Meeting the Great Minds of Canterlot Part 3
On a road somewhere in Equestria, a week before The Great Gathering…
At a crossroads, one of many in Equestria, the earth pony Spire, once known as Byzas, peered closely at his map of Equestria, which he had placed on the ground.
Over the past months, Byzas had been living under a false identity in order to create a new life for himself. To make sure nopony recognized him, he had done several things. First of all, he dyed his coat maroon, covering up his rare sandstone-red coloration. He then had his cutie mark visually modified. With a bit of paint, he had turned the ruler on his flanks into a charcoal stick and turned his thin, ‘round’ shaped paint brush into a larger varnish brush with rectangular head. Of course he had to renew his paint once every few days, but his disguise was complete. Instead of Byzas, court-artist, he was Spire a lowly travelling, painter pony.
Some ponies might call Byzas’s new occupation a fall from grace. However, the pony had never thought about it that way. Before he had been the Night Court’s Artist, Byzas had been the lowly painter pony that was now Spire. The earth pony had despaired that he had lost his title, all the perks that came with it, and the castle he had loved. Still, Byzas viewed his new job as a return to his roots, and thus was not undone by his loss. He felt guilty about telling Laurel he was going to kill himself, but it would be safer for her the less she knew of the truth.
And the pony was good at his new job. Renovation and construction work were in high demand in the aftermath of destruction brought forth by the war. Byzas had found plenty of work and had made more than enough bits to feed himself. One thing bothered him though, there was no challenge involved with this line of work. The artist who had once been challenged to produce new and dynamic pieces was stuck with menial work that was beneath his skills.
So, when Byzas had heard of The Great Gathering of Creators, he packed his saddlebags and started galloping. He was eager to admire new works of art and was looking forward to displaying some of the works he had created in in hiding.
Now a week away from the opening of the event, Byzas had halted at a crossroad. The pony was so absorbed in evaluating his map that he didn’t see of the cloud of dust closing rapidly. Neither did he notice the warning that had been shouted.
The various belongings of the two colliding ponies went flying. Byzas also flew quite far. With a loud “OOFF!” the baron-in-disguise went head over heels and landed back side up and head upside down.
“Did a chariot hit me?” groaned Byzas, speaking slowly for once.
“Do I look like a chariot?" replied a sarcastic voice. This was soon followed by a snort.
"And how can a chariot yell ‘Get out of the way’?”
When the pony opened his eyes, what he saw out of his inverted vision replaced his annoyance with curiosity. What Byzas saw was a chuckling earth pony stallion hitched to a two wheeled cart with a canvas tarpaulin covering it. The pony had a coat the shade and colour of dry sun-baked sand, his blonde mane was held back by a headscarf. As he rolled over picked and himself up, Byzas noticed the pony’s cutie mark was what looked like interlocked gears overlaying a cam.
“I’msosorry.Ididnothear.MynameisSpire” said Byzas.
“Say wha?” asked the other pony. Byzas took a deep breath and repeated his introduction again, slower. His speed-talking was something that had dogged the pony throughout his life. None of the doctors or practitioners he had visited could offer any suggestions.
“No problem! I’m Sa’id. Where were you headed Spire?” inquired the sandy colored stallion.
“TheGreatGathering...Sorry, I’m heading to the Great Gathering of Artists. I am a painter as you can see and I wanted to get away from renovation work and see some artwork for a change,” said Byzas honestly.
“Ah! What a strange coincidence! I’m heading to The Great Gathering as well! I heard about it from my home in the Southern Equestrian Deserts,” explained Sa’id.
So that’s why he has a headscarf and that explains his coloration. Wow...He travelled far! Wonder why he is going to the Great Gathering? thought Byzas. He asked the question and Sa’id smiled brightly and gestured to his cutie mark.
“I’m an inventor! My talent is in mechanics and understanding how things move! I design devices that perform specific tasks,” explained Sa’id.
“Whatsortofdevices? Sorry, what sort of devices?” asked Byzas.
“Well, you know how difficult it is for a single pony to unhitch himself from a cart right?”
The maroon-colored pony nodded and without another word, the sandy-yellow pony kicked a small lever on his cart by his left hoof. The leather straps loosened and the arms of the cart dropped to the ground.
“Surprised?” asked Sa’id. The astounded look on Byzas’s face said it all.
“Simple really, the lever is hooked up to a rope that runs along the arms of the cart to the leather straps binding-,”
As Sa’id began to explain the complexities of his invention to Byzas, the two packed up their dropped items. When they had finished, Sa’id had a suggestion.
“Say, why don’t we travel together? We’ll be travelling along the same path anyway! It’ll be fun!” said Sa’id with a great enthusiastic grin plastered upon his face.
Byzas was apprehensive, but only for a moment. Having been without company for weeks, the disguised pony was eager for a travelling companion. Besides, Sa’id’s cheerfulness and enthusiasm was infectious. The two found the correct route using Byzas’s path and a weird, but very useful object of Sa’id’s called ‘a compass’ that always showed where North was, no matter where the sun was at. The two stallions then began trotting down the path, exchanging stories.
Within minutes, one could hear streams of laughter as the new friends continued down the road to their great destiny.
Foot of Mount Canter, The venue of The Great Gathering, The day before The Great Gathering…
It was the day before The Great Gathering. Many of the stalls had been rented out by artists and craftsmen wishing to display their work. The air was filled with neighs and whinnies of constant movement and action.
In the glass section of the Gathering, hundreds of works of delicate artwork were being set up. It was a beautiful sight, as the bright light of the sun twinkled and shimmered off many vases, panes of stained glass and glass sculptures that were being displayed.
One particular tent, a green one had products that especially shone. Most of the works that were propped up on the table were stained glass windows and they were masterpieces. The stained glass had been composed in a symphony of colour and elegance. The notes of light that shone through these windows revealed the images of heroic ponies on great adventures, of the majestic princesses soaring through the sky and of ponies playing, laughing and frolicking on the grass.
As Chartres slightly adjusted the angle of a pane, the ivory white unicorn mare gave a tired smile as she reveled in the beauty of her creations. Unfortunately, her contemplation was short lived.
“CHARTRES! Close up the tent before somepony steals my work! Then come to the back!” roared an angry voice. A resigned sigh sounded from the unicorn as she closed the tent up, shadowing the intricate glass creations, her works. Walking deeper towards the rear of the tent, Chartres lifted her head up to see the pitiless face of her mistress, Glassy Hoof.
At first glance, anypony would think Glassy Hoof was a greedy and jealous pony. From the glint in her stingy squinting green eyes to the greedy twitch of her mouth, she screamed greedy and jealous. Her coat was of medicine yellow and her curled mane of grape-purple. Although both were well kept, the combination was still ugly. The unicorn had an ample flank that was adorned by a cutie mark of a glass chalice. There is a pony saying that suggests that one should not judge a book by its cover. For Glassy Hoof, one should, for her looks told the truth.
“Sparkle my mane, Chartres!” ordered Glassy Hoof. Chartres blanched whiter than her ivory coat.
“But mistress! I had to use my magic to complete those pieces. I don’t know if I have any left!” gasped the unicorn. The yellow unicorn’s expression didn’t soften and Chartres blinked back her tears as she concentrated on her horn.
Blue sparks spluttered and stuttered, but no sparkles appeared on Glassy’s mane. By that time, the ivory unicorn had collapsed, her unkempt blue mane for which she was named after was drenched in sweat and her tail flopped down almost lifelessly against the ground.
“Since you won’t sparkle my mane, you won’t get to stay for The Great Gathering. Begone with you!” ordered Glassy. At this, the fallen unicorn sprang up, despair creased across her exhausted features.
“No! Please, anything, but tha-,”
A perfectly manicured hoof slapped Chartres sending pain exploding across her cheek and another slap almost unbalanced her. Blinking back tears of pain, Chartres cringed as Glassy advanced.
“Quiet you peasant! You still have at least five hundred bits left to pay me back. What will selling that scrap glass of yours do to your debt? Of course I realized you were making your own piece;I just didn’t worry about it because it was so worthless,” said Glassy with a derisive snort. The other unicorn whimpered, grabbed her sackcloth saddlebags and left.
How long Chartres ran, she didn’t know. What she did know is that she found herself in the sculptors’ area. The featured piece, a great statue of Princess Celestia stood towering over the lonely unicorn. The sculptor for this particular statue had decided to give the princess a gentler expression instead of the usual regal look. It was the kind, heart-warming features of the statue that broke the dam holding back Chartres’s despair. The barrier of what little pride and hope the unicorn had left shattered like glass hitting cobbled stone. Tears flowed like a torrent of melt water in the spring as Chartres cried.
“She’s taking MY WORK. MY glass! MY magic! And I can’t do ANYTHING about it,” sobbed Chartres. Sinking down against the statue of Princess Celestia, the unicorn pulled a stained glass window from her saddlebag. The arrangement of the glass seemed random. The shards and sections clashed and intermingled with each other. The lead strips binding the piece together seemed to be the only thing holding the glass in any form of semblance.
“You are my only hope,” said Chartres, gazing at the mosaic of colour. Still clutching the pane, the tired and dejected unicorn fell into a restless sleep of exhaustion.
You're doing a good job introducing the other characters. I expected Byzas to play out as a Doctor Smith (Lost in Space) opportunistic type character but you surprisingly proved me wrong!
Sai'id is interesting in that he reminds me of Applejack somewhat, being a pony with nothing to hide. But from the name, where he's from, and his choice of clothing I wondered if he might have an accent. If he does that would likely affect how you write his dialogue.
And Chartres! Quite the Cinderella you have there! I can't wait to see these interesting characters interacting all at once.
730003 and to all readers reading in on this.
I would like to have put an accent in Sa'id's dialogue, but that would be REALLY REALLY difficult to write in. Instead I'm going to just try to modify his speech a bit, change the way his sentences are phrased.
Byzas was supposed to turn out a bit like a speed-talking, artistic pony, who is very creative, but at the same time can be pragmatic. His cutie mark of the ruler and paintbrush. the paintbrush is obvious, but the ruler, I think I need to touch on it, represents his skill in measuring things.
Oh and about Chartres...ARGH I originally didn't want her to turn out like a Cinderella, but after I finished initially drafting her and writing her, I went...
Crap, Cinderella she looks like...Different (compared to the cinderella presented by Disney, Chartres has a bit more pride as an artist and you can say is more desperate) but still resembling Cinderella....However...(Evil Puppetmaster Author Mode Activated which is actually totally necessary if you want any conflict) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. She has a backstory that will MAKE YOU POOR READERS CRY . NOT THAT TYPE OF DRAMA CRY!!!! THIS TYPE OF CRYING . You will find me putting her into quite the bind later on. *sigh, don't worry Fluttershy, there will be a happy ending for her with a bit of .
Signing off, PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS!!!!
vren55
757975 Holy Sweet Celestia??? I seem to be using this emoticon far too often. Thanks for the review! I think at one point, I wanted to say that the old architect was glad he could be of service or something....Can't believe I missed that.
Like and fav plox XD
Byzas is definitely my favorite of these OCs but I've yet to see how this could become anything more than "And then they built canterlot" there doesn't seem to be any opposing forces or problems to overcome except the obvious 'we peasants don't like what Luna did and are ready to throw a tantrum'. But what I've seen so far was nifty and I only wish you the best in the story's continuation.
Also I MIGHT make a cameo reference to one of these characters in the Tale of Gaius "Ninefingers" if you want me to and if I could find some way to pop it in without it being an obvious shout-out.
Also, I see that you're not placing any separation between sections. I did the same thing when I started my story only leaving . . . to fill in time. I think you may find a line of ------ to be most satisfying to the eye.
806096 Oh it won't be just "And then they built Canterlot"...Building Canterlot is going to be a heck of a challenge. For one...if you noticed how Vaultaire and GOlden Triangle interacted just in conversation...imagine how they would interact in designing a monument to last a thousand years.
Cameo reference? HECK YEAH! Would be so fun if someone puts two and two together. I'll PM you about character details.
806135
The only one I could imagine anything with would probably be Lord Barbrican.
806104 You're right....oh crap...why do I spend more time editing/planning story than actually writing
806104 that's what I thought of...
Good start, memerable characters, a well thought out senario. By Celestia's Magificent Beard a story worth following! I do like how you've picked a time period and subject that I havn't come across yet. With so little known about the time between the destruction of the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters and the construction of Canterlot you have a rare oportunity to set the bar for anyone else who might write about this. So much to explore, so many questions to ask. What happened to those loyal to Luna? Where they simply pardoned by Celestia back into the herd? Would ponies really resort to mob mentality and commit murder? I've never really liked stories where the author took extreme license and had ponies acting out of character to the point where you could substitute the word pony with human, but you seem to be fleshing them out to be more than simple 2 dimensional cartoon characters and showing that they indeed have depth and personality. My only major complaint so far is that there dosn't seem to be enough! Get cracking, keep up the good work, and have fun doing it. I look forward to the next chapter.
807901 Thanks for the fav and review! I picked the time period with what you said in mind and since I might set the bar for this, I am putting quite a bit of effort in continuously revising this story (ARGH so hard), hence reason why chapter is slow incoming. Some of the questions you just asked are ones that I will address. For example, I decided that ponies can resort to mob mentality. It was a darker time then and I took inspiration from the aftermath of the American Revolution (Loyalists and Patriots).
there is actually a canon error that I realized after writing this story, but this can be easily ignored. Remember season 1 pilot? According to what is shown in the first frames, canterlot existed . However, I thought, if they had the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters as capital, why would they need Canterlot? Therefore, i'm going to say screw the book Twilight was reading and say Canterlot was built after the destruction. I can say screw the book, because book 1000 years later are undoubtedly more inaccurate. Also, my take on Equestrian History makes Luna's rebellion an actual war and adds a purge of sorts that affects the Night Court (Luna's supporters and allies). Since none of these events are mentioned in Twilight's book, I can say, DAT BOOK IS WRONG.
Next chapter coming sometime this week and then the pace will probably pick up. It's the next chapter's events that i'm having trouble with.
sincerely,
vren55
P.S. Celestia doesn't have a beard??? Does she???
Noticed this in the Author's Support 'need reviewed' folder. I can honestly say that the premise is fantastic!
810579 OMG Can't believe you of such a well received fimfic think that way . Any tips?
810643
I haven't read it yet, and trust me when I say that finding time to read is harder than it seems, but I've set it in my Read Later folder for now, just so you know
810653 AWESOME!!! Take your time since I do want to see the update for your story
810658
To what story
810662 Diary of a Foalsitter? I mean I want to see you get the next chapter up ASAP if I was confusing... Oh and THANKS FOR THE FAV !!!! :D
810769
That's gonna take a while, as it always does :L
810794 Understood! thanks for the fav and like!
On the mob mentality I can give you a reason why it's never mentioned in history books. Celestia decided that such things needed to be forgotten for the greater good of later generations and since she'd be presiding over said later generations she just didn't need the headache or expense providing psychological help to fix the mental and emotional scars that said history would inflict on anypony whose mental fortitude was not up to snuff in the first place. *gaaaaaaasssssssp* (damn that was a long sentence) Oh, and you remember those inconvenient inconsitancies that the history books seem to have left out concerning The Castle of the Royal Pony Princesses? Yah, neither do I. Why? Because it's much easier to sweep such historical annoyances under the carpet when you are the one holding the broom and will be holding said broom for the next forseeable 1000+ years. And for her beard? Oh yah, she's got one. As well as the rest of the main six!
twentypercentcooler.net/data/sample/bf/37/bf37cf61af108e2f1f5755424f14900a.jpg?1313055195
Oh, and she's got a chipped tooth. It happened during her fight with Luna who was going through her Nightmare Moon/Eternal Night phase.
811190 By Celestia's beard indeed...Maybe I might do a sequel in which Twilight finds out about how Celestia washed everythign under the carpet...or make my OCs somehow go to the future...but that's for future me to worry about.
Pretty good so far...I think I'll keep an eye on it.
This looks to be a very good read. I'll make sure to keep up with it as more chapters come out.
Hey dude! As promised, here's the review:
PROS
* Very good characters. I don't know why, but despite the short lengths of each chapters I can sympathize with the characters well. Few other stories have actually managed to make me feel for the characters, the others being LOTR, the Percy Jackson series, FoE, some of PH, and then Viva Las Pegasus. I think it may be that they each have their own distinct characteristic, like Byzas' speech speed.
* Unique setting. Few other stories that I've seen do the time during/before the war of the princesses, and I can safely say that this is one of the few that do it well.
* It's short but good. Unlike my own story that takes a large amount of words to thoroughly develop character problems and motives as well as the world, you do it quickly but nicely. Of course, a larger word count could add more flavor, but despite the short length of this it's good.
CONS
* Repetitive phrases. Occasionally, a word or phrase gets repeated with too little time in-between then. It just sounds a little awkward, and a little look-over of the chapters would be quite good.
* The world doesn't quite feel alive. Despite the Gathering being the most anticipated event of the first four chapters, it doesn't quite feel... anticipated. I don't know how you could improve on this, but I hope you don't mind if I quote a bit from my story that I'm proud of, for I think that I am good at descriptions:
The Colosseum.
The icon of the Roaman world, where countless slaves from all over the ancient empire were forced to duel and slaughter for sport. Where thousands of lives were lost over the course centuries. The monument erected to house organized bloodshed over and over again for the entertainment of the masses. Even emperors had sat by and watched as the violence energized his people; some, like Commodus, would even partake in the killing.
And yet, for all the horror and terror that had been disguised by its walls, it was glorious.
It stood almost two-hundred feet high, and its circular make wound around to encompass an area of perhaps three-hundred square meters. Small statues and banners of various coloration were mounted upon its rim. Its faintly yellow coloration bore only the faintest of dirt and decay, and the signs of obvious maintenance marked the marble surface. Its arches, magnificent and almost untouched by the terrible hunger of time, stood as a testament to the power of Roaman engineering, and the light flowing through them was the kind of sight that would spawn inspiration in the hearts and minds of all who sought it. Massive construction cranes stood at the Colosseum's side and the Forum was in the background atop its mountain, making the entire scene look as though all of it put together formed a massive throne. And while most structures within a large radius were leveled either by the bombs or recent warfare, the Colosseum itself stood as an image of invincibility worthy of all emulation.
Notes
Aside from those, I really have nothing else. I'm going to continue reading this because it's pretty good, so expect a comment every now and then.