Life carried on like normal for the next three years. Or at least, it did. Up until that one fateful day. Shadow had just turned six not a week prior. The night started like any other. He ate dinner with his mother, she put him to bed, his father came home and yelled at his mom, then everybody went to sleep. However, tonight was a little different.
Whenever Lightning would come home he would always be drunk. But tonight, he wasn't. Shadow could hear his father yelling before he even walked in the house. Walking inside Lightning slammed the door shut with an audible crack. Lightning proceeded to yell at Moonlight. But tonight wasn't like the others. Despite the alcohol in his system this wasn't one of Lightning's drunken ramblings. This was purposeful, and hatefilled. Lightning started yelling at Moonlight about why she's been spending so mich time and money on Shadow. All the while the six year old colt listened as he slowly walked down the toward the living room.
Despite his agressive tone Moonlight tried to talk Lightning down in her soft motherly voice, but to no avail. Several times Shadow heard his father slap Moonlight, each time making the colt wince and cry just a little bit more. Deciding he couldn't losten anymore Shadow turned and headed back to his room. As he approched the door to his room he heard his mother scream, followed by a loud "thump". Shadow turned tail and flew as fast as he could to the living room. And what he saw would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Moonlight Breeze, shadow's mother, sat on the floor in a growing pool of red as a kitchen knife purtuded from her chest. She was dead. Shadow's mother, his only true friend and companion, laid dead at his hooves. Lightning himself looked shock at his actions. Father and son faced each other. The elder with a look of shock and fear, and the younger with a look of anger and unfathomable pain.
"You killed her." Shadow said. His voice weak and sorrowful.
"I didn't mean to. We were arguing and it just happened."
"It just happened!" Shadow yelled. "How does somethings like this just happen? You killed mommy!"
"Son please listen to me."
"You not my daddy anymore." Fueled by anger and sorrow, shadow galloped to his father. Along the way gripping the hilt of the blade that killed his mother in his mouth.
Jumping in the air Shadow plunged the knife into his father's neck. Lightning fell to the ground in agony as Shadow pulled the blade from his father and shoved back in. Then he did it again. Then again, and again. Until he felt nothing but the loss of his mother and the blood of his father on his coat. Pained by his actions, Shadow turned and flew out the back door to his home, and looked back only to see tye remnant of the life he planned to leave behind.
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That night was the first time I ever took a life. But it certainly wasn't the last. You guys should know that better then anyone. After that, I ran off. Lived on the street for a long time. Did whatever I could to move on. I hated what had become of my life. Sitting on the side of the road and begging didn't get me anything. So I had to steal to get by.
Life really sucked after that. More so then it did before. I spent the next twelve years on those streets. every day scavenging and steal just to make sure I didn't starve in my sleep. But just as things couldn't get bleaker, and old friend showed up.
Eesh. I browsed your other stories, in which the use of OC's seems to be a theme, and they don't look all that terrible. Hell, I really like the idea of "Facing the Inferno" since it sounds like the OC in it has relatable flaws and some level of depth.
You kind of dropped the ball here. This is exactly the kind of story, exactly the kind of OC, that authors with no idea what they're doing crank out as their first attempt at writing and get critically savaged for. The generic tragic backstory, the arbitrary mystery surrounding said backstory... hell, even the OC's NAME. It's edge for the sake of edge, angst without substance. And it's the exact same story that hundreds by now have tried to pass off as writing.
And it's a shame, because you give me the impression that you can do so much better.
6270835 maybe i'm just not great at making OC's. The characters in "Facing the Inferno" aren't mine. I wrote that story for a contest about a bunch of next gen OC's made by someone else. I'm still new to this and most of my stories aren't finished so I still have a long way to go. Also Shadow was a character I made for a different story and I felt like the dark back back story would held to immerse him into that world a little better. To help him relate to some of the other characters a little better.
Also I'm writing this story specifically for a contest. If that contst didn't exsist niether would this story. I'm just trying to write different things to see what I'm good at and what I'm bad at.
I really appreciate you giving this a look and I know I still have a ways to go and that I have plenty of room to improve. I hope to keep working at my stories to make them better.