Derpy's Truth
Part IV
As I glided through the wintry sky, I thought over my situation. And as I thought, I realized that I was stuck. I was stuck in-between hating things and simply being annoyed.
It annoyed me that I took so long to get off the ground, of course. But I wasn’t given enough time to hate that fact. That was probably for the best, of course, because I never would have been able to accomplish my goal if I hadn’t taken those first few crucial flaps.
It annoyed me that I only had around twenty hours, now, to accomplish my goal. But since that was plenty of time to achieve it, I couldn’t really complain. If I failed, that would be my own fault and mine alone.
And Derpy annoyed me. It annoyed me that her vocabulary was so tiny and that she incessantly asked me for definitions; it was getting to the point where I was afraid to make conversation, though after she picked up on this during our flight she promptly shut her trap, something that also annoyed me because it victimized her, turning her into the innocent victim of one mare’s perfectly reasonable irritation. But she had helped me too much, and she was just too simple, for me to truly hate her, no matter how much I tried to convince myself of this fact.
Thusly, I was stuck. And I came to the conclusion that the only way for me to find the hate I was searching for was to find the darker side of Derpy--something wrong she had done, something that she was ashamed of, anything at all that I could latch onto and hate her for. And I knew exactly where to start.
Unfortunately, that required me to make conversation.
Derpy shivered in midair. “It’s cold. I think it’s gonna snow.”
“Looks more like a blizzard to me,” I said.
“Well... they’re kinda the same,” Derpy said. Before I could reply, she asked, “Hey, Ditzy? Um... what do you think about snow?”
“What do I think about it?” I asked incredulously. “It’s cold. It’s wet. It makes the sun reflect directly into your eyes. That’s what snow is.”
“Oh, uh, I meant snowflakes. ‘Cause, y’know, no two snowflakes are alike, ever. I was thinking, snowflakes are kinda like ponies. Because no two ponies are ever just the same.” She smiled slightly. “I like catching snowflakes on my tongue. I don’t think many ponies do that anymore. It’s like they don’t think they have time. Sometimes I get yelled at when I stop working to catch the snowflakes. Then I get yelled at again for asking them to join. I... I’ve never really got why,” she admitted.
“Hmph. On their own, flakes of snow are beautiful, yes,” I said. “But when they group together, when they clump and dirt and melt, then they’re as ugly as anything else in nature. I’ve never found them any more fascinating than my fetlocks, and I doubt I ever will.”
“Oh. I think that when all of the snow falls just right, then everything is a lot prettier,” Derpy said.
There was a long pause. I felt the chilly air filtering through my feathers, and as I sighed, a light mist formed on the side of my mouth. I needed to ask that one particular question. It was make or break time. This was the moment when I found out what Derpy was truly made of.
“Derpy,” I began, “I don’t mean to pry, but under what circumstances did you have Dinky? The question has been eating away at me for some time now.”
She thought for a moment. “Oh! You mean... um, how I met Dinky’s dad?”
“Yes, and why he isn’t living with you now,” I added.
She furrowed her brow. “I... I’m not sure. Carrot Top told me not to talk about it, ever. Not to other ponies, not to Dinky, not even to my best friend if I ever got one.”
Blast. Carrot Top’s meddling ruined me.
As I hastily tried to think of another question, though, Derpy spoke again. “But I want to talk about it. I’m tired of keeping it secret.” I glanced over at her, and her walleyed expression suddenly looked much more intense than usual. “She... Well, she thinks she always knows best, just because she doesn’t have what I do.”
I found myself suddenly uncomfortable, and I pondered whether or not to follow through. “She only wants what’s best for you, Derpy. I can tell that just by looking at her.”
“But it’s stupid to keep secrets like that,” Derpy muttered. “If you want to know, then you can know. Just... can you please promise not to just tell anypony?”
“I promise.” For Carrot Top’s sake as well as hers, though I didn’t say so aloud.
“My first job was a long time ago. I wasn’t too young, but I still wasn’t old enough to live on my own. I have kinda a hard time remembering, ‘cause I’m not all that good at remembering things sometimes. But anyway, I had a job, and I was doing good, and... and I asked my boss for a raise.” She didn’t continue for a few moments after that.
“Well?” I asked.
I noticed that she was trembling slightly, not just from the cold. “Th-That’s it. That’s how Dinky was made.”
“There’s obviously more to it than that. I can tell just from your expression,” I said. “Tell me this, did you know what you were doing?”
She looked like she was about to shake her head, but then she stopped midair. I slowed myself to a halt and slowly clambered over to her, still not used to the whole ‘turning’ aspect of flying.
“We have to land,” she said quietly. “If you want to hear my story, we have to land.”
I gritted my teeth. I knew that I would never likely get hate-worthy material from this sob story. In retrospect, I had to wonder why I even pursued the venture in the first place; ‘Disabled mare gets taken advantage of,’ doesn’t exactly villainize the mare.
Unfortunately that was when I realized my curiosity had overridden my desire to achieve my end game. “Okay,” I found myself saying. “I’ll land for a few moments so that you can tell your tale. But try to make it quick, because I can’t afford to be late for the experiment.”
She nodded, wiping her eyes, and began to descend. As I followed her, though, I had to wonder just what I was getting into.
=====================================================================
She settled under an evergreen, and I followed her down beneath the pine and sat down, increasingly uncertain if I wanted to pursue this dialogue. Nevertheless, my lust for knowledge pushed me forward. “I understand if the subject is painful.”
“No. That’s not it,” Derpy said, though her usual, absent smile had vanished. “It’s stupid that I’ve had to keep this secret from everypony. I think Carrot thinks I would just go telling everypony about it. She just doesn’t understand.”
“What doesn’t she understand?” I asked.
“That I’m--not--dumb,” Derpy mumbled. “I know I knew what I was doing back then. And I know that I could’ve taken care of Dinky. But nopony gave me the chance. I went along with it ‘cause that’s what I thought I was supposed to do.”
I began to feel increasingly uncomfortable. Not because the conversation was awkward, of course; the discomfort was mainly because I was starting to genuinely feel bad for Derpy. My line of questioning had landed me the opposite of what I needed, and yet I felt compelled to further pry. “Did you want to have Dinky?”
“I dunno. M-Maybe,” Derpy sniffed. “He had already gotten in trouble before for stuff like this. S-Sometimes, when I was upset, I hid. Then one day some mares, the ones that didn’t like me, came in and started talking about him, what they had done with him. I wanted that, ‘cause maybe then I would be as good as them.” She sniffed, smiling sadly. “Maybe I was a little dumb then. But I’m not anymore. I learned. But nopony thinks I did.”
“So you’re the one that made the move, not your boss,” I interpreted, rubbing my chin, “Tell me, did Carrot Top ever ask your side of the story?”
Derpy rolled her eyes slightly, something that made both her pupils swivel in opposite directions. “Carrot Top didn’t let me say anything about it. She said my boss’s going to jail if it’s the last thing she did. She even got a pony in a suit to help her. I dunno why she didn’t let me help her. I woulda said something if I just had the chance.”
“Hmm. But still...” I found myself so far unsatisfied with this explanation. “Why would you resort to such... extremes?”
“Because I was mad. I was mad ‘cause nopony would be my friend no matter how hard I tried. I tried doing stuff they did before with them, but they always made me go away. I wanted to be their friend. And when I found I was going to have Dinky, I wasn’t mad... ‘cause maybe she would be my friend,” she mumbled. “But I was never right. ‘Cause of that, nopony thinks I can take care of myself anymore. That’s what’s dumb about it. Not me.”
I thought for a moment. “You know, when you think about it, everypony has a friend they think is a little thick at times. It seems to me that ponies dislike you simply due to your eye condition.”
She nodded. “And ‘cause I always mess stuff up, and ‘cause I talk funny...” She trailed off, resting her head in her hooves.
I turned my head slightly to the side. “Perhaps sunglasses would help?”
She shook her head. “That’s lying. And lying is bad. I don’t want ponies to like me unless they like me, the real me. I don’t want to hide. But... it’s hard, sometimes, not to want them. The sunglasses. ‘Cause I’ve tried everything else, and nothing works. Even when I try to help other ponies, I end up messing something up later and then everypony hates me again.” She paused, resting her head in her hooves and shaking slightly. “Why can’t I have friends?” she whimpered. “If I knew, maybe I could... maybe I could do something, to try and be better for everypony. But I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”
I waited a few moments for her to continue, for I had nothing to say. After those few moments of sitting alone in the snowy wilderness, though, I realized that Derpy was crying.
I swore silently. Derpy had gotten me to pity her. My progress toward despising her was not only brought to a halt, it was sent flying in reverse. This wasn’t good. I grimaced, standing up. The migraine was coming on full-force, and the dizziness was setting in. I opened the pouch and pulled out a piece of root, crunching it between my teeth and absorbing the energy contained within.
Derpy hadn’t seemed to notice, and after I had washed the snack down with some snow I said, “Pull yourself together, Derpy. We have flying to do.”
She nodded, wiping her eyes. “I hate ponies,” she muttered. “You’re the only one who’s different, Ditsica. Even if you don’t like me, either, at least you understand. At least you listen.”
Without saying a word in reply, I took to wing and sailed into the sky.
=====================================================================
Neither of us spoke for a while. The air was growing colder; we had been flying for about three hours, now, and it was nearing sunset. I approximated that it was about four in the evening, now, and I was running out of time fast.
Unfortunately, I had reached a dead-end.
Not in the literal sense, of course. I was still quickly making my way to Everfree County Dungeon with Derpy at my side. Theoretically, everything should have been going as planned. But I was missing one crucial part: hatred. I was finding it utterly impossible to dislike Derpy to the extent necessary--not sincerely.
Delving into more theories, there was a chance that hatred of a specific pony wasn’t required at all, let alone that the object of your hatred had to be present. Praying that this was true, I decided to once again open the pandora’s box that was Derpy’s past. “Derpy, do you have anypony in your life that you specifically dislike?”
She thought for a moment. “Ditzy, why do all your questions make me sad? Ask happy questions. I don’t want to answer sad questions.”
I gritted my teeth. Perhaps that was too direct an approach. “Alright, alright. How did you meet Carrot Top?”
She paused. “...Okay, I think I can answer that.”
I waited for her to continue, but she kept blankly staring toward our destination. “...Well?” I finally prodded.
“Oh!” she exclaimed. “Sorry. Uhm, let’s see, how did I meet her?” She thought for another moment or two, quickly running my patience dry. “I think that I met her when I was little. She was a really good friend of my parents. But she moved in with me a few months before I had Dinky.” I noted how she steered around the subject of her parents. “Then she started telling me what to do. I guess that helped, a little. I didn’t really know what was going on. I’m not good at keeping track of a lot of different things. She helped me take care of Dinky and she tries to help me get jobs. Ponyville paid her to live with us, and for a while everything was okay. But now I think she just tells me what to do a lot more than she actually helps me.”
I nodded. “Have you ever asked her about her someday moving out?”
“I don’t want to hurt her, though. She likes to think that she’s helping me. She’s really nice, too. I don’t want her to hate me because I ask her to leave. Just after we moved to Ponyville I took walks in Everfree Forest to try and think about asking her to go. Just before I could choose, though, Carrot Top yelled at me for going out in the woods without asking her. I got mad, but I didn’t show it. ‘Cause I know what happens if I get really mad,” Derpy said, though she hesitated slightly on the last part.
“Hmm?” I asked.
“...When I was little, I didn’t live in Ponyville. I lived in Fillydelphia. And when I got mad at ponies, I used to hit them. ‘Cause maybe then they would learn not to be mean anymore. Maybe then they wouldn’t call me names or make fun of me. But that just got me in trouble. It didn’t get them in trouble, though. Then they were even meaner. But I couldn’t hit them back anymore, so I didn’t know what to do. And... I still don’t really know what I should have done,” Derpy admitted. “Now I just try to smile through it. When I can, I guess. But I still hear what ponies say. And it still hurts.”
I think I may have found just the hatred I needed, locked deep inside this innocent fool. “I agree that there wasn’t much you could have done,” I said. My throat was tight, but I vowed that whatever liquid left my eyes would be merely crocodile tears. I couldn’t feel bad for Derpy any more than I already had. It was impossible. I am not that type of pony.
Then Derpy ventured into the territory I had been dreading. “What about you, Ditzy? Where are you from?”
I made up a quick lie. “From Vanhoover. I took the train to Ponyville and, well, I guess I’m flying to my destination.”
“Oh, okay.” She paused before saying, “I guess your life has been easier than mine. You don’t have my eyes.”
I snorted at the irony. “I suppose.”
“You seem a lot simpler than I do,” Derpy observed.
I should, I thought. I’ve only been around for a few hours, now. Not much to me in the way of life experiences. “Yes, my life has been rather easy. And boring, of course, partly the reason I’m participating in this experiment.”
“Oh yeah! Um, there’s actually something I wanted to ask you about that,” Derpy said. “You didn’t know about me before going to Ponyville, right? Then why were you going to this twin thing, anyway?”
I almost took a nosedive. Hopefully Derpy didn’t notice how clumsy my flying had suddenly become. “I took it mainly as an excuse to get out of Vanhoover. There was a billboard of different projects going on and I wanted to stay closer to home. Most of the projects happen in Canterlot or Fillydelphia and such,” I explained quickly.
Derpy nodded. “That makes sense.”
I sure hoped it did; if Derpy suddenly decided to turn around and head back then my entire plan was ruined, and I didn’t have the time to think up a new one. “So tell me, Derpy, why did you move from Fillydelphia to Ponyville?”
“Oh yeah. Uh... that was just after I had Dinky. And Carrot Top wanted to make the move to Ponyville because she didn’t want ponies to look at Dinky the same way they looked at me. She didn’t tell me that, but I know that’s why,” Derpy said. “Y-... You mentioned sunglasses earlier. Well...”
“I did,” I said. “Let me guess, Carrot Top made you wear them?”
Derpy nodded. “Uh-huh. She said that it would make it easier for me to make friends. And they did. I made a couple friends, and I had ponies over for lunch and stuff, and I went flying. It was nice. Ponies were nice to me.”
“Then why did you ever take them off?” I inquired.
“I didn’t want to hide behind... behind...” She struggled for the proper term. “Carrot Top had a word for it, but I forgot.”
“Façade?” I offered.
“Yeah, that. I didn’t like having to lie about me. Every day, every night, all the time, and I couldn’t stop, ever. And it made me mad. I started to hit things again. Not ponies, just things. I couldn’t get a job because all of the bosses didn’t let me wear my sunglasses, so I just left. And that made me even madder, because Carrot Top had to work harder to take care of me and Dinky and herself. I got so mad one day that I just took off the sunglasses and smashed them. And I haven’t worn them ever again,” she finished.
“What happened to your friends?” I asked.
“They went away once they saw my eyes. Everything went back to the way it was before. I wasn’t mad anymore, though. Just... just... I dunno,” she shrugged, frowning.
“Sad, perhaps. And a little disappointed, and unfulfilled, maybe,” I suggested.
Derpy nodded. “Maybe. I... I kinda want to say that I hate everypony, sometimes. ‘Cause everypony just seems to hate me so much. But really, I’m just so sad, ‘cause I don’t wanna just stop caring about everything I have. I have Carrot Top and Dinky, even if they make me mad sometimes. And I have a home, someplace where I can be warm and safe. So I’ll at least keep trying to be good for everypony. It’ll be hard, but I’m not ready to give up yet.” And beneath that shell of ignorance and frustration, I saw a glimmer of determination spark in Derpy’s eyes as she flew.
And, I suppose, that was all I really needed. It was time to visit the dungeon. It was time to save a life. And we were only an hour away.
“Hey, Ditzy? I have another question,” Derpy said.
“Hmm?” I asked.
“What are we going to do once we get to Everfree Dungeon?” she asked.
“Well, that’s simple. We walk inside and-” I froze. Everything seemed to move slower for a moment; I broke out into a cold sweat and my heart nearly stopped. I opened my mouth to try and say something, anything, but my throat was dry with panic. I had been found out.
And I realized that, perhaps, I hadn’t thought this all the way through.
Derpy looked over at me, her goofy, walleyed expression now much more cold and serious. “I think we need to land.”
I swallowed, and followed her. I had no words. Because I had never, in all my life, expected to be foiled by a dimwit. And, to be perfectly honest... I suppose I wasn’t.
=====================================================================
Everfree County Dungeon was located in hilly terrain just north of Ponyville called the Unicorn Range. Derpy led me to the top of one of mounds of dirt, and we both took a seat.
“I guess you wanna know how I know,” Derpy mumbled. She looked cross, almost disappointed, which humiliated me.
“That would be a start, yes,” I replied, frantically trying to find a way to get myself out of this doozy.
“When I had the sunglasses on, I had to lie a lot. I didn’t like it. That doesn’t mean I didn’t get good at it. So now I know when other ponies lie to me. Like your, uh, expression and stuff. You’re not a bad liar. I’m just a little better,” Derpy said. “That’s why I lied about, um, following you out here. To Carrot Top, I mean.”
I suppose my ultimate downfall was that I underestimated Derpy’s intelligence. I simply nodded, prompting her to continue.
“I knew that no ponies were doing science up north of Canterlot. That wouldn’t make sense, ‘cause there’re no towns or cities up there. And the only thing for miles around is that dungeon where they keep really bad ponies. So that means you want to see one of those bad ponies--and you need my help to do that for some reason,” Derpy deduced.
“Yes,” I admitted. “Yes, I do.”
“I wanna know why,” Derpy said.
I thought long and hard about my decision, but in the end, there really was no way out. Derpy had utterly trapped me within my own lie, and in doing so proved a talented lie-weaver herself. So, my only option was to tell her the truth.
“My existence is more or less a literal take on the phrase ‘I wasn’t born yesterday.’ In my case, though, I was created just a few hours ago, even less than a day, by Discord the draconequus. And he has given me twenty-four hours to break the seal on his stone prison. I found out from Twilight that the seal could only be broken by hatred, and when I saw you...” I shook my head, amazed at how many fatal errors my hastily contrived plan had procured. “I assumed you would be the perfect guinea pig.”
“I thought something was fishy about what you were talking to me about,” Derpy said. “Nopony is... is that... I knew the word for it, but I forgot,” she said sheepishly.
“Desperate?” I mumbled.
“No, that’s not it...” Derpy thought for a few moments, then her eyes lit up. “Brave. That’s what it is. Brave.”
My ears perked up. “Does this mean you still intend to assist me?”
She thought for a moment, staring at the ground and refusing to meet my gaze. “...I dunno what assist means,” she began, “but I’m still going to help you no matter what.” She folded her forelegs as to make the statement final.
I won’t deny that I was slightly confused. “Huh? Derpy, you do realize what having Discord released means, don’t you? Discord?”
Derpy sighed. “Uh-huh. I do. But... I was thinking just now, if Discord made you...” She looked up at me with shining eyes. “Maybe he can make me like you. Not all the way, just enough so that ponies won’t think I’m stupid. O-Or dumb. Or... Or...” She seemed to struggle with the words. “Or retarded.”
“From my brief experiences with Discord, I slightly doubt that he’ll be willing to lend you a hoof,” I said incredulously.
“It doesn’t matter,” Derpy sniffed. “I hate ponies. I really do. So if there’s a chance that I don’t have to hate them, then maybe I can be happy again. And if I don’t get that, then I don’t really lose much.”
“But you’re risking Carrot Top and Dinky!” I exclaimed. “You’re risking your home!”
“They don’t love me,” Derpy mumbled.
I was shocked. “How blind are you, Derpy?!” I yelled. “Of course they love you! I could tell that simply from my short visit there!”
“But they don’t love the real me,” Derpy elaborated, wiping her eyes. “They... They don’t love the pony that I want to be. They just want me to be me, nopony else... and I just can’t be happy being that pony.”
I found myself having no counter, and as much as I wanted to convince Derpy that she was loved, that ponies did care about her wishes and her goals, I had no proof. No evidence. Not even a simple theory. I found that, for the first time, I had simply nothing to say.
So, I turned around, and spread my wings. “...We will free Discord.” I paused for a moment, then added, “After that... we’ll play it by ear.”
Derpy nodded, but before I took off, she put a hoof on my shoulder. Her voice barely above a pained whisper, she said, “Thank you.”
The journey was nearing its end.
=====================================================================
Next Part: Ditsica's Truth!
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Dear god, how were you able to craft such an elaborate character motivation for Derpy? I was starting to think that they were going to give up on freeing Discord, entirely, but...
foiled by derpy, I would be a might bit sore about that...
Fairly interesting so far.
It'll be pretty interesting to see how this story wraps up.
IT'S ALIVE?, damn what a nice chapter, really complex, I love the way you turned Derpy's motives, hope you update the next one sooner, I CAN'T WAIT!
Smart Derpy is cool, as in not warm...
Yes! Update!!!!! I've been waiting for what feels like forever for this!
And I love the in-depth characterization of Derpy! It makes the whole thing seem more believable! I look forward to more!
Well. That was an interesting development. Needless to say, I am looking forward to the conclusion of this fic.
This is odd. Usually when I favorite a story it never updates again. In this case, the opposite seems true. Very well done chapter, and I must congratulate you on being the only author to use first-person that manages to make it interesting. I also like your Derpy.
Near the end, Ditsica says play it by ear, is it supposed to be play it by year? Besides that, great chapter as always and look forward to reading more
Derpy is best backround pony
Dat characterization. Seriously, man, you're amazing at it.
Can't wait for the next chapter, it's gonna be good.
moar¡
What the hell took you so long to get this chapter out?
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png Anyway. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy_invert.png The chapter almost made me cry and I'm not really one to cry. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_sad.png
Damn...
this is simply amazing
...
It's almost like you combined my Ditzellia, with fandoms Derpy, and had her interact with the ask Derpy warn she was discorded. You have my respect so far.
“But they don’t love the real me,” Derpy elaborated, wiping her eyes. “They... They don’t love the pony that I want to be. They just want me to be me, nopony else... and I just can’t be happy being that pony.”
This hit me, hard. I'm writing a different story about a different disability, and I'm still trying to find my footing. I think you just reignited the core of what I need to write, and why I've been stuck.
But that's not why it hit me. I've got a friend much like this Derpy, and when I stopped overestimating her, I started underestimating her. I should know better, considering my own condition, but I don't realize I'm doing it.
I feel like shooting myself for waiting so long to finally continue reading this series. Editing my story while waiting between classes has proven difficult (on my Droid 4 of all things, doesnt even have a good spell check ugh) so I figured I'd resume reading.
Damn. That is all I can say. Damn. This chapter has left me reeling. I may never look at Derpy the same way again, in a good way, if that makes sense. As in, there's something deep behind those adorable eyes and grey pelt.
The snowflake conversation made my jaw drop; pretty sure the people across from me in the lounge are judging. Could care less haha. On to the next chapter!
1139045
Um, playing something "by ear" is an expression deriving from music, where you play a piece (or a piece of a piece) without the sheet music, just from knowing how the piece is meant to sound and how the notes sound. It's not easy. Here, what Ditzy's trying to say is that once they get there, they'll do what they think they should in order to obtain the necessary result. Sorta like organized improvisation. This instance isn't the best example, though.
Wow.
HOLY HELL. i need to check fimfiction more ofter, or else ill hget swamped with updates....