Celestia is dead, eternal winter ravages the land, magic fades aways, and ponykind is besieged by enemies. Can the ponies bring back the light to the world and will it be enough after so much has already been lost?
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Savanah
Joined 27th Jul, 2012 ·
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Did you seriously just have some guy shoot Celestia dead with a gun? And in like, all of a paragraph and some change?
No grand malus? No supreme dark magic artifact? No complicated ritual prepared for centuries in the deepest dank of the deepdank?
Can't get behind this concept, seems like Celestia was just rushed out the door as an afterthought to get to the plot. Maybe revisit that? Give the scene more oomph, so that we can feel the great loss Equestria's about to go through.
6648795 I don't mind that Celestia's assassination was fast and abrupt. That's really not too different from how political assassinations go historically. Plus it raises a pretty good question: How would gunpowder weapons affect a world whose greatest weapon had been magic for thousands of years?.
But what I'd like to see is the reasons behind whoever killed Celestia. I want to know the assassin's story.
The fic is also in pretty serious need of proofreading. Still following it though.
6648795
6649741
Yes, it would be pretty silly if a Celestia, who had just been shown having enough power to control the sun, was killed by a simple gun, right? There will be more to it, next is a Luna chapter.
6651802 If that chapter ties everything together as well as it should, then you've earned a thumbs up from me.
If you need a prereader, I'd be willing to help. If you've already responded to this comment, please tell me.
Makes me wonder if you know what kind of symbol you have as the stories pic.
Anyway, I love how Celestia was just shot. It's actually kinda realistic when you think about it, since magical beams normally need charge-up and she might eve be resistant to it, but a gun? She never saw it coming :3
7310605
About the symbol, as far as I know it's the Black Sun, also know as the Burn Out Sun. It was used by the Nazi mystics and was supposed to symbolize a mystical source of energy capable of regenerating the Aryan race. It's also a symbol of everything that is not seen, of the spiritual realm.
7311109 True. I was just wondering because choosing that kind of symbol might be the reson why this decent story has a bad ratio. You know, first world people being triggered and all that^^
7311762 So far it seems it more like the fact that my english is not so good and that I killed Celestia too quickly.
The first one I understand and I'm trying to improve, but the second one? That's supposed to be like that! It's supposed to feel like it was too quick and too simple. So far into the story, not even Luna knows how her sister could have been killed so stupidly.
7312234 Well, given what we know about Celestia, I wouldn't put it past her to do the Zarus XD