Awesome chapter! Can't wait to see what happens with Marcus and Rarity's relationship. And twilight! Twilight is just love the way she tries to talk dirty
Well this was certainly an interesting chapter! Had a nice bit of development to the story! I hope though that with his second meeting with celestia, he won't let himself be pushed around Also...stil hoping for things to get for Marcus and Rarity
Honestly, worst chapter yet, the clop feels like its there simply for the sake of clop (which is not how I like my clop fic, I'm the kind of person who was annoyed in romance reports with the sex scene existing in the second last chapter) and even then, the clop wasn't that well written. Clop scenes should be used to improve the story, not the story to improve the clop scenes (although well written stories tend to get improved clop because of it)
I loved the previous chapters but this was just disappointing. Sorry, how much I like the previous chapters does not make this chapter any better.
EDIT: On a good note, that chapter flew by fast, it didn't feel like it took forever to read, which is always a good thing (and the only problem with SS&E)
It honestly feels like I just read a 1000 word chapter, not that that is a bad thing. I half shat myself when I saw it was 10000 words
881998 Thanks, I guess. Also, yeah, trust me, that was a hard scene to sell properly, and I'm still not entirely proud of it Actually, scratch that, I was NEVER proud of it. But sadly, it's an event that affects both characters and their relationship, so it was necessary. No matter how painful it was to read/write 882054 Yeah, I have a lot to say on this one (commentary's gonna be a doozy when I get to it). I will disagree that the clop DOES and ALWAYS WILL have a purpose, even if it only means a notice or a change in character development for the future. Please don't ever imply that I wrote scenes just for them to be there. That would be disrespecting myself as well as the patient people who stick around to see how the story progresses. I won't say it's a great chapter, but I won't agree that it's disappointing either. It's fairly important and did what I needed it to do, so that's fine. Also, it's not supposed to feel like it flew by, so I don't know where you're getting that from. There are less events, just with more detail and time utilized. If anything in this chapter, I can be proud of the way it's paced.
Thanks for your opinion though.
also, 882093 I'm still unsure of this, but we'll see. I'll either do it for the sake of a joke, or just scrap it. Ehhh...yeah. Alright, calling it here, no molestia. Just gonna say that now. I still like what little of her character is there, so I'll honor it.
882182 by "it flew by" I mean in a way that it didn't feel like a drag to read all the way through. If that is the case, the story is either boring or overly detailed, SS&E fics arn't either, so I'm not sure what is going on there, likely it is just because how insanely long his chapters are. I mean in the old saying way "time flies when your having fun" if its keeping me entertained and interested, the time passing will feel much less noticeable. I see no way that that is a bad thing. A rushed story feels entirely different to this type of fic, this chapter definitly didn't feel rushed at all.
I'm just saying that the clop FELT like it was there simply for the sake of clop. While it likely will have lots of impact later on, it felt a little bit random with the sudden Fluttershy clop. Then with the Twilight clop being immediately afterwards it caused the Twilight clop to feel a hell of a lot more out of place.
Plus Marcus's sudden willingness to fuck Fluttershy felt sudden and out of place.
882219 I'll probably end up saying this in the commentary, but who the hell cares? I'll say it here too. the Fluttershy scene was more of an "in the moment" thing than any other 'clop scene.' Sure, it feels sudden, but that's just what happens sometimes. And another thing, I wouldn't go through with a scene unless I am 100% sure that it's valuable to the storyline and that it's believable for the characters in this situation. The "willingness to fuck" as you put it, isn't entirely accurate in this case
and Twilight's scene was meant to be immediately afterwards both to show that Marcus was unwilling and to deal with the immediate problem that was crazed Twilight. It had to happen, unfortunately, that's why it was intentionally made to feel awkward and to just happen.
But beside the facts, your opinion still counts. I'm not disregarding how you feel, I'm just giving you the intentions I had while writing them so you can see why they're written like that
MOAR! Still, WHAT will happen with Marcus and Rarity? WILL Rarity forgive him? WHEN will it happen? HOW will it happen? WHAT will Twilight to to Marcus? WHO is next? WHY am I asking YOU all these questions? :3
Oh, phew. For a little while there, I lost all motivation that anybody even liked the new chapter and I wasn't gonna bother writing more. I guess a few harsh words can kind of do that to ya sometimes, eh? Yeah, I need to stop dwelling on things.
In any case, thanks to y'all for actually enjoying my work and looking forward to more, guys
and I never promised anyone anything (besides never having to take longer than two weeks to write a chapter). Without giving anything away, I can say that Rainbow Dash is still in the story and her relationship is still part of the story. It's just more spread out than others'.
At the end though, I guess he never told Celestia or Luna about the run in with Fluttershy, eh? Well, good chapter none the less. Keep up the good work, and good material comes out if I wait, so take your time on the next chapter.
882787 Glad I could help you from losing motivation buddy I know how one can feel when they recieved to many or overly negative comments on something you've created. What I have learned is to either ignore them all together or address them while semi-ignoring the comments...if that makes sense
Why did he have sex with Flutters, again? Wasn't having sex without knowing if it was consensual or magic hormones the reason why he went to seek comfort in the first place? How did that lead to being Fluttershy's first? Not to mention AJ's sudden friendliness with him afterwards. And then there's raep!Twilight.
But most importantly of all, where the fuck was Spike when Twilight was getting a fucking in the foyer?
886305 *hums "Heat of the moment"* No seriously though, it was just what he needed at the point in time. Simplicity and tenderness at the point where he feels most alone and like an outcast, not necessarily "blameitonthesex.mp4" And AJ's just a naturally friendly character. No worries, we haven't even gotten to a good talking scene with her yet Also, as for Spike, it's near-evening by this point, and I was going to throw in a line about where he was, but I figured I'd save it for later since it wasn't an immediate thing to notice. I prefer Spike to be more of an active character than he is in the show, since he's still Twilight's assistant, which you'll see later on
886195 887564 Aww shucks. You guys are too kind I originally didn't have either scene very well planned out, but once I got into them, they flowed very nicely. Especially Fluttershy's, probably just because I am truly a hopeless romantic, and it's most fun to write scenes like this.
Well, this has officially surpased the clopfic territory and straight into mature fic. I'm curious to see where these loose ends you're leaving for us lead to
890409 Eeeyup, time flies when I accidentally make you guys wait so long for new chapters, I guess all that's left is Day 4, another 'Your Human and YOU' side-chapter (if I even feel like it, I might not ), and then Days 5 through 7. There are only 8 chapters, one for each day of the "week" as well as Day 0. That's how it's always been planned
890444 and yes, I plan these out very meticulously, otherwise the entire flow of the story would just go down the drain. Rest assured, everything happens for a reason (no matter how ridiculous it may be). Thanks for the encouragement
Hey man, I've been following this story starting more towards the latter half, (I read up to First Impressions the day Mistakes was posted) But I've really enjoyed it a lot. Not to look too exponentially deep into it, but everything behind it so far has made me think a little. Like, how each of the ponies so far represent different types of sex, like Rarity is sex based off of love, and Pinkie is fun happy sex, and Fluttershy is comfort sex, and Twilight and the princesses, um. Well that's a grey area to me, but still I like where this story is going. Everything seems really clever and well planned out, I actually learned a lot of new words from reading it lol. I made this account today just because I wanted to voice an opinion on this story, and possibly motivate you further in writing more. I mean I'm sure there's already plenty of readers involved keeping you going, but I felt obligated in a way to also speak up and just kinda thank you for keeping me entertained on nights I can't sleep. Anyway, I hope that this message has some meaning beyond shameless gushing.
912271 Oh man, you are a kind soul to go ahead and do that just for me. Also, I agree with a lot of your points. I very much kept the theme of the characters to be apparent during their clop scenes and I thank you for being so observant. (and if you're wondering, Twilight's theme is the unexpected ) You have no idea how good it makes me feel when I know that I'm actually entertaining people with my works and they write back saying they actually LIKE it. Seriously, I very much appreciate it
Sometimes it sucks that Rarity is a proper lady, because I wanted to see her beat him in the middle of that room. Deserves every barbed and venom soaked word, though she probably shouldn't have made such a scene at poor Derpy's party. Then he turns around and sleeps with Fluttershy and Twilight in the same day. The selfish jerk, has he no shame!? Bah, I know this is a clop and the whole focus is him sleeping with them, but that doesn't mean I can't get mad at the main character and want to introduce his bone structure to an aluminum bat at high velocity. Still, even if I down right hate Marcus thus far, I love the story. More please!
No Molestia? Thank you. I hate how ever clop story I find with her ends up turning her into a horrible fanon OC.
That said, the story up to this point is starting to seriously annoy me. To the point where I'm pretty much only getting a slight amount of enjoyment from 1/3 of the scenes. First is Celestia. You say no Molestia, yet the first thing she does is rape him (she forced him with her magic, which as far as I'm concerned is rape). How is that not Molestia? Second is Twilight. You bringing her behavior up in this chapter felt more like a lampshade than anything else, and for the sake of me getting any enjoyment out of this fic I hope you give an amazing explanation.
My final problem is how much of a moron the guy is being in this fic. I mean, I stopped reading for several days after he ran out on Rarity, and it wasn't even him leaving that made me so mad, but his reason for doing so. He's still complaining about not wanting to be with them because they're animals, but that's just completely stupid. No one in his situation could possibly be stupid enough to look at any of them and think, "Oh my, I can't be with Rarity or anyone else! They're all animals! Disgusting, disease filled animals! Oh sure they talk, are intelligent, have built cities and towns and have their own culture and countries and everything else, and sure they bathe and actually don't look like ponies from Earth at all, but they're still animals which makes it all wrong. Sure humans are classified as animals as well, but that's completely different!"
See? There's just nothing to justify it. Especially using it to justify walking out on someone right after telling her he loved her. It just felt like his personality did a 180 at that moment in order to create more drama for the fic.
Twilight is getting disturbingly... rapey. I do not think this will end well.
881508
Yeah, that was a hard scene to write. Be thankful I made it so soft. I can't write rape-esque scenes, it's out of my league
HAAAARRRREEEEMMMMM!! lol keep it up!
Awesome chapter! Can't wait to see what happens with Marcus and Rarity's relationship. And twilight! Twilight is just love the way she tries to talk dirty
I want to be marcus in this chapter RUT TWILIGHT AND FLUTTERSHY HARD!
Well this was certainly an interesting chapter! Had a nice bit of development to the story! I hope though that with his second meeting with celestia, he won't let himself be pushed around Also...stil hoping for things to get for Marcus and Rarity
Good stuff, EXE... but still, nympho-twi... Its a weird thing to read (not bad, and nicely written, but strange)...
Honestly, worst chapter yet, the clop feels like its there simply for the sake of clop (which is not how I like my clop fic, I'm the kind of person who was annoyed in romance reports with the sex scene existing in the second last chapter) and even then, the clop wasn't that well written. Clop scenes should be used to improve the story, not the story to improve the clop scenes (although well written stories tend to get improved clop because of it)
I loved the previous chapters but this was just disappointing. Sorry, how much I like the previous chapters does not make this chapter any better.
EDIT: On a good note, that chapter flew by fast, it didn't feel like it took forever to read, which is always a good thing (and the only problem with SS&E)
It honestly feels like I just read a 1000 word chapter, not that that is a bad thing. I half shat myself when I saw it was 10000 words
Well he did go for Rarity first : images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/6/21/128900577095340380.jpg
And what are the chances that this:profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/274429_100002769930718_1448797330_n.jpg
WON'T turn into this:media.steampowered.com/steamcommunity/public/images/avatars/a7/a79ad9bb822e6f131e39ab3e64b49047b7dab2af_full.jpg
lol
881998
Thanks, I guess. Also, yeah, trust me, that was a hard scene to sell properly, and I'm still not entirely proud of it
Actually, scratch that, I was NEVER proud of it. But sadly, it's an event that affects both characters and their relationship, so it was necessary.
No matter how painful it was to read/write
882054
Yeah, I have a lot to say on this one (commentary's gonna be a doozy when I get to it). I will disagree that the clop DOES and ALWAYS WILL have a purpose, even if it only means a notice or a change in character development for the future. Please don't ever imply that I wrote scenes just for them to be there. That would be disrespecting myself as well as the patient people who stick around to see how the story progresses.
I won't say it's a great chapter, but I won't agree that it's disappointing either. It's fairly important and did what I needed it to do, so that's fine.
Also, it's not supposed to feel like it flew by, so I don't know where you're getting that from. There are less events, just with more detail and time utilized. If anything in this chapter, I can be proud of the way it's paced.
Thanks for your opinion though.
also, 882093
I'm still unsure of this, but we'll see. I'll either do it for the sake of a joke, or just scrap it.
Ehhh...yeah. Alright, calling it here, no molestia. Just gonna say that now. I still like what little of her character is there, so I'll honor it.
882182 by "it flew by" I mean in a way that it didn't feel like a drag to read all the way through. If that is the case, the story is either boring or overly detailed, SS&E fics arn't either, so I'm not sure what is going on there, likely it is just because how insanely long his chapters are. I mean in the old saying way "time flies when your having fun" if its keeping me entertained and interested, the time passing will feel much less noticeable. I see no way that that is a bad thing. A rushed story feels entirely different to this type of fic, this chapter definitly didn't feel rushed at all.
I'm just saying that the clop FELT like it was there simply for the sake of clop. While it likely will have lots of impact later on, it felt a little bit random with the sudden Fluttershy clop. Then with the Twilight clop being immediately afterwards it caused the Twilight clop to feel a hell of a lot more out of place.
Plus Marcus's sudden willingness to fuck Fluttershy felt sudden and out of place.
882219
I'll probably end up saying this in the commentary, but who the hell cares? I'll say it here too.
the Fluttershy scene was more of an "in the moment" thing than any other 'clop scene.' Sure, it feels sudden, but that's just what happens sometimes. And another thing, I wouldn't go through with a scene unless I am 100% sure that it's valuable to the storyline and that it's believable for the characters in this situation. The "willingness to fuck" as you put it, isn't entirely accurate in this case
and Twilight's scene was meant to be immediately afterwards both to show that Marcus was unwilling and to deal with the immediate problem that was crazed Twilight. It had to happen, unfortunately, that's why it was intentionally made to feel awkward and to just happen.
But beside the facts, your opinion still counts. I'm not disregarding how you feel, I'm just giving you the intentions I had while writing them so you can see why they're written like that
O_o this is awesome please write more soon
MOAR! Still, WHAT will happen with Marcus and Rarity? WILL Rarity forgive him? WHEN will it happen? HOW will it happen? WHAT will Twilight to to Marcus? WHO is next? WHY am I asking YOU all these questions? :3
dat new chapter
881654
881916
882548
882619
882623
Oh, phew. For a little while there, I lost all motivation that anybody even liked the new chapter and I wasn't gonna bother writing more. I guess a few harsh words can kind of do that to ya sometimes, eh?
Yeah, I need to stop dwelling on things.
In any case, thanks to y'all for actually enjoying my work and looking forward to more, guys
882787
Oh yes belive me! I will be waiting for the new chapter! Won't....even......BLINK! ಠ_à²
882803
I second this lol.
882787 I'm still waiting for the rainbowdash you promised me :|
883267
She showed up at least.
and I never promised anyone anything (besides never having to take longer than two weeks to write a chapter). Without giving anything away, I can say that Rainbow Dash is still in the story and her relationship is still part of the story. It's just more spread out than others'.
Thanks for being patient though
Rape-tastic!
Lol. The fact that Fluttershy finally got hers in a manner that suits her personality pleases me.
i demand rainbow dash or AJ next!
At the end though, I guess he never told Celestia or Luna about the run in with Fluttershy, eh? Well, good chapter none the less. Keep up the good work, and good material comes out if I wait, so take your time on the next chapter.
884058
Once again, I can't thank you all enough for being so patient with me. I appreciate it more than you know
882787
Glad I could help you from losing motivation buddy I know how one can feel when they recieved to many or overly negative comments on something you've created. What I have learned is to either ignore them all together or address them while semi-ignoring the comments...if that makes sense
885347
Oh I've dealt with MUCH WORSE, I just naturally smile through it. No big deal
881690 I believe you mean by rut Fluttershy hard you mean slow as hell and carfully?
814815 didn't seem very rapey to me. Twilight however...
Great chapter, it was funny, cute, little disturbing (but that is always needed) and ended on a happy thought, soo yeah, It was excellent in my book
886020
Yea... thats exactly what i ... mean
886220 Oh you dirty dirty boy. Turned on by Fluttershys screaming are you? also from pain when she beats the living shit out of you.
886230
heh heh heh
Why did he have sex with Flutters, again?
Wasn't having sex without knowing if it was consensual or magic hormones the reason why he went to seek comfort in the first place?
How did that lead to being Fluttershy's first?
Not to mention AJ's sudden friendliness with him afterwards.
And then there's raep!Twilight.
But most importantly of all, where the fuck was Spike when Twilight was getting a fucking in the foyer?
886305
Bet spike was sleeping most likely or decided to be a HUGE pervert and watch them go at it >:3
886305
*hums "Heat of the moment"*
No seriously though, it was just what he needed at the point in time. Simplicity and tenderness at the point where he feels most alone and like an outcast, not necessarily "blameitonthesex.mp4"
And AJ's just a naturally friendly character. No worries, we haven't even gotten to a good talking scene with her yet
Also, as for Spike, it's near-evening by this point, and I was going to throw in a line about where he was, but I figured I'd save it for later since it wasn't an immediate thing to notice. I prefer Spike to be more of an active character than he is in the show, since he's still Twilight's assistant, which you'll see later on
886195
887564
Aww shucks. You guys are too kind
I originally didn't have either scene very well planned out, but once I got into them, they flowed very nicely. Especially Fluttershy's, probably just because I am truly a hopeless romantic, and it's most fun to write scenes like this.
Well, this has officially surpased the clopfic territory and straight into mature fic. I'm curious to see where these loose ends you're leaving for us lead to
890279
It wasn't mature before!?
No seriously though, glad you're looking forward to the rest. We're halfway there!
Wait a minute, the story's halfway over?
890329 Already?!
it was a good capt. for me
I think you have a plan behind all of this, so keep it up!
890409
Eeeyup, time flies when I accidentally make you guys wait so long for new chapters, I guess
all that's left is Day 4, another 'Your Human and YOU' side-chapter (if I even feel like it, I might not ), and then Days 5 through 7.
There are only 8 chapters, one for each day of the "week" as well as Day 0. That's how it's always been planned
890444
and yes, I plan these out very meticulously, otherwise the entire flow of the story would just go down the drain. Rest assured, everything happens for a reason (no matter how ridiculous it may be). Thanks for the encouragement
Liked it, keep it up!
895283
Extremely vulgar pony on human talk = Comedy gold, gotcha.
Better start writing the other one...at some point
Hey man, I've been following this story starting more towards the latter half, (I read up to First Impressions the day Mistakes was posted) But I've really enjoyed it a lot. Not to look too exponentially deep into it, but everything behind it so far has made me think a little. Like, how each of the ponies so far represent different types of sex, like Rarity is sex based off of love, and Pinkie is fun happy sex, and Fluttershy is comfort sex, and Twilight and the princesses, um. Well that's a grey area to me, but still I like where this story is going. Everything seems really clever and well planned out, I actually learned a lot of new words from reading it lol. I made this account today just because I wanted to voice an opinion on this story, and possibly motivate you further in writing more. I mean I'm sure there's already plenty of readers involved keeping you going, but I felt obligated in a way to also speak up and just kinda thank you for keeping me entertained on nights I can't sleep. Anyway, I hope that this message has some meaning beyond shameless gushing.
912271
Oh man, you are a kind soul to go ahead and do that just for me. Also, I agree with a lot of your points. I very much kept the theme of the characters to be apparent during their clop scenes and I thank you for being so observant. (and if you're wondering, Twilight's theme is the unexpected )
You have no idea how good it makes me feel when I know that I'm actually entertaining people with my works and they write back saying they actually LIKE it. Seriously, I very much appreciate it
I CAN'T HOLD ALL THIS LOVE, SO YOU HAVE SOME TOO.
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png
Having a boner here, I care not at all, because I have to force it, lol other readers, ya mad?
Sometimes it sucks that Rarity is a proper lady, because I wanted to see her beat him in the middle of that room. Deserves every barbed and venom soaked word, though she probably shouldn't have made such a scene at poor Derpy's party. Then he turns around and sleeps with Fluttershy and Twilight in the same day. The selfish jerk, has he no shame!? Bah, I know this is a clop and the whole focus is him sleeping with them, but that doesn't mean I can't get mad at the main character and want to introduce his bone structure to an aluminum bat at high velocity. Still, even if I down right hate Marcus thus far, I love the story. More please!
What is this, Marcus was put on a mission to buck the mane 6.... and he is a Human.... but everypony is hating on him regardless.... wtf stupid.
882182
No Molestia? Thank you. I hate how ever clop story I find with her ends up turning her into a horrible fanon OC.
That said, the story up to this point is starting to seriously annoy me. To the point where I'm pretty much only getting a slight amount of enjoyment from 1/3 of the scenes. First is Celestia. You say no Molestia, yet the first thing she does is rape him (she forced him with her magic, which as far as I'm concerned is rape). How is that not Molestia? Second is Twilight. You bringing her behavior up in this chapter felt more like a lampshade than anything else, and for the sake of me getting any enjoyment out of this fic I hope you give an amazing explanation.
My final problem is how much of a moron the guy is being in this fic. I mean, I stopped reading for several days after he ran out on Rarity, and it wasn't even him leaving that made me so mad, but his reason for doing so. He's still complaining about not wanting to be with them because they're animals, but that's just completely stupid. No one in his situation could possibly be stupid enough to look at any of them and think, "Oh my, I can't be with Rarity or anyone else! They're all animals! Disgusting, disease filled animals! Oh sure they talk, are intelligent, have built cities and towns and have their own culture and countries and everything else, and sure they bathe and actually don't look like ponies from Earth at all, but they're still animals which makes it all wrong. Sure humans are classified as animals as well, but that's completely different!"
See? There's just nothing to justify it. Especially using it to justify walking out on someone right after telling her he loved her. It just felt like his personality did a 180 at that moment in order to create more drama for the fic.
I'll have sex with her for him