Looking Back

by baconcake

Chapter 3

One down, Spike thought, five to go.
Spike was still unhappy with his task of remembering, but felt a little more confident in himself. He thought (or perhaps just hoped) that he would be able to be at peace with himself for the first time since he left Ponyville all those years ago. Peace... what a funny thought. Hadn't Spike's years of seclusion in the mountains been peace? Wasn't he happy then? No, that wasn't peace. That was denial.

It was denial of Spike's self. He had never believed that he had held the ability to face the past like this, therefore he had never tried. But now, aged almost a millenium, Spike had decided that his inner strength had given him the power to overcome these devils of the past simply because he wanted it too. He was strong, and wasn't going to be dictated by his demons anymore.

So who was next? Who did Spike have to shed painful tears over now? That pony that seemed to be the drill sergeant in Spike's mind, yelling at him to toughen up and get through this god forsaken remembering. The epitome of loyalty and bravery. The fastest damn flyer Spike had ever met. Next on the list was Rainbow Dash.

Spike had always admired Rainbow Dash. It was almost like she was some sort of an action hero. When he and Twilight had first moved to Ponyville and they saw that multicolored pegasus zipping through the sky, Spike saw himself as an adult. Strong. Brave. Able to blow anyone away in a race. Rainbow Dash, when first seen, was the perfect pony.

Yet, as he had gotten to know her over the years, Spike had noticed something vulnerable about Rainbow Dash. A chink in her armor. The hero thing wasn't a total act, but it definitely wasn't the whole truth either. As she flew from cloud to cloud, tree to tree, it was almost like all that flying wasn't to show off but to get away from something. Something that the brave, perfect Rainbow Dash wasn't able to stare in the face until she was an old mare, three years after Pinkie Pie's funeral, when she invited Spike to help her sort through some old photos and useless items. Maybe if Spike hadn't gone to assist her, he would have been able to skip remembering Rainbow Dash. But he did go, and was told things that his weak mind couldn't forget. And now, there was no use trying to.
******** ********* *********

"Oh, careful! Don't break that!"

Spike rolled his eyes as he walked across the room carrying the tall, golden trophy. It was quite beautiful, he had to admit, with the rearing pegasus perched on top, but Spike was in no danger of dropping it. Rainbow Dash. Fastest Flyer Competition. First Place., it read. He set it down amongst the others.

"There," Spike said in exasperation, "Your precious trophy is unharmed."

Rainbow Dash tried to stay serious, but she couldn't help but snicker at Spike's sarcasm. Spike examined the elderly pegasus. Her cyan fur had turned an even paler blue, and her face had now wrinkled, but one thing hadn't changed about Rainbow Dash. That mane. That beautiful, rainbow mane that stood out impressively from her aged body. It never seemed to gray, and at this rate, probably never would.

"Spike?" she said. "You gonna get moving or what?

"Fine, fine, slavedriver, I'm working."

They were clearing out Rainbow Dash's closet, looking for things worth keeping and worth throwing away. Closet. More like another room entirely! Rainbow Dash had amassed a huge amount of awards in her life, and wasn't going to forget about them.

It all started ten years after the Discord incident. Rainbow Dash, after winning yet another flying competition, had finally been asked to join the Wonderbolts. She had moved to Canterlot to join them which was very hard for everyone, but she came to visit so often, it was like she hadn't even left.

After a while in the Wonderbolts, Rainbow Dash finally ascended to the rank of captain and became the most renowned flyer in all of Equestria. She was a celebrity in every sense of the word, and loved every second of it. Her life was what she had dreamed of since she had been a filly. She was winning races everywhere, until finally Cloud Magazine called her the greatest flyer of all time, with teammates Soarin and Spitfire coming in second in third.

When Rainbow Dash reached her fifties, she decided to retire. She bought a modest home in Ponyville and had live there ever since. However, her fame didn't stop. Everyday, young pegasi were asking Rainbow Dash for autographs, flying lessons, or both, and she was happy to give them. And now, as Spike stood with her, he saw that same naive smile on her face that he had seen sixty years ago.

As Spike moved towards the back of Rainbow Dash's "closet", he saw a glimpse of something blue. He moved towards it and pushed a few trophies out of the way. Upon closer inspection, Spike found the flash of blue to be Rainbow Dash's old Wonderbolts uniform. Of course, being a bit conceited in her day, she had made sure that it stood out from the other uniforms by getting Rarity to emblazon a large "RD" on the side and give a rainbow color to the fringes. The uniform was, of course, very old, but you would have guessed that it was brand new given how much Rainbow Dash had cleaned it.

Spike heard a raspy chuckle from behind him.
"My, my, i still remember the first day I wore this. I could have sworn that just wearing it made me faster. I felt like a god at my first professional race."

Rainbow Dash spoke with the nostalgic air of an old woman remembering her children or husband. She had, of course, never been married or had children, but flying was in many ways her lover and child. It was her reason for living, and without it life was meaningless. she spent nearly every second tending to it, and made sure that she was always the best.

Rainbow Dash spoke again. "There is nothing like flying, Spike. When your wings grow in, you'll know what I mean. No pain reliever, no drug, no alcohol can ever measure up to the therapy of looking down upon a city of ants while feeling the wind hit your face and wings. It's like-" Her voice broke.

Spike looked over at the pegasus to see her biting her lip and tears forming in her eyes. She continued. "It's like the rest of the world doesn't exist anymore." At this, she put her foreleg over her face and began to heave shoulder-shaking sobs into it. "I'm sorry... I just... I wish that... that I could..." Spike knew what she was going to say next.

She wanted to fly again. Well, it wasn't as if she couldn't fly anymore. She could flit slowly from place to place for a minute or so at a time. But that wasn't what Rainbow Dash lived for. She lived for the speed and exhilaration of high flight, performing Sonic Rainbooms and traveling at earthshaking velocities. And taking it away was one of fate's cruel misdoings.

"Shhh... it's okay." Spike cooed and put a hand on her back. Being married to Rarity meant that he had to know how to deal with a few breakdowns now and then. He led Rainbow Dash to the couch and sat down with her. "I'll get you something to drink, okay?"

She nodded, and Spike got up to make some tea. Spike wasn't uncomfortable in this situation. Living in a town full of neurotic ponies, he had seen sobbing fits like this. Yet still, as Spike added extra sugar to Rainbow Dash's tea (as he knew she liked it), he couldn't help but feel that this one was different. This one was more desperate and hopeless than the rest. She was in pain, and didn't try to be a hero and hide it anymore.

"Here you go," Spike said as he handed the tea cup to Rainbow Dash. He sat down in the chair opposite her, drinking his tea, and observed Rainbow Dash as she stared out the window. After what seemed like forever, she finally spoke.

"What do you think happens when we die, Spike?" This both surprised and disturbed Spike, because number one, he had never really thought about what came after death, and number two, he didn't want Rainbow Dash to be thinking like this.

"Well, I suppose if you've been good, you go to a good place, and if you've been bad, you go to a not-so-good place. Why do you ask?"

"Do you think that I've been good?"

"What?"

"Do you think that I've been good? You know, so I could go to the good place?"

"Of course, Rainbow Dash."

They both sat there for a while longer, the intensity of her questions stinging Spike's brain. It was hard not to let them. They scared Spike. It wasn't healthy for her to think like this.

"Spitfire used to have a saying," Rainbow Dash spoke suddenly, startling Spike. "She said 'Never listen to your body. It'll bog you down and trip you up. Never listen to your brain, either. It'll make you think you can't do anything that you want to. Instead, listen to your heart, because if the brain and body are as happy as can be, but your heart is empty, there's no meaning to each day."

Spike sat there, stunned. Rainbow Dash had never said anything like that before. Yet she just sat there, silent, as if she had just told him that two plus two eauals four. There was something more to Rainbow Dash, something that Spike had never seen before, and would probably never be able to see again. She wasn't the brash musclehead that everyone thought she was. She was more, and no one would ever be able to understand it.

"It's getting dark," she said suddenly. "I shouldn't have kept you this long. You need to get home and give Rarity her meds. Thank you for the help, Spike. I really do appreciate it."

"Oh, uh, yeah," he responded, taken aback. "No problem. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah..." she responded, smiling dreamily out the window, "Tomorrow." And Spike, still amazed, walked to the front door and left.

By the time Spike got home, it was already dark, and his angel was already asleep. He had to, unfortunately, wake her up and give her her medicine. After a quick burst of fear at forgetting her surroundings and not recognizing Spike, Rarity soon took her meds and went to sleep. Spike joined her.

The next morning, Spike awoke earlier than usual, and decided to go for a walk. After a few minutes of trodding, he saw something that both terrified and surprised him. A beautiful, multicolored lightning bolt zipped by above him. It was a sight that he had seen countless times, but not in many years. Rainbow Dash was flying. "Oh, no..." he breathed, and sprinted in the direction she was going. The Everfree Forest.

Spike searched frantically about the forest, looking for a sign of Rainbow Dash. He looked from tree to tree, from bush to bush, but couldn't find the pegasus pony. Then, after the most horrifiying half-hour of his life, Spike found a small cyan hump lying on the ground.

"Rainbow Dash!" he yelled through his tears. He ran over to her and gingerly turned her over. It was bad. Holding her limp body in his hands, Spike saw that the wind and the ground had closed her wings, torn her papery skin and broken her brittle bones. She wasn't going to survive. No old mare, not even Rainbow Dash, could take a beating like this and live.

Spike looked down at her face and was surprised to see her weakly smiling at him through the streaks of blood. "I was going... pretty fast... huh?"

Spike couldn't cry now. Not yet. So he fought against every instinct he had so he could smile down at her and say, "Yeah, Dashie, you really were."

Spike held her like that for a while, letting her die in comfort, away from the cold, hard ground that had put her in this state. He began to focus on her mane. That beautiful, rainbow colored mane. That mane that was flecked with blood now, and didn't deserve to be. Spike realized that this was an injustice to nature, and began to clean it, all the while feeling Rainbow Dash's breath getting more and more shallow, until finally, she spoke.

"Hey Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"See you in the good place."

And, closing her eyes, Rainbow Dash let out a long breath and opened her wings for the last time.

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Spike understood now. It had taken him hundreds of years, but he finally understood. He and Rainbow Dash were just alike. Flying was her escape. She was good at it, and used it to forget what was going on below. Just like Spike was good at forgetting. Whenever something was wrong, she flew up to the clouds where no one could follow her so she didn't have to think about her problems. That was the chink in her armor.

However, when Pinkie Pie died, she couldn't cope. She had to stay down here and deal with everything. She figured that each day that she lived grounded was meaningless, and wanted to end her life flying, forgetting. She ended her life in the air, heaven for her. And Spike remembered when he saw the beaten pegasus that lay on the ground that morning, he felt sorry for her. Now, he realized that, at that moment, she was the happiest pony in the world.

If only she had known what she had helped create. This hideous beast, centuries in the future, drowning in a pool of his own tears. Then maybe she would have waited.

But then again, Rainbow Dash wasn't exactly the waiting type.

Comments

[baconcake]

Hai, joo guise. What's up. So here's chapter 3. Didn't write anything for days until I suddenly hit a creative burst and started writing like a madman. Oh, and by the way, the finsl product of this story will be 7 chapters long. Also, thank you so much for your feedback. That's what pushes me to continue writing this, so please don't hesitate to comment. Chapter four will be here when I feel like it. So adios, amigos.

[Recon]

I should have cried really hard. But my body refused.
I wanted to cry really hard ;-;

[Ponaygurl]

Just rushed in from a club, got home, sat at my computer and read this.
Wow.

[kladdos]

beautiful
nothing else needs to be said