SMILE HARDER
“No, but, like, I don’t get it.” Cheerilee said, playing with the spoon in her tea. “Did you know she was insecure about the whole family thing, or was it just a wild guess? Because that was awfully specific.”
“Oh, I knew what to say,” Diamond Tiara said, resting her back on the chair. “But I did a little bit of cold reading, yeah. She was uncomfortable with all this talk about sisters and daughters.”
“What, seriously?”
“Um, sorry.” Mother raised a hoof. “What does ‘cold reading’ mean?”
“It means she just looked at Mayor Mare and made a couple wild guesses based on the way she looks,” Rarity explained, tapping her mother’s forearm and leaving a green mark on her coat. “Like when you act as if you already knew how much Dad drank at the bar on Fridays?”
“Oh. Ooooooooh.” Mother nodded. “Okay, I get it.”
“Mayor Mare is transparent enough to do that, I suppose,” Cheerilee said, scratching her muzzle. “I mean, seriously, gray hair? That just screams ‘loneliness’.”
“I’m sorry, girls!” Mrs. Cake came from behind the counter, pouting. “I can’t find Pinkie Pie anywhere—I think she ran away crying quite a while ago, but I don’t know why.”
“Wow.” Diamond Tiara let a smirk creep up to her face. “I am good.”
“The matter seemed important, so I baked a bunch of pastries and left them by the window—that’s usually more than enough to bring her back when this happens. I assumed Rarity will pay for them, of course.”
“WHY ARE YOU ALL DOING THAT.”
“Hmm.” Cheerilee frowned and got up. “Mrs. Cake? How long will that take?”
“For the pastries to have an effect?” Mrs. Cake rubbed her chin. “Hmmm… I’d say around two hours? Maybe?”
“YOU DO REALIZE I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT, RIGHT.”
“Not enough.” Cheerilee shook her head. “If we want her to cheer Mayor Mare up, we need her as soon as possible. I’ll go try to find her.”
“Well then!” Diamond Tiara got up too after watching Cheerilee go. “I’m going to look for Sweetie Belle!”
Mother smiled. “Oh?”
“YOU ARE LITERALLY—Wait. What?!” Rarity looked at the filly in horror. “Why would you do that?!”
“Well, Mayor Mare is gone and Miss Cheerilee won’t come back for a while,” Diamond Tiara said, shrugging. “I have to find some way to annoy you. I’ll be right back!”
“No! NO! DON’T BRING MY SISTER HE—oh, curses!” Rarity huffed and stood up. “I’m not staying here, then!”
“Rarity!” Mother grabbed her by the shoulder and forced her back to the chair. “Don’t be like that!”
“Mother, I am not seeing my sister after what she’s done!”
“Oh, come on.” Mother swept some dust from Rarity’s shoulder. Then some more. Then some more. Then she gave up. “You really need a shower, dear.”
“Yes, I wonder who’s at fault here.”
“Rarity, Sweetie Belle is a kid. Kids are supposed to do that kind of stuff! It’s how they learn!” Mother shook her head. “You can’t give your sister the cold shoulder—you’re really hurting her!” She gave Rarity a good reassuring shake. Dust and dirt fell from her coat like snow on a winter morning. “Listen, this is what we’ll do—Diamond Tiara will take a while to bring Sweetie Belle here, so why don’t we take this time to calm down and—”
The door opened. “Hello I’m back already!” DT yelled, dragging Sweetie Belle behind her, boredom in her face. “Missus Cake, bring me something expensive and add it to Rarity’s tab!”
PLAF!
“Also add a plate to that tab because she slammed her face against one on accident,” Diamond Tiara added, taking a seat. “Or at least I think it was on accident.” She poked Rarity’s head. “Was it an accident?”
Rarity’s voice came back muffled. “I can’t believe I’m seriously considering the murder of an eight-year-old child.”
“Figures.”
“Um.” Mother squinted as she looked at Rarity and the table under her face. “She didn’t break any plate,” she said.
“I know!”
“Then why did you tell Mrs. Cake otherwise?”
“Take a guess.”
“…Rarity?” Sweetie Belle hadn’t sat down, and was rubbing her forearm shyly. “Are you… Are you still mad?”
“Am I still homeless?”
“...Yes?”
“Well then, there’s your answer.”
“But I’m sorry!” Sweetie Belle said, and her voice broke down a little, as if she was trying really hard not to cry. “I’m really, really sorry! I promise I’ll never do it again!”
“That was pretty quick, by the way,” Mother whispered to Diamond Tiara while the two sisters were having their moment. “How did you find Sweetie Belle so fast? Usually she’s playing with her friends Celestia knows where at this time of the day.”
“Eh.” Diamond Tiara shrugged. “Scootaloo left town for some kind of new-found utopia, so Sweetie Belle was just walking aimlessly near this place.”
“What about Apple Bloom?”
“Family trouble, I think. I didn’t really pay attention.”
“AH’M GONNA MURDER Y’ALL AND AH’LL FORCE YOUR PARENTS TO WATCH, YOU DARN APPLE-CROOKIN’ FREELOADERS!” Applejack screamed, tangled on the stepladder that was hanging upside down from the apple tree claimed by the New Treepublic of Sparkle (working name). “AH’LL GET YOU AT NIGHT AND AH’LL MAKE SURE YOUR NIGHTMARES BECOME TRUE!”
Pinkie Pie and Apple Bloom were watching from a distance. “How did they even get ‘er like this?” Apple Bloom asked, cocking her head to the side and squinting. “Ah don’t get it.”
“I’m fairly sure she did that to herself, actually.”
“YOU’LL REGRET THE DAY YOU MESSED WITH AN APPLE’S APPLES! MY BLOOD’S RUSHIN’ TO MY HEAD!”
“Shouldn’t we help her?”
“No way I’m getting close to those apples,” Pinkie said, expression ominous. “Some things are not for mortals to toy with.”
“What?”
“I mean that seeing your sister like that is pretty funny.”
“MY HEAD HURTS SO MUCH!”
“Pinkie Pie! Thank Celestia I found you!” Both Pinkie Pie and Apple Bloom turned around only to see Cheerilee running towards them from Ponyville. “We need you right now!” she said once she got to them.
“Hello, Miss Cheerilee!”
“Hi, Apple Bloom. Pinkie Pie!” Cheerilee grabbed Pinkie’s shoulder. “Something happened with Mayor Mare. She ran away from Sugarcube Corner, and we think she might—”
“What?” Apple Bloom frowned and tugged Cheerilee’s tail. “Miss Cheerilee, that’s wrong. She was running to Sugarcube Corner.”
Cheerilee paused. “What?”
“Ah saw her when Ah was comin’ here,” Apple Bloom said. “She was goin’ there, not away from there!”
“AH THINK AH’M LOSIN’ CONSCIOUSNESS!”
“Uh. Cheerilee?” Pinkie asked. “Do you still need me, or…?”
“Yeah… Yeah. I think I do.” Cheerilee swallowed and looked at Pinkie and Apple Bloom with serious eyes. “Even more, I think. Come on, we have to hurry!”
“PLEASE SOMEPONY HELP ME!”
“To Sugarcube Corner!” Cheerilee said, pointing. “Apple Bloom, you should come too! We have no time to do anything else!”
The three of them ran away.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—!”
“I’ll never, ever, ever do it again!” Sweetie Belle repeated, grabbing Rarity’s leg and not letting it go, no matter how hard Rarity shook her. “Please forgive me! Ple-e-e-e-e-aaaaaseeee!”
“ARGH! GO AWAY!”
“Not if you don’t forgive me first! I swear I won’t do it again!”
“WELL YES THAT IS RATHER OBVIOUS SEEING HOW THE HOUSE ALREADY BURNED DOWN!”
Sweetie Belle made a pout. “But I said I’m sorry! I SAID I’M SORRY!”
PLAF!
“Boy, she sure likes doing that,” Diamond Tiara muttered.
“Yeah, I’m getting kind of worried.”
“Funny, I’m not.”
“AAAAAAAAH! RAAAAARIIIIITYYYYYYY!”
“You know…” Rarity said, looking back up, struggling with every word so it wouldn’t turn into a senseless strangled scream. “You know what’s the best part? That you never actually explained WHY Y—Ahem.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Why you even did that, Sweetie Belle.”
“I don’t know! Life is confusing, the universe makes no sense, and sometimes ponies do weird things! I got puzzled and I burnt down your house!” Sweetie Belle finally let Rarity’s leg go, only to flail her forelegs aimlessly above her head. “You know I’m not good with metaphysical stuff!”
“THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!”
“Exactly! How are you expecting me to deal with that? I’m, like, five or something!”
“YOU ARE EIGHT YEARS OLD, SWEETIE BELLE!”
“Sure, confuse me even more!” Sweetie Belle crossed her front legs and huffed. “You’re not making things exactly easier, Rarity!”
“She’s right, dear,” Mother said, leaning towards her daughters with care. “You are being awfully difficult here, I think.”
“You’re being obtuse!” Diamond Tiara added cheerfully. “You can’t be mad at a kid, right?”
“I AM GOING TO—”
“Yeah, Rarity!” a new voice said. “Being angry with eight-year-olds is stupid, right? The poor things don’t know what they’re saying!”
Everypony shut up and looked at the door. With all the screaming, they hadn’t heard the door open.
Mayor Mare was standing there, smiling fiercely, an official-looking document between her teeth.
“Yeah!” she repeated, enunciating perfectly even though she could barely move her mouth. “You can’t be mad with little ponies like your sister or Diamond Tiara!” She walked towards the table and spat the document on it. “Especially when they have a tragic past, like Diamond Tiara!”
Diamond Tiara looked like a deer hit in the face by a laser. “W-what?” she asked with a tiny voice. “Tragic past?”
“Um. Mayor Mare?” Rarity, leaned as far back as she could on her chair, trying to distance herself from the Mayor. “I don’t know if you should be—”
“Yes, tragic past!” Mayor Mare slammed a hoof on the table. “Because, hey, remember how your father told you your mother is dead? Well guess what! SHE’S NOT!”
Diamond Tiara’s eyes doubled in size and wetness. “M-my mother?”
“Your mother!” Mayor Mare pointed at the document. “See this? See this thing? Your father’s legal status? He’s not a widower! He’s divorced!”
“B-but Dad said—”
“Daddy spared you the truth because guess what, kid! Your mother left you when you were a baby! Your father was horrible so she went away, and she left you behind because she didn’t love you!” Mayor Mare’s eyes were practically on fire. “That’s right, you weren’t good enough for your own mother, so she just abandoned you! Because you’re a little monster! And everypony hates you!”
A small pause.
Diamond Tiara’s lower lip was trembling. “B-buh, but I… She...” Her eyes filled with tears and a sob made it to her throat. “She… I… M-MOOOOOMMYYYYYY!”
“YEAH!” Mayor Mare waved the document at Diamond Tiara as she ran away from Sugarcube Corner, wailing. “READ IT AND WEEP, YOU JERK!”
The door closed behind Diamond Tiara. They all heard her running away crying until she was too far away.
Then, absolute silence.
“Hah!” Mayor Mare was panting, as if she had just ran a whole marathon. She turned to face the table, wielding a smile that showed too many teeth. “That’ll teach her!”
“Uh. Mayor Mare?” Mrs. Cake popped her head from behind the corner. “Do you realize you just lashed out at an eight-year-old?”
“Mrs. Cake, I’m having a moment. Please don’t steal my mojo.”
“Sorry.”
Rarity moved quick as lightning and hugged Sweetie Belle, pressing her face against her chest. “Iforgiveyou,” she said, never turning her eyes away from Mayor Mare, her face frozen in a mixture of shock and horror. “DearCelestiaIforgiveyousohard.”
“Letsneverfightagain—oh my gosh Rarity you’re disgusting!” Sweetie Belle pushed her sister away. Her coat was sticky now. “Take a shower already!”
Rarity blinked. “Really. You’re not going to wait even one second after we finally made up.”
“Your best friend is a princess, for Celestia’s sake! Just ask her for a spare bathroom or something!”
“I have too much dignity to do that!”
“YOU ARE LITERALLY A WALKING TOILET!”
“There! See?” Mayor Mare, still panting, took a long gulp of the first cup of tea she could find. “I also solved their problem! Happy ending for everypony!”
“I…” Mother shook her head and rested her eyes on her hooves. “Oh my goodness,” she muttered before looking at Mayor Mare again. “Was all that true, or you were just bluffing so…?”
“What? No, no, that was the absolute truth.” Mayor Mare took another gulp. “Yeah. She’ll have to live with that now. Where’s Cheerilee?”
The door jingled open. “MAYOR MARE!”
“Oh, here she is. Hi again, Cheerilee!”
Cheerilee entered Sugarcube Corner. Behind her, Apple Bloom followed. “Hello, Sweetie Belle!” she said. “Did you make up with Rarity yet?”
“Ugh.” Sweetie Belle tried to rub part of the dirt on her coat away with a tissue, but she only manage to get the tissue stuck to her leg. “I’m afraid so. How’s it going at the farm?”
“Ah think my sis is probably unconscious by now,” Apple Bloom said. She trotted to the table and took a bite of one of the cakes Diamond Tiara had nibbled. “Hey, this one’s really good!”
Rarity frowned at Apple Bloom. “I’m… I’m sorry. Did you say Applejack is unconscious?”
“Yeah, she’s hangin’ upside down,” Apple Bloom said, chewing the cake. “Pinkie Pie was there too! She came with us, but she went straight to the window at the back, ‘cause she said she smelled pastries.”
“Mayor Mare!” Cheerilee walked into Sugarcube Corner and looked around, alarmed. “Oh, dear Celestia—where is Diamond Tiara?”
“You just missed her!”
“Yeah,” Mother said. “She, uh. She went away running and crying about five minutes ago.”
“Darn it! Mayor Mare!” Cheerilee glared so hard at the Mayor she bared her teeth without realizing it. “I thought you were in need of some cheering up—not that you were looking for revenge! What did you even do?!”
“Destroy her world. Why?”
“BECAUSE SHE’S EIGHT YEARS OLD, YOU PSYCHO!” Cheerilee pointed at the door. “Go get that kid and apologize right now, or else I don’t know what I’m going to do!”
Mayor Mare pouted. “But she…!”
“She’s one of my students! GO!”
“But—she could be anywhere!”
“Nope!” Pinkie popped her head out the counter. “She probably went to Sweet Apple Acres! They have a table that’s amazing for crying. You should check there!”
“Yes, you should! You have no excuses!” Rarity pushed Mayor Mare towards the door. “Go, go, go!”
“Geeeez. Just because she’s a kid…”
“Um. Pinkie Pie?” Rarity looked at her friend. “Is the situation at the farm really that bad?”
“Booof!” Pinkie Pie waved a hoof. “You wouldn’t believe it! Twilight and Dash won’t listen to Applejack, no matter how hard she yells. They’re taking her home away from her, she says. Everypony’s so angry! I don’t think anypony can help them at this point, really.”
Sweetie Belle and Rarity looked at each other. Slowly, a small smile made it to their faces. “Oh,” Rarity said. “I think I know a couple ponies who just learned a lesson that could apply there.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Sweetie Belle said. “Although, please. take a shower first.”
“SWEETIE BELLE I SWEAR TO CELESTIA—”
Mayor Mare was grumbling and looking at the ground as she walked towards Sweet Apple Acres. It wasn’t fair, she thought. She had feelings, too, and that kid had hurt them—but apparently, nopony cared!
Was it the gray hair? It was probably the gray hair. She shouldn’t have dyed it that color, it just screamed ‘loneliness’.
She sighed. Getting back at that filly had been way too gratifying. Which usually wouldn’t be that nice, but this was Diamond Tiara she was talking about. Mayor Mare had met that kid less than two hours ago, and she already believed that setting her on fire would be cosmically regarded as a good deed.
The kid sure had struck a chord in her when she had said all that stuff about marriage, though. It wasn’t that Mayor Mare wanted that, of course, but at least some kind of connection would be nice.
But it was too late. She was old, and there was no way she—
Bomp!
“Gagh!” Mayor Mare’s glasses dropped and she almost fell to the ground. “Ah, sorry!” she said to the blur in front of her. “I wasn’t paying attention, I’m truly sorry, it was my fault.” She patted the ground around her, trying to feel her glasses. “I shouldn’t have—”
The blur took one of her hooves and put the glasses on it. “Hey, hey. It’s okay. It was just an accident. Are you alright?”
It was a male voice. Mayor Mare put on her glasses. He had a gentle smile, and was still holding her hoof.
Her heart fluttered, just a little bit.
Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t too late yet.
“Um.” Sweetie Belle rubbed her forearm and looked back at her sister and mother, who nodded at her and gave her the equine equivalent of a thumbs-up. So, a hoof. They gave her a hoof. Aesthetically indistinguishable from the equine version of giving the finger, but hey, Sweetie Belle liked to think the best of everypony. “Applejack?”
Applejack didn’t answer. She was still hanging upside down, and she was unconscious. The noises of a city could be heard from atop the trees.
“Uh, I just wanted to say—I think I know what you’re going through,” Sweetie continued. “It’s hard to argue with a friend or a member of your family, but sometimes ponies clash, and we might hurt each other’s feelings without realizing.”
Applejack didn’t answer. She was still unconscious.
“And, and it can be hard to make amends!” Sweetie said. “Really hard! Because sometimes you try to explain your point of view, but the others don’t want to listen, and it’s really, really frustrating! Because you are trying to reason but she doesn’t want to, and it just makes you more and more angry!”
And again Applejack refused to say a word, the reason being that unconsciousness was an integral part of her character lately.
“But… But you can’t let that get to you.” Sweetie Belle stopped rubbing her forearm and looked at Applejack square in the eye, full of confidence. “You have to persevere and make them understand, even if they hurt you! Because if you want to be forgiven, you have to forgive too, and… And if you don’t do that, you might end up hurting each other real bad.” She shook her head. “And sometimes you say or do things you can’t take back.”
Diamond Tiara was sniffling under the table at Sweet Apple Acres’ kitchen. Big Mac had been there at first, but she had eventually kicked him out, because even when severely depressed Diamond Tiara had her priorities straight.
“Tiara? Tiara, are you there?”
Diamond Tiara blinked and looked up. “Dad?”
“Oh, there you are!” Filthy Rich crouched down and crawled under the table, right next to her. “I came here because I had a meeting with Princess Twilight, and imagine my surprise when they tell me that my daughter is crying in here!”
Diamond Tiara whimpered and buried her face on her father’s coat.
“There, there.” Filthy Rich put his forearm over her shoulders and hugged her. “Let it all go, filly. I’m here now.”
Diamond Tiara cried even harder, letting her sobs be drowned by Filthy Rich’s chest. She was trembling and getting him all dirty, but he never moved.
And eventually, she calmed down.
Filthy Rich waited until the sobs all but disappeared, and then patted her on the back. “Better?” he asked.
“Hm-hmmm.” Diamond Tiara moved away from him, just a couple inches, enough to talk. “Dad?” she said. “Did… Why did Mom leave us?”
Filthy Rich flinched as if he’d been just punched in the stomach. “Ouch. Sweetie, I—”
“And why did you tell me she was dead?” Diamond Tiara insisted. “Is it because she didn’t love me? Did she leave us b-because I wasn’t good enough?”
“Oh, Tiara, sweetie…” Filthy Rich hugged her tightly once more. “Of course not! She loved you very, very much.”
“But… But then why…?”
Filthy Rich sighed. “It’s complicated, honey. It’s really complicated, and it’s… It’s not a happy story. I was waiting for you to be a little bit older before telling you, so you could understand.”
“I can’t understand now?”
“Not really. It’s a lot of grown-up stuff.” He ruffled her mane a little bit. “What I can tell you, however, is that she really loved you, okay? Loved you a lot, because you were her little girl. But she had to go, and we decided to leave you with me, because that way your life would be easier.”
Diamond Tiara looked down. “I see…”
“And hey, you’ve had a good life, right?” Filthy Rich lifted his daughter’s chin with a hoof. “Hey, look at me. Mom loves you, okay? And one day you might even see her, once you know the whole story.”
Diamond Tiara’s eyes lighted up. “Really?” She blinked, and her ears went down. “Uh. Do you think she’ll want to see me?”
“Of course she will! It’s your choice, Diamond Tiara. But I can’t explain to you what happened yet. You’ll have to trust me.” He got up—almost hit his head—and got out from under the table. “Do you trust me?”
Diamond Tiara thought about it for a second or two, then nodded. “Yes. But you promise you’ll tell me, right?”
“Sure, honey. Ah!” He turned around as Diamond Tiara finally made it out from under the table. “By the way, let me present you a, uh, new friend of mine! Mayor Mare, this is my daughter. Diamond Tiara, this is Mayor Mare.”
Silence.
Mayor Mare and Diamond Tiara stared at each other. The former was grinning, the latter was wide-eyed.
Understanding dawned on the filly.
“No,” she whispered.
“Yes,” Mayor Mare replied.
Filthy Rich, who was standing a little too close to Mayor Mare and had something that looked a lot like a slight blush on his cheeks, looked at them both. “Huh?”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”
“LOOKS LIKE I ALREADY DID!” Mayor Mare, grinning crazily, leaned towards Diamond Tiara. “HEY, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY! I SOLVED BOTH OUR PROBLEMS IN ONE SINGLE MOVE!”
“NO!”
“YES!”
Filthy Rich blinked. “I don’t get it.”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”
“DAD THIS MARE KIDNAPPED ME!”
“WHAT?!”
“Darn it.”
Fifteen minutes had passed, and Applejack was, if anything, even more unconscious. Or probably dead—at this point, all bets were off.
“…and being hurt is really really bad, even if it feels great to hurt others at first! So you should try to make amends with your friends. I’m sure Twilight and Rainbow Dash will listen to you if you speak with your heart!” Sweetie Belle took a step towards Applejack. “I truly believe it!”
“Yeah!” Apple Bloom said.
“You go, girl!” Mother added.
“Well said!”
“That was a beautiful speech, Sweetie Belle.” Rarity walked to her sister and patted her on the shoulder. “Right, Applejack?”
The sound of Dash and Twilight arguing politics from atop the tree was their only answer.
“Of course it is,” Rarity said. “And you can solve this! We’ll help you!”
“Yeah!” Sweetie Belle said, nodding. “Now that we’re working together, nothing will stop us! We’ll set everything straight in no time!”
“As a team!”
“As a team!”
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I'm dead. You killed me. Murderer.
10/10
6500801
In case it wasn't clear from my earlier comment, I'm still speechless. :)
...you know, I pulled open the emoticon tab a second ago, and happened to look at them. Why do I get the feeling you basically based all the attitudes and actions of every character because of what you can see there? Seriously - Sweetie Belle, Rarity, Applejack...I think the only one that doesn't match the appropriate character to a science is Rainbow Dash.
Oh wait I'm still supposed to be speechless pardon me.
you're beautiful and your story is beautiful
Alert my kin.
I think this one killed me.
Dang. Applejack is terrible at ladders. You'd think it'd almost be like ladders weren't designed for pony use or something...
My only complaint is Scootaloo, however. While plausible, this Utopia likely didn't take into account the possibility of needing to add easy access ramps for the impaired that meets Equestrian Standards for Disabled Ponies. Not that Equestria has a healthcare crisis on their hooves or imply that Celestia is in some sort of deep-rooted denial of just how many ponies are left without basic care services, no. She totally didn't create a separate town off the beaten path to hide all the sick and disabled ponies that seem to have somehow left their secluded and totally not official on any map so clearly they clearly does exist in the eyes of the nation, over some sort placebo tonic that nearly exposed all of Equestria's not-so-perfect treatment of ponies who can't afford the premiums demanded by their HMOs.
See, Twilight Sparkle likely didn't take such a thing into account. Your story here failed to show us how this 'Utopia' will handle ponies without wings. Maybe if we had a section with Scootaloo wanting in and them figuring out a system for Scootaloo that can account for her inability to fly, and thus something that can be referenced to later for making the transition of taking in refugees more plausible. Too many off-screen moments, not enough Scootaloo. A nice falling out of Dash's tree to interrupt Sweetie's grand friendship report style moral would have suffice even.
Overall nice chapter, but not as powerful as the first half. At least outside the Mayor Mare moments. <3
I see the newspaper is still missing the current date.
Can't breathe. Laughing too hard. Dying.
Send help. Or more funny stories. Really either will do.
10/10.
Wow, Mayor Mare, just wow. But then again, DT is pretty much a sociopath here, so it was kind of an understandable response.
i.ytimg.com/vi/peHr8yVmjuI/maxresdefault.jpg
6504057
I don't know the context of that line.
And I agree completely! The world would be a MUCH better place if Diamond Tiara did not exist.
6504543
Um, can't scootaloo just live on the ground like the two other pony races?
Scoots will become the next shy one! So sayeth Lucky!
there are already systems in place for ponies who can't fly. the earth ponies, ya hear?
(well fluttershy can fly, but... yeah)
There are no words for this insane beauty. To attempt to create them would require a mad Arab, a tome made from tanned human skin, and at least four different dread and blasphemous sigils. Magnificent work.
Mayor Mare, that was awesome.
And goddammit, Sweetie Belle.
No really.
How.
High.
Were.
You.
6504939
Klatu, Varatu, Nikto might cover it.
EDIT: I find this fic overly mean-spirited and not very funny. I understand that other people might not share this opinion, but there you have it. Despite Diamond Tiara's various horrible actions, I still felt that the Mayor's retaliation was excessive and overly malicious, partly because I believe fire should be fought with water rather than fire. I do not like this fic, or the fact that the 'humor' hinges on OOC cruelty.
I retract my former statements, though I will not delete them, because somebody might be scrolling through the comments and be just curious enough to want the fully story. I apologize that this comment now takes up much more space, and for wasting everyone's time.
So, why did you decide to try and make us hate everypony? Because now I hate Mayor Mare. I used to just think she was useless, but this fic has made it so that I will probably try to punch the screen whenever she shows up in an episode. This is not a good thing.
Yes, most of this fic is funny. But the humor rests on the entire cast (except for sometime Rarity) being ignorant assholes with no remorse for whatever happens. The Grand Prize for Idiocy must of course go Rarity's mother, who doesn't seem to realize anything about the current situation.
And throwing divorce in a kid's face? Never justified. Never acceptable. Never funny.
The Treepublic was fun and interesting. I wish you could have spent more time there.
...
Well, once again, Aragon, you've made a great story!
On the one hand, it'd be amazing to see a continuation in the form of a sequel regarding the Treepublic's rise from a tiny nation to a world superpower...but on the other, there's a certain charm in leaving it to the reader's imagination.
This almost made me fall out of my chair. You keep on doing your thing, buddy.
YOU!!!!*points at author*!!!!!! YOU MADE A GOOD THING!!!!!
6505025
"How's it going?"
I'm convinced that you can do and write no wrong. This was the most amazing sort of madcap.
I seriously can't even.
But Mayor had the absolute victory there. Well until Tiara absolutely lied, and Filthy was stupid enough to trust a bully who he thinks is an angel.
Oh well.
Had quite a few laughs, so thanks for that!
You see, the problem here is simple. Rarity just wasn't smiling hard enough for the children.
This story definitely took me THERE... great job.
I don't think Rarity can afford this.
Don't blame Sweetie. She's only a kid.
With matches.
The Mayor can still have victory. I'm rooting for her.
6504976
Because Diamond Tiara's actions and words are ever acceptable. Oh no, divorce in a kid's face, it's the end times, how could you you monster etc.. Meanwhile it's perfectly acceptable that she taunt a CRIPPLED CHILD with no repercussions, break an adult's mind and emotions, drive a woman into debt, not to mention her constant emotional abuse of underdeveloped classmates which frankly would realistically cause issues further on down the line in life and thus negatively affect others' entire lives - let's not forget the beating with crowbars Mayor Mare's about to receive which might very well kill her because of one of the no doubt thousands of lies this little monster has told. I'm sure she just needs a slap on the wrist though, perhaps she'll just listen if you sit her down and tell her that's a meanie no-no? Maybe a time-out? No opulent dessert on gold plates for two days? I mean, it's not like she should ever have to deal with even a fraction of what she does to everyone else, that'd just be unfair.
So yes, that part was hilarious. I actually laughed the most at that part and the least at the Treepublic. Righteous comeuppance is comedy gold, such as Diamond Tiara FINALLY getting an idea of what she does to others. I don't find it as funny when someone has everything taken away from them for no reason while they futilely try to stop it. Rarity and Applejack were the victims of this otherwise great piece of comedy, and yet you express distaste for comeuppance towards the tormentor and aggressor in Rarity's presence, and laugh at the situation which possibly killed Applejack and certainly led to the loss of her home and life's work. Supporting the attacker and essentially putting down the victims. I rest my case! I now judge you silently from afar.
6505302 No, you're not judging me silently. You're baiting me into a debate.
I expect Diamond Tiara to be a massive jerk. You are accusing me of believing that kid's actions are acceptable. I gave no indication of this. But comeuppance does not mean sinking to the bully's level, and that is what the mayor did. Comeuppance means discipline, not hurling the same childish insults that she herself hurls. If an authority figure punishes you for bullying by bullying you, it can send conflicting messages.
Also, from DT's third sentence in this fic it was made abundantly clear that she knows what she's doing and what effect it has. She just has no empathy. Again, I do not consider any of her actions acceptable. I actually hate her canon portrayal. But, and I speak from personal experience here, bullying the bully does not stop them. It only feeds them. I still have the scars.
And finally, and this may surprise you, humor is subjective. I found the Treepublic funny. It is perfectly fine that you do not. Perhaps the implications of AJ's death were a little uncalled for, but the rest of it was so mean-spirited I barely noticed.
I would prefer not to waste another word on this. Stick to disliking my comments and judging me silently. And actually do it silently this time.
But apparently not affordable.
6504543 Scootaloo: "It's like Cloudsdale all over again!"
Hilarious story, I was sure for a bit in there that Mayor Mare would turn out to be Diamon Tiara's biological mother. This works well too, I would love to see the future adventures of DT and her new step-mom.
At first I couldn't stop reading, but about halfway through the second chapter it was old. You made a successful absurdity, but it takes a bit too long to wrap up. Still pretty good. B+.
I hope Filthy Mare works out! Hopefully the angry mob is just business. She needs to not be lonely and maybe find a new mane dye.
6505631
Damn.
I never stopped to consider the name of that ship, but... Uh, let's just call it Rich Mayor. Filthy Mare sounds like the title of a steamy sidestory.
6505648
Yeah, side plots, or plots that aren't elaborated to the fullest, tend to have that effect. As I can jump between scenes and show you the major beats of the story without the "filler", you find it more appealing.
Hey, still a part of the story.
6505691 I stick by my choice of ship name.
I don't know weather to pity everyone.
Or to laugh in their faces and smother them in the miserable use of their life choices.
And in true seriousness, I would KILL to see Rarity just run around with a knife killing eight year olds... Uhh, in this context. Completely justified I'm sure. 100%.
Totally.
This site is killing me. Cute stories melt my heart, and stories like this require me to hire somebody to retrieve my brain.
6504976
That's kind of the point. Absolutely none of this story is meant to be even slightly serious. Also:
I think you might take fanfiction a bit too seriously. Remember, nothing in fanfiction should have any link to the actual canon characters. You are saying that you now hate Mayor Mare, as in the actual canon Mayor Mare, because of what a fanon version of her did in an utterly nonsensical and played-for-laughs story. Why would you hate the canon version of Mayor Mare? You do understand that fanfiction isn't considered canon, right? That just because a character does something in fanfiction doesn't mean that the canon character did the same thing?
6505827 Yes, I understand. I'm not stupid. I just don't enjoy this mean-spirited fic and wasn't thinking clearly on my original comment.
6505858
Hey now, I wasn't trying to insult you or anything like that. I know there are types of humor I don't entirely understand, so I was just curious if you weren't used to this style of humor. Still, no worries. I like this type of comedy, but I'm well aware that others can't stand it.
6505580 Yeah, this fic made me a big fan of the Filthy Mare ship, for which I declare it be officially known from hence forth as anything Filthy Rich x Mayor Mare! xD
Give it a few days, Scoots, and I'm sure Sweetie Belle will make everything 'accessible' from the ground in no time...
*thinks over own words*
...Oh sweet Fausticorn's bunions. Some pony lock that unicorn filly in a pet carrier and lock it good! Last thing we need is every non-flying pony becoming one with the earth before their time.
6504932 I think your brain skipped over all the implications. The whole thing about the trees is how comfy they are. But, they are pretty high up. Scoots would need constant supervision. She COULD live on the ground. Like the other flightless ponies in Ponyville... but wasn't the whole point of what attracts the pegasi to the farm the trees?
The sense, it makes none. Scoots wants to see and feel this supposed Pegasopia within the high trees for herself. She's mesmerized by it. Sweetie's other half is gone now. Taken by the calling of the trees.
Even in a story that supposedly makes no sense to some people, having that sort of setup and not showing us how Scootaloo is trying to adapt or get into this treetop utopia and telling us Scoots can "just live on the ground" just seems cruel to suggest to the poor thing who wants to experience the joys her idol and now all pegasi near and far are basking in, don't you think? D:
Oh well, possible side story for another day. Doubtful, but someone can make a Scootaloo tries to fit in story. I can see her suing Twilight for not making the trees accessible to flightless pegasi. Who knows. Knowing her, well, she'd probably get tangled with AJ in the ladder somehow. ^^;
6505880 Apologies for the over-reaction. It's just, you were implying I might not be able to distinguish between fanon and canon, and that didn't sit well with me.
And I am used to this style of humor. Misery is the root of all comedy, after all. It's just that usually, at least one of the characters has enough dimensions to be likable or sympathetic. This story lacks such levels of substance, so it's much harder for me to enjoy it.
I'd like to thank you for not making wild accusations and being generally pleasant during this conversation. It is much appreciated.
6505631 God damnit Flutters! You beat me to the name. D: Well, I guess I can't put a patent on something so delishiously obvious and wonderful as "Filthy Mare". xD
*hugs*
Now I just hope we get a story someday that shows she somehow managed to worm her way into a relationship with Filthy to become Diamond Tiara's mom, because I too would seriously love to see Diamond's face when that happens. Those two would have quite the interesting mother daughter relationship. lol
Mayor Mare needs to see a therapist. A psychologist. Ha, that's probably what she'd have to do to prove to Filthy she's sane enough to be around Diamond before he even considers dating again. xD
6505691 So it wasn't intentional? D:
And there won't be a 'steamy' sidestory of them at the spa?
I'm a go under the bench with Pinkie Pie and cry for a bit.
pre09.deviantart.net/6388/th/pre/i/2015/268/1/2/spike_2_by_hillbe-d9awxnr.jpg
Honest!
6505631 Neat. That sounds like a ship I would read about.
6505948 Great minds.
6505927 The best part is, we've seen exactly how Diamond Tiara behaves when her only parent is a doting father. How much worse shall she be under the influence of a sleazy politician mother?
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/pewdiepie/images/3/36/Kenny_TWD_S2.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width/300?cb=20140519222121
Just because your a little gurl doesn't mean you can get away with murder.
6505945
You're very welcome. I always enjoy discussing different things, especially getting to learn the way others view them, and the best way to enjoy it is to make sure that no insults get tossed around or other unpleasant things.
As for what you said for a story with comedy like this needing at least one sympathetic or likable character, I agree. After all, what's the point of even reading if there's absolutely no one in the story you can get behind or feel sorry for? That said, I personally think Rarity is that character in this story. She's pretty much nothing more than a victim here. Did you not find her likable?
6506115 I found she didn't really have any character traits other than "I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS". Plus, as was pointed out multiple times in the story itself, she unironically decided to live under a bridge rather than seek lodgings with any number of her friends, and never offers concrete reasoning for why she didn't think of that. She's just, if you'll pardon my Pfrench, bitching and moaning.
Her plight is sympathetic, but the way she reacts to it makes me indifferent and the story spends more time on the irrelevant adventures of Diamond TIara, social puppeteer.
6506145
Oh, right. I actually forgot about that bit.
6506244 Can't remember the last time I had such a nice conversation about something I didn't like.