"Lyra! It's almost ready!" Bon-Bon shouted up the stairs. It was time for the weekly trials of her new recipes for cakes and pastries. Lyra was always eager to test them out, and a thump could be heard coming from up the stairs, signifying so.
Bon-Bon was moving in and out of the different rooms of their house, gathering up the bits of equipment used in the baking process that had somehow managed to end up in the living room. It was another lazy day for the both of them, and Lyra would be content sleeping were it not for the smells of the cooking below.
The mint-green unicorn groggily made her way down the mahogany steps, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with one hoof as she attempted to reconstruct her messy mane with another.
"Were you just asleep?" Bon-Bon asked, surprised. She probably should have been used to it by now.
"Um..." Lyra looked around for a clock, but none were currently visible from the stairway. "Yeah, why?"
"It's noon. You were upstairs for twelve minutes."
"Alright! Power nap!" Lyra grinned to herself, but Bon-Bon was more annoyed at her lack of productiveness. Lyra chose to avoid any confrontation. "Anyway, what're you baking today?"
Bon-Bon immediately forgot her displeasure with the chance to gush about her latest works. "It's kind of like a platter of things. We have some cupcake-sized soufflés, a set of banana-flavoured croissants, a huge éclair which I'll need help lifting out the oven, and other bits of good stuff."
"Sounds great," Lyra said as she stopped salivating, and then came to a realization. "Bagsie not cleaning up!" She inwardly patted herself on the back for remembering.
Bon-Bon quickly replied however, keen to make sure Lyra didn't get out of another washing duty. "No! You promised! I've done it the past..." She thought to herself. "...Three times now!"
"Five, actually," Lyra corrected.
"Exactly! You eat all this stuff, you're cleaning it up."
"But..." Lyra thought about the stacks of dangerous kitchen equipment that Bon-Bon would be willing to attack her with, and how easily the pleading look in her eyes could turn to one of insanity. "Eh... fine. You're lucky I'm so generous."
"And you're lucky I'm not stabbing you with this whisk,"
"Pfft, I'd like to see you try!"
Bon-Bon turned her attention from the now-washed mixing whisk, and back to Lyra with an evil glint in her eye. "Challenge accepted." She dipped the utensil in a bowl of excess cake mixture, weaponizing the once-innocent tool, and walked ominously towards Lyra.
Lyra backed slowly away from the demented mare who raising the whisk at her. It was Lyra's job to keep the house messy, and this was a big threat to that position. It was her who started the food fights, and now Bon-Bon was finally getting her revenge.
"Bon, put down the whisk..." She warned calmly. Bon-Bon refused, just shuffling closer and closer like a zombie-pony, tilting her head to the side to complete the horrific image.
Then Lyra noticed something. "Erm, Bon-Bon? There's something behind you."
"Nice try. Like it or not, you're getting creamed."
"No, I'm serious! There's actually something there!"
"Oh, please! That's the oldest trick in the book!"
"GIANT DESSERT MONSTER!"
"Huh-?" Bon-Bon was flattened by the enormous éclair that had emerged from the oven. Lyra watched in a mix of fear and wonder as it wormed it's way along the ground, slowly consuming the baker in it's chocolatey goodness. While her hooves were still extended to freedom, however, Lyra shot to them and dragged her out.
"AH! WHAT THE HAY IS THAT?!" Bon-Bon screamed, drenched in the brown liquid.
"You tell me! You made it!"
The gross gurgling noises that emitted from the monster seemed to call upon it's allies. Bon-Bon's other creations sprouted up from the baking trays that were left on the sides. A miniature battalion of cupcakes began marching closer, protecting their chocolate emperor. Alongside them came the croissants, mounting the big boss.
"Wow, Bon-Bon, you've got skills."
"I didn't plan on making that!"
The kitchen was now full of living foodstuffs, slogging their mushy, mutated limbs towards the two confused ponies. It was hard to be frightened of a pastry, but after nearly being swallowed by one, Bon-Bon wasn't all that enthusiastic about getting close.
The two ponies backed into the living room: the door to escape next to the kitchen was now blocked off. Bon-Bon fruitlessly threw a pillow at the behemoth, to which it simply absorbed into it's mass.
"Don't feed it more!" Lyra yelled, and frantically scanned the room for help. "We can escape through the window! Somepony else is bound to be able to help!"
Lyra scrambled to the window and opened it, but then peered outside and returned with a stunned face.
"What's wrong?" Bon-Bon asked, nonchalantly bombarding the monster, still, with anything she could find.
"Well... we're floating." Lyra took another peek. "And so is Berry's house, and several others."
"Huh," Bon-Bon said simply. She then exploded with, "WHAT?!" Charging at the windows herself, it was confirmed that Lyra wasn't on hallucinogens. Below them was the rest of Ponyville, distorted by havoc sweeping every street. Freaky animals, crazily tiled grass... and now it was raining chocolate.
"WHAT YEAR IS IT?!" Lyra shouted, a sudden fake beard appearing on her chin. Bon-Bon slapped it off and looked at her flatly.
"Now is not the time. We need to get out of here!" Fortunately for them, over-sized éclairs weren't the fastest creatures, but it's cupcake brethren soon realised this also. A swarm of cupcakes on legs rushed the ponies, climbing and enveloping them in sugary sweet suffocation.
They were no match for Bon-Bon's hoof, however, nor Lyra's mouth, as one by one the cupcakes were defeated and pushed back into a retreat. Or in Lyra's case, her stomach. The croissants seemed deterred by this, sticking with their master that was struggling to fit through the doorway.
"Lyra, did you just eat them?" Bon-Bon asked with a disgusted curiosity, wiping the crumbs from her hoof. Lyra was too busy chewing, but just nodded happily in reply. "Right, not creepy in the slightest. Anyway, we need to lower ourselves down somehow, it's not that far."
"Not that far, eh?" Lyra raised an eyebrow and her horn began glowing, a mischievous smirk on her face. "I have the best plan ever."
A few seconds later the two ponies were falling from the smashed window, before face-planting the black and white checkered floor. They both lay there for some time, recovering from the effects of Lyra's genius.
"I think there's a leaf in my eye," Bon-Bon said, muffled by the ground.
"Least you're not being eaten," Lyra said, getting up and dusting herself off.
As the two ponies slowly composed themselves, they took notice of the new Ponyville. Whereas some of the buildings and homes were floating, others were walking on two giant legs or upside down in the ground. There were random stampedes of bunnies with elongated legs and lava lamps that whizzed past their heads.
"How long was I asleep again?" Lyra wondered to herself.
"So... what do we do now?" Bon-Bon asked, in a stupor from the new town. "It looks like other ponies have bigger problems than us." She sighed, "I wonder what's wrong with Ponyville this time." Lyra and Bon-Bon had lived there long enough to be used to the daily occurrences of apocalyptic scenarios, but this was a special one.
"To adventure!" Lyra started running off in a random direction, to which Bon-Bon facehoofed and ran to catch up.
"Wait! Don't you think that's a bit dangerous?! We should call the guard or something!" Bon-Bon pleaded, and Lyra stopped to give some consideration before her argument was de-bunked.
A squad of royal pegasus guards were barrel rolling through the sky, unable to stay in control of their wings. They bounced off the mixed buildings, damaging the golden passenger carriage as they went. They smashed through the town hall office and escaped with Mayor Mare, hanging onto their carriage for dear life.
"Or not. Right, carry on."
The couple resumed a charge through the maddening streets of Ponyville. Even Cloudsdale, it could be seen, was suffering from the effects of this berserk outbreak. The once-beautiful rainbow fountains now fired candy sprinkles across the land. Still beautiful in it's own way.
After a few minutes of avoiding the leapfrogging cacti and custard explosions, the two mares found themselves surrounded. On all sides of them there was something blocking an escape road. Whether it be a wall of cotton candy or a lamp-post resembling a silly straw, they were trapped.
It was then a figure emerged from the skies, being lowered down on a tornado of cider. The cider covered the surrounding houses with the properties of an acid, disintegrating and collapsing the structures on top of themselves. Once the tempest had dissipated, the figure could be identified.
Part goat, part dragon, part pony and just about everything else. A mix of scales, feathers and wings forming a hybrid creature. He cackled his way down and touched the checkered floor next to the terrified ponies, turning it to sponge.
"Haha! Oh, it's good to be king!" The maniacal monster laughed, and then took note of Lyra and Bon-Bon, staring up at him, jaws agape.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't..." He hovered over to the green unicorn and bonked her on the head with a finger, "Lyra and..." He did the same to the cream coloured mare, "Bon-Bon!"
They looked at each other worriedly.
"Welcome to New Discordia! I'll be your guide for the evening, Discord." He introduced himself with a bow and magically spawned a bouquet of flowers that turned into spiders.
"Evening? But it's-..." Bon-Bon was cut off when the sun suddenly fell and was replaced by the moon.
"I think you'll enjoy the changes!"
Now THIS I gotta see.
Oh my God this is awesome. More Discord? Yes plz.
For me, reading this was an experience akin to taking a boatload of illegal drugs and cyanide. When those cupcakes started a-marching. I knew there was no going back. I love how you made Lyra a lazy moocher and Bon-Bon the 'responsible' one. Those personalities are now canon.
Take my severed thumbs and favs, won't you? I'll be watching dis.
This promises to be a hoot.
this is awesome need moar MOAR
This is the best thing I've ever read!
650361 Have you read the one before this? It's called 'The Dark Brotherhoof'. GO READ IT IT WAS SO AMAZING.
Anyway, this pleases me.
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw4833_large.jpg
Sincerely,
Purple Thunder,
Your number #1 fan of 'The Dark Brotherhoof.'
650483
Haha! My chief of marketing in the zone!
650047
Strange, that was the exact combination of drugs I had in mind, haha. I love personification, so actually bringing things alive is one-up.
Thanks to everybody for this amazing reception!
I shall indeed be reading this later, but I must ask it because I've been on full Doctor Who mood lately: Do we get to see everypony's favorite Time Lord in this? If not, it should still be a great fic indeed, but I just wanted ask.
650549 Glad to be of service.
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-Purple Thunder
650615
Only one problem which would hold me back from doing that: I has never seen Doctor Who. I KNOW, I'm a terrible person. I tend to miss out on a lot of awesome shows. I'm don't think I'd be able to do the Doctor justice, sorry! Then again, if I somehow managed to become a massive fan and watch all of them through this story's lifespan, I'd be there.
Thanks for the suggestion though! I thrive on these comments as I'm sure to miss someone I'll really want to do.
650684 Ah, well at least you're not going to attempt to write a character you don't know anything about. If you ever do watch it, great, but its cool. I'll probably start this tonight after catching up on some other stuff and I'll try and think of any other suggestions if I can think of anypony.
Brace yourselves! Things are about to get a little Surreal!
Must see more. This is an excellent idea and quite original. I can't wait for the next chapter.
more please!
and I leave you with ponies looking at what I write.
WTY(WHAT THWE YAY?! or WOW! TROLLESTIA?! yay?) (OH NO! TROLLESTIA!) (you mean oh yay?)
(WHY AM I THE LAST ONE!)
FFFFLOLOL, i cant stop laughing! What mroe madness would ensue the two?! *waits happily*
MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is hilariously amazing! MARSHMELLOWS
"WHAT YEAR IS IT?!" Lyra shouted, a sudden fake beard appearing on her chin.
Jumanji Reference?
Jumanji Reference.
'nuff said
""Lyra, did you just eat them?" Bon-Bon asked with a disgusted curiosity"
What, that's what Kirby does with stuff like that !
Anyway, this promises to be interesting, to say the least!
Okay, partway into the huge chapter. I like the character dynamic between Bonbon and Lyra, Bonbon's need for order and control, Lyra's do-nothing losery charms. The whisk-stabbing scene was very visual. But...then I hit the eclair monster.
Chocolatey goo and chocolate innards. Wouldn't the innards be YELLOW? I mean, fair enough, eclairs have chocolate filling, but the dominant ingredient is the rich pale cream within, and that's what would engulf you if you were sucked up by an eclair monster. This detail seriously took me out of the story.
"What year is it?" Lyra shouted, a sudden fake beard appearing on her chin.
: That is fucking hilarious right there good sir.
This is showing to be quite the interesting read. Can't wait to read the next chapters.
Further thoughts: the description of the attacking pastry mass is where I need some richer visual detail. As it is, I can't see how the croissants are mounting the eclair, and "mutated limbs" is too vague of a description. Did all the foodstuffs just suddenly sprout little arms and legs? Are the croissants waddlign along on their edges? Do the muffins undulate their wrappers like a jellyfish or protrude pseudopods of batter in leu of legs? The humor and/or horror of this scene rests heavily on the specifics and details.
That said, you capture the sense of chaos and overwhelming power of discord magnificently. There's a lot of creativity and vibrant images at work.
Colgate. Minuette. . ,, and . . I haven't read the story yet, but it looks great, so read later.
so i just thought about this: lost of canon ponies names differ from their fanon interpretations right but the fanon uses both, for example Colgate/Minuette Vinyl Scratch/DJ Pon3 Derpy Hooves/Ditzy Doo but no one ever used bon bons canon name in fact can one of you guys guess what it is?
3371742
Sweetie drops.
Bon bon's better.