Chapter 4: Rainbow Challenges the Narrator
Rainbow made a loud snort as she lay in an awkward heap in her messy, unmade bed. Her Wonderbolts covers were bunched up into one corner and her pillow shrouded her eyes from the morning light, covered in drool. With an annoyed grunt, she swiped her hoof and knocked her radio alarm clock off the nightstand and it fell to the floor with a clatter. She thought it was going off with the regularly scheduled radio segment, Vinyl Scratch in the Morning on W-EQR FM. However, it was far too early.
"Mmph!" she grumbled underneath her pillow. "Stupid alarm clock! Shut up already!"
Rise and shine!
"Huh?" Rainbow cracked open one eye and barely lifted her head up. "Who's there? You ever knock first? I know the door is made of cloud so it would be hard to hear but-"
No no, it's me. The Narrator.
"Oh crap, it's you." She immediately dug her face back in her pillow. "Why are you here?"
Well since you're so keen to know, it's already noon and I'm bored out of my mind. I'm just looking for somepony to hang with.
Rainbow rose up. "Did Twilight kick you out?"
What? Pfff, no! Wh- come on! She's not mad at me or anything! She just...needed some alone time. To work. You know, princess stuff. And as a narrator I'm pretty much useless without somepony to follow.
"Oh great. That's just what I need in my day." She sulked. "If you don't mind, I have about another hour of power sleep, so I'll do without the chitchat, thank you very much."
Boy and I thought Rarity was pampered. Don't you have any weather you should be controlling?
"Eh, I'll do it later." Rainbow rolled in her bed preparing to drift off to sleep again. Despite the early afternoon light, she let the silky soft touch of her bed envelop her and let her mind drift off into dreamland. "Okay now I can't sleep. Thanks."
That's more like it. Rainbow slogged out of bed and toward the bathroom. With a yawn, she decided to take a nice hot shower to start the day and climbed in-
"Don't even think about it!" she snapped.
Right, sorry.
...
After freshening herself up, barely even washing her unkempt mane, Rainbow dragged herself downstairs to her kitchen to fix up breakfast. As she prepared a cup of coffee, she cracked two eggs into a skillet alongside four strips of tofu bacon. While those were cooking, she then poured herself a glass of zapapple juice and a bowl of Oaties, from a box with a picture of Equestria Games gold medalist Spitfire on it. Having scarfed that down as well, she cracked four more eggs and fried up two more strips of bacon along with tofu ham, and downed a second mug of coffee with- good grief, how much food do you need?!
"I have to train every day," she said with a mouth full of Oaties. "So I gotta bulk up on protein and energy. You think I was just born with this kind of muscle?...Well, I pretty much was but, you know..."
Oooookay. That tofu is starting to smell pretty good. Can you spare me a slice?
"No way, get your own!" she sneered. "How would that even be possible?"
I don't know, I'm just hungry! Be right back! *stomps away*
"...What a chump."
...
Okay, now that I had my fill of toast and jelly, can we get on with this?
"Ha, jelly!" scoffed Rainbow. "That's for little foals who are too pansy to eat jam."
I don't like seeds! Anyway, Rainbow stood outside her floating house ready to begin her daily workout routine. As she stretched and opened up her muscles, she played a mix on her boombox including motivational music from her favorite rock band, Trötley Crüe. She then dropped down and executed fifty wing push-ups, followed by forty mule kicks, thirty lunges and ten minutes of in-place trotting. It was not long before she began to break a sweat. But her athletic build had enough stamina to keep her going like a wind-up toy.
"Stare all you want, pal," she boasted as she downed a bottle of water. "This is top physical perfection!"
I'll take your word for it.
She then turned up the volume on the boombox. "Alright, Narrator," grinned Rainbow as she shook off the cobwebs in her legs. "You ready for some real pegasus action?"
I've been waiting for any kind of action for a while.
"Good. Because I wanna see if you can catch up!"
What are you talking about?
She pointed up at the air determinedly. "I'm gonna fly so fast that you won't be able to keep up to narrate me!"
...Pfff ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Is that right? You think you can outrun my gaze? I'm the all-seeing eye, baby!
"We'll see about that." Rainbow cracked her neck and unfurled her wings. "Less talk, more race. What do ya say?"
Do your worst.
"Seeya!"
With a rushing gust, a crack in the air, and a long multicolored streak, Rainbow took off from her front step like a firecracker straight from Neighjing. Climbing ever upward, she surpassed flocks of high-flying geese and even came close to shooting into a zeppelin. Now having reached a desirable altitude, Rainbow came upon an obstacle course in the sky. She zigzagged through a trail of well-placed balls of cloud, cutting perfect right-angle turns in a midair slalom. Her pegasus streak blazing against the blue sky was the only evidence of her blinding speed.
"Not bad, Narrator," smiled Rainbow, her mane flapping in the wind. "But I'm not finished yet!"
I still don't see what the challenge is supposed to be. You do realize it's utterly impossible to outrun me.
"Nothing's impossible for this gal!"
Folding her wings back in a streamlined formation, Rainbow soared off even faster up to a layer of clouds above. She burst through the cumulus leaving a pony-shaped hole as she rocketed closer to the stratosphere. Crap, she's going fast. Above the plane of clouds, the sun's light glistened off the puffy white surface. The high wind whistled at buffeting speeds supercharged by the warm air currents. And as for Rainbow...uh...where is she?
No. No that's impossible, she couldn't have escaped. She must be pretty far ahead, the little minx. She must be a tiny blue dot on the horizon by now. I mean, it's pretty hard to spot her out against this blue sky. Ugh, I'm still not seeing her! Where the heck did she go? There's no way she could've actually flew faster than I could catch up with her. This is not happening. Why aren't I seeing that streak?!
Oh crap! Can she still hear me?! Oh this is embarrassing! Rainbow! Where are you?! Show yourself you coward! I mean it, this isn't funny! Oh man. Oh man! First I freak out that she can hear me, now this?! I'm a disgrace as a narrator! I'm a joke! A big fat-
"BOO!"
AAAH! J- wh- how...you were hiding this whole time?!
"Yup! Right under your nose!" said Rainbow, poking her head and hooves out from a lone cloud. "Man, you were really losing it!" she chuckled. "You shoulda seen your face!...I mean, I didn't but, it was probably pretty hilarious!"
Don't do that! You almost gave me a panic attack!
"Oh relax and just fess up that I won."
You cheated!
"Nothing's written, pal." She gloated.
*sighs* Fine, you win your stupid little game of hide-and-seek. You're awesome and everypony knows it.
"Darn straight!" she lay on the cloud with a smug look. "But it was still pretty fun. You're alright, Narrator. I could race you all day."
Please tell me you're not going to.
"Oh no, of course not. That's it for my speed training today."
Oh thank goodness.
"But now we get to start the really fun stuff!"
What?
"Yeah! We still gotta do mountain climbing with weights on our backs! Then there's the butterfly stroke lap race in the chilly pond. Then the 20K trot uphill. And the midair tackle test! Ooh, can't forget about extreme racquetball either! And I'll be getting you in the best shape of your life, Narrator! What do ya say?...Narrator?...Hello?...Son of a- I can't believe you just walked out on me! ME! Of all ponies! Well fine! Good riddance! You don't know what you're missing, buddy! I don't need no competition anyway!...Hmm...Maybe I should just, I don't know, get to work on that weather or something."
What I truly love about this fic, and what really helps sell it - the formatting and stylistic changes made for the plot. The sudden lack of paragraph spacing when the narrator loses track of her, the lack of narration when the narrator "leaves" so it's just dialogue, and the questions sometimes of how much autonomy the ponies have if the narrator can make them do things. This is one of the most creative and intelligent fics on the site.
This is what happens when the fourth wall is told to go and take a long hike and to use it as a vacation. Now this is one of the most amusing kinds of stories I know of, and it's funny that it follows up on the previous one even further. It's brilliant.
Come on, Narrator. You got beaten by two ponies already. First, it's Rarity who uses you to critique her dresses. And now it's Rainbow who successfully beats you with speed and stealth. At this rate, the next pony that you'll narrate will grab you out of nowhere and drag you into Equestria.
Ha! Take that! You can't mess with me, Mr. Narrator!
Why did he have to leave so soon?
Come on! Narrate me! We're gonna have a ton of fun time together!
Just waiting for Pinkie Pie to break the Narrator... Of course, it would also be nifty if the Narrator escaped to Canterlot and drove the Princesses insane.
Pinkie is going to narrate The Narrator as he narrates isn't she...? Also, has the fourth wall been broken yet? I can't decide. On one hand, he's narrating their story as an outsider looking in through the 4th, but that's a story itself so 5th but if they realize that the narrator is narrating, who's to say there's not a narrator narrating him or even a narrator narrating Them! And.... Why do I taste copper?
I picture the narrator to be Wolford Brimley.
That's a lot of exercise. I would runaway too.
I was half-expecting her to go pranking with him.
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Merry Christmas!
This fic is brilliant. It's like trolling an Elder God that works in an interdimentional Radio Station reporting on the life of Twilight Sparkle and then having to look at the lives of the rest of mane-six.
Honestly though, Mr. Narrator is going to end up at his wits end with Pinkie and Applejack. I can feel it in my bones. Pinkie will try to narrate him somehow getting an actual view of how he looks like. And Applejack will try to corner him into telling her his life story.
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6784352 I can only agree to that! Truly a gem!
6786007 And remember the first story, Pinkie actually had her own narrator!
Confusing moment approaching!
6789140 I hope it's like those old cartoons where one of them has to clock off to let the other narrate...
I couldn't resist any longer..
Awesome job so far! Can't wait to see more.
I wonder...after the main 6 all have their moment to be narrated....will he drop in on Celestia and Luna?
This is really amusing.
I can't wait to see what will happen with Pinkie Pie.
6794169 I wanna see that so bad! XD
6574494 I might be... :P
Hilarious!
Now, this just had me think of how crazy a clop fic would be in this style.
I read the first paragraph, and saw the words Vinyl and Scratch beside each other and I was like...
Favorited over and over and over for infinity and forever!
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CineMAREsins, but essentially, yeah.
I'm picturing either cinemasins, or honest trailers voice.
Really? How about going on a date after letting Rarity doll you up and NOT bragging in any way, shape, or form ONCE then entire date?
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"Good morning! I'm Wilford Brimley and I'd like to talk with you a few minutes about everypony's daily activities."
I think the Narrator will grow closer to Twilight for her kind of special is the most tolerabel...
Rainbow Dash prank the Narrative given Stud quite well.