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Celestia and REALLY Joyful Magic

Twilight Sparkle was naturally intrigued by the great affect evil magic had on the princess of the moon, Princess Luna. Having a mind of scientific and curious nature, she decided to experiment with the opposite scenario. Both Pinkie Pie and Celestia, both vital parts to the experiment, complied. The result was something Twilight was expecting, but way beyond the level she anticipated.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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diablo4000

diablo4000 #1 · Jul 2nd, 2015 · · ·

THAT'S IT! A HUGE CLIFF HANGER? .........Deep breath...ok ok ok,,, is there going to be a sequel to this right?

Marioland1

Marioland1 #2 · Jul 2nd, 2015 · · ·

Not a bad tale... in theory. Like many fics, it has its fair share of issues, both in story and grammatically. That much being said, I have a few tips for you.

Try to find a proofreader or an editor of some variety. They're incredibly important for their work in fixing the grammar and spelling of the story, and this story is absolutely plagued by these errors. The overuse of "affect" is the biggest of them all, especially since it should be "effect" in just about every case.

Try to cut out some of the padding. It's fine and dandy to add a motive for Twilight's research into Joy Magic, or to go to Pinkie Pie to progress Twilight's knowledge in it (a clever move there), but the rest of the Mane 6 are kind of thrown in as spectators. They're not really participating in the story very well, and spectating hardly suits them here. You also don't need to say that you're drawing out a word that already has the letter "I" 7 times in a row. It's redundant, and redundancy tends to be boring.

DJ_DXT10

DJ_DXT10 #3 · Jul 2nd, 2015 · · ·

6159290 Yeah I suppose you're right. I just realized that now, about the whole grammatical errors. I usually use Microsoft Word to type the story then copy and paste it into the type feature here. For this story, I forgot to do that, and it kind of threw me off. I'll take your comments and edit the story when I can. Thanks for taking the time to analyze it.

DJ_DXT10