Princess Luna sits at an open window, just staring at the full moon before her. She sighs.
"Something wrong sister?" Princess Celestia asks taking in the saddened expression on her sister's face.
not yet Princess Luna can hear in the back of her mind. "I'm, fine sister." she foreigns another expression to deter her sister.
"Okay, but come to me i you need to talk about anything." she retains her calming demeanor.
"I will, when I'm ready." Her words icy as she departs from her sister.
A frown ceases the lips of the sun princess as she walks in the opposite direction.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Princess Celestia enters the castle of her former student, Princess Twilight Sparkle, with her head held high and her stride light. As she sits for tea Twilight notices something in her eyes.
"Princess Celestia is everything alright?" she asks with concern.
"Everything is fine with me," she sips her tea, "but I'm a little worried about Luna."
"What's wrong?"
"She's been a little distant lately. I'm not quite sure what to make of it." she takes another sip of her tea. "I'm sure she talk about it in her own time."
"If you're fine with that, I guess." Twilight takes a sip of her tea.
"I guess." Celestia whispers on her breath with her cup covering her mouth.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Return home in the evening, Celestia just couldn't fight this overpowering feeling of unease. Going with her gut she decides to go to the sleeping chambers. As she nears the first door she hears a sound, faint yet clear.
"Crying?" she says in slight disbelief. She opens the door to her sister's room and her jaw drops at the sight before her. Her little sister was curled up in a ball crying her eyes out.
"Luna?" she rushes to her sister's side, "Are you hurt?" worry clear as day in her voice.
"I'm not injured." she replies through sobs.
"Then what's wrong? I can't help you if I don't know why you're hurting."
Princess Luna hugs her sister, burying her face into her chest. Princess Celestia is taken aback by the jester but keeps calm in order not to aggravate her sister's condition.
"Oh, sister I've been keeping a secret from you." she sobs
"You can tell me anything, Luna."
"I... I..." she struggles to get the words out, "I have a daughter."
"What? When?" her voice calm yet full of concern.
"When I was trapped on the moon. I didn't even know I was..." she breaks into tears before finishing.
"Well what happened to her?" Celestia says, stroking her mane.
"She got sick, and I didn't know what to do. I sent her to Equestria and I haven't felt her aura since." Her breathing begins to level out, though the tears stream down her cheeks like little luminescent waterfalls.
"Do you remember anything about her?"
"Only, that her eyes glimmer in the moonlight, and her mane shines like stardust when she cried at night."
"Do you remember what kind of pony she was?"
"No. In my illusinative state I couldn't take notice of anything more."
"What do you want to do, Luna?"
"I want more than anything to find her. If only to know that she is alright."
"I will help you."
"You will?" surprize clear in her voice.
"I will, but you know as well as I, that a foal born to an alicorn must be brought to the council."
"I am aware." she says, eyes downcast and mind racing.
"I'll cancel the night court today and send in a letter by morning." Celestia says getting up from where she sat. "I want you rested for an audience in the court by the evening." She begins to leave. "Take it easy Luna." she says shutting the door to her room.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Princess Celestia walks unevenly to her room.
'It would appear telling an army of bat ponies and an entire night court that they must go for the night is meet by converse critizism and noise. Much too much noise.' she thinks to herself as she rubs the temples of her forehead with her hooves.
After calming the sea of thoughts, which was her mind, she pulled a quill and scroll with her magic. Looking over the paper she discards it and pulls a special paper from a drawer along with a glowing ink. She writes:
To The Alicorn's Council
I have come across a certain matter of my sister and require immediate audience. She will be awakened in the evening and prepared for your visit. We look forward to your cooperation.
Illustrisa
She huffs when she finishes and says, "That's as formal as your ever gonna get from me." She rolls up the paper and ties it with a ring of flames. She then puts it aside to send it in the morning.
Try writing in English instead of weeb.
Nope. I quit
I wonder who will be the first to do a reading sins on this troll.
5951747 I've watched too many episodes of Jewelpet to stop the verbal ticks~doki.
But if you don't like it, suggest a new one~doki.
5952268 What is weeb~doki?
5954891
This is
filehurricane.com/viewerthumbnails/1126200892524AM_n716561592_1223253_7938%5B1%5D.jpg
5954940 Okashīdesu~doki!!!
Well, this is certainly... interesting. The concept of Luna birthing a foal while imprisoned on the moon could have something going for it, but I'm sorry to say this really wasn't a good enough start to keep my attention.
5955161 Sorry to hear that~doki.
Demo, did you read the long description~doki?
5955189 I did. I just think you need a little more practice writing. You'll get there.
5954940 That's what will happen if you type 'desu' enough.
Right, I'm going to do my very best to remain constructive here. If at any point I come off as aggressive or insulting, feel free to skip this comment, and even if you read all the way through, take it with a grain of salt; these are suggestions that I believe might help the story.
First, the positives: the concept is an interesting one, in that Luna had a child on the moon who she sent to Equestria to try and save her after she got sick, and that there's an alicorn council of some sort. Both of those can be fleshed out and made into an impressive story if they are worked with and nurtured. That said, there are some issues your story runs into.
Now, to be fair, I don't mind a little bit of uncertainty in writing. Done well, it can create suspense, drama, and tension, all of which can help a story succeed. With all due respect, I'm afraid that you edge a bit towards vague in the opening. The very first section of this story, just four lines long, give us very little information to work with. We get a character description, yes, but no information about who they are, or any sort of context for what ultimately winds up as a very unusual conversation. If you'd taken the time to set the atmosphere a bit more it might've played out a bit better, but as it is it simply seems underdeveloped.
Honestly, that actually sums up the major issue of this story; it feels vague and underdeveloped. There is possibility for drama between characters, for emotion and reaction, but frankly your story seems too short to do so.
There's also the editing errors; I'm not going to pretend to be any sort of editor (again, these are all suggestions) but it helps to double check your word choices throughout the passages you write. A frown creasing lips makes more sense than a frown ceasing lips, though that in of itself seems to be an odd choice of words to begin with. In addition, check for capitalization errors ("I" as a subject should always be capitalized) and other general issues. A proof-reader can be helpful in these regards.
Overall, it's good that you're confident enough to post your writing here, but as friendly advice you should try and improve your work. Track down groups to workshop your story in, hopefully finding one that's friendly and constructive. Best of luck to you, and I hope you continue writing.
5960672 It's supposed to be vague The character is not supposed to be revealed until later in the plot~doki.
And you're supposed to comment your guess of who is the foal~doki.