Times of the Essence

Today the Pegasus ponies have scheduled a thunderstorm and Twilight must complete her busy to-do list if she has any hope in getting home and relaxing in her nice warm bed before the rain comes. However, moments after waking up, it's already proving to be quite the task. Having made plans for Rainbow Dash and Applejack, she can't help but make sure to get things done on time. If she doesn't hurry, she will get caught in the storm.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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Raidium

Raidium #1 · May 25th, 2012 · · ·

This is my very first fanfic I have ever written so constructive criticism would be appreciated, thank you!!

Kolwynia

Kolwynia #2 · May 26th, 2012 · · ·

This was wonderful. Your writing is solid, and the story is just a perfect slice-of-life tale. It feels very much like an episode of the show, but with more of a certain brown pony. (I love how he is reading a book when he is rescued. I'm assuming it was the same book. Just a nice little detail.) Your Twilight feels very much like Twilight from the show. Anyway, thumbs up from me.

Lycan_01

Lycan_01 #3 · May 26th, 2012 · · ·

Alrighty, having read this story, I have to say...

Good job, bro.

You told a pretty good tale. The plot seemed like something you'd see in one of the episodes, which is pretty nifty. And it had a few really good scenes. Spike making the bed out of pillows for Twilight, for example, was rather heartwarming. And Dr. Whooves showing up at the very end to indirectly save Twilight's life? Quite a nice twist.

Though, I feel I should point out, you have a few spelling and grammatical errors. A few typos, but that's no big deal. You capitalized a few words unnecessarily, though. "Brown Pony" for example, unless that was intentionally done for emphasis. And you put commas at the end of dialogue quotes several times; you put them inside the quotes, unless you're using question marks, exclamation points, or pretty much anything besides a single period. Punctuation is funny like that.

I am, of course, not nitpicking you by any means. Just offering a little bit of constructive criticism.

Congrats on doing so good on your first story. May your next project(s) be just as good, if not better!

Frerichs0

Frerichs0 #4 · May 26th, 2012 · · ·

My likes I give you all.

Raidium

Raidium #5 · May 26th, 2012 · · ·

648750 Thank you very much Lycan_01 for the feedback! I had another friend point out the large amount of errors I had made I'm kinda new to the whole writing thing so I think it would be beneficial for me to brush up on my grammatical knowledge lol I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Lycan_01

Lycan_01 #6 · May 26th, 2012 · · ·

649333 The saying "Practice makes perfect" certainly rings true. Keep up the good work, and you'll get the hang of it soon enough. And don't get discouraged or anything; I've been writing fan fics for nearly 10 years, and I still make mistakes...