Homerunchase
Joined 27th Jan, 2014 ·
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it irritates me greatly when authors impose human qualities on always-naked Equines. Do we really think ponies would disapprove of same-sex in a the society that we/hasbro has built?
/end rant
on another note, i like your story! good writing, good plot ( heh ) and overall very well done! if you keep writing, ill keep reading!
Good fic!
Over all well done. There were a few bits that could use some cleaning up, and sometimes the flow of the story was a little bit off. That said, you were able to describe most things very well. Cheers!
6084013
Personally, I'd argue that homosexuality has nothing to do with nudity, since mares are just as naked as stallions are at any given time in the show, but hey.
6084025
Well, maybe you do. I suppose I can see how that'd make them more easy to associate with. I go with the mentality that as long as you write them with believable personalities and depth to their characters, you've humanized them enough.
That and, y'know, it's kinda-sorta really REALLY hard not to humanize any characters we write because we only know how to BE human. We don't know how to be ponies.
6084237 theres a new thoery going around that there hoove are made of magic that can act like hands
" Pony number three was the high flying and outgoing Soarin’ after getting permission by Spitfire to miss that day of training. The fourth was a pony that made sure to make the best suit for Shining, and his name is Hoity Toity, the best male clothing designer in Equestria and named best man for the wedding. Fifth was surprising in how Shining wouldn’t even know his name but he got invited because he was always helping around Ponyville with the Mane 6. His name is Caramel and he is kind of shy but great when he comes out of his shell."
TENSES!
WTF is going on with them?
6084529 if you see the preveiw of that fanserive ep that is coming out soon you see two ponies hold things in there hooves with no hands
6084237
Hold things with their hooves? You know, like they sometimes do in the show?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/4/10/293338__safe_pinkie+pie_animated_apple_eating_green+isn%27t+your+color_biting_i%27m+watching+you.gif
Right, so this was generally awful. I'm not talking about the subject matter. I love gay orgys as much as the next guy.
I have a legitimate question. Did you write this while drunk? Hemingway suggested it. There's nothing wrong with writing drunk, but the other part of his slogan was "edit sober." I think you forgot that.
That said, there's another problem. When I read erotica of any sort, I want to feel nasty. Disgusting, vile, slimy. Erotica is a genre of sensations. I hardly felt anything when reading this. In fact, most of the time I was laughing. It was so bad. From the grammar issues to the forced dialogue, none of the characters would ever say. By this I mean each character has a voice, and the dialogue didn't fit that voice.
I can't believe I tried to seriously review a My Little Pony erotica story. WHAT HAS BECOME OF MY LIFE
WTF why make a gay clopfic
WTF
If you got an editor, this story would be much greater improved.
6091198 why not???