Final Mix ++
Cadence groaned as she began ascending the steps towards Twilight’s loft, shifting her wings every few steps to get some blood back into them. She knew that helping to manage this year's Grand Equestrian Summit wasn’t going to be easy, especially when this had turned into the largest gathering of delegates she could remember, but even she didn’t think she would end up this sore already, and the day was only half over!
As she climbed higher and higher, her thoughts drifted to Twilight and the state she had last seen her in. The poor mare had worked herself near to exhaustion, planning and preparing everything down to the tiniest detail, even forgoing sleep entirely in order to make sure everything went off without a hitch. As much as she had wished to watch over her sister-in-law personally and make sure she got some well-deserved rest, Cadence’s attendance was required for several events planned throughout today, especially those involving meetings with potential trade-partners to establish new trading routes with the Crystal Empire.
Thus, it had fallen to Spike to make sure Twilight wasn’t disturbed until she was good and rested. Cadence hoped that he hadn’t had too tough a time dealing with-
Passing the final bend up the tower, Cadence stopped in her tracks a few steps from the tower balcony, blinking a few times just to make sure her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her. When she had left Spike to watch over Twilight, she distinctly remembered there not being a pair of Royal Guards standing watch over the door, spears held at the ready to block any trespassers who might try and gain entry.
Both guards were adorned in the typical golden armour of the Royal Day Guard and the coat altering enchantments that came with them, but even in armour Cadence recognized the mare standing closest to her as Sapphire Quartz, one of her own Crystal Guards currently stationed in Canterlot, on her orders no less.
“Um…excuse me.”
Both guards turned their heads to look in her direction, and a smile spread across their faces at the sight of her. “Princess Cadence!” Sapphire exclaimed excitedly, “It’s so nice to see you again!”
“Yes, it truly is.” Her partner spoke up. At a glance, he appeared to be much older than the typical guard, maybe only a few years away from being eligible for retirement. “I would have thought you would be busy in the city, what with the summit still in full swing.”
“I had a moment to myself, so I thought I would take a break. Though, may I ask what you two are doing here?”
“Why, we’re keeping watch over Princess Twilight, your Highness.” Sapphire was quick to answer. “The Great and Noble Sir Spike asked for our assistance personally!”
“I still don’t know why you Crystal Ponies refer to Spike with such lofty titles.“ The second guard remarked. ”I mean, sure, he’s a great kid, but why all the titles and honours?”
Sapphire Quartz scoffed at her companion. “I’d like to see you get saved from an evil shadow-wielding tyrant that had previously enslaved your entire race for decades and then not want to sing that hero’s praises for generations to come! “
“I’m just saying-“
“Wait, “ Cadence cut the two off before they could start bickering, “You said Spike asked you?”
This time it was the stallion who answered. “Yes, the little guy was looking for help in looking after the Princess. I’m actually surprised that there wasn’t already somepony assigned for that.”
“I tried, believe me I did.” Cadence felt her sore joints acting up as she remembered how much a hassle that had turned out to be. “I searched high and low, but every guard in the city has been assigned to watch over the summit. I even called in a few guards from the Empire just to make sure we would have enough.
“I couldn’t find anypony who wasn’t already assigned elsewhere. Though that does still beg the question of why you two weren’t busy, sir…” Cadence suddenly realized she didn’t know the stallion’s name, and she couldn’t remember if she had seen him around Canterlot the times she had come to visit.
“Oh, I’m sorry, your Highness, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Spearmint, and I served under your husband, Prince-Consort Shining Armor, while Princess Twilight was still a filly.”
Sapphire Quartz gasped, turning to look at Spearmint with a newfound admiration in her eyes. “You knew the princess when she was just a filly?”
The old stallion chuckled. “Well, she wasn’t a princess back then, but she was a very precocious child, that’s for sure. Every guard back then just knew she was destined for greatness, even discounting the fact that she was Princess Celestia’s personal pupil. Anyway,“ Turning back to address Cadence once more, he continued where he had left off. “It just so happens that the two of us are off duty for the next few days, and it seems we both had the same idea to spend some time around Canterlot while the summit was underway.”
“Yep! Ponies even came and set up food stands, and I wasn’t about to miss out on that while in Canterlot!” The Crystal Pony licked her lips as she remembered some of the food she had had a chance to sample, most of which hadn’t ended up being invented until centuries after the Crystal Empire had disappeared.
“Well, my wife decided to take our little Sprig Mint shopping, so I thought I’d come into town and just enjoy myself. As luck would have it, I ran into Ms. Quartz here not long after, and then into Spike as well.”
“He ran into you, actually. Bowled him over like a Breezie hitting a brick wall.”
“Details, details. As I’m sure you can imagine, he was looking for help, and we were more than willing to be of service. Right after a quick stop to the armory first though.”
“Really? He convinced you two to stand watch, even on your day off?”
“Of course!” Sapphire rapped her spear against the ground as she stood at attention. “Sir Spike needed my help, so I was happy to assist him! He deserves no less for what he’s done for the Crystal Ponies!”
Spearmint chuckled once more at the mare’s enthusiasm. “Well, you’ve certainly got the moxie for the Guard, I’ll give you that. As for me, all it took was for the little guy to say that Princess Twilight needed my help to convince me. I’m not sure if she remembers, but I owe a favour to the Princess from way back when she mentored under Princess Celestia.”
“Oh?” Now Cadence was curious.
“You see, my daughter’s only a few years younger than the Princess herself, but at that time she was struggling greatly with her schooling, math especially, and I wasn’t much of a help in that regard. Twilight helped me understand it enough that I could pass it on to my little Mint, and I’ll never forget the look on her face the day she came running in with a 90 on her math test. That one moment sparked her interest enough that she’s now eligible for a scholarship in Manehattan, and I couldn’t be happier.” Cadence could swear she saw a lone teardrop drip down the pony’s face as he said this. “I owe it all to the Princess, and it’s a debt I doubt I could ever fully repay. Next to that, standing watch over her chambers is the least I could do.”
Sapphire Quartz couldn’t help herself, responding with a drawn out “Awwww!” as Spearmint finished his story. Cadence had to resist her own urge to respond in a similar fashion.
“Well, I’m glad to see everything is going well. And here I was thinking something would go wrong!”
It was subtle; most ponies wouldn’t have picked up on it. But Cadence had long since learned to pick up on even the most minute of body language, and when she had mentioned the prospect of something going wrong, she saw a look pass between the two Guards for the briefest of moments. It wasn’t long, but it was long enough that Cadence was worried all over again.
“Something did happen…didn’t it?”
“Well…um…the thing is…” Sapphire struggled to come up with a respectable answer to Cadence’s inquiry.
“What Miss Quartz is trying to say is that, before Spike asked us to stand watch, he told as about an…incident that happened not long after you told him to make sure Her Highness wasn’t disturbed.”
“An incident?”
Spearmint nodded his head. “Obviously we weren’t there to witness it personally, but according to Spike…”
Spike felt like he was being pressed in from all sides. Ponies, possibly a dozen of them, if not more, were all crowding around him, each and every one of them saying something in his direction. He couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying as they were all speaking over one another, but the basic intent was more than clear:
They were all mad. Specifically, they were all mad at him.
When Cadence had asked him to keep watch over Twilight, Spike assumed this would be easy. He never expected that so many ponies would suddenly all have problems and all come to Twilight to fix them. Since Twilight was currently unavailable, passed out in the room behind him, it fell on his shoulders to deal with any problems that may arise.
A prospect becoming more and more difficult by the second.
“I’m sorry, but could you all just-“
“Where’s Princess Twilight?!” One pony shouted.
“If you could all just wait a moment-“
“She needs to come fix this right now!” Another yelled.
“If you’ll just let me-“
“It’s her fault this happened!” The pony who said this stomped his hoof in frustration, as if ready to charge if Twilight didn’t appear any second.
“I’m sure that Twilight-“
“Where is she!” Other ponies began to echo that one sentiment as they pressed in closer and closer. Spike felt his back bump up against the door as the circle of ponies grew smaller and smaller, only becoming more and more frustrated in turn. Spike could do nothing as the ponies descended upon him, the unmistakable feeling of fear coursing through his body.
Yet, at the same time, he could feel another feeling gradually building in the pit of his stomach: anger. Warmth was building up within him as the demands from the ponies lost all coherencies, devolving into an unintelligible wall of noise. His claws clenched tightly into fists, and he could feel his teeth grinding against each other. With each passing second, this feeling grew and grew until-
“SHUT UP!!”
A huge burst of green flame rocketed out his mouth as he yelled, creating a momentary fireball above his head that promptly caused all the arguing ponies to become silent as they all stepped back a step in fear from the adolescent dragon. Spike stood there for several moments, breathing in and out as the anger began to slowly ebb off his body. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, Spike finally took his chance to address the herd of ponies.
“I’m sorry, I really am. But Princess Twilight is busy at the moment, and I have been asked to make sure she isn’t disturbed. There’s nothing I can do about it, so all of you are going to have to leave.”
The noise began again, though Spike was able to pick out a few ponies saying how “This is an outrage!” and demanding he “bring the princess out right now!”, which only caused him to become angry enough to blow out another, yet much smaller burst of dragon fire as a means to silence the crowd once more.
“One at a time!” Pointing at random, his gaze fell onto a blue Pegasus with a mane like fluffy clouds. “You, what’s your problem?”
Floating to the front of the crowd, the Pegasus coughed into his hoof before speaking with a very snooty sounding voice. “Well, the hall was so crowded that I had trouble finding a seat. When I did find one, somepony stole it from me!”
“Somepony…stole…your seat.” Spike muttered in disbelief.
“Yes! And I thought he was my best friend too!”
Spike just stood there, unmoving for a few seconds, before the palm of his hand made contact with his face. “Oh, for the love of Celestia, you have got to be kidding me.”
“Wh…what?”
“Is this some kind of joke? Some elaborate prank maybe? Are you all in on it? Because let me tell you, I’m friends with two of the biggest pranksters you will ever meet and I can tell you that this isn’t funny in the slightest!”
The blue Pegasus huffed indignantly. “This is serious!”
Spike crossed his arms across his chest as he spoke. “Let me see if I have this right: you want Twilight, Princess Twilight no less, to stop what she’s doing and come down… and deal with the fact that somepony took your seat.”
“Um…yes?” Now that someone had said it out loud like that, he was less sure about if this was a good idea.
“I think Twilight has more important things to deal with than petty squabbles over seating arrangement. Did you even talk to your friend about this?”
“Um…well…I…no, no I didn’t.”
“Well, why don’t you go do that then? If he’s your best friend, them I’m sure he’ll understand and If there’s still an issue then, just ask one of the mediators on duty for help!”
A look of confusion passed over the Pegasus’s face. “Me…mediators?”
“Uh…yeah. I know for a fact that Twilight assigned ponies to be mediators in the event any issues arose that she couldn’t deal with directly. I don’t know how you could miss them: big ponies carrying clipboards and wearing bright orange vests and hats?”
Several of the ponies suddenly seemed to come to a realization, and Spike could swear he heard one pony mutter, “I thought they were the catering staff…”
“And if that doesn’t work, I’m pretty sure you could just fly. You’re a Pegasus for Celestia’s sake! I’m sure no one would mind if you used unneeded space!”
The Pegasus awkwardly shuffled his wings, as if realizing for the first time that they were there. A bright red blush steadily spread across his face as he stuttered out “Y-yeah…I…I guess that might work. I’llgotalktomyfriendnowbye!” With a burst of speed, the Pegasus pony took off down the steps, a few of the ponies following behind him. Though while that thinned out the group, there were still a good number of ponies who were adamant that they needed to see Princess Twilight Sparkle at once.
One such pony stepped forward, a stallion who looked like he was trying far too hard to look like he was important with his obviously cheap suit.
“I need to see Princess Twilight at once! I have urgent matters to discuss with her!”
“Well, as I’ve already told you, she’s dealing with more important matters right now.”
“I don’t care! You will bring her out here or else I’ll break down the door myself!” He once more stopped his hoof in frustration, as if demanding Spike move out of the way.
Spike wasn’t budging an inch. In fact, this pony had officially worked his last nerve. “Oh, I’m sorry, it seems I didn’t know who I was talking to!”
The stallion puffed out his chest. “Well, clearly.”
“It’s clear to me now that I must be talking to somepony far more important than the princesses!”
“Exactly, and- wait…what?”
“Clearly whatever Princess Twilight is doing if far less important than what ever you need! Matters of state, possible monsters invading Canterlot, nothing compared to you good sir. In fact, since you’re so important, perhaps these other ponies should seek your guidance instead rather than Princess Twilight’s, who is clearly beneath you!”
The stallion became aware of the others staring intently at him, as sweat began to drip down his head. “I-I…well, you see…the thing is…uh…uh.”
“Oh, but if that weren’t enough, I was asked by none other than Princess Cadence to ensure Twilight wasn’t disturbed. So this actually makes you far more important than not one, but two princesses! So please, enlighten us all on the issue that is this important!
Once more attention was focused on the stallion, who was almost standing in a puddle of his own sweat. “Uh…the thing is…I-uh…I…I’ll…I’ll come back later.” Dipping his head in defeat, he slowly began making his way back down the steps. The remaining ponies looked once more at Spike, who had a look on his face like he was begging someone to try to get past him.
“Well, anypony else still wish to see Twilight?”
After that last display, the remaining ponies descended the steps in quick order, once more leaving Spike standing alone on the balcony. Breathing a sigh of relief, he quietly opened the door and stepped in. A few minutes later, he stepped out carrying a wooden sign under his arm, which he quickly hung on the door. The words “Do Not Disturb” were hastily written in large, bright red letters.
“There, that should work until I get back.” With that done, Spike took off down the steps towards the city, hoping to find some help.
“…and the rest you already know.”
Cadence could only stand there, her jaw hanging open in shock throughout Spearmint’s retelling of what occurred. “Spike…Spike did all that?”
“Presumably. I only know what Spike told us and…well, Spike has always been one to over exaggerate-“ He was cut off when Sapphire Quartz suddenly bopped him on the head with her spear. “Hey!”
“Sir Spike wouldn’t lie about something like that! How could you doubt him?”
“I’m just saying he’s been known to tell some lofty tales. Like that time he-“
“I guess I’ll just have to ask him myself.” Cadence said, once more interrupting the two before they could escalate into squabbling with one another. “May I please enter?”
“One moment, Your Highness.” Turning around, Sapphire Quartz gently eased the door open before sticking her head through the gap. “Sir Spike?”
Cadence could just barely hear Spike responding “Yeah?” from inside.
“Princess Cadence is here and she wants to know if she’s allowed in.”
“Sure, let her by!”
Stepping back to her post, both guards slowly opened up the door. “After you, Your Highness.”
“Thank you. I’ll make sure you’re both rewarded for your dedication today.“ Before either Spearmint or Sapphire could refuse, Cadence had already stepped over the threshold and, with a little bit of her magic, closed the doors behind her with nary a sound.
The curtains were open, so it wasn’t completely pitch black, but it still took a moment for Cadence’s eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. The only other source of light was a single candle atop a desk, where Spike was sitting munching away at a bowl of gemstones. Cadence smiled as she looked past him towards the bed, where she could make out the unmistakable form of Twilight, still sleeping peacefully.
“Hey, Cadence.” Spike spoke in a hushed whisper, obvious trying not to disturb Twilight. “How’s the summit?”
“Frustrating. I have to go back in a little bit, and I’m not looking forward to it. I don’t know how Celestia and Luna manage.”
Spike shrugged his shoulders. “Your guess is as good as mine, “ he said, before stuffing another gem into his mouth.
“So…I heard that you got into some trouble while I was gone?”
Spike quickly swallowed the gem he was eating before awkwardly twiddling his thumbs. “Oh…they told you did they? He he he…Well you asked me to make sure Twilight wasn’t disturbed!”
‘That I did, and from what I heard I think you handled it rather well, all things considered. “
“Really? That’s a relief. It’s just…I don’t know what all these ponies problem is.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you know me and Twilight lived in Canterlot for most of our lives, right?"
“Yeah…”
“And for the most part most ponies seemed like they were fully capable of taking care of their own problems. Yet suddenly you throw the princesses into the mix and they seem to become incapable of performing even the simplest of task without running to the princess. I mean, I could kind of understand when Celestia and Luna went missing that one time because they’re Celestia and Luna obviously, but I felt more like I was dealing with kids fighting in the schoolyard than full grown ponies!”
Cadence sighed. “Sadly, there are far too many ponies who think, just because we’re princesses, that we can help them avoid all the hard work and just solve everything for them. “
“That’s stupid. Next thing you’ll tell me is that if anything turned out badly, they’d suddenly become ungrateful and blame you instead, even though it’s really all their fault. You never know, they might even form into an unruly mob!”
Cadence giggled. “Oh Spike, that’s just silly.”
Spike picked a ruby out from his bowl of gems. “Yeah, I guess it is.” As he took a bite of the gem, both Cadence and him could hear someone conversing with the guards outside. A moment later, Spearmint stuck his head into the room.
“Spike, there’s somepony here to see you. He says he has a message for the Princess.”
Spike made to get out of his chair, but was stopped when Cadence raised a hoof in his direction. “No, don’t get up. I’ll take care of this one. “ Allowing Spearmint to open the door wider, she stepped past him to greet the pony waiting.
“Ah, Fancy Pants! How nice of you to drop by!”
Fancy Pants nearly dropped his monocle in surprise. “Princess Cadence, I was not expecting to meet you here. I have a message I hope you could relay to Princess Twilight for me.”
“Certainly.”
“Well, if you could let her know that I made sure the Dragon Sneeze trees were trimmed and the water main outside of the main hall for the summit has been fixed as her Highness requested.”
“Thank you, Fancy Pants. I’m don’t even want to think about what would have happened if those had been left alone for too long.”
“Oh, it would have been a disaster! Especially if one of the trees fell onto the water main, it could have caused it to flood the main hall! It could have even destroyed the gemstone statue! I shudder to think of what would happen if such a thing were to occur. Truth be told, I don’t even know why we planted those trees in the first place. They’re a real eyesore of a nuisance. “
“I’ll be sure to let Princess Twilight know right away.”
“Thank you Princess. Well, I must be off. I hope to see you at the summit!” With that, Fancy Pants left, allowing Cadence the chance to quietly slip back into the room.
“I think I’ll just rest here for a little bit, and then-“
A loud crash, followed by uproarious cheering reached Cadence’s ears from outside. Reacting to the noise, she turned her head towards the bed…
…where Twilight was still sleeping without a care in the world, seemingly unaware of the noises outside.
“Huh?”
Climbing down from his chair, Spike made his way over to Twilight’s bed, gesturing for Cadence to follow him. “Come here, I got something to show you. “
Confused, but at the same time curious, she walked up beside Spike, where he pointed a claw at one of Twilight’s ear.
“Look.”
Peering closer, Cadence at first didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, but soon she could just make out something sticking out of Twilight’s ear.
“Spike, are…are those earplugs?”
“Yeah. When I ran into Spearmint, I asked him if he could fetch some earplugs for Twilight. According to him these are meant for industrial use, so an Ursa Minor could probably rampage through the city and Twilight wouldn’t hear a thing! Neat, huh?”
Cadence smiled as she pulled Spike in closer, hugging him while also ruffling the fins atop his head with her hoof. “Twilight is so lucky to have a friend like you, Spike.”
Spike beamed at the praise. “Of course! I’m not Twilight’s #1 assistant for nothing!”
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I read this just after watching the episode, and I really wish that it had played out more like this in the show. This is so much more true to the character of Spike and it was a delight to read, thank you for writing this.
pre14.deviantart.net/9983/th/pre/f/2015/050/9/3/spike_rarity_splash_by_hillbe-d8iq6be.jpg
Damn you should write for DHX ! Spike thanks you.
How come you don't work for Hasbro?
Now this is amazing. Finally, something that portrays Spike as he should be.
He's lived with Twilight long enough to know these things; I'm glad to see that people recognise it.
Question: How is it that the fans of MLP can write better Spike episodes than the people who get paid for it?
Answer: The fans aren't lazy and actually sit down and think outside the box on how to make Spike work. And not come up with weak excuses.
Always good to see Spike getting the treatment he deserves. Love this piece.
Look, let me level with you, Petty (what? You told me to call you that
). I get it. I thought the episode Princess Spike was incredibly contrived, too. I don't blame you for writing a "How It Should've Ended" story. But, um, this retelling of the story doesn't really work, either. Why? Because there is no story. 
The problems with the episode cannot be solved simply by, uh, solving the problems of the episode. I know, it sounds confusing. But hear me out. Stories need conflicts in order to be interesting. This rewrite eliminates the conflict entirely. That doesn't make for a good story, mate. And it certainly wouldn't make for a good episode.
The episode had some good ideas; they just botched the execution by making everything so contrived. If you want to retell the episode in a way that would make it good, that's what you should be focusing on.
This is VERY impressive. I may not have seen the real episode, but this is surely 10,000 times better! Seriously, whoever says Spike is meant to be the Charlie Brown of MLP:FiM needs to read this and be reminded that Spike is capable of amazing things. The series, sadly, has yet to extend on this.
I can get a writer that actually likes Spike make in episode for him that would a step in the right duration.
6119202
Actually I do have a way you can punish me
Really ?
Ya, this book will tell you a great way to punish me. ( Handed her a altered copy of 50 shades of Grey. All the kinky stuff but none of the characters names or any of the other scenes.)Just read this and do what's in the book
. That's Spike
No thank you Twilight.
...
...........
......................
Someone get this fellow a spot on the writing team for any and all future Spike episodes. Effective immediately.
Yo, DHX writers. THIS is how you write Spike in a lead role! Keep that in mind next time you write a Spike episode.
Speaking as someone who didn't mind the episode as much as others, I still really love this.
6119695 Sorry I couldn't stop myself, it was just to easy. Also punish and Twilight's love of books it's just to fitting. Someone should so make a fic of that. Twilight being a position of power and so having issues. And Spike being her younger assistant it would just a fitting parody.
There is a problem with TV plots in that they demand drama wherein someone makes a mistake and has to realize their mistake and yadda yadda drama happens. But still, even though "Princess Spike" was far from the worst "Spike episodes," it could have been better. At least a few pages out of your book from this story could have taken a mediocre episode and made it a really decent one.
This......this was beautiful.
6118196 I second that.
Actually, I think Spike did an amazing job considering. As at best, Spike is barely into his teen-equivilent and may be actually a child, depending on where you personally peg his age - and he was doing an adult's job.
The only results of what he did we were shown are the ones that went wrong - and the whole polo-ball-tree-mains-burst directly into the wosrt possible windows like it was guided by Discord (75% suspect it was...) - couldn't possibly have been predicted; it's the sort of "mistake" a great many people would have made[1]. I am pretty sure that of the other Mane Six, Dash, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie would likely have done less well, and I can see Rarity and AJ cracking a bit under the strain. (And I also noted that Spike ony went Mad With Power only after he'd basically done all the ground work.
The episode blaming him was rather unfair, I thought.
Especially, as - as you rightly point out here - ponies are so damned childish sometimes. It says something that the dragon kid/early teen was actually acting generally more mature than the preported adults...
I thus thought that, contrary to what the episode SAID, what it SHOWED was Spike doing a pretty bang up job as #1 Assisitant, and only really stumbled because of ridiculously contrived circumstances (Discord's still bitter Spike was instrumental in undiscording Twilight to beat him, aint' he...?), the fact those delegates were arguably less mature than the CMC and the apparent pony-herd mentality to form mobs at the drop of a hat. (As everyone was happy - except for those first two morons two interpreted "princess says share" as "shout like market vendors" - until the Ridiculous Incident, where upon they formed a mob because of that incident.)
And also that every day, Spike has to struggle against his inner dragon-greed and sometimes slips up without even realising it, which is kinda sibering if you think about it.
So, give him a year or two and a touch more experience - and you will absolutely get this story.
Apropros of nothing, I am rather taken by Skywriter's suggestion that this episode suggests - as does the story here - that Cadance and Spike have a sort of Celestia/Twilight relationship, in that she's being his (unofficial) personal student. Which is actually all kinds of awesome. Rather like Cadance herself.
[1]And honestly, I am more inclined to question why such an absolutely slap-dash approach was being taken by the work organisers, in both cases sending a single pony to do what should be a job for team - bare minimum two - you don't safely attempt to fell trees in a populated area without at least one other pair of eyes to hand. And why the lazy-arse sewer worker didn't even make some sort of attempt to put some sort of temporary jackets over the leaky water pipe.
6118585
Truer words have never been spoken
This person needs to be on the show's writing team, stat! This is amazing!
I agree with 6119197 on pretty much all of his points. If this was in the episode Princess Spike, people wouldn't dislike it for being contrived, they would dislike it for being boring and contrived.
Yes, the problems Spike faced in the episode had easy solutions, and the conflict as a whole could have been done much better, but at least Princess Spike had a conflict. Here, nothing.
Not only is there no conflict, there's really nothing of interest. The story you chose to tell is primarily exposition through Cadance's point of view about how Spike easily succeeds at the challenges thrown at him. Not to mention random characters appear out of nowhere to give him aid. If that had been the episode, I have no doubt most would consider it the worst of the show.
What's more, the way you chose to present Spike's character is honestly pretty bad. In the episode, he comes up against obstacles he's never really faced before, such as resolving disputes and handling angry mobs. For a kid, that would be a tough challenge. Here? Spike easily and expertly shoots down all the problems in his way. He faces no difficulties, no setbacks, and nothing all that compelling. He's written more in line with a Gary Stu character rather than Spike.
I don't doubt that you had good intentions, but in my opinion this execution was worse than the episode you were trying to fix.
6121277 it his one of the worst episode of the show, because it's about Spike and a sleeping pony princess
And nobody care about spike, not even spike himself
*whistles and walks to episode*
*grabs and replaces with this story*
In my eyes, this is canon.
6121277 But the problems had simple solutions. Someone comes to Princess Twilight because someone took their seat. Anyone at all would ask why they're coming to the Princess for that. And then someone comes up trying to lord over the princess and Spike sets him straight--which happens to lead to setting everyone straight in the process. Any fear of the mob was replaced by anger, and that anger shut up the mob such that Spike had nothing to fear any more.
Perhaps the guards were contrived, but really they had little to no effect on what would have happened other than providing exposition for Cadence. Not all stories need a conflict. This is an exposition that shows that the conflict in Princess Spike would never have existed in the first place, and that is what makes it what it is.
6121838 Here's the thing though, not all the problems were as easy to solve as a pony losing his seat. One of the issues was a scheduling conflict between two ponies, and I don't know if you've ever worked on scheduling a convention but when something like that happens it's a very difficult to solve, especially during something as booked as the Summit.
Not to mention the sheer amount of ponies that had problems can easily become overwhelming, especially when they form a mob. And even in the episode Spike had an outburst or two and that didn't shut them up. Even so, just angrily yelling wouldn't make any of the problems go away.
Every book ever published has a conflict. Every movie ever made has a conflict. Every episode of every TV show has a conflict. It doesn't really matter how big it is, conflict is a driving force behind things happening. Look up The Hero's Journey sometime. Maybe you'd be fine with a story that doesn't have any amount of conflict at all, but I find it boring. Exceedingly so.
This fic is just Cadance walking around, learning from some random ponies that nothing went wrong, getting a brief flashback of nothing going wrong, and then being told by Spike that nothing went wrong. If you like it, fine. You have a right to your opinion, and your opinion is as valid as everyone elses. My opinion is that this was boring and doesn't fix the episode.
6121949 This assumes that the scheduling conflict was more than a one-time event. In the episode, when the mob came up to Spike, they were mostly coming up thanks to the trouble with the hall. Other than that, the scheduling conflict is said to have been solved inanely (but only inanely because of a misinterpretation), but that's the extent of the conflicts mentioned.
Allow me to clarify my point about conflict. I mentioned that this was an exposition--it was an exposition in story form. It's basically telling a story of a story being told. A story is a narrative, and a narrative does not require a conflict. A narrative simply narrates. Perhaps an exposition is boring to you--that's fine. But since it is told as an exposition, it is not boring as one--unless you don't like expositions. And if you don't like expositions, then you can say that it was boring because it was an exposition, but not that it was boring because it was not a story.
Typo spotted.
I'd love to see a sequel that is just Spearmint blowing Sapphire Quartz's mind with stories about Sir Spike the Brave and Glorious as a hatchling, running around chewing on random gems and setting things on fire.
In the news: DHX hires community member PoisonClaw as their latest writer for the hit animation series "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"
...Someone, get this guy into the staff team. Now.
6122064
While I appreciate you clarifying your points a little more, I feel I must rebuttal again. First of all, yes, in the episode the mob did come mostly due to the hall getting flooded. However, in this story there was also a mob, despite the flooding never occurring. This was the mob I was mostly referring to, and while I doubt all of their problems were scheduling based, it is very likely that lots of them had serious and legitimate problems. Aside from the one guy who lost his seat, no other problems were expanded upon and merely referred to as "urgent business", which they very well could have been. In fact, by shutting all of those ponies down, Spike allowed several problems to go completely unsolved, which could make a pretty awful disaster in and of itself.
Regarding the exposition, I'm not just saying that this fic was boring, I'm saying that the sequence of events the author implied about how the episode should have turned out would have been boring. The author is basically stating, through this fanfic, that Spike should have easily brushed off all the problems thrown at him without breaking a sweat. If Princess Spike had just been twenty-two minutes of Spike easily overcoming obstacles, it would have been boring to watch. Spike would not have had a conflict, a challenge, or anything to compel the viewers to root for him. Spike would have gotten the destination without the journey, so to speak.
I get where people are coming from when they say they like this fic. They like how it points out all the things Spike could have and should have done given the situation, and how it shows the episode itself had some very weak conflict.
What I'm saying is this: If this fic really wanted to fix the problems with Princess Spike, then it would re-write the episode to have a more believable conflict that would make sense given the character of Spike, opposed to removing the conflict. Simply showing how easily Spike could have handled everything doesn't make this a better way for the episode to play out.
6122366 Actually, he mentions ponies all around whose jobs are specifically to solve problems, doesn't he? Although I'm not sure if they're supposed to be friendship problems or not. Either way, the manner in which the mob leaves seems to imply that all of their problems were minor enough to be either solved by these ponies or on their own. Surely they would know if they had a problem that was actually detrimental to, say, the scheduling, or the convention itself, or some important aspect of it.
In response to the three following paragraphs: I believe that this argument has stemmed from a misunderstanding on my part. From your post it seems that you were really arguing that it wouldn't make for a good Princess Spike episode--and it wouldn't; I agree. If the point was to rewrite Princess Spike in a more interesting manner, then it didn't do it. What I saw this story to be was not that, but rather a story about what Spike should and would have done if nothing was contrived.
So, in short, I agree. it either doesn't aim to fix the problems of the episode, or it does and fails. But it does provide a more logical progression based on the episode.
Well, I like this really much. I thought about writing something like this myself after the episode, but you did a way better job than I could have.
I'm not sure whether this would have been approved as an episode, because you know, conflict and learning a lesson and all that stuff, but it's still way better than what they did.
There would have also been better ways to include some kind of lesson than the way they did it. Spike could have done a bit of the advisement with purely good intentions. Some of them could have turned out okay, while others might have gone bad (without some foreseeable, convenient chain reaction catastrophe though) and in the end he could have learned that good intentions aren't always enough and that you should sometimes consult someone with competence in the matter.
As it was we got an episode with seemingly no other purpose than bashing Spike with cringe worthy humor. Even Owls Well that Ends Well, Spike at your Service and Just for Sidekicks didn't stop this low.
I might read it when I see some comments from people whom I know are intelligent and objective readers, rather than biased little Spikefags.
Someone needs to call Hasbro solely to hire this dude.
YES! Oh my gosh yes. This. This right here describes exactly what I was thinking as I watched the episode (though with much less swearing than I used).
In the episode, the ponies that Spike had to deal with came across as incredibly self-entitled, and their problems that they wanted Twilight to deal with were petty at best. And it felt so satisfying to see Spike stand up to them and call them out on their nonsense, rather than submit to the pressure and try to appease them.
On that note, I wanted to talk about how you portrayed Spike himself, that is to say, spot on. This is how I feel his character truly is, and how it should be shown as more often in the show. He's determined not to let Twilight down, and he's loyal (even to a fault sometimes); he would do literally anything to make sure he succeeded at any task he was given by her, or by Cadence as proxy (Although going to get help might not have been his first and foremost solution, as he's shown to want to handle things on his own as a way of proving himself).
While Spike might be faced with something overwhelming and not know how best to deal with it, leading to him screwing up despite an honest effort, he shouldn't have failed solely due to something like an out-of-nowhere stroke of egotism like they depicted in the show. We might be able to chalk that up to his dragon nature taking over in the face of some recognition and getting respect for once, it still doesn't make it less dumb.
I solidly believe that what you've written is how Spike would have handled the situation, if the episode hadn't needed a conflict to revolve around.
Really wishing for a Spike episode in the future where we see some more of his good traits, rather than seeing him fail like an idiot. In fact, the "Letting others help you" might have been a better moral for the episode if Applejack hadn't gotten to it first all the way back in season 1).
Sorry that got jumbled, and for using the episode as such a parallel, but it just goes to show how well you did fixing the plot.
But with all that said, excellent job.
======
Oh and that part with the earplugs... Genius! Pure Genius.
6123441
Here, you see the jealous author in its natural habitat, prowling through the comments sections of popular stories, seeking to sow discord and prop up his own, less-successful work by bringing others down. Look at how majestic it is.
6124284 I'm sure nobody worth mentioning is so starved of ponyfiction that they'd read my crap.
The thing is, if Spike had solved the problems like this (even easier would have been for Spike to ask Cadance to put a dampening spell on the room), there would have been plenty of time to focus on the summit itself, on the delegates, and maybe a bit more World Building of Equestria.
And maybe perhaps focus on actually IMPORTANT problems that may have arisen in the summit:
Like, for instance...why wasn't Blueblood there? Is Griffonstone part of Equestria? Are there any cow or sheep delegates? Goats? Something interesting happening in any of those stalls? How were the delegates chosen? Where was Fleur?
Etc. etc. etc.
6124419 OH my Zod it's just Like The Equestria Games episode
6118585 also the actual show writers have said they aren't really interested in fleshing out his character, so all of the writters write him differently cause they don't care enough to decide how they actually want him portrayed.
6124847
Which is a shame. One of the keys to suspension of disbelief is a character that is consistent, and yet slowly changes over time.
6124924 agreed Spike is one of my favorites and the inconsistency is a weird thing to wrap around a character.
I am more than happy to replace the episode with this story in my head. The actual episode was a disappointment.
Well shit, everyone in the comments was practically salivating over this, so disliking it puts me in a rather awkward position. Most of my criticism for this story would just echo what 6119197 and 6121277 said, so many people are saying this would make a better episode than the actual episode, though I don't know many episodes that have Princess Cadance spending a stupid amount of time talking to OCs and learning about their back stories with the main characters while the important stuff happens through flashbacks.
My main concern for this story isn't the lack of conflict (that is a major problem as it drives the story, and in this case where there is no conflict the story stops dead in its tracks and slowly decays in the middle of the road) or how people think this in any way represents how Spike has ever behaved in the show (it doesn't... like, at all), it's the fact that the story completely glosses over the point of the episode. You know, how Spike was feeling under-appreciated, living in the shadow of his more important and powerful friend, and once he got a taste of power he found it hard to give up because he liked feeling as if he mattered for a change (which admittedly the episode kind of failed to address in the very end too). The episode wasn't about Spike making poor decisions (although he did, but in almost all cases it was perfectly reasonable to him), so the fact that this story focused purely on changing that aspect of it while completely ignoring the bigger underlying issue of the episode, it feel like it missed the point and still ended up being generally boring in the end.
Imagine if in the episode 'Keep calm and flutter on', after one failed attempt at reasoning with Discord they just said "fuck it" and turned him back to stone, because that was the more logical thing to do. The episode would have been boring and pointless, same thing with 'Princess Spike'.
Also I'm pretty sure the dragon sneeze trees were growing as weeds, and they weren't intentionally planted. And now to sit back and wait for the Spike fans to bomb my comment because my subjective opinion threatens them somehow
Very nice. This addresses my biggest issue with Spikeasodes. He's normally competent and snarky when he's a side char, but give him his own episode and he becomes an idiot.
This is how it should have went down, some say it wouldn't have been as entertaining, but the episode wasn't very much that anyway.
6121277 6125245 Well, if you think about it, the episode was ALREADY completely contrived, not to mention that the plot itself is pretty boring.
I mean, the big conflict is 'oh no, twilight needs to get some sleep'. It's got characters acting like absolute idiots for no reason other than that the writers decided that they wanted a comedy episode but didn't want to spend the effort that's required to actually be funny, and just decided to butt-monkey Spike because anything else (including character development) is too much effort.
While I agree that this would've been a boring and contrived episode, that's only because the concept for it is boring and contrived. It was a lazy episode, plain and simple, and I think that this story at least offers a bit of catharsis to offset the poor handling of the original.
6125333 Oh my god you're alive!
6125399 So it would seem
No mistakes, only one or two tiny technicalities:
Period at the end
mine,“ he said
Closing "
;)
And Spike "me ... lived"? No gems for you young man.
A few unnessesary spaces before closing quotes (probably import problem)
My biggest issue with this whole episode is that everypony in this episode is an idiot. Spike is the only intelligent one in this episode, but he's set up to fail by the princesses. Cadence doesn't do anything to help until the end. Celestia and Luna are nowhere to be found, and don't seem to give one iota of a damn about making sure the summit goes well. Fancy Pants is suddenly acting more like Blueblood with how selfish, uptight, demanding, and violent he is. Plus, on top of that, the plot points are so forced and idiotic. Why wasn't any of this stuff like the tree trimming and water main fixing be done before the summit? And who wants trees meant to make dragons sneeze? Fluffy Clouds has also earned a spot in my worst background ponies list with how he treated Spike as "some random dragon", and how whiny he is. I don't think anybody loves him anymore after that little stunt, and for good reason.
This episode is one big idiot plot, and Spike does his best to take care of things, but is set up to fail in the end. I will say there were some redeeming qualities like the Sir Spike painting, and the speech Spike gave, but it doesn't save an all around idiot plot. And it's so disappointing after the awesomeness of Equestria Games.