A Collection of Moments

by wingedalpha

Confession

Sunset waited at the Sparkles’ door. Twilight had wanted to have a sleepover at her house tonight. Twilight threw open the door and smiled.
“Hi Sunset!” she greeted.

“Hey Twilight,” Sunset replied.

“You’re the first one here,” Twilight told Sunset as they went to her room.

Sunset’s heart started beating faster. They were alone. She knew Twilight liked her, but somehow the idea of sharing her own feelings was still terrifying. She still didn’t know how it happened, but she knew she liked Twilight. Twilight noticed her tense silence. “Is something wrong?” she asked.

Sunset flinched. It was now or never. “There’s something I want to tell you,” Sunset said. “Before the girls get here.”

“What is it?” Twilight inquired.

Sunset swallowed hard. “Well, I…I…I like you!” The last part came out in a rush.

Twilight froze. “What did you say?” she asked.

“I like you,” Sunset repeated. “Like, more than a friend.”

Twilight looked confused. “I thought you liked the other Twilight,” she said cautiously.

“I do. I’m not going to lie to you and say I don’t. But I am capable of liking more than one person. You’re smart and kind. Not to mention adorable,” Sunset smiled. “And I think our shared experiences give us a bond neither of us could have with another person.”

Twilight looked close to tears. “You really mean that?”

“Of course I do!”

Tears of joy poured down Twilight’s face as she gave Sunset a winning smile. They leaned in and their lips met. They were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Sunset looked toward the door. “Should we tell them?” she asked.

“Absolutely,” Twilight replied.

They went to answer the door hand in hand.

Comments

[The Chip]

This was a good fanfic. I admit same gender relationships have been a bit odd to me but I don't judge others for doing it themselves. If two people love each other, regardless of gender or race or culture, they should have the right to be together just as everyone else has.

[MrAskAPirate]

[Ggunsailor]

Awww! Very nice.

[CommisarSilver]

It was nice, but it felt kinda thin? I guess I wish there was more to see, or more about what changed for sunset to like twilight more.

[Taialin]

Darn it, I want to read this so bad. But I haven't watched the movie. And given my schedule, it might take a few weeks before I can find the time to.

Mark my words: I will return to this story in a few weeks.

[wingedalpha]

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I'm glad you liked it!

[wingedalpha]

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I'll admit I'm not the best writer. This idea just popped into my head and I thought it would be cute.

[wingedalpha]

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I love a good ponyTwi/Sunset story myself, but I've always felt the different worlds thing would be a pretty hard barrier to overcome.

[wingedalpha]

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The movie is really good, so watch it ASAP. I look forward to hearing what you think of my story. Just don't kill me for grammar mistakes.

[BenRG]

I'm betting that Pinkie will want to throw a party and Rarity would embarrass them by insisting that she simply must design outfits for their first formal date.

[wingedalpha]

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Of course Pinkie's going to throw a party! I'm not sure Rarity needs an excuse to design them dresses.

[Taialin]

I know you told me not to kill you over grammatical mistakes, but . . . honestly, I just can't find any significant enough to comment on. So you're off the hook there!

I really liked the style you opted for in writing this story. I really can't state it any more succinctly than as it's stated in the title: a collection of moments. And slow, gradual development of feelings is much facilitated in this format. Every one is passionate, but friendly, and gives a little blurb at the end that weaves the otherwise disjointed moments together. I really do believe that love can develop this way.

And I guess "succinct" is the word that I would use to describe your writing style in general. It certainly doesn't waste words, and the story is tight because of it. But I guess it is possible to wander a bit too far in the other direction, and this is what I'm seeing here. The only thing I wish for is that each one of these moments that you wrote about was just a bit longer. It's easy to speed through a moment and tell readers what they need to know (e.g. Sunset is a pony/human hybrid), but it's generally preferred to go through the moments and show readers the events that lead up to such a conclusion. Not only is "showing" more engaging, it also gives you more opportunities to put in touches that linger for just a bit too long, and blooms in the heart that are hard to understand, hugs that aren't shared with other friends . . . things like that!

Overall, this story was rather brief, but passionate and lovely. Have a cookie! (I-I mean a like. USB-connected cookie machines don't exist yet.)

[Renard Dashie Prower]

It's so cute~! :') There are very few stories that turn out well with such short chapters, but this one is a happy exception. I love love love this ship as of late, and the way the two girls are portrayed here is very sweet. I only wish that Sunset had elaborated a little more at the end on how she feels towards her Twilight as opposed to Princess Twilight; nonetheless, I can feel the truth in her confession from each little interaction throughout the story.

Not perfect, but very beautiful, and I would recommend it to a friend. Please write more like this.

[Wolfie 03]

It was nice, a little fast paced and don't know how much time jump we went through, but still pretty nice. I do like that Sunset realizes that it would be wrong to use Sci-Twi as a replacement/copy of Princess Twilight since they are two different beings.

[ScisetShimmerEvan]

Tears of joy poured down Twilight’s face as she gave Sunset a winning smile. They leaned in and their lips met. They were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Sunset looked toward the door. “Should we tell them?” she asked.

They'll be so happy for them.