In a world where people can go over and play tourist or even immigrate into Equestria, a very mysterious man catches the Princess' attention... what is he hiding?
(Crossover with ''Letter to a Phoenix'' by Fredric Brown)
P.D: Rated T for safety
Page generated in 0.072 seconds
Total duration
1,003 users online
1,461,624 hits today, 1,892,089 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
-I feel like it's a good idea to try and reduce the amount of times you use commas in one sentence, whenever possible. It keeps the reader from mentally pausing too much while reading, so try to make them 'Flow' as well as possible.
-This is just my own opinion and this is NOT how you HAVE to change it. This is just an example of what I mean when I say there are many more options than just filling a sentence with commas. Remember that as you write, repetitively placing things like commas too often leads to a tough time reading for some people.
- - - - - - - - - -
-Just like before... but also notice that this is all one sentence. Try not to make descriptions like this contain only 1-2 sentences. Try to split them up after you reach a "Certain point". A good rule of thumb I use is, one full line, left to right then half of one more line. This is my average for one sentence... of course this is just my own perspective, but you should find yourself your own good medium.
ALSO INDENTS! they make the structure of a story much more appealing to the eye, even though it is only one stroke of a button it really makes a difference.
- - - - - - - - - -
-There are many area's that need capitals after a some kind of punctuation, so you should probably hop on that. A good way to catch those is to, after you finish writing, click the edit button on fimfiction again so it's normal reading format and just... read it yourself. Very often you will find your own mistakes. But then again that's what I'm here for.
- - - - - - - - - -
-This here is another important thing you need to watch for, as it can cause the reader some confusion. However here it is much less obvious due to the pony speaking having their name IN the dialog... but in many other dialog areas this can lead to confusion. It's always a good idea to put some kind of text next to, or before, the dialog... to give it some emotion or even say WHO the speaker is.
Here is an example:
- - - - - - - - - -
That's basically all I have to say. You got your story across but in a way that can be worked upon. If you wish for me to edit this myself I'm more than happy to do so, but you'll have to put it on G-docs or something of the like, and allow me editing control.
-Pinkies Imagination
P.S. If ANY of this sounded harsh please know it was not my intention. I just don't want a good story idea to go to waste because certain problems that sway the readers temptation to... well... READ IT caused the story to fail.
Why are you such a dumb retard, Luna. Use I like every other normal person
6188408 She has been around that kind of speech longer than the current form. So it's understandable.