Average Joe's New life.

by Kuroy

Innocence Lost

“AAAAHH NO MY INNOCENCE!!!” Jolting awake, and promptly falling off his bed face first, Joe grumbled in pain.

---

The poor stallion had been dreaming about the time when his young Prench instructor took it upon herself to give him the talk of the birds and the bees.

While normally traumatizing this experience had been expounded upon when she tried to give the young colt of fifteen a “hooves-on” example. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on who you ask, Joe managed at that moment to perfect the teleportation spell he had been trying to do all week.

The teleport to the bathroom had been a fortuitous breakthrough for him. It had given him an outlet for his post teleport nausea and privacy to deal with his “teenage condition.”

---

The floor however was a cruel mistress. It was also dusty and Joe feared he snorted a spider up his nose upon landing.

Grime and possible nasal arachnids aside Joe arose from the floor. Snuffling and sneezing he realized his new home was going to be a real joy to clean.

Before he could collect his thoughts on the subject there was loud pounding coming from downstairs.

He exited his room and proceeded to head downstairs.

Around three-fourths down all the planets aligned in perfect order, this orderly even made a “non-specific” god of chaos sneeze in attempts to restore balance to the universe.

The one perfectly good stair among the staircase broke.

It was very fortunate for Joe that he had just stepped on said stair.

Or unfortunate, chaos and lady luck are both fickle individuals.

Joe rolled fast and hard down the stairs. His momentum carried him over the still floored door. Said door, if it were alive and seeking revenge for being stomped on, would be elated. Joe’s rump hit the knob and the sky blue stallion went for a face first flight. He closed his eyes for what would be no doubt a rough landing.

Lady luck smiled.

Joe landed on something soft. He felt with his hooves. Whatever he had landed on was also fluffy and warm. Daring to see he cracked his eyes open.

A familiar sight of blue in a vista of pink greeted him; this time the pink had a reddish tinge.

“Pinkie?”

For once the pink mare, who had ceased to be silent upon their first meeting, was the one clamming up.

A light bulb went off inside Joe’s head and he looked to the position they where in and of course the placement of his hooves upon her flank.

Nothing about this situation seemed appropriate…

Quite awkward silence.

Meanwhile a lord of chaos realized he hadn’t done enough if the pink glow of Mercury was any indication and with a snap of his paw more chaos spread across the world.

Above Average Joe, doing his part, remained perfectly still as a small spider exited his nose on a silk strand and landed daintily upon the young mare’s muzzle.

Pinkie’s eyes went cross in her attempt to see her new nose neighbor. She smiled and softly whispered.

“Hi, little spider. I know you have lots to do, but I’m in the middle of an awkward scene transition.”

With a nod, said spider made a web parachute and with a gentle blow from Pinkie began his own marvelous journey into the unknown.

A tale for another time.

Joe rolled off the party pony muttering apologies and cursing a door that had gotten fresh with him. Finally the flustered stallion managed to focus on the real question.

“Pinkie, It is nice to see you. What brings you by?”

“Oh right, I just finished the early morning rush with Mr. and Mrs. Cake and was wondering if you still would like that tour of Ponyville.”

“I would really love that Pinkie and again sorry about grabbing your flanks.”

The party pony positioned herself where her flushed face could not be seen. “Its fine silly billy just don’t make it a habit without buying me dinner first.”

The last part didn’t register in Joe’s mind, having been pondering where he needed to go next and not about how supple and nice Pinkie’s flanks had felt.

“Donut had mentioned the new castle. I’d like to see that eventually, but first I would like to visit the library and maybe find some home improvement manuals.”

“Awesome, let’s head to Twilight’s castle.”

Joe paused quizzically.

“But Pinkie I wanted to go to the library.”

Without pause Pinkie replied,

“It exploded, Twilight has dedicated the castle’s library for the public use.”

“So…the library…Exploded?”

“Yeah, it was during Twilight’s epic battle with lord Tirek. That’s also why there are no mountains over there.” Pinkie did not motion in any direction.

Joe being curious couldn’t stop, “Over where?”

Instantly face to face with an all to serious pink pony there was only one word.

“Exactly.”

The dumbfounded stallion was starting to regret his curiosity. Did all questions in Ponyville lead to more questions or was this just when dealing with Pinkie. He was none to eager to find out.

After a short trot he finally spotted the castle.

“How did I miss that?” The castle was a huge crystal tree house slash castle slash, HOW THE HELL?

Musings aside the castle seemed to be missing something that Joe was so used to seeing in Canterlot. He just couldn’t put his hoof on it.

Brushing the feeling aside he and Pinkie made their way inside. Pinkie was yelling for someone named Spike and was met with a return call further down the hallway.

They finally made their way to where the sound had originated. The library, apparently, was enormous. While mostly empty the shelves extended to three floors. The room itself was large and circular and could easily be mistaken for the whole trunk of the tree-castle.

In the center of the room was a large table littered and piled with books, scrolls, and other studying paraphernalia and in the center of it all in a large red loveseat sat the

Princess of Friendship,

Alicorn of magic,

Twilight Mother bucking Sparkle.

Author's Note:

Note: Updates will be slow and small as I am a horrible writer, also if you dislike my spacing do some pull up with your thumbs. We are gonna do some Power scrolling.

Comments

[garfan]

Haven't read it yet, but there needs to be a scene where the character explains that and the pony he's talking to busts out laughing

[Immortan Joe]

Oh, I see you wrote a story about me?