The ring of a store door was heard as a redhead teenage girl finally had a smile. “I did it I got it.” Lauren Faust said as she finally got the pony she was missing to complete her collection, she was happy for it. As she walked down the street with the prize in hand something caught her eye. It looked like a small medal with a strange mark of a ink and feather quill. “Where did you come from?” she asked confused.
Suddenly it glowed as a vortex opened up and sucked her in. The only things heard from the poor soul was her scream and the medal saying something as it it had a recording.
I am Fausticorn…
(Equestria, nearly 2,000 years ago)
With a fright, the girl awoke, her whole body feeling different. ‘What's goin on-’ She attempted to stand only to fall over. She kept it for a few more attempts until she landed near a small pond. There she could see her reflection.
Staring at her wasn’t a human but a equin face. She screamed at this. She looked herself over. ‘Horns, Wings, ink and quill cutie mark, oh my god, I'm a pony an Alicorn?’ The revelation stopped her mind for a few moments.
She looked around the little groove she was in. ‘Ok you can do this.’ Faust said to herself. She attempted to move her new body. It was weird like learning to walk again. As she got the hang of it. After a few shaky attempts she started walking through the forest.
Everything looked so colorful, almost like it was cartoon itself. ‘You got turned into a Alicorn it's not like.’ She stopped as she heard some crying. she turned to see something that make her eyes go wide.
“Oh my god.” She screamed at this, in the little clearing was two foals, one was white and pink mane, the other was blue with a lighter shade of a mane. ‘Oh my god.’
Faust walked up into the clearing. ‘This is impossible… I can’t.’ She looked into both their eyes and something within her clicked.
“Star Swirl, why are we even hear?” a voice rang out in the woods. A pegasus along with a earth pony, and a Unicorn followed a bearded Unicorn in star ropes.
“Last night I had a vision, i saw a earth pony, Unicorn and Pegasus and saw them merge into this, Alicorn.” StarSwirl said. However as they got to the clearing the unicorn earth pony and pegasus each stopped and looked at who was in the clearing.
“You were right.” Unicorn said at seeing the three in the clearing.
Faust was totally lost for words. ‘This is actually happening?’ She asked herself. The two little ones were afraid of the newcomers. Faust gave moved them behind her for a bit. The bearded Unicorn was the one who stepped up.
“I’m sorry if we started you, I am Star Swirl the bearded, and they are commander Hurricane.” The pegasus Commander Hurricane as he was called. “Chancellor Puddinghead.” The earth pony had a look of amazement at the Alicorn. “Finally this is Princess Platinum.” The unicorn with Star Swirl.
Chancellor Puddinghead was the one who recognized something the others didn’t, “Oh my you're a mother.” She said pointing to the two foals with her with her hoof.
The others all soon saw the foals with the Alicorn. They all had a look of shock. Faust looked at the two little ones with her. “look I’m…” however she felt the little blue grab her leg and looked at her with the eyes. ‘Ahhhh so cutie… I can’t believe what I’m about to do.’ “Yes, I’m Lauren Faust and these are... Celestia and Luna.” She said giving the foals each a name. The White one Celestia and the blue one Luna. 'Why did I even call them that?'
The four ponies moved back and started to talk to themselves. ‘What are they talking about?’ Faust asked herself. After a bit of arguing the four step up and bowed before her.
“What’s going on?” She asked.
“We came to ask you Noble One to lead us.” Star Swirl asked. Right there and thing Faust mind gave out. While she didn’t fall over it could be seen plain as day she had fainted standing up.
(Equestria Present day)
Outside the city a certain Lord of Chaos was sitting on a cloud and watched as the whole of Canterlot with visitors from all over Equestria welcomed the ascension of their newest princess.
For Celestia it was a day of happiness for Discord however it wasn’t. In has hands was a invit which he lit on fire. As he turned away he shook around as he sensed something. ‘What was that?” Discord asked himself. He teleported off to find this disturbance in the magic force.
“Ok then what's the…” Discord stopped as he saw someone he thought was gone. “Mom.” Discord said with his eyes wide open at the figure.
At Canterlot the celebration was over with her being Equestria's newest princess. Twilight friends walked up to her. “So how does it feel to be a princess darling?” Rarity asked.
Twilight was about to answer but a little black thing tackled her. It was her adopted daughter Nyx. “I can’t believe it, you're an Alicorn and a princess! My Mother is a princess!” Nyx was Nightmare Moon reborn, just after the Crystal Empire returned Twilight got foalnapped and after stopping a little ritual from a possessed cult Nyx was born.
Celesta and Luna came walking up with Cadence and Twilight's brother Shining Armor. "Auntie Cadence uncle Shining." Nyx said at seeing them. However a guard came rolling in on roller sakes He crashed right into the wall. Everypony winched at it. He got up trying to stay standing.
"Princess, Discord just came to the castle and took over your room." The guard said before falling down. Celestia and Luna both took off.
Twilight turned to Cadence and Shining. "Watch over Nyx thanks." Twilight said as she and her friends took off to follow the Princesses.
When the eight got to the door they saw Discord himself waiting for them. "Discord what did you do!" Celestia yelled.
Discord had a glare. "Would you keep it down, I didn't do anything I just placed her in your bed she needs time to rest." Discord said.
Applejack raised a eyebrow. "Who is she?"
Discord opened the door. revealing a Alicorn with red mane and a ink and quill cutie mark. "Mom?" both Luna Celestia said in shock wide eyed at seeing the mare that raised them
"Wait Mom?" Twilight asked.
"Yes allow me to introduce you all to our mother Lauren Faust." Discord said.
"Wait, our mother? Discord your brother?!" Rainbow Dash asked. Celestia know they all wanted answers to this.
"We can explain."
Whelp, it's time to track this.
Should I cry out copycat? Nah, just kidding^^
I like the story concept so far and want to see where you go with it. What I will say is that you could us an editor/prereader. The last section felt a bit rushed and disconnected. Jumping from Discord to the coronation, then that poor job of setting the time line and characters... I honestly don't mind the factors you're pulling in, but it could have used more than a paragraph and a half.
Last comment: add a bit more descriptions to the story. It's a bit sparse at the moment. Tracking for now. Potential for a like later.
When I see this many errors in the description, I assume little or no effort went into the story.
Well now... I want to crossover with Lauren sometime. This will be fun
Cool so far. Tracked.
6052631 +1. Whether the actual story is any good or not is irrelevant if readers reject the story just by seeing all the easily correctable mistakes in the story's synopsis. Quality is often judged by first impressions, and yours is, sadly, quite lacking.
more please
Is this the story you asked me to co-write? 'Cause I sent a reply.
(blue)First of all - No.
When MLP first came out, Faust was 8, and even then MLP was shit. Pluse when she re-created MLP, she actualy wanted to creat her own, original TV show, but Hasbro told her to MLP instead.
(red)Aside from that - I think you're missing a "she" in there.
Correction: (red's mistakes, green's corrections)
With a fright, the girl awoke, her whole body feeling different. ‘What's goin on-’ She attempted to stand only to fall over. She kept it for a few more attempts until she landed near a small pond. There she could see her reflection.
You have a lot more mistakes (mostly using the wrong words in the worng places) that I'm too lazy to point them all out.
also -
Commander Hurricane and then rest of them were long befer both Celestia and Star Swirls life/rule.
(Just noticed the 'Alternate universe' tag *cheeks flush red*)
Also - You should add more to the part about Faust struggling to walk like a pony.
Who's Amy?
Try an 'hr' tag in there:
“Ok then what's the…” Discord stopped as he saw someone he thought was gone. “Mom.” Discord said with his eyes wide open at the figure.
At Canterlot the celebration was over with her being Equestria's newest princess. Twilight friends walked up to her. “So how does it feel to be a princess darling?” Rarity asked.
!!
If you're still looking for a co-writer, I'll be that person.
Seems promising and I will have this in my watch later list.
Note: I'm going to be so disappointed if they don't have a Lauren Faust cameo in the 100th episode celebration
I'm going to enjoy this.
I wouldn't mind stickin' a hoof in here if you want a proof reader/minor editor. I got a bit on my plate to do any major edits, but I would like to read a Faust story that actually gets completed.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE FINISH THIS ONE!!!
quickmeme.com/img/cc/ccafa9eef390ebf3f1aba3ef303f6f09cde76937cea496c2f7a2ebde1ea47199.jpg
Okay I'm really interested. Write more please.
... The only thing separating this from the front page is the lack of grammar. This is a rough draft, not a finished chapter. Fix it, and we can talk about favorites.
6056567 Well you mind helping? I don't have a editor
6056577 I can probably do some editing for you
6056872 thank you
Even through Nyx in there. POPCORN TIME!
"I can explain " lol
6052631
I happen to be in agreement with this. There's practically no detail in this chapter (if it could be called one at all) and the plot is heavily lacking in substance. Put more effort into this and maybe I might think about giving it another go.
First chapter is pretty good.
6052620 why would you do that?
6057575 meh.I believe you should only judge after the first two chapters personally
I think it goes without saying that Discord's responsible for that guard wearing skates. I can just imagine him popping in, telling the guard to get Celestia then materializing the skates with a snap before pushing him in the right direction. Pfffft hahahahaha! Classic Discord.
6076897 he is not Discord if he didn't
I want to like this, but the grammar is preventing me from enjoying it.