6819505 Oh, my. You weren't kidding about this turning into a "real story", then. Twixie is totally going to be a thing, isn't it? And of course, Twi's gonna have to get a "before and after" comparison from Shiny once they're un-swapped...
I was really enjoying the story, but a subjective con kinda had me halt any further reading steps. I guess I'll explain briefly here while trying to not make myself look like an ass.
The pros. The story is well written, despite the grammatical errors (we all make mistakes, I still understood what was going on) and I like how you portrayed character activity and communication, though it wasn't too great. I'll list the bad from my feedback on that. Another thing that was cool was the idea in itself; swapping the bottom half of opposite sexes, probing really deep into incest with characters that attract highly to a large portion of the fandom. This also wasn't your typical 'fuck them as hard as physically possible and make them ejaculate juices like a fire hose' story, they were still somewhat loving with each other, which was a definite change in pace in comparison to what I've been viewing on the mature side lately. Onto the cons.
The cons; very minimal, but still easily grasped knowledge of grammatical errors. Shining and Twilight constantly playing the 'lol pls gimme de pussy b0ss' while Shining is like, 'no u durty weeb fuk', but just one ask later, the character is all for it, no holding back. Also, the stomach bulging; wouldn't this like, kill a pony, or anything that you could see a cock causing visual protrusion in the abdominal or stomach area? Like, that would at a very minimal cause internal bleeding. Really dragged the good info the ground with the story, but it's completely subjective. Some enjoy that thing, some don't I guess.
Guess that's my review on the chapter, I think I could give it a solid 8/10.
Also, the stomach bulging; wouldn't this like, kill a pony, or anything that you could see a cock causing visual protrusion in the abdominal or stomach area? Like, that would at a very minimal cause internal bleeding.
I thought the same thing, but surprisingly, no, this is actually a thing that can happen and is apparently harmless (done with some modicum of care, I assume).
She hated this. Laying in bed like this, waiting to sleep. She very much preferred when she fell asleep quickly, without effort. But the more she worried about falling asleep, the more her anxiety kept her sleep elusive. Worse still, she hated laying in bed at night alone with her thoughts. Normally her mind was focused on whatever task was at hoof. But with nothing to focus on, her mind wandered.
Sure, it was fun at first. Mentally working out logic puzzles, game theory, and paradoxical puzzles. But as the night wore on, it became more bothersome. Like that one time, a long time ago, she did that one thing, that was a little embarrassing to her, even though it was really minor, but now her irrational mind was magnifying it into this catastrophic transgression.
I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes your thoughts are so engrossing that nothing else exists, other times no matter how tired you are you wish you could be doing anything but trying to sleep.
Yeah. One of the most apropriate references I've seen in a fic in a long time.
...but you really have to mention which song... ideally with a link or embed.
It's too appropriate to risk someone who's never seen it being so into the fic that they don't bother to track it down. (I chose the embed route to minimize the chances of that by making it as eye-catching as possible.)
...and, in case the embed ever breaks, it's "I Just Had Sex" by The Lonely Island.
6819152
Ohh yeah. I COMPLETELY forgot about that, haha!
6819415 Don't worry. Trixie and Cadance are tagged for a reason. And not just for what we've seen so far.
33.media.tumblr.com/dc33e8f51ab2b99496419ac3da1cc057/tumblr_inline_nzs1dep5wF1spa9sy_500.gif
This chapter was hilarious!
6819505
Oh, my. You weren't kidding about this turning into a "real story", then. Twixie is totally going to be a thing, isn't it? And of course, Twi's gonna have to get a "before and after" comparison from Shiny once they're un-swapped...
This is actually the best "Twilight and Shining get into incest" fic I have read so far.
I was really enjoying the story, but a subjective con kinda had me halt any further reading steps. I guess I'll explain briefly here while trying to not make myself look like an ass.
The pros. The story is well written, despite the grammatical errors (we all make mistakes, I still understood what was going on) and I like how you portrayed character activity and communication, though it wasn't too great. I'll list the bad from my feedback on that. Another thing that was cool was the idea in itself; swapping the bottom half of opposite sexes, probing really deep into incest with characters that attract highly to a large portion of the fandom. This also wasn't your typical 'fuck them as hard as physically possible and make them ejaculate juices like a fire hose' story, they were still somewhat loving with each other, which was a definite change in pace in comparison to what I've been viewing on the mature side lately. Onto the cons.
The cons; very minimal, but still easily grasped knowledge of grammatical errors. Shining and Twilight constantly playing the 'lol pls gimme de pussy b0ss' while Shining is like, 'no u durty weeb fuk', but just one ask later, the character is all for it, no holding back. Also, the stomach bulging; wouldn't this like, kill a pony, or anything that you could see a cock causing visual protrusion in the abdominal or stomach area? Like, that would at a very minimal cause internal bleeding. Really dragged the good info the ground with the story, but it's completely subjective. Some enjoy that thing, some don't I guess.
Guess that's my review on the chapter, I think I could give it a solid 8/10.
6829586
I thought the same thing, but surprisingly, no, this is actually a thing that can happen and is apparently harmless (done with some modicum of care, I assume).
Lonely Island is awesome (I hope that was a reference)
I can respect that.
Twilight going up, down and all around her own pussy while not so sure on quite what to do, but she was on her way... on her way... ON MY WAY!!!
...sorrynotsorry...
I know exactly what you mean.
Sometimes your thoughts are so engrossing that nothing else exists, other times no matter how tired you are you wish you could be doing anything but trying to sleep.
7032128
Yeah. One of the most apropriate references I've seen in a fic in a long time.
...but you really have to mention which song... ideally with a link or embed.
It's too appropriate to risk someone who's never seen it being so into the fic that they don't bother to track it down. (I chose the embed route to minimize the chances of that by making it as eye-catching as possible.)
...and, in case the embed ever breaks, it's "I Just Had Sex" by The Lonely Island.
8081706 okay.
I hope that they make a herd.
your
10616637
fixed