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Twilight Sparkle has grown up, a fact Smarty Pants has long accepted. But inside Twilight's chest, Smarty Pants still finds herself longing for those sweet days of childhood past, and dreaming of the day somepony will hold her close again.

First Published
16th Nov 2011
Last Modified
15th Nov 2011
#1 · 161w, 4d ago · · ·

This... is beautiful.

Well done.

#2 · 161w, 4d ago · · ·

Well written. Very nice :moustache:

#3 · 161w, 4d ago · · ·

This is amazing, very well done.  

#4 · 161w, 4d ago · · ·

I was just convinced to register, and I feel like I need to explain more why I love this.

It's like a MLP version of The Velveteen Rabbit (which is fantastic and anyone who hasn't read it should right now).

http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html

Both have a charming and bittersweet way to look at children's toys and childhood in general, and I think you've made something really lovely here. I honestly can't even think of any criticisms for this. Maybe later I'll come back and nitpick, but anything I complain about will be very minor.

Keep on keepin' on.

#5 · 161w, 4d ago · · ·

>>32612>>32658

Thank you :twilightblush:

>>32679

This...is the highest compliment I could possibly hope to receive. To be compared to such a story as The Velveteen Rabbit, one of if not the cornerstone of many people's childhoods, is so mind-blowing that I don't even know what to say.  I don't know if I deserve it, but thanks so much

#6 · 161w, 4d ago · · ·

that was beautiful.

Fin
#7 · 161w, 4d ago · · ·

I loved this story, well done.

Its always the bittersweet stories that pull on my heart strings.

                                                                         -Fin

#8 · 161w, 4d ago · · ·

If everything turned out happy in the end why am I so sad? I agree with Fin >>33020 these stories are always the ones that get me. Amazing job please write more.

-Nikola of Tesla

Head of Applied Magic, Canterlot Institute of Technology

#9 · 161w, 4d ago · · ·

>>32797>

Thank you :twilightsmile:

>33020>

Would it come as a surprise to you that bittersweet is my guilty pleasure? I'll roll my eyes at most depictions of suicide (it's really hard to portray without coming off as overly melodramatic) but a toy getting abandoned? Cue the waterworks!

>33062

I'm glad you considered it happy! I was worried that people respond with "Y U SO SAD", but I wanted it to be a hopeful story. I think a story of hope, tinged with tears, is much more memorable than a straight up heart-breaking, "i may never feel happy again" story.

:raritywink: Don't worry, there's much more where that comes from! Hikari's "in the zone" as it t'were! Even since I started writing again, my imagination has been sparked, and I've got so many ideas panned. My next story is going to be a comedy however, I need some lightening up around here (Of course, that's what I intended to do right after my previous story, and then this piece came out. You never know exactly when inspiration will strike.

#10 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

I amost cried.

Almost.

This was so beautiful. I loved it. 5/5

:twilightsmile:

#11 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

Amazing. That's the only word I have to describe this. It's like three cups Velveteen Rabbit, one cup Calvin and Hobbes, and a tablespoon of Toy Story all folded into Friendship is Magic and blended expertly.

#12 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

Very nice--It had little effect on me, but take no offence. I think I've read a bit to much grimdark to be emotionally off put (Possible wrong choice of words), but this is great writing none the less. It takes a lot to get me to read fan-fictions--other than the ones I already follow--; this one, I have to say, is very good. I hope to see more work from you in the future. :pinkiesmile:

#13 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

This moved me to tears. Thank you.

#14 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

So awesome, I wish my stories could be as good as this.

#15 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

THanks for making me sad. And happy.

#16 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

>>34409

When I have more than one comment to respond to, I usually round them up into one post. This time however, I feel the need to respond to this comment in-depth, because I know that this is something that every writer deals with in the beginning.

Writing is hard, ungodly painfully hard. I could sit here and say I'm just a naturally gifted writer, but I'll be honest, I have been doing this for as long as I can remember. When I was in kindergarten, I made comic books and gave them to my teacher's aid to read. My middle school teacher had us write two books every year, not to mention the short stories, poems and journal entries we wrote every single day.This same teacher also pounded grammar into our heads, and to this day, I can't make a grammar error on the internet without wincing! In high school, I took creative writing classes, and wrote so many pages of essays I could wallpaper my room with them. I have a lot of experience behind me, but I am still learning. You will never master writing, it is a never ending process of making mistakes and learning from them. You experiment with different styles, you play with language, you find out what works and what doesn't.

I went through a very long writer's block right before this, and it was depressing. Everything I wrote was shit, and I knew it. Worst part was, I had a final project for Creative Writing, and absolutely nothing to turn in. I started and stopped several different projects, and had nothing to show for it. I eventually threw something together at the last minute, and turned it in in shame. Now that it's past me, I can see that was I needed was inspiration. But you don't just sit around and wait for inspiration, you go out and find it. This story came to me when I saw a  piece of fanart of Smarty Pants, but there are so many other ways to find inspiration. Go read a book, watch a movie, pay attention to the things people do! I get most of my ideas from the people I see on the streets or on a daily basis. Pay attention to the stuff you like, analyze the shit out of it even, and pick out what it is you like about it and let it influence you.

Write the things you want to read. The best thing about being a writer is if you want a story to exist, then voila! It exists! Do you sit there thinking "You know what I want to read? A MLP crossover with Citizen Kane!" Then what are you waiting for? Write it! You need to write for yourself. Hell, that's what made this show so popular! The writers for FiM weren't trying to write something for a male demographic, they wrote for themselves. That is very special and very important to remember when writing. The things you want to write may not be what's popular right now, and your views might suffer for it, but it's far more important that you're pleased with it.

It's important to know the rules of the language you're writing in. Run spellchecker several times while you're writing, but be careful; I tend to use spellchecker when I'm procrastinating. You also should re-read the story for errors spellchecker missed. But just as important is to know when to break the rules. A story with perfect grammar is terribly stilted, and can be as much a chore to sit through as a story with painful grammar. Break the rules, shred them to pieces even; but you can only do it right if you actually know the rules in the first place.

It's important to learn how to self-edit. After I write, I let it sit for a while, then return to it and I hi-lite everything I don't like about it in yellow, and everything I do like in red. It helps me hone in on where I need to work the most, and it also keeps my morale up when I emphasize what I really like about it. Recognize when something works, and when it falls flat. It is also incredibly important to learn how to accept criticism, even if you disagree. When you take criticism seriously, you learn far more than you could possibly learn alone. Know the difference between good and bad criticism though, and don't let it change your story into something that's not yours. Remember "Art of the Dress"?

I may not be the best person to be telling you this, and I'm certainly not the greatest writer of fanfiction out there. I have terrible writing habits; I procrastinate, and write very slowly. 2500 words took me days to write. I also can be really cruel to myself. At one point, while forcing myself through a writing block, I just wrote Fuck twenty times and even wrote a song about how this fanfiction needed to be sent to the moon. I almost deleted this a thousand times, and my heart was in my throat when I posted it.

Sweet crap, I've been writing this a long time. Anyways, be confident. If your story doesn't get noticed or gets a bad reception, don't let it stop you cold. Keep writing what you love, and if you aim to improve and build on what you've done, I guarantee you'll improve!

Urgh...I need to go to bed...Hopefully that helps, or makes a lick of sense. And after all that time spent writing, hopefully you see this

#17 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

This stirred emotions I haven't felt since the first time I read the ending of The Amber Spyglass, and that's a very special book.

#18 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

>>34314

Yeah i liked this story too, and if you read too much grimdark lately... Read "My little Dashie" it is such a sweet story and it has made me cry everytime i think of it...

#19 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

Whatever you do, don't read this story while playing this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wujiEeZje_M

It's "When she loved me," by Sarah McLachlan. Jesse's song in Toy Story 2.

Wanderer D
Moderator
#20 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

This is a great story! Thank you for sharing it! :twilightsmile:

#21 · 161w, 2d ago · · ·

Arg, my heart!

*heart explodes*

#22 · 161w, 1d ago · · ·

>>34290

I did... :twilightblush:

It just kills me that she forgot... I love she got a new start, but why lose ones past memory, the love and joys she once knew... It's so sad.

:fluttercry::raritycry::ajsleepy::applecry::pinkiesad2::twilightoops::eeyup:

#23 · 161w, 1d ago · · ·

Omg, so sad and beautiful :pinkiesad2: Kind of reminds me of the end of Toy Story 3.

#24 · 161w, 14h ago · · ·

must not cry must not cry ok I'm not cry but its still very sad and very good.

#25 · 161w, 13h ago · · ·

That was lovely, thank you for this sweet story.

#26 · 159w, 4d ago · · ·

>>34537

Wow, this is certainly the longest response I've gotten online in a long time, so first let me say thanks.

I've been writing for over 5 years, but whenever I write MLP it's utter crap. My one story on Equestria Daily is the least viewed and most hated story on the entire site, and I know because I look at every single fic that gets put up on there. Every single one of them gets more ratings and comments in its first DAY than mine has gotten in the months it's been up. On here my stories are lucky if they get a single comment and 100 views. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, or why I'm the most hated writer on five fanfic sites, I just know I am and I doubt any amount of practice will change that.

#27 · 158w, 6d ago · · ·

>>44793

Sorry about that :twilightsheepish: I was trying to say all the things I wish I had known when I was at rock bottom, and it ended up taking up a lot of space. But I wouldn't have responded if I hadn't been in the position you're in before, so believe me when I say that I truly and honestly believe that it will get better at some point.

#28 · 158w, 5d ago · · ·

:fluttercry:

That was so sad... Fantastically written,though.

#29 · 155w, 4d ago · · ·

I guess this story struck at some deeply rooted fear, because I cried for two hours last night after reading it. Congratulations on your effective use of pathos. :fluttercry:

#30 · 152w, 5d ago · · ·

Somewhat re-written. Prose is a little bit more tightened, and grammar mistakes (which I frankly can't believe haven't been pointed out before) have been fixed. Hopefully, all of them have been taken care of.

Also, having 29 comments is slightly bugging me, so I'm bringing it up to a nice, round 30

#31 · 149w, 4d ago · · ·

>this story

:pinkiesad2: :pinkiesad2: :pinkiesmile: Argh, I don't know how to word my response. Those Pinkies will do.

#32 · 149w, 4d ago · · ·

>>198817

:raritycry: The mistakes, they just won't LEAVE!

Seriously though, thanks a lot. Though technically since pegasus is Greek, it should be pegasuses (which still makes me wrong) but since the series uses the Latin plural, I probably should too.

#33 · 149w, 16h ago · · ·

Wow. Having read this, I feel as though my heart has exploded from the sadness.

I've read a fanfic of Calvin & Hobbes in which Calvin grows up and forgets Hobbes, leaving him for real friends, then finding him again later in with his stuff, remembers all the good times, then passes Hobbes down to his own child to play with.

I've also more recently read a fic on this site called One Last Song, which I also remembered instantly after reading this.

Five stars, and track-track-track.

#34 · 149w, 16h ago · · ·

>>211255

That Calvin and Hobbes fic...where did you find it??? Calvin and Hobbes has been my personal favorite ever since I was two. It's been such a huge inspiration for me, and I've never seen any fanfiction for it before.

#35 · 115w, 5d ago · · 1 ·

insert Calvin and Hobbes joke here and were good to go.

#36 · 84w, 5d ago · · ·

Is anyone out there?

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