671294 My guess is this :P Mainstream bronies: Oh god no! An orignal CHARACTER! AND HE LOOKS OVERPOWERED!!! LOOK! HE'S BEING PAIRED WITH TWO MARES!! THE HORROR...THE HORROR.... *clicks dislike as much as possible* amirite?
Cool! I look forward to reading it. To tell the truth, Twilight doesn't really strike me as a "hunt down and kill" type of pony. Sure Chrysalis attacked Canterlot, but she was defeated. I don't really feel that Twilight would pursue an already defeated enemy for the sake of ending it once-and-for-all, before it could recover and possibly attack again. Then again, the pursuit of Chrysalis is a plot device for advancing your story, so it's no big deal. I just felt like adding my too bits about my thoughts on Twi's personality. Another thing that was bugging me was from the first chapter. I didn't really like how Dazer's parents just disowned and abandoned him because his appearance had changed. I just feel that while they may be scared, parents wouldn't just write-off their child as a complete monster just on a new appearance. Part of the curse acting upon the minds and actions of others/family to further isolate Dazer, causing his parents and friend to behave like this may be a good way to make the parents seem less like jerks. Just a bit of (hopefully) helpful constructive criticism. Now I GO read some other fanfics as I wait for this story's next chapter.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png
672231 Your criticism is much appreciated Don't worry, I'm not one to get butthurt over critiques, especially if they have a point. About Dazers parents though, think of it this way. Your son has left behind a trail of blood. When his best friend runs off and a black creature with sharp teeth spits fire, there can be an assumption that he was eaten. Just a thought. As for Twilight's personality, I agree with her not being a search and destroy pony, but again, I needed a plot advancer and she DOES have a loyalty to protecting the city. So it MIGHT work if she wasn't thinking too much at the time. Again, thanks for the input!
672374 About the assumption that Dazer had been eaten, I must refer you to this quote: ""That isn't our son anymore, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" His father screamed." Dazer's father says "anymore", implying that the strange and terrifying new creature that they faced was in fact, their son at one time, and not just a monster that had just eaten their son. That is how it was interpreted in my mind anyway. Also, I do understand that they probably weren't thinking that clearly, what with their minds clouded in primal terror and all. You're welcome for the input.
670501
Let me know what you decide on :P
I'll favourite this to see where it goes, the decide on a vote. So far so good.
Yay
Keep it up this is good
now you're posting it here my stories here too man!!! :D
i like this but why's it getting hate? dem big fat meanies
671294
My guess is this :P
Mainstream bronies: Oh god no! An orignal CHARACTER!
AND HE LOOKS OVERPOWERED!!! LOOK! HE'S BEING PAIRED WITH TWO MARES!! THE HORROR...THE HORROR....
*clicks dislike as much as possible*
amirite?
671547 probably
671554
To each their own I suppose...I don't mind hate as long as there's a valid reason for it
671598 maybe its the strange paragraph thing
I dont have a problem with it but some people might be like:
"Ahh it's new! Dislike!"
maybe idk
Paragraph thing?
I like this story. It may have its flaws, but all-in-all it's still a pretty good and enjoyable fic.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Queen_Chrysalis.png
672084
Then I promise you it only gets better ;3
Ill get chapter 3 up tonight hopefully.
Cool!
I look forward to reading it.
To tell the truth, Twilight doesn't really strike me as a "hunt down and kill" type of pony. Sure Chrysalis attacked Canterlot, but she was defeated. I don't really feel that Twilight would pursue an already defeated enemy for the sake of ending it once-and-for-all, before it could recover and possibly attack again. Then again, the pursuit of Chrysalis is a plot device for advancing your story, so it's no big deal. I just felt like adding my too bits about my thoughts on Twi's personality. Another thing that was bugging me was from the first chapter. I didn't really like how Dazer's parents just disowned and abandoned him because his appearance had changed. I just feel that while they may be scared, parents wouldn't just write-off their child as a complete monster just on a new appearance. Part of the curse acting upon the minds and actions of others/family to further isolate Dazer, causing his parents and friend to behave like this may be a good way to make the parents seem less like jerks. Just a bit of (hopefully) helpful constructive criticism.
Now I GO read some other fanfics as I wait for this story's next chapter.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png
672231
Your criticism is much appreciated
Don't worry, I'm not one to get butthurt over critiques, especially if they have a point. About Dazers parents though, think of it this way. Your son has left behind a trail of blood. When his best friend runs off and a black creature with sharp teeth spits fire, there can be an assumption that he was eaten. Just a thought. As for Twilight's personality, I agree with her not being a search and destroy pony, but again, I needed a plot advancer and she DOES have a loyalty to protecting the city. So it MIGHT work if she wasn't thinking too much at the time. Again, thanks for the input!
672374 About the assumption that Dazer had been eaten, I must refer you to this quote: ""That isn't our son anymore, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" His father screamed." Dazer's father says "anymore", implying that the strange and terrifying new creature that they faced was in fact, their son at one time, and not just a monster that had just eaten their son. That is how it was interpreted in my mind anyway. Also, I do understand that they probably weren't thinking that clearly, what with their minds clouded in primal terror and all.
You're welcome for the input.