Moving Fowards
“And then the scary red human said that he had some kind of ‘ultimate weapon’ thingie,” Spearow said, several hours later. “And he was going to use it to clean the world or something like that. That made the tall smelly human real mad for whatever reason.”
“Cleaning is good,” a second Spearow chimed in, apropos of nothing. “It’s hard to fly with dirty feathers.”
“I heard humans have something called ‘soap’ that makes you really clean,” a third bird Pokémon added. “Maybe the ultimate weapon is soap?” she hazarded a guess.
“That would explain why the dirty human got mad,” still another nodded sagely. “He’s like a chick that doesn’t like grooming.”
From her improvised throne – meaning a somewhat taller tree branch – Princess Luna stared down at her flock and resisted the urge to weep.
“If I may hazard a guess, the red human used the word ‘cleanse’, did he not?” the alicorn asked in a gracious tone. “As in, to cleanse the world of undesirables?”
“Yeah, I think so,” the first Spearow nodded. “Something like the greedy and petty I think. Then the old man got really angry like I said, then they started yapping at each other like alpha shows in mating season. But I guess no one wanted to back down, because pretty soon the red man called out this big hungry-looking cat with a huge red mane to match his, and then the other guy pulled out this huge blue Pokémon. I’m talking like even bigger than you, boss lady. Then they battled for a while, which surprised me ‘cause you’d think the bigger mon would win right away but nope! It was the cat that took down the big blue guy!”
There was much chattering in the flock almost immediately. Size meant everything in the hierarchy of Spearow life, the largest Fearow was almost invariably the flock’s alpha. The idea of something smaller defeating a larger opponent one to one was almost unheard of.
“Pray continue,” Luna urged her messenger. “What happened next?”
“Well then the red man talked into this funny machine and a minute later some flying metal thing with spinning blades came by. There were more people in it and they loaded the smelly old guy onto the flying machine. And then the red man got on it and they took off over the horizon. Then I nibbled on a Nincada leg before coming back here.”
“I see,” said the princess.
Luna tapped her hoof to her chin as she considered the situation. On the one hoof, arriving at true civilization and finding help to get home was vital. On the other, the prospect of an “ultimate weapon” in the hands of someone who wanted to “cleanse” the world and who wasn’t above beating and kidnapping a homeless old man for being a loose end… that wasn’t something she could in good conscience tolerate. Even if it wasn’t her world, morality demanded she do something if she could.
“Alright everypo- everymon!” she stood up to her full height, one foreleg gesturing grandly. “Make ready yourselves, we fly at the break of day!”
There was a moment of silence.
“Why?” one of the Spearow asked.
“Yeah,” another nodded. “I’d like the world to be clean.”
“And where are we going?” said a third.
“Firstly,” Luna said, “cleansing the world does not mean scrubbing it down like a mother with a muddy foal, it means mass death and quite likely a good deal of exploding. I trust you all recall my explanation of the code chivalric?”
“We should fly around and beat people up if we think they’re doing bad?”
“And tax peasants to pay for it?” another Spearow added. “I’m not really sure what a peasant is though. Or taxing.”
“Er… something like that…” Luna felt a bead of sweat forming on the back of her head. “Regardless of your… imperfect understanding I intend to lead by example, and we shall start by assessing this situation that our… fine… scout reported.”
“Can’t we just eat food instead?”
“No! True knights do not sit around eating berries and insect bits when the world is in jeopardy! They ride out boldly to confront evil and vanquish it wherever it may be found, no matter the odds! Without fear or doubt they brave the harshest of perils, endure the cruelest of trials, weather the most brutal deprivations! Without hesitation they hurl themselves into harm’s way to protect that which they love, never once thinking of turning back!” Luna flared her wings, mane wafting proudly in a sudden breeze. “For honor and justice we ride, to thwart evil wherever it may be found, thinking nothing of dangers ahead but of what we fight to protect! With our indominable courage and steadfast loyalty there is no foe we cannot overcome! There is no evil beyond our power to undo! We will neither tire nor rest until all those fiends who would do the world harm are brought to justice! We are evil’s bane, the defenders of the innocent, the sword of the righteous, the glory of our people, and the masters of all we survey! We are the Order of Midnight, and we will be triumphant!”
Dozens upon dozens of bird Pokémon stared up as the alicorn princess worked herself into a fever pitch, falling utterly silent before her tirade. Even when it ended, all eyes fixed on her, not a soul daring to be the first to look away from the awe-inspiring, slightly-glowing, slightly-panting dictator. Until at last, there came the sound of another voice.
“…what?”
Luna planted a hoof in her face.
“Just shut up and do what I tell you, alright?”
The Spearow and Fearow all nodded as one. That, at least, made sense.
Meanwhile, many miles distant, another alicorn princess found herself pressed tightly up against a wall shelf stocked with cleaning fluid, wipes, and rubber gloves. Jessie, James, Meowth, and all of their Pokémon were huddled in a janitor’s closet to brainstorm and plan their next move. It was, so far as they had been able to figure out, the only room without any prying cameras on the wall, which made it perfect. The fact that it had been designed for, at most, one person standing in it was but a minor inconvenience.
“She’s watching us all day!” Jessie fumed. “All the time! In every room!”
“We’ve been grunts in a Rocket base but at least there the walls weren’t yelling at us,” James moaned from where he sat slumped on the ground, Meowth in his lap.
“How are we supposed to get anything done when at any moment that witch can peer through her glasses and see right where we are?!” Jessie went on, grinding her teeth. “I can’t even think about trying to mess with anything before I hear her screeching voice!”
“That’s obviously what she wants,” Celestia commented from where she was wedged up against Wobbuffet, James, and the cleaning supplies. “She doesn’t trust either of you, though for entirely wrong reasons. The proverbial eye on an employee’s back usually serves to keep even the least able on the straight and narrow.”
“At this rate we’ll never even get close to their computers before whatever Lysandre’s cooking up is already done,” James said mournfully. “And then the boss will have our heads.”
“Or worse, our jobs,” Meowth nodded.
I fear it is far worse than that, Celestia thought.
“But what are we supposed to do about it when we can’t even get five minutes alone?!” Jessie crossed her arms as best she could. “Whenever either of us even gets near anything important she seems to know about it instantly!”
“It’s the visor, she said so herself. She can see anywhere, any time she feels like it.”
“Then get it away from her,” the alicorn said.
“Easy for you to say, spending all day relaxing in a Poke Ball while we slave out here,” Jessie snapped back when Meowth offered a translation.
“It’s not like we know anything about where she is or what hours she keeps,” James explained. “All we get is ordered about and shouted at through the wall speakers. I haven’t even set eyes on her since the first time we met, and all we get told is where to scrub down next.”
“You said she’s keeping an eye on you two. What about Meowth? Doesn’t she think him an ordinary street Pokémon?”
“As if,” Meowth added when he translated.
“Yeah, so?” came Jessie’s immediate response.
Celestia resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “So Meowth should be able to slip away unnoticed, right? And don’t you still have a few of those tracking bugs we planted to find this place?”
James nodded wearily. “If by that you mean we fished them out of the dirty laundry we’re made to do, then yes. But we don’t have any way of monitoring them without being seen staring at our phones at best.”
“Except for Meowth, in this closet,” the princess pointed out. “And all you really need to know is where she spends her nights and how guarded it is. She’s still a human after all, she needs to sleep somewhere just like you.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” Jessie mumbled.
“And she’s always the one giving orders or berating you, correct? No one else?”
“Most everyone else just ignores us.”
“Good,” Celestia nodded. “Then that means any special attention is coming from her. The way I see it, there are two things we need. One, that visor needs to be taken or disabled, so she can’t instantly zero in on you. Two, we need a distraction to keep this base occupied for long enough to hit their main computers and make a run for it. The visor has to go first, and then we’ll have a limited window of opportunity before she regains a true understanding of what’s going on.”
“Again, easier said than done,” James countered. “Even if we do figure out where she makes her bed, how are we going to get close enough to do anything without tripping every alarm in this base?”
“And even if we did somehow snatch her visor, how would we keep her from barring every exit and flooding every tunnel with Flare goons until she got it back?” Jessie said. “How can we possibly create a big enough distraction to keep the heat off us when we can’t even touch a keypad?”
“As to the first, I would ask you for help, Inkay.”
“Me?” the cephalopod blinked from his position behind Jessie’s head.
“Look up,” said the alicorn, doing exactly that. “Note the larger than average ventilation shafts, no doubt a necessity to keep such a vast complex so far underground safely oxygenated and temperature controlled. Not large enough for a human – or myself for that matter – but a small fellow like Inkay? And you can guarantee that any leader will have her own duct in her quarters, to maintain her precisely preferred temperature. Once you know where that is, and when she’s there, Inkay should be able to find his way from here to there. One Hypnosis and he can grab the visor and run.”
“That makes some kinda sense,” Meowth said. “But what about a distraction?”
“Oh that?” Celestia looked at the shelves with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “Let me put it this way: how much do you know about chemistry?”
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Celestia Like Big Boom?
8988840
Probably the old bleach-and-ammonia toxic fog trick.
I really like Luna's definition for cleansing the world. It's an apt description, and rather amusing too.
Is it strange that I prefer this Celestia?
when twilight, luna and celestia reunites....twilight will have an annurism and luna will ask where her sister is... while celsetia is there having the time of her life
Hold on something, Celestia is going to shake the base!
8988840
Boom!
Poor Luna with the most inept subjects
8988858 Not at all. I like how Celestia is showing knowledge befitting her over-a-millenium-long rule
8988880
Good to know, thanks.
Whenever anyprincess asks you what you know about chemistry, you are in for a lesson you will not soon forget!
8988923
Two episodes? In as many days?!? Staff Snake you're spoiling us!
Yeah Luna is back and she as quite the followers with her.
Celestia giving lesson in chemistry. While some are thinking about explosion or gaz, I think realistically she is just going to make a huge foam party.
Lol, Luna definitely stole the show this chapter. It's going to be awesome and/or hilarious when she and her flock set upon some Team Flare goons. Obviously Lysandre himself will be beyond the ability of her birds, though. I hope we get to see some 2's or 3's featuring an alicorn reunion, eventually. The world might not to be able to handle the pure, unfiltered awesome, but I'm willing to roll those dice. Excellent work.
Oh Luna, this is what you get for leading a bunch of bird brains. Least they flock to you quite readily if only to avoid a pounding.
I just finished reading from the beginning. Loving this story. That's all I wanted to say.
Stink nuke? (
Boom?
why do i want celestia to make a giant soap bomb now...
I can't help but read luna's speech and know that to a passing human all it is is "Luna! Luna na na! Lu luna! Luna!" etc.
Edit: Edited in out.
This was hilarious!
But I think, even more than Luna's speech, I like Celestia's planning- bout time Team Rocket had someone competent to help.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5qa49Phrh1rul0hko1_500.gif
Time to get creative with cleaning products!
When I first read Princess Luna's role, I was reading it as Princess Celestia; and I was left wondering how she got control of a flock of spearow. Things started making less sense to me when I read that Princess Luna's name, and she seemed to be taking over that role of leadership. I had to go back over the start of the chapter, and I read it was Princess Luna all along. It makes a lot more sense now.
It's good to see incomplete stories being updated even after long periods of time. I look forward to reading more of this story.
HA, Princess Celestia is going to recreate breaking bad
Poor Luna, being a dictator to less intelligent subjects