Rainbow Dash tossed the clouds aside, revealing the sun’s position. “It’s not even noon yet! How am I gonna burn all this time before tomorrow?”
“How about a race?” A young mare with a grey coat and white mane flew into view. Two other colts flew up beside her, whom Rainbow immediately recognized as her reformed tormentors from the Young Flier’s Competition. Settling on a cloud, the pony kicked up some of the fluff with a smirk. “I’ve been training ever since we helped get that water up to Cloudsdale. So how about it?”
The brutish pegasus with the barbell cutie mark chimed in. “I’m gonna race too! B-but no sonic rainbooms allowed. That’s way too fast!”
“SHE’S the pony who pulled off a rainboom? Now we definitely have to race! First one to Canterlot wins? Loser buys lunch.”
“Don’t worry, Cloudchaser. Rainbow Dash NEVER turns down a race. Don’tcha, Dash?”
Rainbow turned away from the three, shoulders sagging. “No, thanks.”
The three pegasi watched Rainbow in awe as if she had performed the sonic rainboom for the first time. “Why not?” Cloudchaser demanded as she stomped on the cloud in vain.
“Go kick a cumulus around or something. I’m not in the mood.” In a huff, she dropped down to a cloud of her own.
“Don’t think you can shoo us away that easy!” Cloudchaser flew up to Rainbow Dash and kicked her resting spot into another formation. “Where’s all that chest-puffing and tough talk from before when you whipped us up into getting that tornado off the ground?”
“I bet she’s getting soft. She probably doesn’t even practice anymore. Is it possible the best Young Flier already retired her need for speed?”
Rainbow Dash tore herself out of the collision. “You guys got a problem with privacy? I could fly circles around you.” She dashed up to Cloudchaser’s friends and looked them both in the eye. “I’ve learned and forgotten more tricks than you two have even tried combined!”
“So you have no problem proving all this then,” the sly challenger goaded.
“I said I’m not in the mood to race. Maybe after I see my date-“
“Wait. YOU have a date? Who’s cool enough for your sky-high standards?” This development excited Cloudchaser even more.
Dash’s attitude turned around. Wings spread, her chest puffed, and confidence brought her smile back. “I asked out only the coolest pony in all of Ponyville!”
“Is it Thunderlane? Skybreak? Or did you ring in that beefcake with the earring from your coaching sessions?”
“Sorry, Cloudchaser, you’ll have to guess cooler than that. I’m going to spend a whole day with the coolest, smartest, most undeniably awesome unicorn ever! Twilight Sparkle’s her name, and you better remember it. She’s technically not my special somepony yet, but I’m sure after a couple of swoops and dashes she’ll want me as her one-and-only!”
Cloudchaser’s surprise was visible. “Wasn’t she that nerd who stuck her muzzle into pegasus business with her weird contraptions?”
“Have a problem with that? Something wrong with asking her out?” Every muscle tensed in her body, and each feather on her spread wings stood on end. “I don’t need anypony telling me who I can or can’t like! What do you want, seeing me with some other pony with their head in the clouds?”
“Don’t mind me, Rainbow Dash,” Cloudchaser struggled to say while holding back her laughter, “I didn’t think the ‘Miss Must-be-cool’ would let anything – or anypony – keep her grounded.” She caught some lift under her wings and beckoned her two friends to follow. “Personally, Dash, I don’t see how cool you can be for your little marefriend if you can’t even keep your talents up to speed.”
Rainbow Dash continued to shout as they vanished from view. “Oh yeah? I WILL be cool enough for Twilight. Just you see!”
She couldn’t see them anymore. Finally relaxed, her legs caved in and gave way to the comfort of her makeshift bed. She allowed herself a single sigh of self-pity as she reflected on the hole she dug herself in. Turning over to look around, she could still see the library which housed her thoughts and dreams.
I WILL be the pony she’d want to be with. A pony she’d love to know. Her mind raced in circles. She replayed her conversation with Twilight over and over, recalling every tremble - each time she felt her knees shaking - and the lip-biting she hoped her unicorn friend didn’t notice. Why am I so nervous? The pegasus had won the Young Flier’s Competition, won almost every race she ever entered, had more tricks in her inventory than the Wonderbolts had ever performed at any show, and helped Twilight save Equestria twice.
She began to dwell on this detail more. I helped Twilight. I’ve always said that, when I should be saying I helped my friends. I helped HER save the day, I helped HER save the wedding, and I impressed HER with the rainboom. This brought her back to something that shocked her out of her daydream. Her yelp tore the silence in half, and she almost lost her balance in spite of already laying on her side.
This wasn’t the first time thinking of her jerked Dash back to a fateful encounter with Twilight, something her heart wouldn’t let her forget. It was those bothersome pegasi that brought it up. It will always come up as long as I like her.
Recuperating, she pulled herself together and sat upright, never tearing her sights away from Twilight Sparkle’s home. She saw the unicorn trotting around, practicing magic like she always did. Rainbow Dash turned herself over and closed her eyes in the hope sleep would overtake her exhausted state. “I hope I can tell you everything soon, Twi,” she mumbled under a sigh. “Better yet, here’s hoping you can forgive me.”
She dreamed of her tomorrow. She dreamed of her Sparkle, and the glint of hope it brought. No more cool. No more showing off. Not until everything is finally off my chest.
finally an update has arrived
6929 I'm surprised people jumped on this the moment I put it up, to be honest. I was under the impression my story would be everyone's "I'll get around to it eventually" kind of stories.
i hope you can forgive
NOW WE DEMAND MASSIVE DRAMA OVERLOAD
DEMAND!!!
693059 Well, I know what's going on for my story so I'll just keep my mouth shut. It's romance though. If it doesn't have drama, what does it have? It does have ponies. I'll give it that.
693106MMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
protein shakes energy bars and coffee do not mix if you dont want to be hyper
693121 explain! With fewer redundant letters, please.
693147massive
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eee
protein shakes energy bars and coffee do not mix if you dont want to be hyper
now im sad it wore off to fast dangit
I'll just take things one step at a time. I'll work on making Act 1 good, then worry about maaaaaaassssssiiiiivvvveeee later.
693033 Its short so its one that I instantly read, while long stories are my get to it later.
id like to see where this one goes
its off to a good start so far
this story is good and all, but the scenes seem a bit short.
very good, but is little, wwantedMORR
697034 The wait for scene 3 will be worth it, trust me. Just trying to get it started today, maybe even ready for editing by tonight. I actually have time this week to make progress, so expect something. (Disclaimer: quality cannot be rushed, so due to the necessities of editing I cannot guarantee something to be added by this week. Here's hoping, but I'd rather have a sexy new chapter than a rushed street-corner scene.)
Since none have commented on this yet, I'll ask you: though short, what are your thoughts on what I have wrought with the Dash?
Well, my dear brother, you're getting better. I really liked the ending. But you need to work on your technique. I suggest working on pacing and adding more action. I think it would really help if your characters acted and reacted more. For example, "Cloudchaser flew up to Rainbow Dash and kicked her resting spot into another formation. " Ok, so Cloud just kicked Dash's cloud. How does Dash react? Does she move, glare, gasp, etc? Cause and effect, Brother.
One more thing: "...the sly challenger goated." I went to the zoo this weekend and saw a bunch of goats, but I don't think I ever got "goated". I think the word your looking for here is "goaded".
698228 Thanks for catching the goat!
So far I've got nothing but helpful and insightful feedback from everyone. If I wasn't so stressed out about writing this particular piece, I'd have the urge to just make FimFiction a hobby of mine!
Wow! That was Totally Awesome with a capital T and A!
I absolutely love Romance and this story fits the bill.
Keep up the AWESOME STORIES.
Keep Moving Forward
707108 you must be confusing my work with something goo- I mean, good to hear from fans! I'm working hard, trust me. I'm trying to actually have things happen in the next chapter.
This is awesome man! Great work! Looking forward to more.
I'm pretty upset FIMfiction didn't tell me this updated. Nonetheless I read it and the new chapter is actually really good so I think I'll follow this a bit more fervently now. Here's hoping for future chapters to be as good as this one, though I doubt it will be difficult.
735707 I think when you hit the fav button an small window pops up and lets you check a small box for email updates. Also, it took me a while to figure this out, but the number next to my fav symbol on my bar shows how many unread updates there are amongst my favorites. Hopefully that helps.
Also, once in a while I post a blog talking about my progress or addressing common thoughts concerning my work and etc, and emails will notify you of those too! You don't have too, but I try to make them worth reading... don't hate me...
and btw chapter 3 really, REALLY soon. Just in editing process right now, then I'll make some final tweaks and throw it on here.
Now I am confused about the last three paragraphs. It seems like some bad incident is being alluded to.
“I hope I can tell you everything soon, Twi,” she mumbled under a sigh. “Better yet, here’s hoping you can forgive me.” Forgive her for her feelings, or because of some incident? I assume the latter because of this other line.
This wasn’t the first time thinking of her jerked Dash back to a fateful encounter with Twilight, something her heart wouldn’t let her forget.
Now I'm wondering what happened. Kinda want some explanation to that. Maybe it's about to be explained in a flashback in the next chapter. In that case I think the chapter should cut off a few lines earlier for a better transition. Essentially wedge that back story between the third and second to last paragraphs.
Also, It was those bothersome pegasi that brought it up. It will always come up as long as I like her. the second sentence or both need quotation marks, or italics if they are thoughts.
Still tentatively optimistic to see where this goes, because Twidash is always worth looking into. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowkiss_flip.png
693624 If it's short, then I wait for it to have a few chapters. Otherwise, I'm frizzing out over the wait for updates.
693624 If it's short, then I wait for it to have a few chapters. Otherwise, I'm frizzing out over the wait for updates.
693624 If it's short, then I wait for it to have a few chapters. Otherwise, I'm frizzing out over the wait for updates.
That still confuses the hell out of me. "We should have a race, which is a competition in which all involved move as fast as they can to be the first to cross the finish line. Oh, but you aren't allowed to fly as fast as you can, because clearly that's cheating and not quite literally the definition of a 'race'."
That's like a bunch of unicorns having a contest to see who can throw the biggest fireball, only Twilight has to wear an inhibitor because she's more powerful than the other unicorns.
It takes some serious balls to challenge somone to a competition and then tell them they can't go all-out because they're better than you are.