Apple Bloom loves her only sister Applejack very much, but she can't find the courage she needs to express it. Every day she gets a little stronger through adventures bonding her and Applejack together. But soon, an accident rampages through the Apple family farm, and Apple Bloom is forced to stay at Twlight Sparkle's when the family searches for a missing Applejack.
After a few days living in the warmth of Twilight's tree library, Apple Bloom is ready to express her love to Applejack. But with her sister missing and the only others she could express to are a dragon and a Princess, whom could Apple Bloom express this love to? And whom may Apple Bloom grow a new love for, a love that expands with each given day?
A cute, sad story that I had in the back of my mind for a while. I like to think of Apple Bloom looking up to Twilight Sparkle and Applejack, and when I put it into words, this is what, originally, I came up with. Some edits may be soon.
I like the premise and, if you're a good writer, this story could pan out to be very good. My one complaint so far is that you assume everyone will read the description like it's the first chapter, giving little exposition in the actual first chapter. It's like assuming people will read the back of the book before starting the actual book and writing from that. Other than that though, I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter.
Hi, I'm back! I just wanted to say fuck that cliff-hanger and fuck this chapter. Kidding. Really though, that cliff-hanger felt way to rushed to be serious and I thank you for not rushing the plot... Or advancing it for that matter. Seriously, this chapter serves no point other than to hammer in that Applebloom loves Applejack but you choose to convey it in the weirdest way possible. Writing is ok but instead of weird dreams just use good exposition in the first chapter. That's all.
Edit: Corrected It to Or
Edit 2: Clarified meaning in explaining the weirdness of the point of this chapter
Edit 3: Corrected witness to weirdness in edit 2 (fuck autocorrect)
Edit 4: Changed convert to convey fuck autocorrect 2.0
6242903 I agree with this guy, but other than that this is well, written, and has a lot of potential. One thing I suggest you do early on is provide background details about when Applejack went missing and what was she last seen doing to kind of give the reader more knowledge and suspense.
6242903
Sorry
I'm one of those people that always read the description of a story before actually reading it. I just wanted people to know what the story was about, but maybe I DID got too far. Do you suppose I should shorten the description?
6243097
That's what I was kind of going for when Apple Bloom had the flashback when she was looking at her family scrapbook. The last thing she was doing, as told by the book, was bucking apples off trees with Apple Bloom. I guess it would be okay if I added a chapter just for a nice flashback.
6243391 More like a dream than a flashback. Flashbacks are memories of something that happened, this is more she was looking at the scrapbook and had a dream about it. I see what you were going for though.
6243382
The description is a bit long but instead of shortening it, add a bit of it to the first chapter as exposition, which is the main thing I've complained about. Seriously, your story is great so far other than the lack of exposition and content.
Fuck auto correct (Edit) exploitation too exposition
Not bad, I actually enjoyed. Can't wait for what els you have in store. Keep up the good work.
One more thing, you haven't really described why Applebloom loves Applejack. You may have plans for that later but I'm just pointing it out.
6244128
Okay! The edits may take a while to be published, because I am so busy.
6244147
Yeah, I do have plans for that later.
6244144
Awwww thank you!
6244117
It was meant to be a flashback...