[AN:this first chapter is not written well, i'll admit that, but I'm currently too busy to fix it (since there's so much wrong with it T_T) this is far from my best work so please bare with me. the next chapter is monumentally better than this.]
In the black void of space, there drifted an enormous ship, belonging to the German empire. Its body was a total of 450 meters long, 50 meters high and 25 meters wide. At the front, there was a decorative diagonal point. The top was covered in canons and satellite antennas. And on the side was the German eagle, perching atop a swastika, painted in black across the silver hull. This was Die Lade des Dritten Reiches; the German Space forces’ pride and joy.
Standing at a window on the starboard side was a blonde-haired man in a uniform, looking out upon a planet. From its manifestation, it appeared to be covered in landmasses, as well as seas. This was something of great interest to the German government, considering the current conflict between them and the Soviet Union. A day before, the ship launched a terra-scanner, a newly manufactured device that would allow the user to scan an atmosphere of any planet. The planet’s appearance had caught their attention, leading them to believe that it was an ideal world for colonization.
A door opened behind the uniformed man, revealing another man in a uniform. He was carrying a stack of papers, and appeared to be sweating nervously.
“Colonel Kessler.” He said.
“Yes? What is it, Herr Lars?” The other man said, turning away from the window.
“The data from the scanner has come through.” Lars responded
.
“At long last; has it detected anything worth our time?” Kessler asked.
“Yes, Herr Kessler, if fact, it has found a great deal of things.”
“Really? Such as?”
“Firstly, the planet seems to have a clean atmosphere, as well as breathable oxygen.” Lars stated, flipping through the papers.
“I see….” Kessler said, placing his hand on his chin.
“There is also lush soil, and the vegetation is quite similar to that on earth.” Lars added.
“Exellent, send for a building-crew; we start construction when they arrive.” Kessler said as he turned back to the window. But then, Lars continued.
“There appears to be something else; something that will be of great interest to the Führer.” He said. This caught the Commander’s attention. He turned around and locked eyes with Lars
“Go on.”
“The scanner has picked up structures, ones of…intelligent design.”
Kessler’s eyes widened at the last two words.
“Are you saying-?”
“We have located a civilization, Herr Kessler.”
Kessler hurriedly turned back to the window, and looked at the planet with an expression of astonishment. He turned back to Lars.
“Contact the Oberkommando; tell them everything, and request an invasion force, NOW!”
“Jawohl, Herr Kessler!” Lars Barked.
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“Everypony please take your seats.” Cheerilee called from the front of the class. It was Monday morning and the class was beginning a new subject.
"Alright everypony, today we’re going to be learning about Equestrian history.” Cheerilee said, directing the student’s attention to the chalkboard, everypony groaned.
“Boring.” Silverspoon said, rolling her eyes.
“Yes, yes, I know, you all may think that history is boring, but I think if you give it some time you may like some of the events of our history. Now, we’ll begin with-“
Cheerilee was interrupted by a loud rumble. The school-house shook, books fell from shelves, bulletin boards fell of their perches and objects flew from desks. The school widows then shattered without warning from the vibrations, causing everypony inside to scream.
“EVERYPONY OUT!” Cheerilee cried, knowing that the school could collapse. Cheerilee dropped the yardstick she was holding and rushed to the door, her class following. They all flooded outside.
“Is everypony alright?” Cheerilee asked the class. Before anypony could answer, however, a filly pointed a hoof at the sky with a wide-eyed expression.
“LOOK, UP THERE!” the filly squealed. Everypony whipped their heads toward the sky. They all gasped.
Sailing over them was a long, metal, behemoth. It was the largest thing any of them had seen. For a minute it had even blocked out the sun. As it passed over their heads, they saw the flames shooting out the back, creating a deafening sound and powerful winds, shaking the trees around them.
“Everypony, follow me!” Cheerilee shouted. Whatever that gigantic thing was, she could tell that everypony was in danger. Gathering her students she galloped back to Ponyville.
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Luna heard a loud rumble from her desk. Curious, she hopped up from her seat and walk toward her window. She pulled back the curtain revealing the Equestrian countryside. She noticed a glimmer in the horizon. She then could see the giant flying object passing over Ponyville, heading in the direction of Canterlot. freightened, Luna ran out her door and into the hallway, galloping in the direction of Celestia’s room. She saw several guards heading the opposite direction, toward the castle-courtyard. Arriving at her sister’s door, she literally burst into the room. She saw Celestia looking out her window.
“‘Tia! What is that?!” she screamed. At first, Celestia did not respond. But then, she turned her head toward her sister, with a mixed expression of uncertainty and fear.
“I don’t know Luna, but… I have a bad feeling about this.”
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“WHAT IN EQUESTRIA IS THAT?!”
“IT JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE!”
“IT’S COMING THIS WAY!”
A crowd of fear stricken ponies gathered in the middle of Ponyville, looking at the spectacle of an object, flying over their heads. But the object was the least of their worries.
-THOOM THOOM THOOM THOOM THOOM THOOM THOOM THOOM-
A muffled sound filled the air. Listening to it quietly, the ponies realized it sounded almost exactly like footsteps. But these didn’t sound like they only belonged to just one creature, but hundreds. Moment after moment, the sound seemed to getting closer. All of a sudden, the ponies could see a mass down the road that exited Ponyville. It appeared to be very wide and dark green, and several red specks suspended above it. As it drew closer, the red specks could be identified as red banners with an odd symbol displayed in black. A crooked cross? It came even closer, and the ponies were now VERY frightened.
The mass turned out to be a group of bipedal creatures, standing in a row and stepping forward in a perfectly synchronized march. They appeared to be wearing long green coats with body armor beneath them. Bowl-like helmets sat upon their heads, green like their uniforms. Their faces were concealed by masks. They held long, stick-like objects, which the ponies could only assume were weapons. Between each of the divisions were strange wagons; only they didn’t seem to have anything pulling them. They were green like the infantry’s uniforms, appeared to be metal and were slowly lumbering along, their wheels loudly clanking on the paved street.
“ Achtung, Achtung! Die Straße sofort räumen!” A voice boomed as they entered the town. The ponies had no idea what it had said, but they could tell it had asked, no, demanded they step aside.
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-Aboard Die Lade des Dritten Reiches-
“Approaching the capital, Shipmaster Weiss!” one of the navigators shouted to the ship’s commander. He stood behind the control bay’s staff, next to an older, balding man, whose uniform was more heavily decorated, and the commander.
“And so, another great period in the Third Reich begins.” The old man said.
"Great? HA! I highly doubt so, Herr; this shall be easy conquest. There will be hardly anything historical about this day." the Shipmaster snapped, a haughty grin on his face.
"Oh? How so Herr Weiss?" queried Kessler.
"How? look below you, what do you see?" the Shipmaster laughed, pointing downward. there was a large, round window on the floor of the control bay. Through this window, a small town could be seen.
"A simple town; why does that matter?" the Colonel responded.
"Exactly, a simple town. whoever these people are, they're obviously obsolete. i didn't have to read the report to know that these people are inferior to us. conquering them shall be like stepping over a corpse: over before it begins." the Shipmaster boasted, maintaining the same grin as before. the old man shot a glare at the Shipmaster.
"The conquest of this place is not what this is about. The first time the German Empire ever set foot on another planet, the first colony they established, and the first sentient beings they ever came in contact with. THAT is what shall make history this day." the old man said. the Shipmaster's expression changed.
"Forgive me, General, it was not my place to speak out of turn." the Shipmaster said, fabricating an apology. The the men's attention when back to the castle, which was getting closer and closer.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Canterlot castle was abuzz. Guards scrambled to get to the courtyard, which was where the ship appeared to be headed. The two Regal Sisters, accompanied by a handful of guards, were going to the throne room.
“Has anypony found an interpreter?!” one of the higher-ranking guards shouted.
“Over here, sir!” a well suited unicorn yelled as he approached the princesses sides.
“Princess, the object should arrive in less than a minute!” A guard-pony barked as he passes them by.
“Sister, w-what could they possibly want from us?” said a scared Luna.
“It’s landed! It’s landed!”
Celestia briefly looked at the ground, seemingly nervous. Looking back at Luna, she simply stated:
“There’s only one way to find out.”
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-Corridors of Die Lade des Dritten Reiches-
“STEP ASIDE, MAKE WAY FOR GENERAL GOTTFRIED!” One of the troopers shouted as he, along with several others, guided the old man, Kessler, shipmaster Weiss and a diplomat down the halls of the ship toward the exit-ramp. Upon exiting Kessler looked around him. Many storm troopers had gathered in the courtyard. Tanks had also been unloaded, as well as radio-equipment, supply trucks and jeeps.
“Are you sure all THIS is necessary?” scoffed the Shipmaster.
“Of course, why wouldn’t it be?” Gottfried answered.
“He has a point Herr; these people appear to not even be out of what we would consider an early renaissance period. I’m not sure that the use of Panzer has much of a point. After all, these people likely don’t even have the firepower that our infantry alone posses.” Kessler interjected.
“That is the point, my friend. Once the people of this world see the strength of Germany’s Third Reich they will know that to yield to us is their only option. Our Panzer shall shake the ground beneath them, our soldiers shall strike fear into their hearts, and our weapons shall level their mountains. We shall bend them to our will, as our first great Führer did with Europe.” Gottfried said. He was right. The Third Reich’s policy for conquest was always by fear. Their troopers’ uniforms, the way they marched, their anti-riot training were all designed to fill civilian masses with terror. It was terror that won them the second Great War. A trooper approached them, a Gewehr 37 in his hands.
“This way Herrn, the leaders are waiting inside.” The trooper informed them, pointing toward the Castle. They continued walking, as Kessler continued to observe their surroundings. He noticed the strange looking animals wearing golden armor, which he deduced were miniature horses. This was a strange sight; however, he was more interested in what the people were like. That’s when he heard the horses making sounds. These weren't animal sounds; no, this was dialog; they were SPEAKING to one another. He then realized that these WERE the people.
‘This place is full of surprises.’ Kessler thought to himself. As the Nazi leaders approached the doors of the castle, a trooper opened the door.
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Celestia and Luna watched as the doors to the throne room opened, revealing several creatures, four of which didn’t have their faces covered by the masks the others wore. Frontwards eyes, no fur other than the patch on their heads. They wore black uniforms, decorated with various medals; patches etc. and had the same red armband with the black crooked-cross as the others. An older-looking one walked between them, slightly hunched over. By the looks of his uniform, he was obviously the highest ranking of all of them. Another was brown haired with glasses, and he seemed to have a strut in his walk, a bit like a peacock. The third wore a suit, and was carrying a briefcase. The forth had slicked-back blonde-hair, his eyes seemed sunken-in, dark circles around them and his cheekbones protruded out. He wore a high-crowed hat, with a visor which darkened his eyes even further. And his expression, although intentionally neutral, looked like a bitter scowl.
These were obviously negotiators; but Princess Celestia knew that whatever they wanted wasn’t going to be a fair proposal.
The interpreter’s horn started to glow, as he focused of the group of creatures. When they reached speaking distance the creature with the briefcase turned to another.
.
“Wie….wie sollen wir kommunizieren?“ The creature asked.
“No need to worry, I’ll translate for our princesses.” the interpreter said in German. The creature looked back at him, surprised but relived.
“Oh good, in that case let’s begin. On behalf of The German Empire, we have come to extend an invitation.”
The unicorn turned to Celestia, repeating what the diplomat had said in Equestrian.
“Invitation, to what if I may ask?” Celestia queried.
“Why, to join us of course. The third Reich has taken an interest in your civilization. We would appreciate that you join forces with us. Think about it, you have seen our army, yes? You can clearly see that we are quite advanced compared to yourselves. If we where to unite, you could be a part of the great power that is the German empire. Our glory could be shared with you; all you have to do is say ‘Yes’. What do you say?” the diplomat said, hoping for the answer they had all anticipated.
“I refuse.” Celestia stated bluntly. This surprised all of the creatures. However, they weren’t about to just walk away.The creature with the briefcase began again, now pleading.
"But Fraulein, this proposal with bring great things to you and your people, don't be so hasty." the creature said.
"I have made my decision; now, I'm asking you to LEAVE." she said, anger rising in her voice. Suddenly, they all heard a chuckle. They all turned and looked at the man with glasses; sure enough, he was the one who was chuckling. but this chuckling soon became laughter, as he put his hand to his face. He began to stop, and looked back up at the princess.
"YOU are telling US to leave?" he said, slightly giggling. "Fraulein, you amuse me. But i'm afraid you jokes must be put aside."
"I'm not joking, now leave or i'll MAKE you leave." Celestia said, as her eyes narrowed. the creature's grin quickly faded, and was replaced by a glare.
“What makes you think you have the right to decide. because I’m afraid that you have no choice in the matter” he declared.
“I’m afraid that I do, and the answer is ‘No’” she said, irritated.
"This does not have to be difficult, Fraulein. Just say 'yes' and all our troubles will simply fade." he said with false reassurance..
“I would never join the likes of you. I can see in your eyes the history of your so called glorious nation, and i DON"T like what i see." Celestia declared. The creature looked at her with confusion, but his expression soon returned to a glare.
"Well then, I'm afraid you'll just have to DEAL WITH IT!" he shouted as the armed creatures held up their weapons, causing Luna to step back in fear. Celestia, however, remained unfazed.
“We have an army waiting at right outside, we have one in all of your cities, and we have much more on the way. You haven’t the slightest idea of whom you’re dealing with.” He arrogantly threatens.
"No, I'm afraid that its YOU who doesn't know who their dealing with." Celestia angrily said.Celestia’s horn began glowing. Luna saw this, becoming scared.
“Sister, wait! Please, don’t do this!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
-Castle courtyard-
A young private rank trooper sat on a supply crate, his Gewehr resting against it. He held his Hitler Youth knife in his hand, while running his gloved finger across the blade. He sighed, putting it away. He preferred not talking to anyone, on the account of risking being teased. He had anxiety issues that usually reared their ugly heads whenever a large mass of people watched him. As a result, everyone in his platoon thought he was a terrible shot. Truth be told, he was an excellent shot, but in front of other people he was lucky to graze a target’s body, let alone, hit it dead on.
“SCHMITT, HERR SCHMITT!” A snarky voice called. He knew he’d regret it, but he looked up and saw a group of troopers that had formed a circle twenty feet away from him.
“Hey Schmitt, been missing any targets lately?!” mocked one of the troopers, as the rest exploded with laughter. Schmitt looked away, furious. He WAS a good shot. So severely did he wish for a chance to prove himself. Then, as if presented to him on a silver platter, an opportunity came.
The doors of the castle swung open, as if moved by an invisible force. Everyone looked in shock as Gottfried, Weiss, Kessler, the diplomat and their guards were hurled down the stairs. Their attention was redirected at the door, as a large, white horse appeared. The horse wore a tiara, obviously making her the leader. She had a single horn on her head and a pair of wings. She also had a long, flowing, rainbow mane.
Immediately the troopers closest to her held up their weapons, pointing them at the regal horse. However, the tables were quickly turned, as the horse’s horn began glowing yellow. Miraculously, the trooper’s weapons were jerked out of their hands as yellow auras formed around them. Floating midair, the weapons turned around, now pointing toward the troopers. Pleadingly, they held up their hands, begging to be spared.
Too bad.
The triggers on the weapons were pulled as they blasted the troopers. Some of them had been hit on their armored chests, therefore, surviving; others weren’t so lucky. The same auras began picking up other objects as they were tossed about. The horse’s head turned toward a nearby panzer, and it lifted off the ground.
Seeing this, Schmitt realized this was all somehow being caused by the horse’s horn. With haste, he picked up his Gewehr, pulled back the bolt, and looked down the sights. He began to breathe steadily, clearing away all distractions and aiming for his target: her horn. He took a deep breath, curled his index finger around the trigger, and with two pounds of pressure, he fired.
Her horn splintered into dozens of pieces as the bullet struck, dead on. The aura faded immediately and the objects were dropped. She cringed in pain, as she fell to her knees. Satisfied, Schmitt lowered his weapon.
But, his satisfaction was quickly interrupted as he saw a dark blur. He held up his weapon again, ready to fire. He saw that the blur was a dark blue horse. She looked similar to the white one, aside from being smaller. He was about to take another shot until he saw her fling her body atop the white horse. Then, she said something; he wasn’t sure what she said at first since she was speaking a different language, but then he realized what she had said sounded like: “Schwester”{sister}. He then noticed she was now crying…no, sobbing.
He felt a throbbing pain in his chest. At first, he couldn’t explain the pain, but it soon hit him like a ton of bricks; it was guilt.
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“Sister! Oh my goodness, ‘Tia, your horn!” Luna cried, tears flowing down her cheeks.
“Protect the princesses!” A voice barked as a wave of royal guards came galloping from behind them. But, the creature with glasses got up and began shouting orders of his own.
“Tötet sie! Tötet sie jetzt!“ he shouted as he pointed his finger at the group of advancing guards. Without missing a beat the troopers opened fire.
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“KILL THEM! KILL THEM NOW!” Shipmaster Weiss Commanded, as Kessler regained his conciseness. Lying on his back, he looked upon the scene around him. The guard horses fell all around him, being riddled with bloody holes before falling over dead. He saw the two leaders lying on the ground, the white one’s horn broken. Looking to the left of him, he saw General Gottfried and the diplomat lying on the ground as well, motionless. A trooper ran over to them, kneeling down.
“What’s happened to them?” Kessler asked in a bleary voice.
“Dead, they both landed on their heads.” the trooper responded as he signaled other troopers over to help him. As Kessler tried to get up, he felt a sharp pain in his left arm, realizing it had been dislocated in the fall. His eyes met with Weiss’s.
“What are your orders sir?” he said as he removed his shattered glasses.
“My… orders?” Kessler asked, confused.
“Gottfried is dead, your next in command.” Weiss responded, spitting out blood. Kessler looked at the dark horse
.
“Bring her aboard, and bring that interpreter too. In the mean time, you stay here and organize the troops.”
"Yes, Commander."
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Luna watched as several of the masked creatures walked toward her, weapons in hand.
“Sie kommen mit uns.” One of them barked.
“They want you to come with them, princess.” the interpreter said from behind her. Luna looked down at Celestia, tears continuing to flow down her cheeks.
“JETZT!” the trooper yelled, pointing his weapon at her.
“G-go.” Celestia said weakly. Luna looked at her sister, afraid. But, she nodded in agreement as she got up and began following the troopers toward the ship. She saw the brown-haired creature talking to the blonde one as she passed by.
“Was machen wir mit der?“ he said, pointing at Celestia. The blonde one leaned in closer to the other and whispered something that not even the interpreter could hear. As she entered the ship and the exit hatch was closing, she looked back and saw a few troopers surrounding Celestia.
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The mass of ponies was growing by the minute as the strange beings stood idly, as if waiting for something. Twilight was standing in the middle of the crowd with spike, looking at these strange creatures.
“Twilight!” a voice said. Twilight turned to see Applejack with Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom. “Twilight, wut the hay is goin’ on?!” she said in a distressed voice. Twilight simply shook her head.
“I don’t know AJ, I still haven’t gotten a letter from the Princess.” she candidly stated. Ponies were talking around them; new bystanders, asking what was going on, fillies trying to find their parents, and several ponies coming up with crazy explanations for what these things were.
“Dear Celestia, look!” a Mare shouted as she pointed a hoof at the sky in the opposite direction everypony was facing. They all looked in horror as a Guard Pegasus weakly flapped toward them. He was covered in his own blood, and was steadily edging toward the ground. The moment he collapsed, dozens of ponies rush toward him, asking if he was ok. The Pegasus lifted his head with much effort.
“They……………. they’ve……………..they’ve killed her-” He labored. The ponies looked at him with expressions of shock and confusion. He continued, this time mustering all his strength to shout at the top of his lungs.
“THEY’VE KILLED CELESTIA!”
His shout was met with a wave of gasps. But nopony was hit harder than the Princess’s protege, Twilight. Her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. She suddenly collapsed to the ground as tears began filling her eyes.
-This can’t be real-
-There has to be some kind of mistake-
-Celestia…………….DEAD?!-
Suddenly, uproar emerged from the masses, as the angry ponies began yelling at the beings, scrapping their hoofs on the ground, and slowly advancing toward them. A garbled voice began emitting from one of the strange boxes they beings had set up.
“Aufmerksamkeit, haben wir erfolgreich den Führer gestürzt. Zeugen sind entkommen. zivilen Protest unmittelbar bevor. Verwenden Sie notwendige Kraft zu verletzen. Einsatz von Tränengas erlaubt.” It stated.
In response, the creatures began to form-up, pulling out different weapons than before, including a long hose like object. And they waited; waited for the ponies to make the first move. Sure enough, a brown stallion Pegasus charged at them midair, seething with anger and hatred.
“YOU SCUM!” The enraged stallion shouted, as he dive-bombed toward the cluster of beings. Without even flinching, one of the creatures pulled a long narrow object from his belt, and as soon as the stallion was arms length away, he swung it straight into the Pegasus’s face. Blood erupted from the stallion’s mouth as the weapon made contact. A few of his teeth flew out as well. The creature beside the one that counter-attacked merely side-stepped out of the way, as the Pegasus crashed into the ground. But the creature wasn’t through. It lifted its foot up above the stallion’s wing and drove it downwards. The crowd cringed as they heard the audible ‘CRACK!’ when the creature’s steel soled boot stamped down on the wing, breaking it. Expressions of horror came across the faces of the crowd as they looked upon the wounded stallion, lying in a pool of his own blood.
The crowd’s advance stopped, as they began to back away from the creatures. But that didn’t stop the beings form escalating things. The creature holding the hose turned a switch, as a thick gas began shooting out the nozzle, flooding the crowd. Ponies began coughing and choking, as well as squinting their eyes as if they were burning. The creatures held up the large narrow weapons, pointing them at the crowd.
-POP. POP POP POP. POP POP POP POP POPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOP POP.-
The sounds of light explosions filled every pony’s ears as tiny rubber pellets began hitting the ponies with rapid succession. Dazed and in pain, the crowd retreated.
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-Aboard Die Lade des Dritten Reiches-
Luna followed the group of troopers down the winding corridors of the metal beast. Luna held her head down, as the creatures they passed by whispered and pointed. They came to a large room, filled with large machines, creatures scrambling about from one end of the room to the next, responding to loud noises the machines made. In the center of the room was a large metal table, a large light shining down upon it. The blonde creature walked around the other side of the table as Luna and the interpreter stopped at other end.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Kessler was about to continue the negotiation planned, but was stopped by one of the operators."
"Colonel" he beckons. kessler turned around and walked over to the console.
“The Führer is asking for you.” The operator said, handing the receiver to Kessler.
“Thank you.” The Colonel put the receiver against his ear. “Yes, mein Führer………………….. this is him…………………………I’m afraid so sir. However, his body is intact…………………………Yes. Mein Führer, you’ve been informed about the leader, correct? ............................................... I can’t say so myself, I was unconscious. But everyone seems to say the same thing, so I suppose it’s plausible .…………………………yes, as a matter of fact I’ve brought her aboard the ship………………………………” Kessler made a puzzled face. He looked over at Luna “Yes, she has the same horn, what about it?” Kessler’s expression changed, he now looked shocked. “Herr, are you sure that’s really necessary? ..................... Well, she seems awfully passive, she didn’t even……………………………………” his expression then saddened. “*sigh* As you wish. I’ll contact you within an hour…………. Auf Wiedersehen.” Kessler handed the receiver back to the operator. Her walked back to the table, turning to the interpreter.
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“Übersetzen Sie bitte” the Blonde politely said. The interpreter nodded. The creature turned to Luna, and began speaking to her, the interpreter translating.
“First, allow me to start where we left off; I understand that your sister did not wish to join us, however we’ll still be offering a chance for your nation to surrender itself to the German empire. I’m afraid that our diplomat was lying to you when he said that we would form an alliance. We plan to claim this world for ourselves; this could be less of a chore if you yield and allow us to build a settlement here. Please know that no harm will come to your people if you surrender; but also know that once we settle here our law shall be enforced, and you will forfeit any authority you currently have. Make your decision.” He said. Luna contemplated her options, sighed and answered:
“We surrender.”
“Good, now, we’ll move on to our next issue. Am I correct in assuming that you posses a power like your sister’s?” The blonde asked. Luna nodded.
“You’re aware that she used this power to kill one of the highest ranking generals in the German army, and lift a panzer as if it were nothing?”
She nods again.
“You can agree that this power is technically a lethal weapon?”
-nods-
“And you agree that as long as you have that horn you’re armed with said weapon?”
Luna’s eyes shot up, a horrified expression on her face. She knew where this conversation was headed.
“Y-y-yes.”she stuttered.
“Then I’m afraid that we have only one option.”
Tears began streaming down luna’s cheeks.
“We’re going to have to DISARM you."
-End chapter-
I don't know how to say this...
Well, I think that the general idea of nazis being in Equestria is quite amusing. I don't think anyone could have thought of anything near this level of creativity !
You gotta work on your grammar and punctuation, though !
OH MY GOD YES! SO MUCH WIN!!!
That's a lot of what ifs. I tried to do the probability calculations but my calculator can't display that many digits. And doing it by hand is tedious.
If you're assuming that much why not sentient bubble gum?
That was horrendous. I find a complete lack of logic in damn near ever paragraph you wrote. Nothing made sense, and it didn't even feel like you were trying. You throw space ships in. You throw advanced sensors in. You throw the ability to traverse between solar systems in. But Panzers? Goose stepping? What the hell is a Gewehr 37? Celestia not giving in to a superior force when it's completely obvious they overpower her? The complete ham-fisted way you peg the Nazi stereotype into this unhallowed beast of a story...
I gave the story a chance, a damn good one. But this is irredeemable. It can't be salvaged; it is beyond repair. Not even Herbert West can bring this frankenstein back to life. I'm sorry I'm being so brutally blunt with this, but I can honestly say you've completely blown my mind, and not in a good way. Let it die, for the love of humanity, let it die.
And your grammar was bad.
Ummm...okay. Let's see how I would sum this up
wired.com/images_blogs/photos/uncategorized/2007/10/05/disaster.jpg
h2carblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Hindenburg-disaster.jpg
nextnature.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/nextnature_disaster_530.jpg
Yeah, sums it up pretty nicely
I have a question. What happens to the rest of the world? How does Africa, South America and Australia fare in this new world? Other than a desperately needed Grammar Nazi, you're doing great! Why does Celstia have to die ? I know it is probably necessary but still, WHY !!!
Anyways, I like the writing style along with the whole idea of a plausible alternate future. It makes you think, 'How lucky are we that only this happened instead of anything else?" 'Disarming' Luna is too much of an evil thing to place into my mind. Die Nazis sind böses Ungeheuer! Alle sie in einem Feuer sterben!
I wish contraception was invented before Hitler's parents met !
A moment's silence for the late Princess Celestia.
Philip Fry: SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!!!!!!
No, seriously, this is Awesome! Not so for the ponies in Equestria, of course, but I frikin' love the Nazi's! And it would be more awesome if the Russians were going to liberate the sh*t out of Equestria! After all, the Russians did defeat the Nazi's in 1945.
630355 I understand were your coming from, however, I’m going to have to correct you on a few points.
Firstly, the point you made about the stereotyping. In German the word “panzer” is actually a general term for armor, carapace or shell; it’s just calling them “Tanks” and not referring to a specific tank-model . I never mentioned that they were “Goose-stepping”, merely that they were marching in synch. Marching in synch doesn’t necessarily mean they were walking in a ridiculous and exaggerated fashion. A Gewehr 43 was a semi-automatic rifle made by the Germans in the mid-WWII era. The “43” in its name refers to its date of manufacture. I was trying to suggest that a “Gewehr 37” is a newer model of the Gewehr 43. I assure you that I tried to avoid behavioral stereotypes, but I also wanted to emphasize cruelty in the Nazis actions. I didn’t have them going around shouting: “SEIG HEIL!” or any other stupid-ass shit like that because I was aware that this would make the things stupidly exaggerated, but at the same time, I wanted them to reflect the “Nazi-culture” .
Secondly the point you made about Celestia not giving up to a greater force. Celestia is basically a god, she can sent ponies to the moon, and- oh I don’t know- she can turn the earth on its axis. She probably would have torn that space ship in twain if she was given the change, so I doubt that she had anything to worry about. The guy shooting off her horn obviously caught her off guard. Plus, I also stated that she could see the history of the Nazis before her eyes. If you were the leader of a country and you were being offered an alliance with Nazi Germany, whilst a montage of images of the Holocaust, Nazi propaganda and the Second World War flashed before your eyes, given the fact you had a choice in the matter, would you think: “Gee, these guys seem like an honest bunch!”…no? I didn’t think so.
Lastly, your argument on the logic within this fanfic. The description states that the current date is 2145. You’d think that by then we would have made something at least similar to space ships, interstellar travel or advanced scanning devices. Plus, you do realize that this is a world inhabited by pastel-colored, sentient ponies that can do magic, right?
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Just going to put that out there.
I understand that the grammar is sloppy; after all, I did most of this late at night when I was tired (and by tired, I mean struggling to stay awake) since it was the only time I had to do it. I’m more than likely to proof-read and fix this later on, which I admit I should have done in the first place. This isn’t my best work, hell, it’s VERY rushed. So yeah, that’s all I got.
Uh, where to begin...
I'm gonna ignore all the alternate history cliches and mistakes you've made in the summary alone. This is a MLP fan fic, so I guess I should give some leniency there. I'll just take all this in an Iron Sky sort of camp way.
But even so, the writing and pacing of the story in general are kind of meh for me. The grammar's fine for most of it, save for some of the RanDoMLY capITAlizeD letters, and some of the paragraphs can be spaced out a bit to prevent wall of text syndrome.
The main problem I see though is that things get started way too quickly. The Nazis just talk for a bit with the ponies and then shit blows up. I know you say they want to make a point, but wouldn't they fulfill that point by piloting their giant spaceships over the castle and inviting Celestia to come up their in what would be either a trap or genuine attempts at negotiations? I mean they just march into to hostile territory, Celestia goes berserk, and everything genuinely goes to hell. There's no build-up or tension. We don't get to know any of the Nazis, and not even as villains. I mean if you're going to have us hate them, you've given us not much to base hatred off of besides 'they're Nazis.' And using just that sounds kind of lazy, agreed?
Plus the sudden death of Celestia and all the EXPLOSIONS MAN AND DEATH STUFF also kills tension and suspense. From what I get of the tags, you're trying to make a 'dark' story, but this is just Michael Bay stuff so far. Adding a lot more paragraphs, maybe even a whole chapter or two of build-up before we get to all this drastic conflict. As of right now, it looks like we've already hit a climax. Celestia's dead, Luna and the rest are captured and about to be tortured, and Equestria seems doomed. For a 4,000 word chapter, it all comes really fast, too fast for any of it to really take effect on an emotional scale.
That's my two cents on it though. I'd really consider rewriting this; I'm not saying you should trash the idea even though I don't care for it myself, just polish it out more. Add detail, character, and if you want dark, terror and suspense through use of words. That sounds simple, I know, but really adding more to this could heighten the tension and emotional payoff for the reader considerably.
I hope you enjoyed reading this pizza-roll ridden diatribe good sir.
632679 Thank you for the constructive criticism. I’m glad you took the time to write this. Thanks to that I have a stable ground in which to rebuild on.
I didn’t want anybody to hate the Nazis just yet. However, your right, I should put emphasis on why they should be hated. There are only certain Nazi characters that I wanted to be hated, the one with glasses for instance. The blonde guy is supposed to be more of a neutral character.
Just to clarify, the ponies aren’t being shipped off be enslaved; the incident with the tear-gas and rubber bullets was simply the troopers pacifying the crowd. They had be ordered by the man on the radio not to kill anybody ( I should change that to were the message is being heard from the troopers POV). I actually plan to have the Ponies live among the Nazis as regular citizens. Also, they aren’t going to torture luna, just surgically remove her horn and she’ll be released. This story was intended to be more of a cultural thing than a war story
Anyhow, thanks for the comment. Now, it’s time for me to add detail, dialogue and extend scenes.
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633860
Good, sympathetic Germans are okay. It's good to show these guys aren't all evil, just under an evil system. Makes it not so horribly offensive, you dig?
I'm not sure why the Nazis wouldn't just kill the Ponies though. And having the ponies live among the Nazis? I don't think the Nazis would do that at all. I mean considering how they treated real humans who were kind of different, imagine how they'll treat an actual different race of sentient beings? I'll give you a hint; Generalplan Equestria.
And having Luna's horn surgically removed certainly won't endear them to the populace or the princess.
I'm unsure how you want to do the whole cultural thing as well. Honestly, with Nazis in Space fighting cartoon horses, the premise is kind of silly for such a serious topic. I mentioned Iron Sky earlier, and I think you'd be better off goin' for something like that: A campy, dark comedy sort of thing. It'd fit with all the action and explosions and hilariously evil guys, because as of now I can't see this turning into a 'cultural war' fic without enough suspension of disbelief to imagine Atlantis into existence.
633986 I do intend to get the soviets involved, as well as the changelings, so it's not all going to be a bunch of political drama. The ponies just end up getting caught in the shit-storm.
636741
Okay, that sounds fine. Just remember; Don't take yourself and your story that seriously, and you'll do fine.
UED Admiral Gerard DuGalle: By god they killed Celestia and all! All forces, prepare to move in and stop them! I want those Nazis stopped or, if that fails, WE WILL STRUCK AN ALLIANCE WITH THE TERRAN DOMINION!
I showed this to Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and the guy who played Ipp Man. Their heads exploded in awesomeness. I reanimated them into one being and bound myself with it. I can now view this safely.
Please have Luna be successfully disarmed, Nazi rule successfully established, all former traces of Celestial and Lunar rule destroyed, all ponies exterminated, enslaved, or most preferably made to welcome the Nazis with open arms, and have the Nazis ide with the Soviet Union and take over the rest of the Earth. PLEASE!!!!! This is my dreamfic so far. You deserve many faces.
688255 Don't think so. I want to see the next chapter.
yes! as I read this it intrigues me
AUSGEIZICHNET!
SIEG HEIL MEIN BRUDER!
Update?
I got to Lars and you won me over.
I am german and I don't know anyone with the name of Lars... So if you know any, good for you. Lars is a scandinavian name, not a german one, and a prename to that.....
But the "I kid you not" part should go into the author's notes.
that is the more uncommon version in german. That should be Fräulein.
If you got any question regarding german stuff, you can ask me, if you want to. Unless you already have someone to help you.