Broken: Laughter

by Knackerman

Is Contagious

A peaceful, blissful sleep enveloped Rainbow Dash. The clouds were extra fluffy today. They usually were this time of year, but even so, she found it hard to resist snoozing away the day. Oh, sure she was supposed to arrange a little bit of rain for the farmers before the morning sun slipped passed its noon day zenith, but it was so warm here, nestled among the fluffy cumulonimbus. “If anyone asks, I’ll just tell them I caught a cold or something and had to lay in a few hours to get my strength up. Besides, I can corral a few storm clouds in no time.” The thought barely had time to register before Dash felt a presence next to her. She opened her eyes slowly. The image in front of her was blurry, but there was no mistaking the face of a draconequus with its mouth wide and fangs bared to take a chomp out of her face!

With a shrill scream, Rainbow Dash rolled away from the terrifying visage and off her fluffy cloud. She tumbled, end over end, in free fall until she remembered that she had wings. Flapping her wings frantically, the blue pony managed to stop herself just before she hit the ground. She turned back to see if the terrible monster were chasing her...only to see a familiar pony descending from the clouds on a flying contraption, laughing herself silly. Pinkie Pie grinned at her friend in pranks and gave her a little wink once she was close enough that the other pony could hear. “You should see the look on your face!” The pink pony gasped between bouts of laughter, “Priceless!”

Dash and Pinkie had often gone pranking together around town, but Pinkie Pie had never woken her out of a dead sleep with such a mean prank before. She was a little angry, “Haha...very funny Pinkie. Sorry, but I forgot to laugh, since I almost bashed my brains out on the ground!” Pinkie just kept laughing which only irritated the chromatic flier more as both she and Pinkie’s flying contraption touched down. “Seriously Pinkie, I could have gotten hurt! That wasn’t funny!” Pinkie Pie brushed a tear from one eye and managed to stop her chuckling with a contented little sigh. She turned bright, shining eyes on her bestest best friend, but her face was otherwise expressionless.

“Lighten up Dashie! April Foal’s day only comes around once a year.”
---------------------------

All throughout the day, havoc reigned throughout Ponyville. There wasn’t a single filly or colt that was not touched by the mayhem. Rarity found that all of her jewels had been inexplicably replaced with marbles. Every book in Twilight’s Library had been re-arraigned back to front, upside down, and in reverse order. The Cake’s found huge hairy spiders crawling through their flour though, on further inspection, they turned out to be mere rubber. The wheels on Scootaloo’s scooter were replaced with blocks. Even the Mayor of Ponyville herself was not immune as her late afternoon luncheon was interrupted by several live lobsters crawling off the serving tray to snap at the visiting dignitary’s from Trottingham!

Most of the ponies gave an annoyed little chuckle after they had a chance to look at the calendar and see what day it was. Rarity found her jewels beneath the marbles, Twilight’s books had actually been better arraigned than they had been before, once they were turned the right way up, and fortunately the dignitary’s from Trottingham actually loved fresh lobster. Perhaps not quite THAT fresh, but they saw it as a somewhat backward sign of welcome and respect. All these little pranks were harmless, if unexpected. Usually they would’ve been ignored and forgotten over time.

Except...they didn’t stop! What had once been a day of merryment known as the Feast of Foals had morphed into a week long reign of misrule! As it went on day after day., the pranks became less like harmless jokes and more like wanton vandalism. No one was safe and no prank was pulled on the same pony twice. When things had finally gotten so bad no pony could so much as leave their homes without fear of a bucket of whitewash landing on their heads or a banana peel beneath their hooves, a meeting was called in the town square. Accusations flew left, right, and center, but for all the complaining and suspicion not a single soul had actually seen anypony pulling these pranks. Without any evidence to go by, or any witnesses, the council could not act. Hearsay and conjecture would not be enough to bring the culprit, or indeed culprits, to justice.

Fortunately for everypony, there was somepony who knew exactly what was going on. She just wasn’t at the town meeting. Instead, Rainbow Dash paid a visit to Twilight Sparkle early the next day, to ask her advice.
------------------------

The library was dimly lit with candles even though it was morning. All the light bulbs had been replaced with tulip bulbs. Twilight got the joke, it just wasn’t very funny, especially given how flammable some of the older manuscripts were. However, being a bookworm in a library and unable to read was absolutely unthinkable! With a little ingenuity, Twilight had engendered a magical flame that burned just below the temperature at which paper burst into flames. If she were to put a book near one of the candles it wouldn’t harm, or even so much as singe, a single scrap of parchment. She was proudly admiring her work when she noticed the sound of one of the library’s windows opening. She turned expecting to see her pet Owlowicious back from where ever it was he went off to hunt in the night. Instead she saw her good friend Rainbow Dash with a rather sheepish look on her face.

“Heya Twilight...uh...have ya got a minute?” Usually the rainbow maned mare was a pony of action, Dash may not have all the answers, but it was rare that she wouldn’t at least pretend that she did. So much so, in fact, that Rainbow Dash was the last pony Twilight expected to come to her for help. She smiled inwardly at the trust that must mean she was building up with the flier. As she landed somewhat shyly among the stacks of well read books, Twilight magically adjusted her hair and put on a pair of spectacles.

“Why of course Rainbow Dash!” Said Twilight, as she used her magic to open a drawer to withdraw a pen and notebook. “I’ve always got time for my friends. Tell me, what’s troubling you?”

Dash looked around nervously as if looking to make sure no one were listening in. This was done somewhat dramatically as she opened all the cabinets in a flash, knocked on the walls and the ceiling, peeked behind the bookshelves, and even took a quick glance beneath the throw rug before finally coming to a stop again and whispering to Twilight Sparkle, “It’s not really about me. Do you have a way of making sure that this conversation is...private?” Twilight blinked at this dramatic display of paranoia. Whatever was bothering the blue filly, it must be something serious.

Twilight screwed up her eyes as she thought. Then a bulb flashed in her head, it would’ve been a light bulb, but for some reason it was a tulip that grew instead. “I think I may have a spell that could make it so anypony overhearing our conversation would just hear us talking gibberish. Is that what you had in mind?” A look of immense relief washed over Rainbow Dash’s face.

“That sounds perfect! Can you cast it now?”

“Why of course!” Scrunching up her eyes, Twilight’s horn glowed brightly, until with a flash the pair of pony’s were engulfed by a transparent bubble that swelled around them before silently popping.

“Did it work?”

“Um...I think so.”

“Is there...any way we can tell?”

Fortuitously Spike, Twilight’s baby dragon assistant, wandered into the library from his sleeping basket just at that moment. The purple unicorn turned to Spike and bid him good morning. Spike rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and then said “Say what?” This time Rainbow Dash said good morning as well, a smile spreading on her face. Spike twisted one pinkie claw in his ear as if there were some kind of obstruction within. “I’m sorry, I’m just not getting it. What about clowns and...tangelo’s?” The two ponies smiled at each other and Twilight simply set a glass of orange juice in the baby dragons claws and spun him around towards the kitchens for the rest of his breakfast.

“I think it’s safe to say that the spell was a success. For now anyways, it only has a limited duration. So what did you want to talk to me about that needed so much privacy?” Asked Twilight Sparkle.

Rainbow Dash took a very deep breath, inflating her chest till she almost lifted bodily off the floor. “I didn’t know things were going to get so bad! She’s out of control! I mean I love playing pranks, anypony will tell you, I’m one of the best pranksters in Equestria, but even I have my limits. I thought she did too, but there’s just no stopping her! She’s leaving ME, me of all ponies, in the dust!” The frantic flier grabbed Twilight by the shoulders and shook her as she said this. “I just can’t keep up with her and no matter what I do I don’t seem to be making things any better! That’s not even the worst of it either. She expects me to stay loyal to her and keep her secrets but things are just getting way out of hoof! If she knew I was talking to you right now, I’m pretty sure I’d be losing her friendship FOREVER, but I just had to take that chance. For the good of Ponyville, no Equestria, you have to help me stop her!” She let the shaken Twilight Sparkle go and the unicorn had a hard time standing upright, so roughly had the powerful pegasus handled her.

“Whoa, whoa...slow down.” said the purple spell caster, “Just who is 'she'? Who are you talking about?” Even knowing the spell was in full effect, it seemed that Rainbow Dash had unconsciously omitted the name of the pony she had come to talk about. Looking around shiftily to make sure there was still no one around, Rainbow Dash leaned close and whispered the name in Twilight’s ear.

“...Pinkie Pie...”

“AHA!” Rainbow Dash jumped so high she smacked her head on the ceiling. Even Twilight had given a startled little jump, a random spark of magic from her horn sending her teleporting halfway up a step ladder for the higher book shelves. Pinkie Pie bounced through the front door, a grin spread from ear to ear, but her smile didn’t spread to her baby blue eyes. “I thought I might find you here Dashie! Did you forget we're supposed to pay a visit to Cheerilee this morning before she starts teaching classes? I’m sure she’d be VERY disappointed if we were late.” The pink pony batted her long eye lashes at the slightly shivering Rainbow Dash.

Twilight heard the pegasus say, “I’m sorry Pinkie, I was just uh...delivering some mail to Twilight from Cloudsdale. Yeah...she uh...just got a new book on weather...um...patterns, yeah!” But it was clear this wasn’t what Pinkie Pie had heard at all. A perplexed look came over Pinkie’s face.

“Why would you put bacon in soap?” Pinkie blinked in her confusion...and then the smile died on her face. Her eyelids drooped slightly, giving the pink party pony an uncharacteristically cynical look. “Oh, I see. A Hear-Tomorrow-Gone-Today spell, huh? Having a private conversation Dashie? Well, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Pinkie gave Twilight a look that could have kept icecream from melting for months. “I guess this was your work then? I think a No-Nonsense spell might have helped cover your first enchantment. Too bad.” As quickly as the change had come over her face, Pinkie’s smile was back and her eyes were shining bright. “Well okie-dokie-loki! When you girls are done you can find me at the school house! I’ll be waiting for ya!” With a giggle and a bounce Pinkie Pie was back out the front door, leaving a confused Twilight and a terrified Rainbow Dash.

“Uh...so what exactly was that all about?” Asked Twilight Sparkle, but Rainbow Dash was hiding under a table, clutching her legs to her chest and rocking back and forth.

“I can’t believe I was so stupid...why couldn’t I have just kept my mouth shut?” The clearly disturbed pegasus muttered to herself. “There’s no telling what she’s going to do to me now...no telling at all.” Twilight came over and waved a hoof in front of Dashie’s face. Her magenta eyes stared right through the spell caster.

“I said, what was all that about with Pinkie Pie!?” At the mention of their mutual friend's name, Rainbow Dash jumped up, flipping over the table and flew around in a circle in a panic asking over and over where she was. Twilight finally had to use her powers to grab Dash by her tail and tug her down to the floor with a loud thump. “She’s apparently at the school, or on her way there. Now finish telling me what you came to tell me. If Pinkie Pie already knows you’re talking to me in private, you can't exactly get in more trouble for telling me what you came to say, right?”

Dash’s eyes glistened with tears as she rolled over on her back and looked up at her friend, her hooves tucked up against her chest defensively. She looked into her friends kind, but determined, face and relented. “Your right...I guess the cats out of the bag now anyways. All the accidents that have been happening around town lately? Not just the harmless buckets of white wash or the rubber chickens, but I mean the big stuff like that barn that burned down and those scary loud noises in the sky? Well...they weren’t accidents. They were pranks that Pinkie and I were playing.”

“You and Pinkie are the culprits everypony has been looking for!? You two have been playing those awful practical jokes?” She paused for a moment, remembering something that suddenly filled her with outrage, 'YOU replaced my toothpaste with wasabi sauce!?” The cyan pony flinched at the look on her friends face as she yelled at her, but nodded in affirmation.

“Yeah...that one was actually pretty funny. Mean, but funny,” she said as she got back on her hooves. “That’s the thing though. The jokes started out funny and harmless, but we usually only prank for a day or two tops and then we stop. Pinkie has been going for a solid week and things are just getting worse. It’s not enough for her to get a chuckle out of it anymore, it’s almost like she’s getting a thrill from scaring everypony. It’s not just the pranks either...she’s been acting very differently. She’s all sunshine and gumdrops one minute, the next I swear she looks at me sometimes like I’m not even a pony, like I’m just some object for her own personal amusement. She’s really starting to freak me out and not just because I’m worried about what she might do to me, but because I’m worried about what’s happening to her. I feel like I’m losing my friend, but I don’t know how to approach her. Every time I suggest that we stop the pranks she just laughs without any humor and gives me the coldest look I’ve ever seen.” The flier spread her wings and gave Twilight a look of pleading as she said, “You’ve got to help me Twilight. I don’t want Pinkie to get in trouble, but this pranking has to stop!

It was a lot to take in, but thinking about it, the situation made a lot of sense to Celestia’s favorite student. Of course it had been Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash behind all the chaos recently. Here she’d been entertaining the idea that Discord was making a come back. In retrospect that was a pretty silly, pretty paranoid explanation. This made a lot more sense. “Alright Rainbow Dash, I’ll help you and we’ll talk this out with Pinkie together. Lets go to the school house and see if we can find her before she causes more trouble.”

As the pair were about to leave, they heard Spike muttering from the kitchen. “You know, I can’t quite put my claw on it, but my oatmeal tastes kind of different than it usually does.” They heard the little dragon scream, followed by a roar! “Oh sweet Celestia! There’s a bear in my oatmeal!” A purple blur that could have only been Spike ran through the library and out the front door, followed by a ravening, roaring, oatmeal covered bear. Both Twilight and Dash stared open mouthed as the pair faded into the distance. There was no telling when she had done it, but clearly Pinkie Pie had struck again.

“Wow...maybe we had better hurry.”

------------------------------------

By the time they arrived at the school it was clear it had already been hit hard, Pinkie Pie style. Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara were glued to a swing set that seemed to be spiraling out of control, Peppermint Twist's glasses had been replaced with a pair of soda bottles, Snips and Snails were both suspended from the top of the flag pole, and the aftermath of a myriad of other pranks were evident as students cried and ran about in complete disarray. Rainbow Dash did what she could to help outside while Twilight Sparkle charged into the school. It was a small building with but one classroom. As Twilight entered she was preparing herself for the worst. Even so, what she saw made her halt immediately and let out a gasp of shock.

The classroom was empty of students, but Miss Cheerilee was crammed into one of the diminutive desks designed for the young fillies, bound with jump rope, and gagged with an apple. As Twilight watched, the earth ponies eyes watered as the fattest, greenest worm she’d ever seen started to crawl out of the apple and towards the teachers face. That wasn’t what had arrested the unicorns attention however. The entire room was covered, floor to ceiling, with words scrawled in crayon. It was easy to see where one crayon had run out and another had been hastily used, so that the room was covered in rainbow repetition of the phrase “All school and no pranks makes Ponyville a dull town.” The desks, the windows, even the text books had been scrawled with the phrase! Everything except for the chalkboard. That alone was blank except for the words “Your Teacher today, Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie” underlined in pink chalk.

As she recovered from her initial shock, Twilight used her magic to unbind Cheerilee and remove the apple from her mouth, tossing it into the waste bin. The teacher wasted no time in bolting from the classroom., whether to check on her students or cry in a corner, who could say? “You shouldn’t have done that.” Came a voice from near the front of the classroom. Pinkie Pie slowly swiveled around in the teachers chair in dramatic fashion. Her pet baby alligator, Gummy, sat stoically in her lap as she stroked the bumpy scales along his back. “Recess isn’t for another two hours and we had a lot to educate Miss Cheerilee about. But you’re a good student, Twilight Sparkle. I guess we’ll just make do with you for the time being.” Pinkie set down Gummy gently on the teachers desk, where the alligator immediately fell over stiff as a board. The little fellow was petrified with fear.

“Pinkie...I don’t know what’s going on here, but lets just calm down and talk rationally. We’re friends right?”

The pink party pony grinned wide as she got to her hooves. “Oh the very best of friends Twilight! I think of all the parties we’ve thrown for each other, all the good times we’ve shared, and all the bad things we’ve been through together and I just get all warm and toasty inside!" She slowly tilted her head to one side and grinned from ear to ear. "Of course we’re friends, silly!” As she said this, she lifted a book from beneath the desk. Unlike every other book in the room, this one seemed free of the ominous crayon scrawl.

Twilight found her attention drawn to the book in Pinkie’s hooves as she asked. “Then as a friend, can you tell me why you’re terrorizing the town? I mean this just isn’t like you. You’ve always been about making others smile, making ponies laugh, making ponies happy! This doesn’t make any sense...to me or to Rainbow Dash.”

A cold look entered the earth ponies eyes, “It was Dashie that put you up to this, wasn’t it?”

The unicorn winced slightly, but continued, “Yes. But please don’t be mad at her! Neither of us want to see you get in trouble. She only told me about you being the pony behind the pranks because she’s worried about you. I can certainly see why too." Twilight surreptitiously tried to peek at the title of her friends book as she opened it, but couldn't read the title at a glance. "Pinkie...you always used to laugh and bounce everywhere you went. But now you seem so cold, so angry.”

Pinkie Pie smiled broadly as Twilight spoke. “Angry?” She giggled, “Oh don’t worry, I’m not angry with Dashie. I knew exactly what she was doing at your little library. It’s not like she’d be there to check out a book after all! But you are right about one thing... I am a little upset about something.” Pinkie leafed through the pages of her book as if she were looking for a particular page. She made a happy little squeak as she seemed to find the passage in question and took her eyes off Twilight long enough to read a sentence or two.

“What has you upset?” Asked Twilight, edging as close as she dared, planning to cast a spell to immobilize Pinkie in one shot. It would require her to be in close proximity.

“That you’re planning to cast an immobilization spell on me no matter what I say.” The series of events that followed this were too mind boggling for anypony’s brain to accurately recall, but from Twilight’s perspective, just as she cast her spell Pinkie lifted her book. The spell slammed into the book rather than the pink pony and rebounded, colliding with Twilight Sparkle and rendering her completely incapable of even the slightest movement save for her eyes and mouth. Even her magic was frozen! Pinkie Pie grinned coldly. “You see, this book tells me everything everypony around me is thinking, or has ever thought, or ever will think. I know when and where each of you will be at any given time of the day. I can tell you what Princess Celestia is up to right now. I could even tell you why you’ve had that foreboding sense that Discord has re-awakened.” Pinkie Pie clopped over to Twilight and gave her a little kiss on the end pf her nose. “I’m not going to, but I could!”

“What...what...” Twilight struggled against her own spell. “What is that book?”

Pinkie held it up so that Twilight could read the title, “Broken”. There didn’t appear to be an author or any other writing on the books cover, but that one word unaccountably sent a shiver down Twilight’s spine. “Ever since I started reading this book I’ve known the punch line to every joke.” Said the earth pony sadly, “I’ve known what I’ll eat everyday, I’ve known what I’ll do with my friends everyday, I’ve known what they really think of me and I’ve discovered what I really think of them. Every moment of every day planned out like clock work. The knowledge in this book made me laugh at first...but now I find I can't laugh genuinely. I can’t smile and mean it." Pinkie turned her back on her friend and went back to the desk, rummaging around until she found something long and black. She walked back to Twilight slowly, the object clutched tight in her teeth. "So a thought occurred to me, why go by what’s written in this book? Why don’t I change things, why don’t I make it so that nothing written in this book ever happens again!? THAT’S when I got my smile back!” Pinkie Pie used the permanent ink pen and started to lazily draw on Twilight’s face, giving her a mustache and glasses, as well as a few wicked scars. “I know it’s not really like me, but if I can’t smile then how can I make anypony else? It’s for everypony’s benefit if I change things here in Ponyville. If I can make things more interesting, more exciting and less...predictable, why shouldn't I?”

Twilight couldn’t believe what her friend was saying. She sounded just like...a thought occurred to Twilight then that burned in her mind. She sounded just like Discord. “Who...who...gave you...that book!?”

The pink pony paused in her artwork and stared at Twilight. To the unicorns surprise, she snorted and almost choked on the pen in her mouth before spitting it to the floor. She quickly followed it, collapsing into a heap as she rolled on the floor laughing her tail off. “Of all the silly questions to ask!” She managed through bouts of laughter. She seemed to be laughing heartily and genuinely, the peels of laughter rising in pitch to hysterical levels. Her eyes were streaming tears, and her nose snot, before she finally caught her breath long enough to answer. “That...that wasn’t a question I expected," she said trying to wipe the mess from her face, "The answers easy Twilight. You gave me this book. I got this from you!”

Comments

[Fireseeker]

The grammar is a bit dodgy; speech needs to separated on different lines to make it easier to read and some paragraphs are too long. Plus there is some spelling mistakes.
The actual story seems good, just difficult to read.

[TheNumberOneGuy]

Bacon in the Soap? Is that an invader zim reference?

[Knackerman]

668666
Can you be specific on the spelling mistakes so I can point them out to my editor? She's British so she has a tendency to spell things differently than I do anyways.

669210
Yes. There's a Family Guy reference in there somewhere too if I remember right.

[Fireseeker]

673879
Well I'm British too So, yeah, we do tend to spell things differently.
This is all just the first part:
Twilight’s Library had been re-arraigned - rearranged
Except...they didn’t stop! - Whilst it's not particularly wrong, there is no real need for the exclamation mark. There is quite a few of these throughout the story.
I’d be losing her friendship FOR EVER - forever, one word
Did you forget were supposed to pay - we're
I’m sure she’d be VERY - double space between 'be' and 'very.' There's few more of these elsewhere.
their mutual friends name - (grammar) apostrophe missing; friend's
I can’t quiet put my claw on it - quite
Peppermint Twists glasses - apostrophe missing; Twist's. There's few more of these elsewhere.
aftermath of a myriad other pranks - missing word; myriad of other pranks
fattest, greenest worm - just something odd; a green worm? You mean a caterpillar?
That wasn’t what had arrested the unicorns attention however - arrested? Not the correct word. 'Caught' would work. Plus another missing apostrophe; unicorn's
bolting from the classroom., whether to - full stop and comma?

I might have missed or left a few to save repeating myself. Feels kind of harsh to just list mistakes like that but it's to help you
Oh, and the Family Guy reference is in Spike's oatmeal

[Knackerman]

674219
Oatmeal? Are you crazy?

Yikes. I can see I'm going to have to have more than just chat with my editor
Though it looks like they're mostly grammatical rather than spelling errors. Fixed now. Hmm.

Apparently this site thinks the word rearrainged is incorrect without the -. Also, 'arrested' is the correct use of the word. It means to 'seize' or "To capture and hold briefly (the attention, for example); engage"

Thanks for all the help though!

[jszellmer]

Ahhh, the old bear in the oatmeal prank. Nobody ever expects that.