As Fen Runner dutifully worked on the ancestral farm, he glanced at the southern edge of his field with a feeling of unease. He wondered when that had started; that odd gut feeling that down there, in those caves, something horrible happened.
He gazed at the ancient wartime complex in the far distance, and hoped this didn't mean he would be the next victim of its curse.
This fanfiction is based on Fallout: Equestria by Kkat; a familiarity with the source material may aid your understanding. You can find Fallout: Equestria here on Equestria Daily, or here on FimFic.
If you enjoy Fallout Equestria side stories, you can visit the Fallout: Equestria Resource website, which hosts a complete archive of all of them, and has links to useful places like the Fallout: Equestria wiki and community irc chat.
Brilliant.
Although I don't know why the old body was covered by rocks if he was snatched by DI. Or perhaps DI still had some really, really deep sense of respect for the dead to bury them?
6201561
It was simply part of the "hiding the body" part of his directives.
With a premised drenched in all things eldritch, calling us as the bunker did for Fen, I found out a short story that succeeded in nearly every aspects.
Though I felt the son’s acceptance regarding Fen was slightly rushed, it did not impact the story overall. This story did not shy away from the creepiness it carries out. And I like it.
As said Yellow Sub Zero, this story is brilliant: extremely well written with its first three paragraphs as a savant-ly built hook, an adaptation of a part of MLP’s lore to a dark turn it could have taken, and simple characters yetrelatively major decisions.
Deep Imprint is a great work that shows off for the author’s talent.
One word.
Brilliant.
Woah, wasn't sure if I should read yet since it only had double digit views,
But this was AWESOME! Please excuse my enthusiasm :D
Great idea, and great execution, an instant favorite!
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On the son's acceptance... well, and the mother's too, really... I imagine they're a very practical sort of people. Swamp Tiller more or less already mentioned that when they were just walking up to the Bunker; he didn't see the point in wasting what he considered Fen's 'second life'. They both already knew that he was probably some kind of copy of Fen; after all, Fen was the one who told them, himself. That part probably made it easier to accept for everyone. They weren't being deceived; they were all just trying to find out what happened to Fen.
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Hee! Thanks for giving it a chance, then. It was really just another crazy idea floating around in my head
A very nice story, and fitting here. It works well.
This was good, but coming you I think I expected more. I don't think I need to tell you that you are a good writer, so I don't feel I have to pull punches. That should be a complement by itself, I am not so ruthless to others.
For a concept that thrives on anxious tension, you spend a good deal of time explaining why things are. For a while, I could feel tension as I was reading this, but by the time changling Fen... lets call him 'Fender Bender', was explaining his mission to his son, the tension was completely gone. The tension never got back up there, making the climax of the story somewhere around when he finds his own body, rather than when you find out he is a changeling. It makes for something clear and logical, but I get the idea that this could be a lot more intense if you showed a little bit more and told a little bit less. This is an unsettling concept, but the clarity of it all shoots it in the foot. Part of me was looking at this as lovecraftian because of one of the other comments, but I get the idea I was looking for lovecraft in all the wrong places. (sorry pun was necessary!) The mystery is the best part of this, let your mysteries be mysterious.
Thematically, it is interesting playing around with the idea of "at what point does the fake become as convincing as the original?", but I feel like there are some ideas this was trying to play with that didn't quite reach full bloom. This story plays with lovecraftian madness inducing curiosity, but the narrative prose seems a little bit too normal to excel at this. Honestly, anything where you are compared against lovecraft when it comes to descriptive narrative is a tough situation because lovecraft is full of all sorts of archaic words that make you go, "I don't even know what that means, but it makes my skin crawl." Even if you can't beat lovecraft at his own game, you can find creative ways of conveying madness. The madness in this seems rather vanilla to me. This story had something interesting going at the beginning that made me think that it would say something about the trappings of the mind. I guess I liked that idea because it made me wonder what everything meant in the story as a reflection of the real world. I am not sure that the story necessary needs this, but from a less professional standpoint I would say you could get serious literary bonus points for it.
Also, way to create a traditional changeling story. Like replace the cave with a forest, and that is a changeling story straight out of folklore. The faerie in this case, is the military.
This was a good story, but I see potential for something more impressive. You are a decent writer, but I think you could take this story to the next level.
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Eh. It's probably because I can't bring myself to give my stories bad endings. That has a lot to do with it. Lovecraftian ideas are probably not meant to end well
I always liked bringing changelings closer to their roots, yes. 'Flitter' is also quite close to changeling folklore in that aspect.
By the way, I'm not sure what's up with all the spoiler tags... these are comments about the story. That makes them spoilers pretty much by definition. Anyone who doesn't want spoilers just... shouldn't scroll down. And I have no clue whatsoever why you put spoiler tags over the whole Lovecraft thing
6203505 It makes them more mysterious~ oooOOOOooooh!
I don't know, I was having fun with the spoiler tags.
I think you can still have all the tension and have a pseudo happy ending to this story. You make it so that you focus on the child side of reasoning out the blasphemy of what is going on. Have Fender Bender not able to acknowledge what is going on. Have the kid see truth, but choose to deny it all, just for the status quo. Wrap it up with a little blurb about truth being what you make of it. Same ending, but with a feeling that things are still just a little bit off. But don't let me tell you how to write your story.
Another nice story from you. :)
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Thank you
I recall someone telling me about those dune sleeper agents recently. Probably you, actually.
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Looks like those spoiler tags are contagious
No idea, actually. I can't really remember what it was that got me thinking about those again to lead me to this story idea
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When in Rome...
It appears you brought it up here:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/159685/38/hven-sent/chapter-38-before-royalty-and-after#comment/5648877
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Huh! So I did
Could be that my recent re-read of H'ven Sent made me glance over that comment, then.
6203791 Perhaps the re-read itself was enough to jog the same memories.
I wish I could claim this as H'ven Scent fan fiction! But alas, that is not really the truth.
6203829
People can hardly write fanfics of something that still has so many vital secrets to reveal
6203892 Hey- I started writing We're No Heroes when FOE was only a few chapters in!
Seriously, significant reveals are coming very soon.
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Yeah, but the world of FO:E was already pretty well-established on account of it being based on Fallout. H'ven is all yours
Compared to FO:E, we don't even know what's outside the Stable!
Secret war-time experiment gone wrong, plus (faerie-like) changeling goodness. I approve!
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yay~!
Another good story Nyerguds. Bonus points for being a finished Fallout Equestria story, double points for being your second (even if this one was just a one-shot) Fallout story, and triple points for having a happy ending.
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Thanks!
Nothing extra for it being my second changeling story?
6504365
TBH, I read Flitter so long ago, that I forgot about it. Quadruple points for another good changeling fic. Happy now? 
6504715
lawl. Sure
Fascinating story, both entertaining and riveting.
My only question is, will Tiller and Fen tell his wife?
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Thanks!
And, don't see why not; after all he already pretty much told her he was some kind of duplicate. They just wanted to find out why and how.
It's strange... I was sort of expecting this to be a horror-story, but instead it was about prudence, love, courage, and loyalty.
A rich and subtle treat that was.
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Thanks!
It's entirely possible I hate bad endings too much to write true horror
I liked it. Nice buildup and reveal. And I love happy endings.
I like the concept, I bet Fen will start helping the other affected families now. And him knowing his true abilities, he may be able to use them to protect the village.
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Or, y'know, he'll keep quiet to avoid getting lynched. You never know, in those small villages
Could go either way
Anyway, thanks! Glad you liked it
That Cave must be a Colossal one, sounds like quite the Adventure there...
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It sure was
Always nice if people notice these sneaky little references I make