Fallout equestria: The merc

by RAGNAROK

The vault

"I knew I would find you here.” Vinyl said walking up behind Ragnarok, and sitting down next to him. "What’s wrong this time?” She asked nudging him.

"What do you mean"? He asked

"Well every time something happens you come down here and sit down in front of this door.” She replied.

“There’s nothing wrong, it's just do you hear it?” He asked tilting his head to listen more closely. "Hear what? I don’t hear anything"? She replied also tilting her head.

"Get closer to the door". He said giving her a small push. As she pressed her head to the door a loud bang rang through it and into the room which caused her to fall back into Ragnarok's arms.

"I think I hear it now".

At first it was just a few hits on the vault door which caused some low echoes to rumble through the room, but then they started to become more frequent and louder. Voices could even be heard trying to coax the residents to open the door, when this didn’t work threats were shouted through the door scaring the weaker hearted ponies.

“We need to do something!” BonBon yelled from across the conference table.

“I agree!” Lyra stated.

“Silence all of you!” The overmare yelled as her hooves slammed down onto the table. “I haven’t let this place run smoothly just to let it crumble under beneath me, we just need to remain calm and just keep security tighter “.

“How can we keep order? Even with the extra security the residents refuse to stay calm, we need to see to this problem immediately!” Said somepony that was out of the Overmare's line of sight. The room became complete chaos, the once calm ponies broke out into fierce arguments.

“Has anypony seen Ragnarok?” Her voice didn’t even breach the arguments of the ponies. “I’ll just find him myself.”

"Vinyl, do you ever wonder if there something out there beyond the door?” Ragnarok asked Vinyl as they were eating.

"The more you wonder the further that day of finding out will be.” Vinyl said poking him in the face with her fork.

"I don't know why, I just would like to find out". He said as his mom walked in the room.

"I don't know if I can keep this place running much longer.” She said as she sat next to Ragnarok.

"The meeting went bad I guess?” Ragnarok said sliding the rest of his food to his mom.

"Yeah, and do you two ever separate from each other"? She asked while eating.

“Talking with your mouth full is impolite, you know that right".Ragnarok said while laughing.

"Ragnarok keep your mouth shut, and you’re the one to talk.” She said pushing him, but joking had to stop as a red light on the wall started to flash and beep loudly.

"What’s happening mom?” Ragnarok asked standing up.

“The vault door must have been breached". She replied also standing up. “I need to go direct the security teams. You two stay here". She said rushing out the door.

“We need to see whats happening out there!” Ragnarok said as he started trotting towards the door. Peering out to make sure his mom wasn’t in the hallway.

Vinyl appeared next to him. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” He turned to see what she was looking at; an air vent door was hanging open. They both started to carefully crawl in, Ragnarok went in first with Vinyl tailing behind him. They started to maneuver their way to the vault entry, occasionally looking through vents to see what was happening. What they saw were only panicking ponies and bright flashes. Yet they didn’t stay long, because they had a goal and they were going to complete it. Only…this would have to wait, because suddenly the vent collapsed from under him and his limbs flailed as he tried to get a hold of something. Unfortunately the only thing he made contact with was the ground as his body made contact with the concrete floor. He heard a loud crack and a wave of pain flushed over him, but his vision got blurry as the screams and bangs slowly faded away into utter silence.

Ragnarok woke up to what appeared to be a dark room “What happened?” He asked himself holding his head. The room was dimly lit by a few fires scattered about in the room. As his vision started to clear he saw the blood covered walls, the bodies ripped to pieces and the horrible smell of blood. He was frozen in fear. "I need to get out of here!” He told himself trying to get up, but as he did a sharp pain struck his leg. When he looked down he saw a bone protruding out of the side. This made him panic more. His heart started beating faster. “Why is this happening to me?"

"Well hello there...”

“Who’s there?!" He yelled.

“OH you know who I am.” The voice replied. A shadowy pony seemed to emerge from the wall and walk towards him. It stopped dead in front of him. “I’m you.”

"Wh…who are you?” He stammered as he started sliding back to the wall.

"You don’t listen much do you? I'm you; you are me were closer than anything, isn’t that right". The shadow replied walking closer. Ragnarok stared into its crimson red eyes and laughed.

“How can you be me if I’m me?" He said shaking his head.

“Well it seems you got a little bump on our head earlier. Oh in our sleep you were screaming our head off. You wouldn’t stop screaming about Vinyl. It was quiet funny actually". The shadow replied laughing even louder.

“Vinyl where is she?!" Ragnarok yelled out slightly shocking the shadow.

“How should I know? We were knocked out remember? Or did you give us more brain damage. Now stop whining and get us out of here". The shadow said slowly trotting to the other side of the room.

“How am I supposed to get us out of here when my leg is broken?". Ragnarok yelled out wincing in pain as he moved.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe you should try putting a brace on it or something.” The shadow replied shrugging. Ragnarok pulled off his belt and grabbed a piece of metal pipe of the floor and strapped it to his leg. Slowly he tried to stand, taking him a few attempts to get a good standing, he was still full of pain, but he knew he had to get out. "Good now you get it, let’s go". The shadow said, slowly walking to the door to the main hall.

"Where are we going to go then?” Ragnrok asked stumbling towards the shadow.

“Hmm, your vault seems to be filled with some kind of attackers it’d be best not to stay here.” Ragnarok stumbled out the door and looked down the hall: It was a horrifying sight: bodies were hung up on the wall like trophies ropes and chains seemed to tether them there, limbs were scattered all over the floor and bullet holes riddled the walls. All he could do was keep moving forward, after carefully walking down the gore splattered hallways he finally reached the vault door. It was busted in and leaning on the wall. He slowly started to make his way out of the vault, slightly stumbling. The light flooding in was blinding at first, until his eyes adjusted. What lay before him he could have never imagined. A desolate wasteland. “We better get moving before nightfall, you don’t want to get caught outside when that happens.” The shadow told him, flashing him a menacing smile as he disappeared into the light.

Comments

[RAGNAROK]

dont rate until you read it. because simple math can tell 4 down votes do not come out of 2 views.

[Adagio Rose]

I have some comments: (Spoilers for FoE follow)

1. Are you intending Vinyl to be Vinyl Scratch? If so this is a major break from FoE canon as Vinyl Scratch dies in Stable 29 when the Crusader Maneframe methodically wipes out the population after the water talisman is damaged.

2. You have an interesting idea but your perspective transitions are abrupt and confusing, if you are going for a multiple perspective introduction to your story you might wish to make the actor you're following at the time more obvious, there were a couple points were you know it's not Ragnarok but you have no idea who it actually is you're 'seeing' events from. Just for example:

"We need to do something!” BonBon yelled from across the conference table.
“I agree!” Lyra stated.
“Silence all of you!” She yelled as her hooves slammed down onto the table. “I haven’t let this place run smoothly just to let it crumble under beneath me, we just need to remain calm and just keep security tighter “.

The scene preceding this has Vinyl and Ragnarok at the Stable door, also who is the She mentioned after "Silence all of you!"? Name is never dropped and though I can assume that this may be the Overmare you never say.

3. Try to remember the terminology Overseer is a specifically Fallout term as in FoE it is replaced with Overmare or Overstallion respectively.

4. Lastly the change at the end of the chapter when you go from multiple characters to your OC I see serious promise, almost as though the chaos at the beginning was written as a stream of consciousness as opposed to a cohesive first chapter.

Addressing the above concerns may help your story be more coherent and enjoyable for the reader, the end of this chapter also shows real promise. Watching to see if things improve and withholding a thumbs down for the foreseeable future. Good luck and keep on writing it's the only way to get better!

[RAGNAROK]

902798Thanks but some things my editor changed that was not original, like i had it as the overmare but he changed it. I really sould watch what he does. I cant put these changes just yet because im really trying to finish up the first chapter for another fic but i will keep what you said in mind and make the changes shortly thanks for your help though.

[Adagio Rose]

No problem, hope to see good things from you in the future!

[RAGNAROK]

903221Me too.