The whacky adventures of Pond Water the Unicorn!

by The PatioHeater

Chapter I

There is said to be another land other than Equestria on this world. One barely anypony has heard of.
And why would they? It was very small, not even half the size of Equestria. It is also an island in the middle of The Mare, the one continuous ocean of the planet.
It was barely inhabited due to the harsh nature of the environment, it was mostly swamps and moorland, thick forests where all manner of creatures lived, hundreds of Lochs and not much else. There is only one major settlement on this island, about the size of Canterlot, it was named after the island itself and sat upon the coastline, looking out over The Mare.
This place is Trotland. Land of the Unicorns.
Only unicorns lived here, as this is where they originated before those few, long forgotten adventurers among them took to the seas and spread their ways amongst the Earth Ponies and Pegasi.

This is a story that follows the life of a certain Unicorn mare. It isn’t a particularly happy story. Right from the start of her life she had problems, she was born already losing. Her name is Pond Water.

– P –

It was a dreary day, as was the norm in Trotland, it consistently looked as though it was about to rain throughout the year.
The overcast sky made the inhabitants of the city very solemn, casting a feeling of grey and dullness about the air.
But despite all this, it was the happiest day ever for two Unicorns, for their child was about to be born. These two Unicorns were Silver Mirror, the mother, a grey mare with eyes the shadow of her former beauty, and Bronze Wheel, the father, a Stallion of tan fur and a stressed heart.
The mother was in pain, naturally, screaming with anger at all those in the room with her. The father was trying to cool her anger and pain but to no avail.
“Push, dear, push!” he cheered, trying to be supportive, but this didn’t help.
After what seemed like eons to everypony, a Unicorn was born. The mother sighed and panted with relief, laughing slightly at the fact the pain was over.
“Well done, honey.” The father kissed her on her sweat soaked forehead and held her hoof, then asked the doctor the usual question.
“Well Doctor, what is it?”
The Doctor didn’t reply. The Father looked up and saw confusion in the Doctor’s face, which shot fear into his heart.
“Doctor?” he asked nervously.
Again the Doctor said nothing as the Midwife took the child away.
“Can’t we see our child?” The father asked angrily. The Doctor shook his head as he headed for the door.
Before he left, the Doctor spoke over his shoulder, very quietly, “It’s a girl.”
The door clicked shut behind the Doctor.

The father felt disappointed, he wanted a boy. The mother couldn’t care less at the moment, she was just glad the ordeal was over, but she liked the sound of having a little filly which could grow up in her image.
“Oh Bronze, it’s a girl,” Silver said happily.
“I know.” Bronze barely responded to this, he was more confused by the Doctor and why they couldn’t see their baby.
“So are we still sticking with the name we chose ages ago?” Silver asked just to make sure they were.
“I don’t see why not. Goldstar Wheel, wasn’t it?” He smiled at Silver.
Goldstar was her birth name, but it shall not remain this forever.
“Goldstar Mirror-Wheel, I’ll have you know.”
“Yeah I know, I'm just playing with you.” Bronze walked up to his wife and whispered into her ear. “You need your rest. I'm going to go and find the Doctor and see our baby.”
Silver nodded and shut her eyes, sleep came easy to her. Bronze lightly stroked her dark silver mane once before leaving the room.

Bronze walked through the corridors of the hospital and headed to the Maternity wing where the newborns were.
There was a crowd gathered around one of the rooms, all trying to get a glimpse of what was inside. The Doctor barged out and waved a hoof at Bronze, calling him over.
Bronze followed his hoof and went inside the room. There was nopony but him, the Doctor and the Midwife.
“Mr Wheel,” the Doctor said solemnly. “I'm afraid there something wrong with your daughter.” The expression on the Doctor’s face did not inspire confidence.
“What is it?” Bronze asked nervously.
The Doctor sighed and shook his head, he didn’t know how to say it, and so he stepped aside so Bronze could see.
Bronze stepped forward hesitantly, scared at what he might see. He looked over the edge of the cot.
She was a beautiful baby. Her coat was a dark, murky green, but its colour wasn’t as off-putting as it may sound, it was warm and inviting. Her eyes were a deep orange, although they were obscured from sight at the moment by her sleeping eyelids. A whip of mane was already growing on a head, a thin streak of orangey-brown hair ran from the top of her head and down the back of her neck slightly.
But Bronze didn’t notice any of this. His horrified eyes were drawn to her forehead. Pond, once known as Goldstar, was, and remains to this day, a Unicorn. But a Unicorn without a horn.

Bronze recoiled in horror and shock. Never before had he seen a Pony without a horn. In fact nopony in Trotland had.
She was the first hornless Pony in Trotland. And the first hornless Unicorn ever. It was so unusual that nopony had a name for this, so medically she was known as a “Unicorn without a horn”.
Bronze was in utter disbelief. He couldn’t talk, he couldn’t even move.
The Doctor and the Midwife exchanged nervous glances. They were concerned for the parents of the Unicorn.
“Don’t worry. She is perfectly healthy despite the lack of a horn. It just might take some getting used to,” the Midwife spoke softly.
To any other Pony her voice would have been the most comforting thing in the world, but for Bronze it only filled him with anger.
“Take some getting used to?” he said in a calm voice that oozed anger. “Take some getting used to?!” he roared angrily, flipping a table over and throwing the contents of it over the room. “She’s got no bucking horn! How am I supposed to get used to that?!” he shouted at the midwife with amazing volume.
Goldstar woke with a start and began to look around with terror in her eyes, scared of the loud noises.
The Midwife mumbled something incomprehensible.
“Besides, what do you think will happen to my reputation?! When people hear about her I will be ruined!” he shouted with a threatening point at his newborn daughter.
The Midwife raised her face level with his. Rage boiled through her body, which erupted from her. “Mr Wheel!” she roared.
This shocked everyone, even those stood outside, she was usually so soothing but to hear that come from her was unexpected to say the least.
“This is your daughter! The most precious thing in the world to you! You will not let something as meaningless as a reputation as a slave driver get in the way!”
This was the wrong thing to say to Bronze. He may have been a hard and sometimes cruel boss, but he never consented to slavery.
“That is taking this too far, you fat bimbo!”
Goldstar started crying at the noise, the Doctor tried to comfort her.
“Ssh. Don’t cry, my little Unicorn.” He took her in one of his forelegs and rocked her gently back and forth, her crying ceased momentarily.
Bronze took a pause from insulting the Midwife, his work was done as he succeeded in making her cry, and looked at the Doctor who was cradling his child, trying to get her back to sleep.
“What do you think you’re doing?! Put her down!”
The Doctor did as ordered and slowly lowered her back into the cot, Bronze glared at him as he did it. Once she was lying back in her cot, Bronze took the blanket and threw it over the cot, covering Goldstar, obscuring her from view.
Goldstar started prodding at the blanket with confusion, trying to throw it off herself.
Bronze flicked the brakes off and wheeled the cot from the room, pausing momentarily to shoot one more rage filled glare.
The Unicorns outside rapidly dispersed as they saw Bronze nearing the door, and by the time he opened it they were gone without a trace.
Bronze headed back to the room where his wife was sleeping, leaving the Doctor to try and comfort a severely, emotionally hurt Midwife.

Minutes later, Bronze returned to his wife, with the cot squeaking as the wheels turned.
Silver woke up with this little noise and opened her eyes groggily, but once she saw the cot she was wide awake.
“Is that… her?” she asked hopefully, she had been looking forward to meeting her own daughter, her own miniature version of herself, ever since she was a little filly. But then she saw that Bronze was fuming, his face red with anger.
“What’s wrong?” she asked worriedly.
Bronze said nothing. All he did at that point was whip the blanket away and reveal their child to her.
Silver reached out her hooves, “Quick. Pass her here! I want to see my little Goldstar.”
Bronze took the child in a foreleg and walked over to the mother, who had her eyes closed, wanting to keep the anticipation for longer.
Silver felt the weight of the child gradually being fed into her awaiting forelegs. She opened her eyes. Her child was every bit as beautiful as she hoped. Then she noticed the space where the horn should be.
“What?” she asked confusedly, waving a hoof through the space, Goldstar’s eyes followed it, watching intently.
“Where’s her…” she couldn’t finish the sentence, some mental block refused to let the words leave her mind. Her eye twitched, something in her mind had snapped.
Her stressful job had pushed her to the brink of a breakdown many a time. She was constantly on the verge of one, and she hoped that her child would help relieve her troubled mind, but no.
All she ever wanted was for her daughter to be normal, which she wasn’t in the slightest. And now she had no idea how to react to this situation of having an abnormal child. So she laughed. Quietly at first, but then it grew into a terrifying, maniacal laughter which scared Goldstar beyond the point of crying.
Bronze walked up to his wife and instead of stopping her, he watched her, his rage still venting out of him, being helped by the laughter.
He looked at Goldstar, his own daughter, with a look that said “You disgust me”.

– P –

Goldstar’s parents are highly regarded among the upper class of Trotland due entirely to their vast wealth and influences in industry.
Bronze Wheel owns the island’s mines, mining Iron, Copper, and a lot of other things as well, but most of all was Bronze. He made a fortune in mining and the subsequent selling and processing of the raw materials.
Silver Mirror, once a famous model, was now a fashion mogul, responsible for all the up and coming trends in Trotland with her popular fashion magazine, and she practically controlled the textiles industry. This brought in a hay of a lot of money.
The combined wealth of the two of them meant them and their family could live in comfortable richness. They could even afford a Nanny for little Goldstar.

– P –

Goldstar was now two years old. The only noticeable differences in her were her increased size and her longer mane, which was cute and curly. Yet, despite her age now, she still didn’t talk. It’s not that she couldn’t, it’s more a case of didn’t want to.
There was still no horn, and there never will be.

It was one of the few times when Bronze ever spent any time with his daughter, and this wasn’t out of choice.
Their Nanny had gone shopping for them, since she’s paid to, and Bronze didn’t like Goldstar leaving the house with the Nanny, she had a tendency to forget a hat to cover Goldstar’s hornless head.
Also Silver was at work. Bronze was therefore the only Unicorn to look after little Goldstar.
He wouldn’t play with her or anything like that, he would watch her.
He liked to keep her in the sitting room since it was at the back of the house and only overlooked their vast garden, meaning there was no change of somepony seeing her.
She would trot around happily, humming slightly, although not in any sort of tune, without a care in the world, not a clue as to what was running through her father’s mind.
He would sit there, watching her. Not moving, not talking. The only sound was his heavy breathing, or the occasional exhalation of cigar smoke. The only movement he did was raising a glass of whisky or brandy to his mouth, and slurping loudly.
All the while, his eyes were fixated on the little Unicorn without a horn.

Silver had snapped. Her daughter being different to such an extent damaged her.
Every thought of her hornless daughter made her body twitch violently. She could barely be in the same room as her for ten minutes before having to leave. And when she did, she would always do the same thing.
She would go to her bedroom, locking the door behind, she would then close the curtains to bathe herself in the darkness. She then sat in the corner of the room and rock slowly back and forth while holding her legs.
She did not cry. It had gone far past that stage. Tears were for when she worried for her daughter. Now it was just the cold, blank stare, her mind thinking the unthinkable in regards to her daughter. She had no desire to fulfil any of these dark thoughts, but just thinking of them comforted her.

The Nanny was the only person outside of the four walls of the house to know of Goldstar and her hornlessness, and she was the only one to show any kind of affection, regardless of how little.
For Goldstar’s first Birthday she knitted her a patchwork Unicorn. It was hideous. It looked as if it was made from old sofas found in a tip. Such horrible patterns all sown together with thick red thread, and a mane of red wool strands.
But Goldstar didn’t care. It was the best thing in the world to her and she took it wherever she went, the furthest it ever got from her was when she dropped it on the floor at night by accident. And that’s still true to this day.

– P –

Goldstar is now four and a half years old. She was small for her age, very small, still roughly the same size as she was when she was two.
It would be distressing to most parents, but not hers.
She still refused to talk, only a few words were muttered from her in her life, none of which to people, only to her Unicorn doll which she called Winks ever since one of the button eyes came off. But even then it was only a few words, just to make sure she hadn’t forgotten how to talk.

Goldstar had learned long ago how to get through the doors of the house without help, which was great for her, since she was never allowed in rooms with front view windows before.
One night, when she couldn’t sleep, she decided to go for a wander.
She grabbed Winks before she left her room and headed downstairs. Little did she know she wouldn’t be returning to her room ever again.
She felt hungry so she went to the kitchen in order to raid the fridge.
She silently made her way downstairs. Her small hooves barely made a sound on the extravagant, highly polished, wooden staircase.
She pushed the kitchen door open and flicked on the light, illuminating something she had not expected in the slightest.
In the corner of the room sat her mother who had been rocking back and forth until the lights came on.
Goldstar looked at her for a second, she had never been so confused in her life. The sight of her mother looking so un-composed was so strange that Goldstar froze and stared at her.
Her eyes darted around the scene quickly, she saw a knife next to her mother, stained with blood, and her grey coat had too become bloodstained on one of her legs.
Goldstar was far too young to understand what was happening but could see her mother needed comforting.
So, for the first time ever, she approached her mother with the intention of love.

As she stepped closer to her, Silver recoiled, but not far, there was no more room behind her.
Goldstar was right next to her now and she looked into her mother’s green eyes.
Silver looked back into her daughter’s, for once not noticing the lack of horn.
Tears erupted from her as she grabbed her daughter and embraced her in a tight hug.
Goldstar hugged back as tight as she could with a huge smile on her face.
This act of love and affection from her mother was the best feeling she had ever had. This was the first time she ever felt like she loved her mother, and that she loved her back.
Silver started to mumble incoherently. She believed it was the start of an apology for not showing Goldstar the attention she all too well deserves. But when no words formed she gave up, and instead settled on holding her daughter, gently rocking her back and forth.
Goldstar let out a content sigh as she nuzzled her head into her mother’s neck, drifting slowly into one of the best sleeps she ever had.
It had never felt so good, for either of them.

It was a long time before anything happened, but what did happen was undesirable.
Silver had stop crying a while ago. She felt so happy. She opened her eyes to look at her daughter, she hadn’t noticed before just how beautiful she was and how lucky she is to have her.
But then she saw the space where the horn should be.
Then it finally happened. Silver snapped for the last time.
How could I love such a hideous abomination?! It’s wrong, it’s disgusting… it won’t happen again.

She glanced down at the bloodied knife…

– P –

It was later that night, in the early hours of the morning, a long time before the sun would rise. Silver wrapped her daughter and her doll up and stuffed them in an ancient pram. She then headed out into the cold winter’s night.
They walked for a while, and it was quite pleasant, Goldstar thought, except for the cold.
The moon shone so brightly, reflecting of the sea, revealing a landscape of pure serenity and peace.
They were walking along the waterfront together, not saying a word, as usual. But this time, after the moment they shared earlier, Goldstar didn’t care.
Silver then went down the steps and onto the cold sand, the pram glided on the surface with magical ease.
They reached the sea which gently splashed around them as the tide started coming in.

Goldstar was watching her mother curiously; for once she seemed at ease. This worried her, it wasn’t a happy ease but more of a relieved ease, as if all her troubles were finally over.
Silver applied the brakes on the pram then rearranged Goldstar, making sure the blanket was tucked in snugly and that Winks was tight in her grasp within the blanket.
Then her mother said the only words she ever remembered her saying. In a relieved sigh she spoke two words, “Goodbye, Goldstar.”
She turned and walked away.

Goldstar didn’t understand. She was scared and lonely, she didn’t know if her mother was coming back or not. Although this question was answered when she could feel the water pick up the pram and float it out to sea.
This was her first memory. And she remembered every single detail, right down to the smell of the sand.
For all of her life she will never forget the night her mother gave up on her and willingly let her drift off to sea to die.

Goldstar struggled to get free of the confines of the blanket in the hope she could still jump to shore before it got too deep, since she couldn’t swim. But it was far too late.
By the time she could stand up in the pram, the lights of Trotland were already fading into the fog. She sat down and cried.

– P –

This time of year, offshore of Trotland, it was a good time to go fishing, especially at night.
It was Night Trout season. These fish are rare and sell for ridiculously high prices, so it was only natural for a poor Fisherpony to want to risk life and limb for the slim chance of catching these elusive fish.
A single fisherpony was out tonight, he was the only one brave and foolhardy enough to go out on such a cold night.
This Unicorn was called Blue Water, he had a white coat, speckled with brown dots. His mane was a dark grey and he had a matching thin stubbly beard, but his beard was a consequence of being off fishing for long periods of time and not out of choice, as most Unicorns thought.
He was freezing, regretting coming out tonight already, but he knew it was too late to turn back now so he got down to some fishing.
He switched the engines off and dropped the anchor. His boat stopped. He then deployed the nets and drew his fishing rod. And then he waited. For a long time.

Hours passed, and not a nibble.
He sighed heavily and was either about to give up or go to sleep when he felt the first bite of the night.
He pulled back on the rod as hard as he could, struggling to stay standing against the force on the other end.
“This isn’t a Night Trout,” he said out loud to himself through gritted teeth.
He then saw the spines of the hooked creature poking out of the surface of the water reflect the dim light from his lantern, creating a full spectrum of colour, so vibrant against the night sky.
“Yes!” he screamed. “A Rainbow Shark!”
These were legendary creatures no matter where you’re from. If he caught one he would be set for life.
As he carefully brought the Shark in, not wanting to damage the line, he was distracted by a small bump on the hull.
He lost all focus and dropped the rod. The Shark pulled it away with him back into the depths of The Mare.
Blue went to investigate the source of the bumping. A small black box had got caught in his netting.
He dragged it on board and was surprised to see it had wheels. He checked inside the box, there was a little filly, barely breathing and shivering violently.
His eyes went wide and his heart leapt into his throat. This sight was one of the worst he had ever seen. A filly abandoned to the sea, for what he guessed must have been hours, on the brink of death, terrified him beyond belief.
He was scared for the child’s life but he managed to control this fear.
He took the Pony out and disregarded the soaked blanket. In her mouth was a small patchwork Unicorn which she refused to let go of despite her cold induced weakness.
Blue removed his coat and wrapped her up in its warmth.
His mind was no longer on fishing and money, and was solely focused on making sure the filly survived.
So he brought in the nets, not caring about the lack of fish in them, and he weighed the anchor. The engine came on and he went full steam ahead back to the shore and then back home.

– P –

Clear Water, Blue Water’s wife, had woken up to prepare for her husband’s return by making some nice, hot food. This mare was light blue in colour, like the sky on the few days of the year it wasn’t overcast, her mane was white but with a single long streak of dark blue running through it, it was always tied behind her head but seemed to poof outwards in all directions. She looked very homely, matching her personality perfectly.
The door slammed open.
Clear called out from the kitchen. “Blue? Is that you dear?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Oh good. I was getting worried, you know. Did you get a good haul?”
“The best!” he said proudly as he carefully kicked his boots off.
“Really?” Clear sounded very happy with this, it was if she doubted her husband’s fishing abilities. “Did you catch a lot of Night Trout?”
“None at all.” Blue loved making her guess.
“Err… a Rainbow Shark?” she said hopefully yet doubtfully.
“Nope. Better.”
“What’s better than a Rainbow Shark?” she shouted back to him with a slight contentious tone. But she stopped as he walked into the kitchen and saw the small sleeping Unicorn wrapped in his foreleg.
“Is that...?”
“Yes it is. I found her drifting out to sea in a pram.” He looked at the filly fondly, his heart already stolen by her.
“What? Really? That’s horrible,” Clear was horrified.
“I know. That’s why I stopped fishing, losing my rod and a Rainbow Shark in the process, and headed straight back home.”
“Well I'm glad you did. Right, go take her into the living room, I have a fire going in there, make sure she gets nice and warm. I’ll make some soup for her in a minute.”
“Righty-ho dear,” he said as he turned and left the kitchen, eyes focused on the cute little Unicorn he held.

– P –

Blue sat on the sofa, holding Goldstar in his hoofs, warming by the open fire. He had swapped his coat which Goldstar was wrapped in and replaced it with a much softer fleece blanket.
The little Unicorn had finished sleeping and was itching to look around, but Blue kept hold of her, wanting her to stay warm for now, he knew the long term effects of pneumonia quite well.
“You’re a very interesting child, you are,” Blue said as he inspected the child.
“Where’s your horn?” he asked but expected no reply, but he did get a little shrug and a shake of the head from her.
“So, you know what I'm saying, do you?” he asked again, thinking that it was just a coincidence the first time, but it wasn’t as she nodded her head slowly.
“Well, that’s a bit surprising, I must say. You seem far too young. You must be… two?”
Goldstar shook her head.
“You’re not two? Well you certainly can’t be one so… three?”
She shook her head again.
“Four?”
Goldstar made a face that seemed to say “almost”.
“Four and a half then?”
Goldstar shook her head excitedly.
“Four and a half, lovely. And can you talk?”
Goldstar nodded again but with a hint of pride in her eyes.
“Will you?”
Goldstar considered this for a second, and then shook her head.
“Oh well, I guess we can use gestures instead.” He looked at the doll she held in her mouth.
“Who’s this then?” he asked her as he gave it a little prod.
Goldstar thought for a second about how she would tell him without words. Then she realised she could wink, so she did.
“What? Is it a secret or something?”
Goldstar rolled her eyes and winked again.
“Oh! It’s called Wink?” He saw no acknowledgement so guessed again.“Winks?” he said, to which Goldstar nodded vigorously.
“Winks, ay… funny name.” Blue looked at the doll a bit more. What an ugly doll.
“It’s a very pretty doll. And it’s very wet still, shall we put it by the fire to dry?”
Goldstar shook her head, she didn’t want to let go of it.
“Come on now, it will be safe, I promise.” His voice was very calm and friendly, so Goldstar, although reluctantly, released her doll from her grasp, and Blue placed it on the table by the fire.
“So what’s your name then?” Blue asked hopefully, but Goldstar didn’t reply.
“Well I have to call you something now don’t I?”
Goldstar rolled her eyes in an unknowing fashion.
“I'm going to have to give you a name then, aren’t I?”
Goldstar nodded her head.
Blue sighed, although he wasn’t sure why, he was actually quite excited to give her a name.
“Alright then, where should I start? Err…”
Blue couldn’t think of anything, his mind completely blank of ideas.
“How about…” He looked at Goldstar’s green coat, “Swamp? No that’s a horrible name. Um, Sea? No, that doesn’t work. Ocean? No, that seems more of a colt’s name to me. Hmm…”

Clear Water had finished making the soup and was about to bring it through, but she paused outside the door and listened to her husband talking to the little filly.

“Lake? Yes lake, that’s a good name. A beautiful name for a beautiful little child.” Blue looked at the Unicorn child he was holding and frowned. “No, that name doesn’t suit you… Ooh, I know! How about Pond?”
She didn’t know whether it was because she liked the name or because of how the Unicorn’s deep, sea ravaged voice said it, but it made her smile.
“Aah, I see you like the name Pond then. Alright, that settles it.” He held her up in the air, “I dub thee, Pond Water.”
Goldstar giggled childishly.
Blue brought her down again and hugged her, Goldstar hugged back.
Clear walked through the door now and levitated the pan of soup lightly onto the table, with three bowls and spoons following it.
Clear served up three bowls of the warm soup and tucked in.
Blue was feeding Goldstar seeing as she had no way of manipulating a spoon.

– P –

This was her second memory, and the happiest to date. She didn’t remember the details, like the other attempts her new father had at naming her.
The only things she remembered were the smell of her father, stinking of fish and the sea; the warmth of the fire warming her inside and out, and also the sound of her father saying her new name resonating in her head. But most all was the smile on her face.

This was the moment when Goldstar Mirror-Wheel was no more. Instead she would forever be known as Pond Water.

Comments

[Brony Tom]

Okay, well, one thing that would really help is spacing between paragraphs. It's a little annoying to face walls of text with little or no space.

Second thing I noticed was that sometimes you slip between tenses; that is, most of the story is told in the past tense ("island was small"), but at some parts you have it in the present ("island is small"). Make sure you are consistant in your tense.

I would also advise you to try and show us earlier on in the story how Goldstar's parents stand to lose a lot from their daughter's... condition. Instead of a paragraph talking about it, try to put in little snippets here and there in the narrative. For example, you could have Goldstar's dad run into somepony that he knows in the hospital or something. As it is now, her parents act like jerks and we the readers have no idea why, which makes it sound forced and unnatural.

As you go through her early life, you are telling us much, much more than you are showing us. Your story could be much more effective, I think, if you were to write about a particular instance of said time period instead of telling us a generalization. What I mean is, you might consider replacing the events of "Goldstar when she's two and a half" with the events of "the third day of August, six days before Goldstar's second birthday" or something.

[Silly me, I forgot to say that I liked it...]

[DarthWill3]

Pond Water kinda reminds me a bit of Quasimodo, except she's not ugly.