hmmmmmm. Interesting. I would say that gore scene was pretty pointless but that last bit after the dream actually made it interesting . kind of.

Quick tip (Yes I am going to keep doing this because I like what I'm seeing so far and I want to show that I care. If you want me to stop, I will):

This is mainly for story interruption sake but is not really that big of a deal. The note about the death scene should go in an Author's Note at the beginning of the chapter so it doesn't interrupt the flow of the story. Also, I would avoid using internet slang/memes in a story unless it's absolutely necessary, or a troll fic . It takes away from the quality of the writing. So we're clear, yes I am referring to the "seems legit" bit. You normally wouldn't see people walking around using shortened talk like that and the people that do are usually "too cool for school" or live their life on the internet and think it's cool to use it in public where many people wouldn't get the reference. *in-hails deeply* Just my feeling on the mater though

705593
Thanks again, I do try.
When I finish this story, I plan on making a short side sequel story that takes place 7 years afterwards. Won't tell you what it's about yet cause that might spoil this story. But I can say that it is a single chapter story and it's clean (rated everyone). It's a bit emotional too.
I hope others will comment; I would love to see other people's opinions... not that there's anything wrong with you.

A tad disturbing but I knew what I was getting myself IMO, other than that is is a great sorry and I can't wait for the next chapter or the sequel !

Pinkamena getting pwned at her own game?!?! awesome. It seems MOAR painful than when RD was killed....

And Mrs. Too Cool For Shorter and Simpler Words?
[img]images[/img]

No, Shorter and Simpler words are mainstream.

Scary Pound shared the same creepy dream

Hmm, why does this sound familiar?

ferdicai.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/020825248910.jpg

....Maybe that's why.