I am the Knackerman. Most of my writing deals with horror, suspense, and tragedy. And yes, there will be gore.
It's the Feast of Foals, a celebration of misrule from Equestria's long ago past. Pranks are the norm, and who better to pull pranks than Pinkie Pie and her best friend Rainbow Dash? Only somethings not quite right this year. The pranks are getting a little mean...and in some cases, even a little deadly. When Rainbow Dash makes a confession to Twilight Sparkle, will the pair be able to put a stop to the reign of chaos in Ponyville?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The grammar is a bit dodgy; speech needs to separated on different lines to make it easier to read and some paragraphs are too long. Plus there is some spelling mistakes.
The actual story seems good, just difficult to read.
Bacon in the Soap? Is that an invader zim reference?
Wow. It's not often you find something on the front page that is A) complete, and B) Insta-faved.
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Can you be specific on the spelling mistakes so I can point them out to my editor? She's British so she has a tendency to spell things differently than I do anyways.
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Yes. There's a Family Guy reference in there somewhere too if I remember right.
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So, yeah, we do tend to spell things differently.
You mean a caterpillar?
Well I'm British too
This is all just the first part:
Twilight’s Library had been re-arraigned - rearranged
Except...they didn’t stop! - Whilst it's not particularly wrong, there is no real need for the exclamation mark. There is quite a few of these throughout the story.
I’d be losing her friendship FOR EVER - forever, one word
Did you forget were supposed to pay - we're
I’m sure she’d be VERY - double space between 'be' and 'very.' There's few more of these elsewhere.
their mutual friends name - (grammar) apostrophe missing; friend's
I can’t quiet put my claw on it - quite
Peppermint Twists glasses - apostrophe missing; Twist's. There's few more of these elsewhere.
aftermath of a myriad other pranks - missing word; myriad of other pranks
fattest, greenest worm - just something odd; a green worm?
That wasn’t what had arrested the unicorns attention however - arrested? Not the correct word. 'Caught' would work. Plus another missing apostrophe; unicorn's
bolting from the classroom., whether to - full stop and comma?
I might have missed or left a few to save repeating myself. Feels kind of harsh to just list mistakes like that but it's to help you
Oh, and the Family Guy reference is in Spike's oatmeal
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Oatmeal? Are you crazy?
Yikes. I can see I'm going to have to have more than just chat with my editor
Though it looks like they're mostly grammatical rather than spelling errors. Fixed now. Hmm.
Apparently this site thinks the word rearrainged is incorrect without the -. Also, 'arrested' is the correct use of the word. It means to 'seize' or "To capture and hold briefly (the attention, for example); engage"
Thanks for all the help though!
Next http://www.fimfiction.net/story/29389/Broken%3A-Charity
Ahhh, the old bear in the oatmeal prank. Nobody ever expects that.
Ah, the dual nature of knowledge. Knowledge can be a gift but can also be a curse.
The truth hurts, the tragedy and lies are laughable, the kindness is misguided, the loyalties are forced falsehoods, the generosity is not always reciprocated or rewarding, and the magic is corrupt.
When you find out that your life existence is a lie, when everything you know, trust, and value are put to question, how do you feel? How do you cope?
Broken: Kindness, Broken: Loyalty, Broken: Magic