The land of Alkarzar is a relatively new country, until about a 25 years ago, a colony of the Principality of Shangdai. Following 10 years of Isolationism, Alkarzar is starting to open up, extending hands of greetings to many of it's close neighbors. This includes the land of Equestria, with which Alkarzar holds a friendly alliance with. In an effort to strengthen their alliance, Alkarzar offers to Equestria one of it's most important and powerful heirlooms, The Solar Staff, personal wand to the first king of Alkarzar.
However, days before the staff is to be delivered, it is stolen by a shadowy group. Not knowing what they intend to do with the staff, King Asher, ruler of Alkarzar, sends his six best mages to retrieve it. Celestia, fearing what the group could accomplish with the artifact, sends the six wielders of the Elements of Harmony to help. What could this group be planning? Can the twelve retrieve the staff before something terrible happens? Only Time will tell.
Special Thanks to the Editor of this story Longshot.
So, tell me what you guys think.
Comments and Criticisms are greatly appreciated.
Heya! I'm here from the "Useful Feedback" group, where you asked for some general feed back as well as feedback specifically on the action scene.
Generally, I'd say that you have a lot of interesting concepts here but might want to reveal them through means other than exposition dialogue. I think it would be more effective if you slowly revealed details over the course of the story versus having characters doing a big wall of text speech to bring readers up to date on what's what. Regarding the action scene, I thought it was generally very solid. I felt I had a good sense of what was going on and when, which is always important in an action scene. My main suggestion for improvement here would be to see if you could shorten your sentences--shorter sentences, with fewer words and filler, help to create a sense of urgency and quick movement, which are both good to have in actions scenes.
Hope some of this was helpful! Write on!