• Member Since 12th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

TheGentlemanCreeper


T

Retiring as Colonel of the Equestrian Air Force, you figured the rest of your days would be spent sipping a mai-tai by the beach... Not wet work. But after Queen Chrysalis' attack on Canterlot, traitors are a plenty and the Princesses need someone they can trust... Someone like you.

So welcome to the world of espionage and counter-intelligence.

One of my commissioned works in the development. Hope you enjoy it.

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 169 )

Finally something new for my list of favorites...
Gonna read it later - I'm at the university right now but I bet it will be as awesome as the rest of your storys^^

Awesome!
Guo xia? What's that?

640111
Oohhh...Well this is slightly embarrassing! I didnt know that, and I'm Chinese!:rainbowlaugh:

Finally!!! :rainbowdetermined2:

What a twist!

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

СCoooooooooooooooooooooooool. Tracking NAO

Seriously, good stuff. Sneaky sneaky...

There are going to be Metal Gear references. I can smell them.

Now THAT is dedication to fieldcraft. Any idiot can say they're a spy but for his handler to be willing to be a punching-bag for the good of the realm makes her almost scarier than the changeling he's hunting.

640363

If you think that's impressive, just wait... Ditzy has a lot of tricks up her sleeve.

640450
I always like it when Ditzy is portrayed as a competent character, and you can't get any more competent than an undercover agent, now can you? I'm looking forward to finding out how much of her cover is a clever and elaborate act!

This is a very promising start, I think I'm going to enjoy this a lot! :twilightsmile:

Woohoo! New creeper story! As always, a good read!

I did notice that you used the word foot in there, when the colonel is threatening Thunderbolt. Unless he picked up that lingo dealing with Griffons or Diamond Dogs, I think that might be a bit of a slip :P

Fuckin' A xD. God I love your shit.

640787
I was going to use the word "hoof" and then I realized it sounded like he was threatening him with a good time, so I went with "foot" since ponies technically have feet. >.>

640939
Just making sure it was intentional and not a slip of the tongue :P

640450
:pinkiehappy: Oh, this is going to be great! Badass Ditzy is best Ditzy! I'm eagerly looking forward to more.

What a spectacular start, can't wait to see how this develops!

Damn, you had me thinking the informant was Rarity, clever, clever. :pinkiehappy:

Haven't even read the story and I already love it!

I can't wait to read this once I have the time :twilightsmile:

i just crapped enough bricks to build mother Russia:derpyderp2:

641460
Ow. You should probably see a doctor. That doesn't sound healthy.

641531well, i dont see how he could help with that, considering he works with aliens and ti- oh, you mean a doctor:pinkiecrazy:

This is going to be awesome!

ok standing up for ditzy and wait sitzys a spy/ army person
:rainbowkiss::heart::derpytongue2:

ok i dont mean derpy and rainbow dash

This has a lot of potential. I caught a couple points of misplaced or forgotten words and only one instance where you switched from second to third person. Overall, I'm really liking it. I've a big covert-ops/counter-intel buff so this was right up my alley.

A little constructive criticism, though. Give your characters a bit more of an even personality. Not everyone will smirk or laugh at most things, and their demeanor will not change in a heartbeat. What I mean is, if Luna's going to be a cold, hard, facts type of person then she's got to stay into those facts. She probably wouldn't loosen up or get overly flustered. (Although, that was hilarious.) There were a few times with Celestia and Luna, and the part where he hugged Trapper's "fiance" that felt a little out of character. The Colonel seems like a he has a soft spot for the ladies but you have to take into account that he probably wouldn't drop to hug her so quickly. A hoof on her shoulder would've been, I feel, a bit more in character for him.

Also, be careful with too much quick swapping between scenes. If one feels too short, it probably is. You can either draw it out (Not always the best option) or try to combine it with another scene. The one in particular I mean on this one is the scene with him waking up and going to get cleaned up for the day. While I assume the grandfather line was a bit of foreshadowing, the whole scene felt a little out of place/forced.

Like I said in the beginning, this has a LOT of potential to be a great story but you have to stay on point the whole time. I know this seems like a lot of negativity but I only mean it to help your writing. Espionage is a field near and dear to my heart and I love to see well written novels about it. So, I'm trying to be as constructive as I can. Keep writing this though. Very interested to see where it goes.

You had me interested up to the point when you gave the character that you described as me personally the name of shining armor. I liked the feel of this was me not some other character, it was new and innovative.

647462 He didn't give the Colonel a name as far as I saw. Shining Armor was simply there and a part of the conversation.

Something makes me think this
Edit: IF you're wondering this is what cloppers use for inspiration

647462

Sorry, just getting to this comment... I never named him Shining Armor. Shining Armor was there in the briefing.

664761sir,
I LOVE THIS!
I mean it
I LOVE IT!:raritystarry:

WE SAY,"PLEASE SIR, CONTINUE THIS FANTASTIC STORY AND GRACE ALL OF THE BRONIES WITH ITS PRECSENCE!

DUN Dun dhannnnnn!

Had to refresh teh page a few times to make sure this was really there.

So happeh! It updated! This is gun be gud!

This was good. Holy shit they could be more awkward around eachother xD

I really like where this is going.

1. YAAAAAAAAAAY UPDAAAAAATE!
2. Pinkie is going to walk in on them. I know it.

“Princess Celestia herself, actually.”

After reading that, this is all I can think of.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m14h0if0yK1r3xauuo1_r2_500.png

“Exactly,” she says with a small nod. “And this is your first lesson... Social stealth. Here we are, out in the open, about to talk about sensitive information and I’m more than comfortable here. Because the other ponies? They don’t care. They aren’t listening to what we have to say. They’re too concerned with what they’re gonna have for dinner or where to buy the best tea. And even if they want to hear us, they can’t hear anything over the drone of the crowd.”

Just had to put that out there. :pinkiehappy:

Badass DerpyDitzy and sexual tension, oh my! Faved, subscribed and upvoted, just pleasepleaseplease don't take another seven months for the next chapter.

Ah, good times. When the email notification for this story showed up in my inbox, I forgotten which one it was. Now I remember, and I am looking forward to more of this and the other stores. Also, I noticed a typo. During the fire-pony store, you have smike, instead of smoke. It may have already been changed. But still a great story.

Huzzah! It lives! :pinkiehappy:

Loving the story thus far. I hope we get to see Ditzy juggling identities around her kids at some point. That should be fantastic.
I look forward to more, whenever it may come.

Seeing this updated made my night, no better way to spend the day after work! Continue your great work sir, I cannot wait to see another update!

it gets better and better. I knew this had promise.

This is kinda funny. Agent Derpy is awesome! Can't wait for more! :pinkiehappy:

You always busting my chops.

?

All right, IT'S BACK!

Is Ditzy giving Flare the cold shoulder because she's worried about becoming attached to her colleague?

Sweet funky junk it's here!
I'm loving this dynamic.
Impromptu gyny exam, that had me in stitches for hours.

They’re great for what ails you. And go great soy sauce.”

I think you missed a with.

But then again, we really should trouble Mr. Chaser. I mean, he is quite a busy pony after all.”

Do you mean shouldn't?

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I hoped people would find that little scene funny... I was nervous for a while, thinking people would say something about it being tasteless.
2637349
No, I missed a "with". Thanks for pointing that out. If you see any other problems, let me know. ^.^

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