Very cloppy, a lot of suspicions and ... oh no ... ANGST! I hope it does get better, with Chrysalis apologizing and Twilight warming up to her again. I think they're both going to need lots of cuddles after this: and many, many apologies. This chapter contains quite a bit of angst, and lots of clop. Pinkie is being very suspicious. Oh dear...
Just one thing, what was the thing that she was going to give her? I'm a bit confused on that matter.
Ouch. That didn't turn out well. I guess Queen Chrysalis took it a bit too far too quickly. The whole roleplaying thing doesn't seem to be working. I'm guessing Chrysalis isn't going to try to appear as somepony else again.
It doesn't seem to be going that well for Swap either.
I'm sorry but there is a serious flaw here. Chrysalis shouldn't tolerate Twilight blowing up against her like that, she would still feel guilty about it later on but as a mother she can't let Twilight dictate her actions. Even if they really were mother and child she still wouldn't, and shouldn't, let Twilight talk to her like that. Don't get me wrong, I love the beginning and also Twilight being more rebellious and thinking more for herself. However you should really rewrite that end part. Your story overall wouldn't really change, just that Chrysalis punishes Twilight but it doesn't intimidate Twilight and her outburst still bothers Chrysalis.
Very cloppy, a lot of suspicions and ... oh no ... ANGST! I hope it does get better, with Chrysalis apologizing and Twilight warming up to her again. I think they're both going to need lots of cuddles after this: and many, many apologies. This chapter contains quite a bit of angst, and lots of clop. Pinkie is being very suspicious. Oh dear...
Just one thing, what was the thing that she was going to give her? I'm a bit confused on that matter.
Ouch. That didn't turn out well. I guess Queen Chrysalis took it a bit too far too quickly. The whole roleplaying thing doesn't seem to be working. I'm guessing Chrysalis isn't going to try to appear as somepony else again.
It doesn't seem to be going that well for Swap either.
6977061 The gift that Chrysalis wanted to give her was the chance to roleplay with Princess Celestia.
What does ABDL stand for?
6977161 Adult Baby Diaper Lover, I think. The main fetish of this story.
6977098 Oh, ok. Thank you very much. I wonder ... what would the real Celestia think of her fetish? Intriguing thought, eh?
6977214 That is an interesting thought, but I don't really plan to cover it in this fic.
6977073
It actually seems to be working too well. Twilight was caught in the fantasy a lot this time. It's just scaring her how deep she's getting into it.
Is it bad I have a head cannon on how this story should end? Probably.
I just hope I'm right.
I'm sorry but there is a serious flaw here. Chrysalis shouldn't tolerate Twilight blowing up against her like that, she would still feel guilty about it later on but as a mother she can't let Twilight dictate her actions. Even if they really were mother and child she still wouldn't, and shouldn't, let Twilight talk to her like that.
Don't get me wrong, I love the beginning and also Twilight being more rebellious and thinking more for herself. However you should really rewrite that end part. Your story overall wouldn't really change, just that Chrysalis punishes Twilight but it doesn't intimidate Twilight and her outburst still bothers Chrysalis.