Well, it certainly is well-written. I'm interested in seeing where you'll take with this.

Also:

"various Tom Clancy novels"

An author after my own heart.

This looks really good. Please continue.

that was a great first chapter,you got me hooked

This seems a lot like my story. A lot like it.

Gunsmith? check

Badass? check

Character is from Ohio? Check (Youngstown to be exact)

I could name more but I am busy reading.

Not bad though even if you are copying. (I'm not claiming you are but I can't discount the fact you might be)

(A link to my story for evidence: 'Devil's Due')

All American, thank you for pointing out the similarity to your story. I'm hoping the following chapters will be less similar to your story or any other, but I will state that it is quite hard to come up with a scenario leading to the events I plan for my story. The character in the story is based upon myself, and this is fairly close to what I am like, save the age (and being a badass; I had no intention of coming off as one, I consider myself more of a nerd, but thanks for the compliment whether you meant it as one or not. I do indeed strive to become a gunsmith, and live in Ohio.). I had no intention of plagiarizing any story, and I have never read Devil's Due; though I may have to do so, now, both to avoid too much more similarity and because it seems like I would enjoy reading it. Again, I sincerely apologize, and had no intentions to copy you or anyone else.

Thanks to all you others who have read, commented upon, and rated the story; I greatly appreciate it. I should be releasing some more chapters soon, I am nearly done with the second chapter already.

I'm trying to stray away from the stereotypical versions of this type of story and create something that is familiar to read in a good way. If I begin to head towards a stereotype (making myself more badass than I really am, overdoing things, etc.), please, show it with comments and ratings.

Again, I really do appreciate this stuff. Thanks for reading!

*looks around* Good I see no flames...That means... Keep writing

>>641686641686

Well, I am an actual gunsmith but I never actually stated my character's previous life. Now that I have read this, I can see that there is a stark contrast between our stories and I retract my previous statement.

Carry on son.

The only flames that will be in this story will be those inside a forge, a furnace, an oven, or a reference to them, so try not to fear for now.

All American, glad I could clear that up, hopefully my second chapter (which I am releasing shortly) will continue to please. I also envy you for your excellent career.

On to writing, tally-ho!

Chapter Two is released, and is twice as long as One. The fun has been doubled, no?

The main basis of the story begins there. Consider Chapter One a prologue and an introduction to my writing methods.

I hope you all enjoy. Chapter Three will most likely arrive this weekend.

Again, feedback and criticism is greatly appreciated!

Interesting...

Go on.

*waits for more*

Chapter Three released. Dialogue and sandwiches are fun, right?

Tell me what you think, everyone.

Well you have 2 options.. Keep writing. or don't and i come look for you and make you write. See all good.

Glad you like it, Rarely. I don't plan on stopping now, the OCD in me is preventing me from doing that.

Also, I'm noting a few more dislikes have been added. What's up, readers? Tell me what is wrong with my story; I want to improve it, truly, but I need feedback from you all to do so. Leave comments saying what you like and don't like, alright? I'll attempt to shape the story to make it better and a more enjoyable read.

Thanks again, everyone.

Edit: I noticed the end of Ch. 3 was a bit on the Shegorath side; I had been working on 3 for about 4 hours straight, I must have been pretty worn out by 3 A.M. last night (err, morning?). Redid the ending a bit more seriously. Ch 4. will be coming soon.

Chapter Four. Less pain, more muffins. Again, feedback from you guys for me is like Apple family cider for Dash. Leave a comment about what you think of the chapter, a different chapter, the story, my mother, I appreciate it all greatly, be it criticism or praise (except maybe in the case of my mother, I don't take kindly to that).

Also, Chapter Five may be coming sometime Monday, maybe Tuesday. I apologize that there will most likely be a time delay. Being a closet brony means PC time is a hard commodity to acquire without detection.

I've written a story called Dropping In that is an HiE fic as well. Creepy. I apologize in advance for lacking any feedback for you, as romance stories are ones I tend to avoid. Just, the title caught my eye. As in All American's case, the story is not the same as mine, even if it shares some elements, (In my fic, the character meets his favorite pony and goes on an adventurous romp to save the entire universe, which is, as far as I can tell, not what this story is about, at all.) so don't worry about it.

"Crystal Pelvis"

Good chapter.

Image: http://www.troll.me/images/american-psycho/ive-had-enough-of-these-fucking-cliffhangers-thumb.jpg

Write faster!!!

I do not see how anyone can really hate this. Is it because it isn't a clop? Like, c'mon. This is pretty good. I don't read many stories on FIM for a reason. I get dissapointed.

This is an exception.

Your story seems pretty awesome to me. I don't understand all the thumbs down, but i think if more people stumble upon this, the amount of thumbs up will increase. You're doing a great job at giving descriptive detail and showing the characters personalities. I always enjoy a good story about some new character ending up in Ponyville. Please continue, looking forward to it.

>>658487658487

Where do you usually go to read better stories? Equestria Daily?

hey this story is going pretty good so far earth blows up, get sent to equestria...yep thats a dream come true..lol but seriously besides nothing to interesting has happened and it drags on a bit in the last two chapters thats the only thing that sticks out as why someone would dislike this story. Still cant wait to read more!

IncoherentOrange: I'm too lazy to check the dates on who created their story first, but either way I know that's purely coincidental. When thinking of a title, I was hoping I wouldn't mistakenly use a title extremely similar to another; looks like I came close, haha. I am glad, though, that our stories differ in context; I despise plagiarism as much as an English teacher, and have no intention of plagiarizing anyone, even if by accident.

DMDeck: I enjoyed writing a story within a story, especially one about an obvious play off of another hat-wearing treasure hunter many are familiar with.

All American: So have I. Forty-eight hours is too long to be away from my computer. Ch. 5 is coming ASAP, as are other chapters.

All others: Thanks! I appreciate the feedback, guys. Positive feedback is a nice bonus, too. I'm just going to keep writing until I feel I've made a proper story. And again, my apologies for taking some time on this. It would be nice if I could write nonstop; for now, bear with me.

Chapter Five. One more functioning appendage and internal questioning. Sorry it turned out a bit shorter, I had no desire for it to, but I can't think of much else to add. Chapter Six coming hopefully early Wednesday morning (U.S. EST) or early Thursday morning.

>>661994661994 I don't read any stories at FIM or EqD. I just don't like to read, I prefer writing. (Except books in real life.)

When I say "This is an exception", I mean that this has caught my eye well enough to make me read it. Which is a good thing.

Image: http://cdn.thatssotrue.com/2011/11/26/thatssotrue.com_655_1329514641.gif

An now I wait.

Shadowflash: Glad I have held your attention with my story, I appreciate your reading of it.

All American: Beginning 6 tonight. Depending on how long it stretches, it will either be done tonight or tomorrow. Nice .gif, by the way.

I await another chapter. Don't disappoint.. then again its had to disappoint me. So far I will give you my RD of approval

Chapter Six, hooray! Flying ponies and weekends. Seven will be coming soon, tomorrow at best, the following day at worst. Tell me what you think.

I like where this is going.

Also, it was sort of funny imagining the dumb smile on Ferrum's face suddenly transforming into a "wait, shit" face, and then, momentarily, to an "OHFUCKSHITSHIT" face.

You, sir, have earned a watch.

Oh, snap. What's going to happen next? Or a better question: just what exactly did he do?

If Dash says 'Are you a spy' or at least something like that. I'm going to laugh.

Rarelygood: I laughed pretty damn hard at that. I don't think I can do that without compromising the seriousness of the moment, though. "Are you a wizard" probably won't fit too well either.

Starting on the next chapter now. I hope to finish it by tonight, tomorrow if not.

>>673442673442 Well you better write at the speed of a Sonic Rainboom

It wasn't delivered as quickly as a break of the spectrum barrier, but here is Chapter 7. The plot thickens? I don't really have a witty description for this one. Likely due to a lack of sleep. Oh well. Let me know what you think of it, everyone.

No Are you a spy. But Stalker Ha! Ya got me to smile the whole time while i read this. Now then continuebeforeifigureoutwereyouliveandforceyoutowrite

She should have kicked his flank anyway.

Rarelygood: I'll uhh...I'll get on that.

Alaborn: Probably. The character's a real ass. Get it? Like, a donkey? Ahh, nevermind. He's a pony anyways.

I'm going to start on another chapter tonight. I might not finish due to how late I'm able to access my computer, and I apologize for that. Expect Ch. 8 tomorrow night. This is the internet, go have fun while you're waiting. Go angrily flame on forums, or look up funny cat videos. Or re-watch every episode, re-re-watching those containing Rainbow Dash. Again, I am sorry to keep you waiting, readers. Please don't come to my house and attempt to slice my jugular vein and/or windpipe.

Edit: Started on 8, am around a third of the way through it, I think. I have to stop or else I'll die of sleep deprivation. Sorry, readers. Tomorrow, most definitely.

Yes! More is on the way! Guess this means i don't have to slice your jugular...

>>681835681835 Don't slice his jugular it only means we will never get more!

Either way I'm going to be sleeping with my KA-BAR under my pillow from now on. I'm thinking this will be a longer chapter. We'll see by tonight, today, whatever this time period is called.

Hooray, long chapter, Chapter 8 is out. Horrible pancakes and a tour of a cloud city. Being that this is a longer chapter, let me know if you readers are okay with its length or find it to be too drawn out. Or, maybe I left out things that you all feel need to be added in, making the chapter even longer. Feedback is welcome, desired, and appreciated, please and thank you.

Hearth's Warming Eve ay? wells its no hearts and hooves day but still.....

Image: http://i39.tinypic.com/263jwxu.png

ive been waiting to use that pic for so long now.....

Yep, Chapter 9 will be based on Hearth's Warming Eve. Holidays are odd to write about, by the way; I'm hoping the chapter will turn out good. Luckily, pony holidays seem pretty simple, so we'll see what I can do. I'll be beginning on and hopefully finishing 9 by tonight.

Also, America, hell yeah!

You're cool, too, Europe.

and she replies that her and five friends plan on having dinner together at Cupcake Corner. <--   I do believe it is Sugarcube Corner Edit: Unless its actually meant to say that then ignore me XD

>>685730685730

Thank you, kind sir. You are quite correct and I will change that immediately. It's been too long since I've watched MLP. About a month, I think.

Edit: All fixed. Spaced out the second to last paragraph a little more, too. Seemed to be getting too...wall-y. Not Wally, Wally is a name.

Readers, I sincerely apologize. Chapter 9 will have to be delayed a bit. It's turned out to be a very long chapter. I could split it into two parts, but I'd like to attempt to maintain some chronological order; splitting up Chapters 2 and 3 threw me for a loop when figuring out the date in the story, and I'd like to avoid that again. It will come tomorrow unless I die a horrible, fiery/jugular related death. Again, I am very sorry to keep you waiting.

Edit: Based on just how long the chapter turns out, I may have to split it into Chapters 9 and 10. I'll begin typing and see where I end up.

In case I run out of time, and due to chapter Nine's original length, I have published Nine. Chapter 10, or really Chapter-9-Part-2, will hopefully be finished by tonight. If not, definitely tomorrow. I'm about halfway through it at the point of writing this comment. Please let me know what you think of the new chapter and the overall story, any flaws you may find, and anything else. Thanks.

Many of the houses look the same, and there are hundreds, even thousands of these Nordic style wooden houses, spread in circles around the town's center.

Is that a elder scrolls reference i spy?

i play elderscroll games too much... mainly oblivion and skyrim .... seriously if u combine my 2 main skyrim accounts alone i have over 200 hours of gameplay on them....... i was addicted........ dont judge me

>>693757693757

I do play Skyrim, and the housing in Ponyville reminds me of it. Plus, actual Nordic architecture does look like that, or at least medieval Nordic architecture does. It got a good picture of what the housing looked like into your head, though, which is why I used the Nordic reference.

Also, stealth archer-assassin, level 63. It's a fun game.

>>693773693773 stealth archer assasin u say? i went more for conjuration though nothings quite as fun as being cloaked and insta killing poeple with a dagger . though i do agree with u. the architecher (i fail at spelling) does look alot like nordic ruins. though on a side note i havent played skyrim in a couple of weeks due to 2 reasons

1 i relised im a bit too addicted

2 i accedently use that storm shout only it was all 3 words of power ..... in solutude..... 67k bounty.......... in my defence it was funny

>>693791693791

Totally worth it.

Okay, everyone. I'm nearly done with Chapter 10, or part two of 9, whatever you want to call it, but not fully done. It's getting too late, and I need to get some sleep. I am sorry I couldn't finish 10 tonight. I feel behind now. Hopefully I can catch up at some point. Thanks for being patient, 10 will be hopefully coming tomorrow. Feedback is 20% more cool than normal comments.

>>693825693825 >>693791693791 Psh you people can have your spells and stealth I'll just charge straight in duel wielding swords.

>>696007696007 well not to show off or anything but..... my main char has lev 100 in the following stats 1 and 2 handed conjuration smithing archery sneak  destruction and many more i cant think of right now.... its too late at night and i need to sleep .... oh and hes a khajitt ..... so basically no matter what i do in skyrim... i end up completely owning them in 10 seconds flat

and trust me by the time ur that op charging in and killing them all just feels to easy so i like to challenge my self by seeing how many i can kill before i get caught  

>>693825693825 Also --> Rainbow Dash gives a slight slight smirk at my slip-up and shrugs. <--- are there supposed to be 2 slights? just wondering

>>697069697069

You are amazing at pointing these things out. Thanks, again.

Damn! Ten turned out to be very long. And to think it originally started out as a part of Nine. Feedback on both chapters is the best possible thing, including on if Ten is too long. I can split it into another part, making an Eleven if needed.

Speaking of which, I have at least reached Chapter Ten, maybe Eleven. Milestone? Possibly. For this "milestone", I'd like to ask you readers and critics a question on the side. How accurately do you all think I am portraying Rainbow Dash in this fic? Have I captured her brash outer personality accurately, as well as her softer, actual personality? I'd appreciate some opinions and thoughts on this.

So:

1: Feedback on 9 and 10. Does 10 need to be split as well, into 10 and 11, is it too long?

2: General questions, comments, concerns, criticisms, corrections.

3: How accurately do you think I am portraying Rainbow Dash and her personality (or personalities) in this fic?

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it all, taking the time to leave a comment, reading the story, criticizing, supporting, correcting, all of it.

SECOND? XD and in my opinion there is nothing wrong with length. I see nothing wrong here. But then again I'm no expert. I'm watching this story and I hope you don't disappoint.

well i dont write much (not true u write all the time u just never bothered to post anything) SHUT UP BRAIN.....

ok where was i? oh yes well i dont think 10 needs to be split as to me a chapter is supposed to be based on one particuar event and the meeting of the mane 6 is the event that this chapter covers.

the only negitive thing i can think of is that i think spike warmed up to ferrum a bit too quickly

and lastt but not least i cant see anything off with rainbows personality so far and im looking forward to ur future post's. also grats on the 10 milestone

Image: http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/113/d/9/spike_swag_by_sandperv-d4xcyyn.jpg

Alright, I'll keep 10 the length it is now. *twitches from OCD* If anyone else would like to share an opinion on 10's length, feel free to do so.

Anyways. Shadowless, after I wrote that, I did think it to be a little odd how fast I made Spike trust Ferrum. Thinking about it, Spike is a little more hesitant than that, seeing as he actually hasn't told many ponies he likes Rarity, if I recall correctly. Excellent picture, by the way.

I'll remove Spike confiding in Ferrum and replace it with more general conversation, or just remove it overall. Let me know what you think, readers, of the story, the new chapter(s), my earlier question, of the changes I make, et cetera. Thanks.

Edit: Okay, so no more Spike trusting Ferrum yet. Maybe in a later chapter. I've replaced it with one of my trains of thought on my appreciation of plasma. Let me know what you think of the changes. It's near the end of 10 if you don't recall where Spike and Ferrum's conversation is.

Also; I will not be writing tonight, so 11 will have to wait. I've been depriving myself of sleep writing, so I'm going to catch up tonight. Sorry for the inconvenience. If I could run on no sleep, believe me, I would. I appreciate your patience, everyone.

this is awsome,i love it

see no real flaws in this,it seem like you did do your best to make the main person/pony seem naturel

The length of Chapter 10 seemed appropriate to me. The purpose of the whole thing seemed to be to explain him finally meeting the Mane 6, which it fulfilled. The personality of the characters appeared spot on to me, so you're good there as well. As for Spike trusting Ferrum, i don't really understand why he wouldn't trust him in the first place. I would mainly think that Spike would be relieved to finally have another guy to talk to once in a while. Not really sure why Spike would react otherwise when seeing Ferrum, but hay, it's your story, so do whatever you feel is necessary. I'm excited to see more soon.  

Thanks for the opinions so far, I appreciate it. Continue to share, I'd like to hear as many opinions as possible.

Down to business. Now that I have some sleep under my belt, I can think more clearly; and I want to keep it that way. Sadly, that means I'm going to be sleeping more and typing less. Chapters will likely come at a slower rate from this point forward, in general; something like every other day. I may get lucky sometimes and finish a chapter in a day, other times it may take a few days, if it's a longer chapter, like 10. I'll try to keep you all posted on my progress day-to-day, give you an estimate of when a chapter will arrive, et cetera.

I apologize for this, sincerely. I do not wish to delay progress or keep you all waiting, but I would rather type with a clear mind than a sleep-deprived one. I have every intention to finish this story to the best of my abilities, even if it means cranking it out at a slightly slower rate.

Basically, expect chapters a little less frequently, but know that I will not abandon this story. I may get more chapters in on some weekends, not really sure. You've all been really patient with me so far, and I hope you continue to remain that way.

Again, I am sorry to slow things down, even if it is by a day or two at a time.

I'm beginning work on 11 tonight. Let's see how far I can get.

Edit: About 1/2, 1/3 of the way through 11. Making good progress, expect to finish it tomorrow, following night at latest.

Okay, looks like 11 will have to come tomorrow. I'm hitting the 5-6k word range again, so this is turning out to be a longer chapter. Sorry for making you guys wait, I appreciate your patience with me.

Get a job, you lazy bum! Here's Chapter 11. Sorry it took so long to complete, I didn't think it would be such a lengthy chapter. Questions, comments, or concerns? Share it here, let me know what's on your mind.

Thanks, everyone.

One comment... Write faster! XD I hate waiting for a good story to update. Also Second!

Good chapter.

another good chapter my friend i shall be waiting in anticipation for the next chapter

You guys are pretty damn awesome. I apologize again for not writing faster, I'm trying while still attempting to get some sleep. Probably can't write tonight, computer won't be available. I've got some more chapters planned out, though, so fear not, they will come fairly soon.

Mas realimentacion por favor. Me gusta realimentacion mucho.

Also, I would like to thank all of you who have favorite-d the story so far. I would thank each of you individually, but there are quite a few of you and I'm also lazy as hell. I highly appreciate the notion, and am happy to see my story has been entertaining enough to earn your favorites. The same goes to everyone who has liked the story, disliked the story, commented on it, or just read it in general; I am very grateful for all of your support, criticism, and everything else. Again, you all are pretty damn awesome, and I thank you.

This is why I hate reading "incomplete" stories. You read a set of chapters and it starts to get really good, but then you have to wait for an update once you get to the last completed chapter...sigh...

I have enjoyed your story sir/madam, and I eagerly await your next chapter.

...Yup, still awesome. Keep up the good work.

Sir, and thank you. I agree, incomplete stories are not awesome. I'm working as quickly as I can, while still trying to make the story a good read and dealing with the small amount of time I have to write.

Starting on 12, and it will likely come tomorrow or the following day.

Edit: Made a good start on 12. I enjoy starting off with a morning scene, they give off a peaceful vibe for me. Hopefully I'll make much more progress tomorrow.

And, there we go. Chapter 12, released on June 12th. Worked out nicely, I think. Back to a normal sized chapter, for now. I have a feeling the next one will be a little more lengthy. Expect it in a few days.

As always, I would greatly appreciate feedback on the new chapter, the entire story, and anything else!

Also (minor spoiler): In the portion of Chapter 12 where the process of steelmaking is described, I am unsure as to the actual process. This seems to be how it is done, through purification of iron, as I have been able to pick up from the wonderful-yet-vague Internet. However, if it is not, let me know how I may more correctly describe the process. Thanks.

derp...

DUN DUN DUN

*looks and sees that the story has updated* YES! *reads it quickly while trying to remember everything* Awwww man the chapter's over.. XD *waits for another*

*uses thick French accent* BEGIN ZE CRAZY SHIT!

>>735660735660

I've actually found myself going back and rereading parts of earlier chapters to keep myself on track with what has traversed in the story. I have no idea how actual novel writers keep track of things.

Probably a hell of a lot of Post-It notes.

>>740528740528 I wouldn't be surprised

Alright, I got a good start on 13 tonight. I'm expecting it to come in two more days. I'll be very lucky if I finish it by tomorrow.

Edit: Alright, looks like it will come tomorrow, following day at latest. I will make sure that it does even if I have to sacrifice a few hours of sleep (the nice part about being on break for the summer is being able to sleep in). The chapter is getting somewhat lengthy, hitting about 5k tonight. If it gets near 10k, though I doubt it will, I will split the chapter into two; this goes for future chapters as well.

I again apologize for taking so long on these things. This weekend may be able to speed things up temporarily. I truly do appreciate how patient you readers have been with me and my slow writing. Thank you, again.

Edit (again): This chapter may actually be a double chapter. I've found more to add to it, so, maybe. Almost certainly tomorrow, I see no reason why it will not come tomorrow, but I cannot predict the future. Sorry to keep everyone waiting, hopefully it will be worth it.

great story. keep going

Okay: 13 and 14 are out. 13 ended up being 11k, so I cut it into two parts. Hearts and Hooves Day ended up being quite the interesting day. ope you guys enjoy it, hope the wait was worth it, hope I'll crank out some more progress on 15 tomorrow. Please let me know of any errors, grammatical and chronological; I did these chapters while fairly tired. As always, feedback is what I want, good and bad, it's all helpful.

Also: Sorry if the chapters are a bit hinky. I have one unpublished chapter that is actually a schedule for myself, planning out future chapters. Sorry if this messes up the order of the chapters; by the time the story is finished, the schedule will be gone and it will smooth over.

Thanks, everyone.

D,Awwwwwwwww

ok first off great chapter my daaaaw o meter has broken again  from too much daw

and second i believe i found and error

"Buy?" Fluttershy asks, cutting off my stream of thoughts. "You can have my flowers for free, I don't want any many for them. If that's okay with you," she adds.

you typed any many there instead of any money

well looking forward to future chapters

*wakes up around a normal time for once XD* 5:30 AM *checks to see if any stories or notifications popped up* Ha Ha! *reads the 2 chapters* damn that went by fast. *begins the waiting game again*

Shadowless, thanks for pointing out the error. I'm working on IE right now instead of my usual Chrome, and on a laptop. My hands and brain do not like.

Glad I could inflict some d'aww. Seems like this double chapter was overall a pretty good one.

Also: I've capitalized the "I" in the "in" of "Just Dropping In". My grammatical senses go against it, being the rule of not capitalizing "the", "it", "of", etc., but it looks nicer. I don't even know why I'm pointing that out. Oh well.

Thanks again, continue reading and commenting!

>>758855758855 Gah! The clop is getting close. I can sense it.

Lol, joking. But, you did well on making sure it lengthened out, instead of an immediate relationship. I might need to take pointers from you.

>>759697759697 Abort! Abort!

No, kidding. If anyone is able to clop to a hug...well, damn, some props to them, that's pretty hardcore.

There won't be any intended clop. At the most, it will be PG stuff, x's, o's, and all that. And if it does come to clop...God help us all.

Kidding, it won't come to clop.

Anyways. Gotta take it slow. Quick relationships usually end as fast as they begin, and slower relationships make for a better read. Oh, hell, what do I know? I've never even had a serious relationship before; what the hell am I doing writing a story of romance?

I have no idea. Oh well.

On a serious note, thanks for the compliment. I hope to be able to keep the relationship drawn out enough to make a good read, but not so lengthy so that it becomes boring. Even with the love-at-first-sight deals, people (and ponies) don't instantaneously fall in deep love. It's like...lifting weights; to build muscle, you don't lift a shitload of weights for one day, you lift smaller amounts that steadily increase over a good-sized portion of time.

I don't have a very good arsenal of analogies, so I'll leave it at that. On a general note, I am making a start on the next chapter. I'm guessing it will take me until around tomorrow or the following night to finish; I doubt it will be as long as the Hearts and Hooves chapters, but hey, you never know. Thanks for your patientice, and continue to leave feedback about the story and the recent chapters.

Ooh, do I get bonus writer points for releasing a chapter a day after releasing two? I hope so. Bonus writer points are awesome. I also hope the Winter Wrap-Up song is stuck in your head for days now, reader. I know it's stuck in mine, permanently.

I've also noticed that some of the parts in various chapters could be taken...sexually. More specifically, those with panting or recovering after flying or excersing involved. Damn it, internet! Why must you have rule 34?! I've soiled the good name of my story! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it!

Feedback to me is like meth to...well, a meth addict. I appreciate your comments, so please, if you have an opinion, question, observation, criticism, concern, or something to point out, leave a comment. Thanks, everyone.

Please sir, I insist. Have a free internet muffin, you deserve it. In fact, take all of them, I'm not feeling very hungry right now.

In all seriousness though, nice work with the story so far, liking it a lot. Keep up the good work.

-Jorofrarie

>>761068761068

Image: http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/994567_o.gif

Image: http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/994567_o.gif

Image: http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/994567_o.gif

Wow, that was quick.

>>761068761068 1000 points to you!

And read phew.. also. [ Despite the tediousness of the work, I'm still enjoying it, and -> am <- enjoying working with Rainbow. ] i think that --> am <-- is supposed to be somethin else

>>761175761175 Excellent gif. "Where's the off button on this thing?!"

>>762441762441 I think the grammar is okay there. I'll see if I can reword it, though, make it sound more smooth.

+1000 writer points, achievement unlocked: "I Fucking Love Writer Points", 100 Gamerscore.

Going to start on the 16th chapter now. I'm getting the feeling that the back-to-back triple-chapter-fest of the weekend will not happen again for some time, so it's back to the slower pace. I think the chapters from this point forward might be more lengthy, but I can't predict the future. Expect a chapter in a few days, don't kill me (pretty please) if it comes later than two or three days from now, and party hard if it comes earlier.

I want to hear your opinions and suggestions regarding the story, so if you have them, leave a comment. Thanks.

>>765390765390 There is no off button.

16 will be coming tomorrow unless something unexpected happens. Thanks for your patience, I appreciate it.