Looking Back

by baconcake

Chapter 1

Spike awoke from his long nap in a daze. The damp, musty smell of his cave surrounded him, its cold floor serving as a harsh, unforgiving mattress. It wasn’t much, but it was home. Spike began to try and remember what his appointments were for the day, but his mind soon took on a different subject. He had had a dream. Not a long one, but lengthy enough for Spike to recall that he had had one. But what was it? Had he found a gem deposit or a new cave or-

Purple.

What? Purple? Why purple? Why did purple seem to stick out in Spike’s mind more than anything? Was there something wrong with his purple scales? Nope. Stiff and shiny as ever. Had someone taken his amethyst? No, not that either. It still sat there in that special, designated corner of his cave in all its shiny, delectable glory. So what was it? Oh well, why should it matter? Spike dreamt about turning into a cow once, and thank Celestia that hadn’t come to pass. Still, even as the dragon lifted his huge, near one-thousand year old body from the cave floor and stretched his hulking wings, He couldn’t shake it. It sat there like a splinter in the back of his mind, begging to be pulled so he could experience relief.

This is crazy, Spike thought. It’s just a dream, nothing more. Don’t worry about it. And so, Spike did what he always did to take his mind off of unpleasant things. He backed up (although the small cave didn’t allow much room for it), prepared his wings, fixated his eyes on the cave opening, jumped out, and began to fly. And what a wonderful flight it was.

Spike may not have been the fastest flyer of all the dragons, but he certainly enjoyed it the most. His wings grew in when he was about 200, and he hadn’t stopped flying since. He flew and flew, higher and higher above Equestria, soaring above the mountains that he called home. This is perfect, he mused. No wonder Rainbow Dash always-

Rainbow Dash.

Spike suddenly stopped and began to flap his wings in place. Damn it! That’s the past. I’m not going to deal with it anymore. End of story. But it was too late now. Now that he remembered Rainbow Dash, the image of that multicolored bullet zipping about the sky couldn’t be erased, no matter how much flying he did. Spike shook his head and began to jet towards one of the mountainsides, until…
CRACK! Spike’s head slammed against the cold, hard rock with a deafening impact. No, the rainbow pegasus still flew around in is mind’s eye. Spike was prepared to make a second painful collision when something echoed in his head.

You can’t heal pain with more pain, Spike.

Now that this second pony had entered his mind, it was no use trying to forget anything. He heard her motherly voice, smooth and silky as the lavender that colored her fur. He could envision her standing in front of him, with that caring, worried look on her face. That face that Spike had seen so many times. Those wise eyes, that seemed to hold the knowledge of Princess Celestia herself. That’s it. The image was burned in his brain.

But why? Why? What had Spike done to deserve this? All that he wanted was a chance to forget about those happy days in Ponyville, the city he dare not visit again. He just wanted to forget, was that really too much to ask? It seemed like a simple enough request, but obviously Spike’s damned mind wouldn’t cooperate.

In rage at himself and his memories, he flew back home as fast as he could, hot tears of frustration in his eyes.

*** *** ***

“Why are you doing this Spike?”
“Why?!? Shouldn’t that be obvious? I can’t take it anymore! I’m sick of sitting around watching everybody die while I live on.”
“Spike, listen to me I-“
“Oh, what would you know about it, Twilight?”
“Spike, please-“
“RARITY IS DEAD, TWILIGHT! She’s gone and I’ve got no reason to stay here if she’s not coming back. I’m never coming back to Ponyville again. Goodbye, Twilight.”
“Spike, trying to just forget about these things won’t work. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
“Yeah, well I can try harder.”
“You can’t heal pain with more pain, Spike!”

They both stood there for a while, the rain bouncing off Spike’s scales and running down the wrinkled skin and graying-purple hair of the once beautiful mare. Spike was taller than her now and was able to look down into her pleading, hopeless eyes. It was then that Spike realized what he was doing. After Big Macintosh died, Twilight lost her will to live as well. Spike was the only part of her life that made it worth living anymore. He was the only friend that she had left, now that Rarity was gone. Spike realized that he was breaking her heart. He had to stay.

Spike made his way across the drenched grass that bordered the Everfree Forest. He could tell that he had put a lot of strain on Twilight in her old age, making her follow him all the way out here, and felt ashamed for it. He walked until he was directly in front of her, and embraced her. They stood like that for a few minutes, weeping so much that it hurt. After about five minutes of this, Spike finally looked down at Twilight and said the three words that, above all else, she deserved to hear.
“I’m so sorry.”
She looked up at him with that knowing smile, and replied in a tear-clogged voice.
“It’s okay Spike. You’ll always be my special assistant.”
And at that, arm-in-arm, they walked back to Twilight’s.

*** *** ***

Spike jolted upright, sweating. He had been dreaming. Remembering. No. No, this can’t be happening. He couldn’t remember. He didn’t want to. But deep inside, he knew he had to, or else the next few thousand years would be even more unbearable than the few hours that he had recently endured. Spike felt the tears begin to well up in his eyes again in dread of what he had to remember. He let his head fall in his hands and began sobbing even harder than he did on that rainy night in Ponyville, because he knew, no matter how painful it may be, he had to look back.

Comments

[sunny_side_up]

..Wow.

Well.. That brought a tear to my eye.

[Jenga_Jane]

I love it already. Poor Spike. :(

[Sunderbraze]

Not bad. Noticed a grammar mistake or two, but otherwise a pretty good start. Immortals (or even just beings with ridiculously long lifespans) having to deal with the loss of their mortal friends is a pretty hard subject to do right. Hope to see more, good luck!

[SketchyStart]

Nice cliffhanger

[Roker999]

It's okay...fairly well written, but you have way too many metaphors (try to keep it simple).

The story is a bit too sudden, not enough explanation of what's going on.

I like it, but the plot is a bit cloudy. Thumbs up to you, sir.

[Commentator]

Heartache...dammit. Keep going dude,and don't stop til you've reached the end.

[Awsomnesss]

So sad

Oh spike

[Mr Ignorable]

Call me cold hearted but it's been said and done. A thousand tales of this exact moment have been spun. I felt nothing going into this, and nothing now that I'm done.

[baconcake]

Thanks you awesomes of awesome awesomeness. I appreciate the compliments and criticism and the next chapter should be here within the next 3 days.

[kladdos]

liking it so far... Hope he's going back to ponyville sometime.