Even you don't stand a chance against her!”

Spike crossed his arms, a cocky grin on his face. “Oh, is that a fact?”

“Do not doubt my skills, gecko!” Trixie performed a series of kicks and punches, smiling self-assuredly at the dragon. “This fight will be over before you can throw even a single punch!”

Not bothering to wait for a response, the boastful unicorn leapt into the air, did a somersault, and somehow managed to rocket downwards, one leg extended. “Take this! Trixie's Flying Crescent Ki-”

Her next words were drowned out as a blinding, burst of flame erupted from Spike's mouth, enveloping the unicorn. When the fire died, Trixie was still in midair, her uniform crumbling to ash before she herself fell to the ground in a sizzled heap. Up near the throne, Rarity squealed in delight as Blueblood gaped in horror.

Spike strode forward, wetting his fingers to put out a little flame on Trixie's tail. “Well, looks like you were right! I didn't throw a single punch! Guess they should've taught you how to counter dragon fire.” He dusted his hands, then looked at Blueblood.

Blueblood shrieked, the fan in his hooves snapping in two. “W-wait! Let's be reasonable here! S-sure I kidnapped your lover, hurt your master, stole your gems, shut down the doughnut shops just to spite you—”

Spike gasped. “You did that?!”

The unicorn clopped his mouth shut, his eyes wide in fear.

“Oh, that is it! I was thinkin' of going easy on you, just because you're so, so pathetic, but shutting down Pony Joe?! That's just too much!” Spike tightened the belt on his gi, rolled back invisible sleeves and cracked his knuckles, focusing his eyes on Blueblood's quickly draining face. He raised one, tiny fist, its scales beginning to glow in what could only be a holy light. “Take this! My love, my anger, and all of my HUNGER!”

The dragon shot forward like a cannon ball, his fist aimed at the shrieking unicorn's face, closer and closer until–

“Spike!”

Spike's eyes shot open, the dream quickly fading. No longer was he in the fortress of the nefarious Blueblood, but inside the Ponyville library. It was morning, if the low sunlight was any indication. And Twilight was looking down at him with a pair of agitated eyes. It didn't take long for the dragon to figure out why.

He pulled his fingers out of her nose, and wrung his hands together, smiling sheepishly. “Um, sorry. I was trying to save Rarity.”

“By picking my nose?” she asked flatly.

“What? Ew, no!” He jumped to his feet, teetering as the last of his drowsiness left him. “I was totally doing a, uh...Draco Meteor Barrage! Hee YAH!” He punched at an invisible opponent, and then raised his leg to land a kick, only to quickly lose his balance. After some futile hops, he rolled backwards head over tail, stopping at the librarian's hoofs. He smiled at her, face flushed. “Uh, it's still a move in progress.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Fine, just go wash your hands, and help me get everything put away before Mort gets here.”

“Mort?” Spike looked at her blankly. His eyes then caught something behind her, and he gaped at the sight of a table, overflowing with scrolls that had been unwrapped. “Holy guacamole! Are these all the friendship reports you've done?”

Twilight nodded, her horn levitating the scrolls one by one as they were rolled up. “Yep, I've been studying them ever since we got that letter from the princ—Spike, your hands!”

“Oh, right...” He pulled his hands away from the scrolls, and walked to the sink, hopping on the stool in front of it. Washing his hands, Spike began to recall the events of last night. He could only clearly remember being woken up by a late night letter, after which things became a blur. He had curled up to sleep just as the first words of the letter were being said.

He hopped off the stool and went back to the table. “So, uh, run by me again what's happening?”

“Luna has a special assignment for me,” Twilight Sparkle said distractedly, as she dropped the scrolls into Spike’s arms, almost causing him to fall over. “She's sending a pony here so I can teach him all about friendship.”

“Wow, you must be pretty excited!” He began to gather the scrolls up in his arms, making sure to roll them up.

“Uh, right, excited. Of course I am!” She laughed, at a pitch much higher than usual. “After all, it's a special assignment from the princess! What could be more exciting than that?!”

“Uh huh...” Spike walked towards the stairs, struggling with his balance as he looked suspiciously at her.

Twilight Sparkle continued, pacing in one spot as her voice grew more frantic, the words almost tripping over themselves: “And what could be more special than an assignment about a mystery pony—if he's even a pony—I know nothing about! Like who he is, or what he does, or what he likes, but that's okay because there's nothing more exciting than diving into a test you know nothing about! I can do this no problem! No problem! No...!”

Spike cried out as all the scrolls were suddenly torn from his grip, causing him to unceremoniously trip and roll down the stairs, landing in a heap. He rubbed his aching spines, and glared at the unicorn as all the scrolls were once again unraveled across the table. It was then he truly began to note the sorry state of the ground floor: books had been pulled out and piled up in front of every bookshelf, piles of notes laid everywhere, and a trashcan was overflowing with crumpled pieces of paper. A lavender cyclone had gone through the place.

“Uh, Twilight...?” As the dragon moved towards the table, he also began to notice things about his caretaker. Things like her disheveled hair, her unkempt fur, and the baggy eyes that were scanning over the reports. “Have you slept at all?” he asked, timidly.

“Oh gosh, I did!” she distressed, floating several scrolls in front of her all at once. “What if I forgot everything I read last night?! Maybe I should read them all one more time, no, two mores times, no! Maybe if I rewrite all of them it'll help me remember—”

“Twilight!” The librarian looked at her assistant, and Spike took that moment to jump up, grab her by the ears, and pull her head down until her eyes were level with his. The shock of the sudden movement caused every floating scroll to drop the floor. “Breath,” he commanded.

She blinked in surprise, inhaled deeply, then breathed out. Spike gagged, waving away the odoriferous air. “Ew, morning breath!”

“Sorry...” Twilight Sparkle sighed, and slumped on her hindquarters, look dejectedly at the ground.

Spike scratched his arm, feeling uncomfortable. An unhappy Twilight never meant good things. “Oh, uh, it's not that bad, I'm sure a quick brush can clear it right up.”

“That's not it, Spike.” Twilight Sparkle looked back up at him, her eyes tired and communicating a deep anxiety. It was enough to make the dragon a little fearful, and he unconsciously reached for his own tail, squeezing it.

“Twilight...?” He walked over and plopped down beside her. “Seriously, what's gotten into you? I mean, I know you always get a little frantic when princesses are involved, but...you looked really scared this time.”

She looked at him guiltily. “Oh, I'm so sorry Spike. I didn't mean to worry you or anything, it's just...”

“It's just...?”

She sighed again, and got up, levitating the scrolls that had rolled out across the floor. “I don't really know. I mean, the way she just had to send a letter last night, the fact she hasn't told us anything about this pony...I feel like she's trying to test me, and the more I think about it, the more worried I get.”

Spike half-shrugged, “What's there to worry about, you just gotta help the guy make some friends. What's the big deal?”

“The big deal? Spike, how often to the princesses personally send a pony out to someplace?”

“Um, I don't know.” Spike shrugged. He honestly never paid all that much attention to what Celestia did when it didn't involve the two of them. “But Celestia sent you out here, didn't she?”

“Well, I don't meant to toot my own horn—”

“I thought you could only use magic with your horn?” The words had flowed out before he could stop them, and even he thought the glare it earned him was completely justified. “Uh, sorry. Smart-alack reflex. You were saying?”

“My point is that I was a student of Celestia, and I was overseeing one of the biggest celebrations of the year! The princesses just don't send anypony. There has to be something different about them! Unique! Special! And—oh gosh.” A look of fear enveloped her. Her eyes became wide, making it even more obvious how bloodshot they were. “This is Luna we're talking about, Spike! She's so old fashioned, who knows what kind of punishment she'd give me if things went wrong? I could be put in stocks and chains in the center of Ponyville! Or Canterlot! There'd be barrels of rotten fruits and vegetables with my name all over them! What will my friends think when they see my face in the paper?! What will my parents think?!”

Spike bit his lip. Twilight was getting dangerously close to freaking out again. It seemed that no matter how often it happened, and how often she saw how it only made things worse, Twilight never really got around to actually controlling it. And if there was even a drop of truth in anything she had said, than losing her head would definitely turn the day into a nightmare.

“Oh, Twilight.” He put the scrolls on a nearby shelf, and scampered over, enveloping a leg in a tight hug and peeked an eye up at her. “Let's try to put some things in perspective, okay? First, who figured out that Nightmare Moon would be coming back, and how to stop her?”

Twilight blinked at him, confused at the change in subject. “Spike, what does that have to—”

“Just answer the question, Twilight,” he said, allowing some seriousness into his voice. “Trust me on this.”

“Well, I did,” she answered, her voice dialing back a few octaves from what it had been. “I don't see what—”

“And who helped get Winter Wrap Up done right on schedule?”

“I...guess I did,” she said, her face softening bit by bit as she relaxed. “A little,” she quickly added.

Spike grinned. “Alright, and who was able to reverse all the weird mind-control that Discord did?”

She smiled, her eyes wavering. “Couldn't have done it without you.”

“And who saw through Chrysalis when no one else could?”

Twilight blushed. “Really, Spike, you can stop—”

“And who,” he said passionately, pointing a single digit at her, “is friends with the five, most awesome ponies in Ponyville?”

A chortle escaped from Twilight's mouth. No longer did the unicorn looked to be on the verge of having a panic attack: she was now just a very tired, but also relieved, little pony. “They are pretty awesome, aren't they?”

“Darn tootin'! You're brave, bright and have made some of the best friends ever! If any pony in this world's going to help this guy make friends, it's going to be you!” He gently ribbed her with an elbow. “Seriously, I shouldn't have to tell a brainiac like you!”

Twilight Sparkle sniffed, and suddenly scooped the baby dragon up in a hug. “Oh, you're the best, Spike! What would I do without you?”

He smiled cheekily at her. “Clean up the library?”

She snorted, which broke into a small, melodious laugh. “You're so awful!” She put the dragon down and got back on her hooves. “And so right! So what if I don't know anything about him? I didn't know anything about Applejack or Pinkie Pie or everyone else, and that didn't stop us! This is going to be a piece of cake!” She struck a daring pose, holding her head up high, looking ready to take on the entire world. “I am ready for anything!”

And no sooner had she said that, than there came a sudden knock from the door.

“Oh my gosh! He's here!” In an instant, the brave unicorn from before transformed into a terrified filly. Twilight Sparkle rushed towards the door, then towards the stairs, then towards the door. “What do I do what do I do what do I do?!”

Spike watched her pace back and forth, gaping in disbelief at his pep talk crumbling in record time. There came three more knocks on the door, none of which the panicking unicorn seemed to hear. Spike merely crossed his arms impatiently as Twilight practically danced from one end of the room to the other, torn from indecision.

After a third set of knocks, he face-palmed, groaning in annoyance. “Ugh, I'll get it!”

Twilight Sparkle stopped dead in her tracks, and looked at him with wide, fearful eyes. “What?! Wait! The library's a mess, I'm a mess, if you open that door then—”

Spike ignored her. Sometimes the best thing to do was just get it over with, and damn the consequences. He grabbed the knob, and swung the door open. “Hey there! How's it going...Applejack?”

The apple farmer stood in the doorway, bowing her head politely. “Mornin' Spike. Mind if Ah come in?”

“Huh? Oh, sure!” Spike stood back, and the orange earth pony strode in, taking in the state of the bottom floor.

Twilight Sparkle, her face turning red, smiled uncomfortably. “Oh, uh, good morning Applejack! I was just...uh...” She glanced around the room, too embarrassed and ashamed to continue.

Applejack tsked. “Welp, looks like Ah was right. Awright, everypony, get on in here!”

“My goodness, Twilight!” Spike's heart nearly jumped out of his throat as Rarity trotted in, looking at the room with a mixture of shock and disapproval. “Just look at this place! I'm glad we came when we did!” Her eyes landed on Twilight Sparkle, and the fashionista recoiled. “And you look absolutely dreadful, dear! Did you get any sleep last night?”

“W-wait,” the librarian stuttered, “why are you and Applejack—”

“Don't forget me! I'm here too!” Pinkie Pie bounded in right behind Rarity, and giggled as she looked around. “Wow, Twilight, did you have a party while we were away? What's with all the books?”

“Er, well, I was thinking that Mort could be from anywhere, so I was trying to study up on different cultures, customs, languages...wait.” Twilight Sparkle stopped and looked at her friends questioningly. “Why are all of you here right now?”

“Well, not quite all of us,” Rarity said. “We're still waiting for Fluttershy to come back with Rainbow Dash!”

“I'm here!” Spike had to duck as Fluttershy flew in, pulling something behind her. For a moment Spike thought it was a giant marshmallow with rainbow filling. Then he rubbed his eyes and realized it was actually a small cloud, with Rainbow Dash lounging on top of it, asleep.

Fluttershy gently landed on the floor, and spat Rainbow Dash's tail out. “I'm sorry, I keep trying to wake her up, but nothing's working!” She tried to shake the sleeping pegasus awake, and on a good day, it may have rattled a tea cup.

“Don' worry none, Fluttershy. Let me show you how we get them lazy bones up on the farm!” Applejack walked up to the sleeping pegasus, and turned her back towards her. “Rise 'n shine, sleepy head!” She bucked out with one leg, and the cloud burst on contact, sending the cyan pegasus to the floor with a yelp.

“Ow, hey! What's the big idea?!” The pegasus groggily got up to her hooves, and took one look around at her friends and the library. Recognition dawned on her face. “Oh, right! Uh, morning Twilight. Guess I slept in.”

“Um, morning,” the unicorn replied, a little perplexed. “Now, can somepony tell me what's going on?”

“Well isn't it obvious?” Rarity asked, cheerfully. “We're here to help you out today!”

Applejack nodded affirmatively. “Yep! We saw how nervous ya were last night, and we all know how wound up you can get...”

“So we decided to come here before Mort, and help you out anyway we can!” Pinkie Pie poked one of the book stacks, and the literary tower toppled to the ground, sending notes everywhere. One paper landed on top of her head, and she blew it off. “And I think you need all the help you can get!”

Twilight Sparkle blushed again. “Um, sorry about all that last night. I didn't know Luna would be sending him over on such short notice and, well...”

“Don't worry about it!” Rainbow Dash leaped into the air, and in one swoop, scooped up several books in her hooves. She flew up to a bookshelf and began to slide them back in. Applejack and Pinkie Pie began to do the same, putting books away and gathering up the papers on the ground.

Spike hopped onto Twilight’s back, and leaned towards her ear. “See?” he whispered. “Awesome friends.” The librarian nodded, and it looked to the dragon her spirits were finally returning.

“Thank you, everyone,” she said, graciously. “You don't know how much this means to me.”

“Compliments later my dear, you look in dire need of a bath.” Rarity walked forward and began to usher the other unicorn towards the bathroom. “Fluttershy, be a dear and help me, won't you? We've got less than a hour to make Twilight here presentable.” She then took a moment to look at Spike, fluttering her eyelids at him. “Also, Spike, would you be so kind as to help the others clean up? I would oh, so appreciate it.”

His heart began to pound in his chest, his body tingling all over. “W-whatever you say, Rarity...” He dropped off Twilight Sparkle's back, and watched the three of them ascend the stairs towards the second floor. His thoughts were on the divine way Rarity looked at him, fluttering those gorgeous eyes and...

A hoof poked him on the back, shaking him from his daydreams. He looked to see Applejack looking at him with a sly smile. “Come on, Romeo. We got work to do.”

With a blush, Spike walked towards the sink to find the cleaning supplies.

***

Mort half-walked, half-stumbled towards Ponyville, muttering under his breath. It had been nearly an hour since he started, and actual walking hadn't gotten much easier. It wasn't just his cloak giving him problems, there still came the issue of balancing himself, and moving the hooves in a way that actually moved him forward and kept him upright. He even had to “cheat” occasionally, gliding a mile at a time, just so he wouldn't spend all day on the road.

He thought it so silly that simply moving a few limbs could be so perplexingly hard. “Stupid walking,” he muttered. “Whatever happened to floating? Why couldn't the ponies just float? It's a lot easier than this. You're not tripping over yourself, or your cloak, or rocks, or holes, or badgers, or—”

“Howdy, stranger,” a deep voice said.

“Oh, hi. Anyway, yeah, walking is completely overrated, I should just...” Mort slowly went silent as the previous few seconds replayed in his mind. He risked a glance to his left, and saw a tall and muscular earth stallion pulling a wagon, filled to the brim with apples as red as the pony's coat. The pony smiled at him in a friendly manner.

Mort yelped in fright and snapped his head away, looking straight ahead. “Y-y-you can see me?” He felt silly for even asking it.

The earth pony gave a chuckle that brimmed with good-nature. “Well, you ain't exactly inconspicuous with that get-up of yers.” The earth pony slowed to a stop, and raised a hoof in greeting. “Anyways, th' name's Big McIntosh, though you can call me Big Mac if ya like.”

“Oh, uh...” Mort kept his head down, trying to avoid the pony's gaze. “Uh, n-nice to meet you.” He cautiously extended his own hoof in greeting.

“Same 'ere!” The stallion hooked one hoof around his own, and Mort sensed the powerful muscles underneath the skin. He braced himself for a tug that might dislocate his leg completely, but to his surprise, watched as the powerful pony gave him a gentle and controlled shake.

He spent so much time watching it, he didn't realize that Big Mac was staring at him until he looked up. The large stallion squinted at him, as if struggling to see something. Mort trembled, rapidly losing all faith in the enchanted medallion he had.

In a small voice, he asked, “I-is something wrong?” It couldn't end like this, could it? Being found out before he even put one hoof in Ponyville?

“Uh...” The larger pony blinked as if in a daze, and shook his head. “Nnnope. Ya just look a little pale, is all.”

“Pale? You think I'm...uh...” It took Mort a moment to realize the earth pony hadn't seen through him. He felt a small surge of relief and excitement. Luna had been right after all! “I-I mean, yeah! Yeah, uh, the sun and me don't have the best of relationships. I'd be in the shade and still get sunburned!”

“Yeah, o' course.” Big Mac scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. “Mighty sorry 'bout starin' and everything like that. Just plain rude o' me. Granny taught us all better than that.”

Mort shrugged, just glad the first pony he met today would be this polite. “Oh, well, don't worry about it! I guess I do look kinda unusual...”

“Nah, don' matter. Manners are manners.” Big Mac shrugged off the harness, and walked over to the back of the wagon. He bit one of the apples at the stem, and brought it over to Mort. “'Ere!” Mort looked at the apple, then at Big Mac, confused. “'Ake it!” the earth pony said.

“Huh? Oh!” Mort's horn glowed, and the apple floated away from Big Mac and over to Mort. “Uh, wow! Thanks a lot!”

“That there's on the house, to make up for earlier,” he said, with a respectful bow. “Aside from that, you look like you could stand to gain a couple pounds. Yer practically skin 'n bones, no offense.”

Mort resisted a quip about how he didn't even have that, and looked at the apple. It was large, gleamed in the sun, and still held a little spark of life from the tree it was plucked from. It was the very definition of fresh. “It's a very nice looking apple.”

“Eyup,” Big Mac drawled, “'course it's even tastier than it looks. Go on ahead, give it a bite!”

“Oh, uh...” Mort stared at the apple, suddenly realizing that of all the things Luna taught him, she never spoke a word about eating.

“Somethin' wrong?” Bic Mac asked doubtfully. “I mean, I could give ya a couple more, or—”

“Oh, no!” Mort shook his head, now suddenly worried he'd hurt the other pony's feelings. “It's great! I just need to, uh...” Not wanting to insult the first pony he met today, Mort tossed the apple into the air, lifted his head, and swallowed the fruit whole. He felt it drop through his body until it came to a rest somewhere inside his rib cage. Eating didn't feel like that, did it?

“Hmm, delicious!” he said enthusiastically, rubbing where he thought the stomach should be. “I mean, those are definitely some tasty apples! Yum! Nice and, uh...crunchy.” He looked at Big Mac, and noticed with some trepidation that the earth pony was gawking at him, the stalk in his mouth almost falling out. “Uh...it was good?”

Big Mac closed his mouth, still looking a little shocked. “Uh, Ah'm glad to hear it. You haven't happened to eat anythin' today?”

“Well, no,” he replied, feeling sheepish all of a sudden.

“Well, yer gonna need more than an apple to fill that appetite! Promise me you'll treat yerself to some food soon.”

“Um...I promise?”

“Good!” Big Mac moved back to the front of the wagon, shouldering the harness again. “How 'bout you walk wit' me 'til we get to the fork. What's yer name?”

“Oh, uh, Mort,” he said. “My name's Mort.”

“Well Mort, how 'bout ya tell me about yerself?”

“Oh...um, well...” Mort shifted his gaze away, thinking of how to respond. “Well...I have a job.”

Big Mac chuckled. “Well, that's good. What do ya do?”

“Oh, uh, you know, odd jobs and the like.” His mind raced on how to build on that. He had gone over cover stories with Luna last night, but was now finding it hard to remember what they had decided on. “I pretty much have to be anywhere at anytime. It's kinda important.”

Big Mac whistled. “Sounds rough.”

“You have no idea,” he said, with an exhausted sigh. “Somedays I find myself having to go to one end of Equestria and be back at the other end before nightfall.”

Big Mac whistled in awe. “How does one, little pony manage that?”

“Oh, well, I just fl...uh...” His mind race, realizing what he had also said. “W-walk. Yeah, I walk.”

“Walk?” he asked, with a hint of skepticism. “From one end of Eqeustria to the other?”

He gulped. “O-okay, I guess it's more of a 'sprint' then anything. I can run pretty fast, you know.”

“That a fact?” Big Mac said, sounding unconvinced, and at the same time eying Mort's awkward attempts at walking.

“Uh, yep! In fact, once I really get going, my hooves hardly even touch the ground!” He chuckled nervously, double checking to make sure his hooves were firmly hitting the road even as he said that.

Big Mac cocked his eye at him before breaking into another smile. “That's pretty dang fast, Mort. You a courier or somethin'?”

“A courier? Uh...” He wracked his mind, remembering what couriers did. They went around and delivered things. That was close enough to what he actually did, right? “Yeah! A courier! Heh, you got it on the first try!”

“Nice,” Big Mac said, grinning. “What do I win?”

“What do you...? Uh, I don't, I didn't...” Mort felt a panic beginning to rise in him. He didn't have anything besides the apple. Maybe he could offer that back? No, that'd be silly. What could he...

Big Mac chuckled. “Now don' worry, Mort, Ah'm only pullin' yer leg.”

“Huh?” Mort peeked at his legs, all of which were clearly not being tugged. “Which one? And why would you?”

Big Mac guffawed this time, patting Mort firmly on the back. “You're a real kidder. Sure you ain't a comedian?”

“Uh, no, courier,” he reaffirmed, wondering why Big Mac would doubt him all of a sudden. “Yes, definitely a courier. I run and deliver things all across Equestria. No question about it!”

“If ya say so,” Big Mac said, in good spirits. “Sounds like an interestin' line of work.” His eyes caught the necklace around Mort's neck. “Wow, you must get paid a lot to get something like that.”

Mort magically lifted the medallion, presenting it. “You mean this? Nah, this was a gift from a good friend,” he said. “I don't get paid at all, actually.”

Big Mac came to a sudden stop, and Mort almost tripped over himself doing the same thing. The large stallion stared at Mort, mouth agape. “Hold up. You get sent all across Equestria an' ya don't even get paid?”

Mort's body tensed, knowing he had just slipped up. “I-it's fine! Really! Uh, I don't really need the money.”

“But how do you get the essentials?” Big Mac asked, sounding incredulous. “Ya know, like food, or even a home?”

“Oh, I don't ea...” Instead of finishing, Mort pretended to go in a coughing fit, catching himself before he could let anything else slip. “I-I mean, I don't have a...um, home home, so to speak. I live on the road.”

“Huh.” Big Mac looked at him, and Mort could sense the emotional vibes coming from the large stallion. They vibrated somewhere between a simmering anger and indignation.

“I-it's not that bad, really,” Mort said, trying to ease Big Mac. “My...uh, 'boss' provides for me. She gives me, uh, food and stuff when I need it. Y-you know, after a good job and everything...”

To Mort's discomfort, this didn't seem to make Big Mac feel any better. “Are you sayin' yer some kinda servant?”

“Um...” Mort thought about his relation to Thanasia, and his duty to Equestria as a whole. Technically speaking he was subservient to the alicorn, and there were such things as 'public servants' who did things for the public good. Reaping their souls when they expired seemed to fit that as well as anything else. “I guess I am.”

Big Mac looked at him a moment longer, before letting out a long sign, which carried with it a fair amount of pity. “Dang,” the large pony said, “even in this day an' age.”

Mort fidgeted uncomfortably, feeling as if he should defend it somehow. “It's not bad or anything,” he said, and was disappointed in how weak it sounded.

“You sure about that?” Big Mac asked suddenly, glancing at him. “How much does yer boss work ya?”

“Um, well, a lot,” he admitted. “I mean, we can't really help it or anything...”

“But you can't like it, can you?”

Mort was ready to say that he actually did, until he remembered why he was doing this in the first place. “I...used to,” he said.

Big Mac nodded understandably. “But now you feel like yer gettin' sick an' tired of it, right?”

“Yeah...” Mort held his head low, beginning to feel miserable. “I mean, it's what I was meant to do, but lately I feel like I...kinda don't want to do it anymore.” He sighed miserably. “Does that sound bad?”

“Not really,” Big Mac said, with a shrug. “Normal, actually.”

Mort snapped his head up, now very confused. “Huh?”

“Well, that's just how it is with everythin', now isn't it?” Big Mac asked him. “Take me and mah family, for instance. We harvest apples all year long. We sell 'em, bake 'em, squeeze 'em, an' o' course we like eatin' them. Matter o' fact, we love eatin' 'em.”

Mort didn't need his sensory abilities to know this was going somewhere. “But...?”

“But,” Big Mac continued, “we don' eat apples all the time. We balance it out with corn, hay, some wheat and oats, that sort o' thing. Because fact is when ya eat only one thing, you'd get plum tired of it, even if ya love it more than anything. Same goes with jobs an' the like...if ya don' take a break from it every once in a while, ya might come to dislikin' it somethin' fierce.” Big Mac grinned suddenly. “'Course if ya like it enough, then sooner or later you'll want to get back to it more than anythin'! Ah appreciate my time off, but near the end of it Ah'm always eager to get back to some good ol' apple bucking.”

Mort found himself nodding in understanding. He had been reaping ponies for thousands of years, and the whole sentience thing probably contributed to how dissatisfied he felt after doing it for so long. With that understanding, however, also came some relief: if these “breaks” were enough for Big Mac, then it might really be the thing he needed too. He wasn't doubting Celestia that much, but hearing this from Big Mac gave him renewed confidence.

“From the sounds of it,” Big Mac said, “your 'boss' must work you an awful lot. If you really like what you do, I'd say you get out of there and find yerself a pony who appreciates ya.”

“Oh, I'm sure she appreciates me...in her own way,” Mort muttered sullenly. The comment had hit harder than he thought. It was extremely rare to hear a compliment from Thanasia, and all too often it seemed she only sought him out when she felt there was something wrong. It wasn't exactly encouraging.

Big Mac nodded soberly. “Well, then at the least try to make some time fer yerself, so ya don't burn out. Ya got a vacation in the future, at least?”

“Well, funny you should ask,” Mort said. “I'm actually on one right now, you could say.”

A smile returned to Big Mac's face. “Well, that's good to hear! Ya got pals in Ponyville?”

“Well...no,” Mort said lamely, “but I'm hoping to make some.”

“Couldn't have come to a better place, then,” Big Mac said, smiling proudly. “We're probably the most hospitable ponies in Equestria. You'll find a pal in no time.”

“I hope so.” The further they walked, the more Mort noticed the apple trees that surrounded them, their ripened fruit hanging over the road. It wasn't long before the road split, and off in the distance on the right road, Mort could make out a barn house and white, picket fences.

“Welp, this is where I get off,” Big Mac said, steering towards the barn house.

“Oh, okay,” Mort said, a little disappointed. He was really beginning to enjoy being with him. “Well, I'm sure you're really busy, what with all the...apples.”

“Well, once I get these all put away, I got the afternoon off.” The earth pony turned to look at him, giving a warm smile. “In fact, mah sis is bringin' her friends over later to show a new friend around town or something. Maybe you could come over? Y'know, have some fun, get some meat on them bones...”

“S-swing by?” the shade asked, taken aback. “Y-you mean, like...you're inviting me over?”

“Sure! We always cook plenty. Ain't no problem at all.”

“Oh, uh, wow! I-I mean, thanks! Really!” Mort almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. He hadn't known this pony for half-an-hour, and he was already being invited over to his home. “I'll definitely consider coming over some time! I-I mean I kinda got things to do and everything, but—”

“Now, now, don' fret none. You just come on over when ya can. No worries.” Big Mac turned back to walk towards the barn, waving back at him. “Try not to work too hard 'ere on out, okay?”

“Y-yeah, definitely! Thank you!” he said, waving furiously at him. “Good luck with all those apples! I'll try to buy a few next time!” Mort kept waving at him, and finally stopped himself when he realized Big Mac wasn't looking back anymore. The little bit of embarrassment he felt had no effect on his mood, though.

He proceeded down the road, a skip in his step. There was no longer any uncertainty in his movements, his hooves moving as if he had walked like this his entire life. Everything had gone so much better than he thought it would. Big Mac hadn't suspected a thing, and Mort didn't feel all that uncomfortable around him when they were talking with each other. He had even been given a little gift! If the rest of them were even half as friendly...

Another impulse came to him, and instead of just walking, he began to prance up and down in excitement, wondering how the day could get better. As far as he was concerned, he was on top of the world.

“What are you doing?”

“I don't know!” he said, barely able to contain the glee in his voice. “And honestly, I don't care! I don't think anything could ruin thiAUUGH!”

Mort went face first into the ground for the second time that day. Peeking from underneath his hood, he saw Thanasia standing over him with a leveled stare, her wings folded. He couldn't imagine how he had missed her in the first place.

He scrambled to his hooves, the simple joy he had felt, fleeing in an instant. “T-Thanasia! S-sir, I-I mean Ma'am!” he said, struggling for a moment to find his balance. “W-w-what are you doing here?!”

Thanasia arched an eyebrow. “I was just leaving Baltimare to the next appointment. It's only normal I should pass through here.”

“O-oh, of course,” he said, steadying his voice. He quickly looked up and down and the road, hoping that no pony was watching. “Um, h-how's it going? The job, I mean?”

There was the slightest twitch in one of her eyes. “It's...progressing,” she said after a moment. “I'll admit some of these ponies were not quite what I expected...”

“Heh, they never are!” He peered down at his legs, noticing a couple knots. He shook one foreleg, trying to get it out.

Thanasia walked up to him. Her forehoof came up, catching the medallion that hung around his neck. Mort froze, and watched as the alicorn scrutinized the piece of metal. Her horn glowed briefly, no doubt detecting the enchantment on it.

He felt his insides swirl as her eyes narrowed. Her voice took a hard edge. “Is this how they're planning to hide you?”

Mort gulped. “W-well they couldn't cast magic on me normally, a-and I couldn't really cast any spellls myself...”

“So they gave you this instead.” She gave the medallion one more disapproving look before letting it slide off her hoof. Mort caught it, and gently let it hang from his neck again.

“It's working great, though,” he said hastily. “Big Mac didn't suspect a thing!”

Thanasia blinked in confusion. “Big Mac?”

“Oh yeah, you saw him, didn't you? Big red stallion down the road?” He finally succeeded in getting the knot out, and planted all fours hooves on the ground. “He even invited me to his home later today! That's great, isn't it?”

“I...suppose,” she said reluctantly. “Of course, you would have to make sure this item doesn't get broken, lost, or stolen until then.”

“I'll be extra careful with it,” he said, readjusting the necklace. “Promise.”

“Then there's the spell itself,” she said. “I can see how it works. Should your hood ever come off...”

“It won't,” he said, and grasped the edge of the hood, tugging it so tight that it covered everything except his eyes. “See? Not going anywhere! And Luna gave me some tips on how to act around others! I even got note cards!”

He levitated a stack of note cards from his cloak, showing it to her. The alicorn, however, did not appear to be convinced. Feeling a demonstration was in order, he took the top most card and read from it.

“Hello, Insert Pony’s Name. My name is Mort. It is a pleasure to make thy...uh...” He quickly took out a quill, scratched out the archaic word and replaced it. “Hello, Insert Pony’s Name. My name is Mort. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I hope thou art in...um...heh, heh...” He took out the quill again, rewriting. “G-guess I forgot to update some of the words, huh?”

Thanasia pressed her lips together, crossing the thin line between “unconvinced” and “doubtful.” “My shade, I am having serious reservations about this course of action.”

He put the cards and quill away, sighing. “Listen, to be completely honest, I'm not a hundred percent certain this will work, either...”

Thanasia's ears perked up. “So you'll—”

“But Celestia and Luna seem pretty sure that this'll help me,” he added. “And if things work out, I might have a lot of fun, too! So why not?”

“Why not? Why not?” Mort eeped, taking a step back as Thanasia took a step forward, leveling her head with Mort's. Her hard tone had suddenly gained a sharp edge. “Have you even given thought about what would happen if they discovered you? If things did not work out?”

Mort gulped, unprepared for the sudden forwardness. “W-well, it's not like they could hurt me or anything...”

“Not in the traditional sense, at any rate.” She opened her mouth to say mort, but stopped when her horn began to glow. She glanced up at it, directing the horn towards the east, which produced a disgruntled noise from her.

“I need to go. My next appointment is in Stalliongrad, and there's a pony who's about to drink his last shot.” She started to walk away, her wings spreading as she prepared to take off. Just when it looked like she was going to launch herself, she instead stopped and turned to look at Mort once more.

“My shade,” she said, “are you absolutely certain you want to go through with this?”

“If Celestia thinks it'll work out, then sure,” he said, surprising himself with an unwavering voice. “I mean, I trust her more than anyone else.”

Thanasia remained silent, her mouth tightening, as her eyes bore into him. Mort fidgeted uncomfortably, afraid of what she'd say next. She had a habit of becoming like this whenever he mentioned Celestia. It was depressing, but lately he's been feeling something else as well, though he couldn't put his hoof on what it was exactly. All he knew was that it got a little stronger each time.

The alicorn finally looked away. “If you truly believe this is the only way, Mort, I won't stop you.” Her voice had finally returned to the calm monotone she usually used. “However, for your sake, be leery of the path you tread. I will see you again soon.” She took off, vanishing almost immediately as she left the physical plane.

He sat there for a few moments, momentarily unsure of what to do. The meeting had gone far better than he thought it would, though having Thanasia doubt the plan did dishearten him a bit. She was an ancient alicorn, after all. Older than even Celestia. She had to know something. Then again, he didn't think she knew about ponies the way Celestia did. He had faith in Celestia, but it would've been nice hearing something supportive from Thanasia. A simple “Good luck” would have sufficed.

He finally got back on his hooves, and continued to walk towards Ponyville, tripping on his robes.

******

When Twilight had come out of the bathroom, the disaster area that was her bottom floor had been restored to its former pristine state. The books were shelved, the papers gathered and thrown out when appropriate, and the wooden surfaces had a shine to them from some prodigious polishing. Some of the books were in the wrong spots, but she wasn't going to nitpick.

She was also feeling much better. Her mane and coat had been combed expertly by Rarity, and Fluttershy had given her a small massage, using techniques she had picked up from the Lotus sisters. All the tension she had felt before had melted away, replaced with renewed vigor.

It also helped that her friends had decided to stay with her until Mort arrived. Pinkie Pie had brought over a tray of pastries after they finished cleaning, and they spent the rest of their time snacking, and strategizing on what to do.

“So, 'ere's what we figured, sugar cube,” Applejack started, swallowing a cupcake. “This Mort feller don' have many friends, right? He's been strung up with these 'duties' an' the like, whatever they are. So Luna's sendin' 'im here to help 'im get out more an' make some friends.”

“Remind of you of anypony?” Rarity asked, with a knowing grin.

Twilight Sparkle merely nodded, already seeing what they were getting at. It wasn't all that different from how she started out.

Applejack grinned herself. “Well now, way Ah see it, if we just show this pony 'round town, the same way we did you, he'll be learnin' 'bout friendship lickity split.”

“It's going to be so much fun!” Pinkie Pie gushed. “Rarity's going to dress him up, Rainbow Dash is going to show off her killer moves, Applejack will take him to the farm, Fluttershy is going to show him all her cute, cuddly animal friends and at the end of the day, I throw him a PARTY!” She threw her forelegs in the air, so hard that she lost her balance and fell back with a giggle.

Twilight Sparkle was both impressed and grateful that her friends had thought things out so much. She had been so caught up in preparing for who Mort was, she didn't even think about what they would do.

“Maybe...maybe I could show him around the library,” she offered, clopping her hooves together. “He might be an avid reader! Or have a scholarly side to him!”

“Oh yeah, books,” Spike said sarcastically, with a roll of his eyes. “That'll be an ice breaker.” Twilight gave him a pointed look.

“Well, you never know,” Fluttershy said, quietly. “I mean, if his job's dangerous, maybe some quiet time would be nice.”

“Maybe,” the librarian mused. “Actually, maybe I could ask him what he does in the first place. That way we could—”

“HEADS UP!”

The ponies in the room instinctively ducked as Rainbow Dash flew in from the window, circling once before landing on the ground. Her hair was in disarray from the wind (though, really, it was always in disarray) and she was panting fast.

“Just saw somepony walkin' towards Ponyville!” she said, breathlessly. “Should be here in ten, fifteen minutes top!”

“Is it Mort?” Rarity asked. “What did he look like? What kind of pony was he? Is he a pony?” She paused thoughtfully for a moment. “Was he handsome?”

“Uh, not sure on any of those,” Rainbow Dash replied, giving the unicorn a perplexed look. “Guy was wearing this black cloak all over him. I think he had a horn, but I couldn't get too close. Still, he's definitely the only pony I saw coming here!”

“A cloak?” Applejack took one look out the window, where the sun was shining down almost unimpeded. “That colt must be sweatin' up a storm by now!”

“We'll ask him about his clothes later,” Twilight Sparkle said, getting up from the floor. “Places, everypony! We're going to give Mort a day he won't forget!”

******

Mort wasn't as familiar with Ponyville as he was with other places, and it could be argued that that was a good thing. While he visited most towns several times a week, it was rare for him to visit Ponyville more then a couple times a month. The ponies that died were mostly older ponies that had lived their entire lives in the quaint town, or ponies with a particularly bad illness. As it was, while a number of ponies grew up in Ponyville, many of them would often move away to pursue future endeavors and dreams. Ponyville was the idyllic, little town.

Well, not absolutely idyllic, he knew. It was next to the Everfree forest, which had its fair share of monsters and denizens that would be happy to make a snack out of a pony. In spite of that, the number of deaths because of the Everfree was shockingly low, and though the town has had a close call or two, he hadn't reaped a victim of pony-on-pony violence for a few years now. If only all the towns in Equestria were like this...

As he came into the town limits, he pulled out the stack of note cards, once again trying to memorize all of them, as well as fixing some of the words so that they sounded more modern. There was a time, he suddenly realized, that he spoke like this as well, and looking back on it he couldn't fathom how.

“Let's see, I change 'thee' to 'you', and 'thy' to 'mine' and...no, wait, maybe that's 'your'? I think so, and 'yon' is...did Luna make more of these when I wasn't watching?” He groaned, scratching his head in frustration. “Okay, I'm starting to see why Celestia stopped talking like—”

He came to a sudden stop, and swung his head up with a jolt, feeling his horn cut through something. He stared at a picture of an open book, a fresh cut carved into one of the pages. He glanced beyond it, seeing a large tree that had a door, windows and even a couple balconies, with a beehive buzzing away in a tree branch.

“Library.” Mort gulped. He put away the quill and shuffled his note stack appropriately. He'd put them away before he went inside, but a last minute review shouldn't hurt.

“Okay, let's see,” he started, looking at them. “Step one, be tangible.” He glanced at a hoof, stomping on the ground. “Check. Step two, knock three times.” He looked at the door, with its candle engraving, and after a moment’s hesitation, knocked on the door three times.

From behind the door, a voice rang out, “Come in!”

Mort felt a shiver of apprehension. That was definitely Twilight Sparkle. “Uh, okay. Check.” A reached for the medallion around his neck, reassuring himself it was still there and brimming with magic. A glow enveloped the door knob as he prepared to enter. “It's only Twilight Sparkle,” he told himself. “She's only Celestia's most precious student, Luna's savior, an Equestrian hero and all-around nice pony. It'll be okay.”

He took one deep breath. “Don't choke, don't choke, don't choke, don't...!”

He opened the door.

***

“Come in!” Twilight Sparkle stood tall in the center of her friends. They had all lined up on the bottom floor, looking at the door expectantly. Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy on her left, Rarity and Pinkie Pie on her right. Spike stood in front of her, straightening his head fins.

“Everypony ready?” Applejack asked.

“You bet!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, pounding her hooves together.

“Let operation Mort's Best Day Ever commence!” Pinkie Pie giggled, hopping up and down.

“Shh, here he comes!” Fluttershy pointed at the doorknob, which was starting to turn.

“Okay, girls,” Rarity started, “on the count of three, 'Welcome to Ponyville!' One, two, three...!”

The door opened.

Twilight Sparkle opened her mouth to shout the greeting, but her voice died when her eyes fell on the doorway. For a moment it looked like a void had taken up the entrance, sucking in all the light around it. Then she realized it was a cloak, and quite possibly the blackest cloak she had ever laid eyes on.

The pony's face could be seen under the hood, though Twilight had to squint her eyes to see a thin, pale face with eyes that were either a dark pink or a light red. Virtually every, other characteristic about the pony was hidden, save the unusually long horn that poked out from the top of his hood.

It was one thing for Rainbow Dash to describe him. But with the pony here, directly in front of them, blocking the only exit (and she had no idea why she suddenly thought of it as an “exit”), the room suddenly felt very small and cold.

Twilight Sparkle heard a squeak, and she glanced to her left to see Fluttershy edging away from the mystery pony, and behind Applejack. The apple farmer was nervously scratching at the ground, and Rainbow Dash's wings were outstretched in a vaguely intimidating fashion. On her right, Rarity seemed perturbed, and even Pinkie Pie was staring wide eyed at the cloaked pony.

Twilight Sparkle gulped audibly, a pervasive feeling of dread creeping into her. “H-hello?”

The cloaked pony regarded them, frozen in the doorway. Moments passed, seconds stretching into minutes. He began to walk towards them, and it was than she saw the silver necklace that hung around his neck, its chains jingling in an ominous fashion. Twilight Sparkle felt her heart beginning to beat faster, as the cold from before began to claw its way throughout the rest of her body.

He stopped, only a few feet away from them. There came an almost ghastly, green glow from the cloaked unicorn's horn, and she found her body tensing up, just as it did when she’d first seen a manticore or a hydra. A shivering Spike hugged her leg, staring wide eyed at the cloaked pony.

Something enveloped in that green glow appeared within the depths of the pony's hood, and it slowly floated out of the darkness to stop in front of the pony's head.

The cloaked unicorn positioned the note cards in front of him, studying their contents. He held one up, his eyes scanning over it.

“Uh,” he started, “s-step one, become tang...no, wait. Step two, knock...n-no, uh...” He flipped through the note cards, shooting a brief glance in her direction. He chuckled nervously, bringing to mind the scrawny, meek students that she saw all the time at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.

The cold fear she had felt before vanished as quickly as it came. What had taken its place was almost mind-boggling confusion, and also a little relief. She looked at her friends and Spike, seeing similar, befuddled looks.

“O-oh, here we go.” The cloaked pony settled on one card, cleared his throat, and began to speak in a mechanical tone: “Hello, Insert Po—I-I mean, Twilight Sparkle. My name is Mort. It is a pleasure to—”

It was at this point that Mort took another step forward, got caught up in the long robes covering him, and fell. His face hit the floor with so much solidity that it made her flinch, and she almost didn't notice the cards had scattered all over the place.

“Gah! Oh no, oh no!” His horn glowed, grabbing each note card, and bringing them down to him one at a time. “Uh, 'I am intrigued by your...' no, that's not it. 'I hope we can be...' no, I was saving that for the end! 'Would thou like...' no, no, no! Why the heck didn't I number these things...?!”

Twilight Sparkle bit her lip, her eyes catching Spike, who seemed to be struggling to not break into laughter. The rest of her friends were sharing awkward looks. Even Fluttershy had stepped out to get a better look, losing all the earlier caution.

“Okay, this goes here, no, wait, yes! No! Uh, maybe...” Mort's horn glowed brighter, and the cards suddenly stopped dead in space, magic cracking over each piece of paper. They instantly reformed into a stack, one that Mort proceeded to read through. Quickly.

“Hello Twilight Sparkle it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance I hope you are in good spirits I am intrigued by your accomplishments and I wish to learn all I can from you and I hope we can be the BESTOFFRIENDS!” Before the last word (or words) could even leave his mouth, the cards exploded, victims of a telekentic grip that was certainly intended for moving boulders than holding cards. Mort looked at the torn remains in horror, his (unusually dark) mouth gaping open.

He looked speechlessly at Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle looked back, just as speechless. Her friends said nothing either, choosing to stare. It was Spike who said what they may have all been thinking:

“This is going to be a long day, isn't it?”

Comments

[Lemonshark367]

An update?! Huzzah!

[Autocharth]

That...was great! I loved the last scene. Ah, I want to see more. I also hope to see more Big Mac, living up to the hospitality of Ponyville, seems like Mort was making a friend without even trying.

[DavidPony]

[img] http://fim.413chan.net/fim/src/129923640687-MLP_awkward.jpg [/img]
p.s. FINALLY AN UPDATE! ^_^
[img] http://images.wikia.com/theamazingworldofgumball/images/1/12/Huzzah.jpg [/img]

[Cheer]

Huzzah indeed!

[Rollin Thunder]

Awsome first Big Mac, and then dat ending lol That was perfect from beginning to end. I love this story and I was sooo happy you finally updated. I'm happy to see that Thanasia made another appearance too she seems worried for him but also a little jealous of his relationship with Celestia. But I have to say wonderful characters and I hope Big Mac ends up being a regular in the story too.

[McPoopin]

I will add a huzzah.

[yawkat]

Amazing.

[soulwinds]

“Proimise.”
Needs spellcheck.
Nice story though

[jil93]

Heh, i remember this, it's one of the three stories i started following when it was new, and still follow to this day, i even saved the link to the Deviantart page.
for those who want to know; http://anonymous-materials.deviantart.com/gallery/

[Zweihander]

Hnnnng, THE UPDATE IS HERE

[Eriniou]

Okay, I am reading this just before I have to give a presentation to the Student Congress of my college, and I am now no longer nervous about the public speaking portion of this day. I literally can't do worse than that introduction unless I try, or gain the power to explode Powerpoints with my mind. You have made my day, thank you.

[Blackbelt]

HA! Hilarious notecards.

[BBkat]

Aww poor Mort.

[clonezero]

Now THAT was an ice-breaker!

[Browncoat Spike]

Excellent stuff as always, Anon. I felt really bad for Mort when Thanasia dropped in and unwittingly destroyed his confidence.

Also, that ending was great; Mort's nervousness was arguably even worse than Twilight's, especially because he has no support with him.

Can't wait for the next one!

[Ralfil]

I love it. Great chapter.

[Smurf]

Huzzah! an update!
lol at the end but poor Mort hopefully things will get better for him

[Quantum_Shift]

oh, poor Mort... This shall be... Interesting.
With that capital 'I'

[Olivine Ellva]

Pffft... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

[De Carabas]

In the South, "strung up" means hanged. I don't think AJ is looking to lynch anypony.

[Silver Slip]

I felt like Spike who was trying not to laugh out loud... BUT OMW THAT WAS PERFECT!!!!

[Foxychany]

oh my god an update
please dont tell me we have to wait another month?

[Hand Wave]

Well, that could've gone better. Definitely broke the ice though (More like shattered, really).

Nice chapter, might want to spellcheck it though. Noticed some mistakes.

[TheEngine]

The last few paragraphs seems to summarize how i usually meet new people

[Lunarmon]

Like you story it is very fun looking forward to the next.

[Vash_ts]

I really like how this is looking so far ^^

[Astarea]

A joke?

Death walks into the Ponyville Library...

[JCatt]

Jizzed

[Emperor of Jurai]

ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION!

-laughs- Poor Mort.

[Courage Fire]

Reakkt? You mean "Really?" I hate it when my fingers slip off a few keys.

[Pyro The Reader]

Mort, king of awkward moments and slapstick comedy...

[Leviathan Splash]

Abort, abort!

Poor Mort, this is SO not your day, dude!

[Crosshair]

My god I thought this story had died on deviantart AND here too!

[Emerulf]

scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw4450_small.jpg

..Aw-kwaaard...

[Riasiru]

Wonderful update... And now I have to wait another two weeks for the next... But ah want it noaw!!

[Vates Despero]

Definitely needs some editing.... and more words... and chapters.... and at a higher frequency....

[Night Runner 01]

He's so adorable! I just want to hug him!

[Mythical_Elemental]

*falls down luaghing* Oh poor Mort. He made 6 ponies and a dragon scared and went into a failed telekinesis spell. So funny.

[Jaohni]

....It's going to be fun for him to explain why he doesn't eat... I can just see that going down...

[Multiversity]

Wow. Twilight got beat in adorkableness.

By Death.

[Dull Mist]

This has to be one of the best stories in the site. The atmosphere and feeling adhere to the show so incredibly well and it's downright hilarious. Keep up the fantastic work.

[Foxy Kimchi]

Great chapter! Can't wait for next one.

[AnonymousMaterials]

I would like to take this moment to thank everyone for commenting on the story, as well as for pointing out the silly mistakes I occasionally make with the spelling. I will be going back every now and again to clean them up when they appear.

So if you ever see someone point out a spelling error that isn't there, it's because I corrected it after the fact. Give those folks some thanks for helping make this story a little better.

[lolitsjack]

[Kicks Mcgee]

Awesome as always.
Noticed something though - "He didn't even think “suspension of disbelieve” was possible at the time."
Shouldn't that be disbelief?

[nemryn]

1269748
Yeah, 'wound up' would be better there.

[Kicks Mcgee]

Got some weird vibes from Thanasia in this one. She's not exactly Best Pony right now, but I can see how being around since pretty much the beginning, seeing the future and being in charge of all death could make you a little cold. Plus Mort saying he trusts Celestia more than her, his own creator, was a bit of a gut-punch.

[Majk]

This story gives me the warm fuzzies, simply marvelous.

[fedoraguy2]

Okay, this is where I criticize. I was liking the direction of the story more than the original a when I first starting reading this, but now I'm not so sure. In the original there were two main conflicts, although they weren't brought up much, why is nopony going to die for 24 hours and who was that mystery mare that knew Mort was a shade. The addition of Thenesia obviously takes both of these out, and I'm a little disappointed because I wanted to know who the mystery mare was. I guess what I'm saying to you is I want you to add a big main conflict. Something that would be a much more serious conflict compared to the many comedic ones Mort will run into, one that would be resolved towards of the end story. In all honesty, I kept reading the original because I wanted to know 'who was that mystery mare?', 'did she have something to do with the absence of death?' and "what does she want with Mort?' So please make me ask questions like that again.

Sorry for being all picky there.

[Doctor Nightmares]

Heh! Mort's so cute!

I can't wait to see what happenes when Twilight breaks the magic aura!