"Burninating the countryside... burninating the peasants... burninating all the peoples... and their thatched-roof COTTAGES! THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!! And the Trogdor comes in the NIIIIGHT!!!"
Luna Is The Best Pony4,637 stories ·7,267 members
Short Stories5,074 stories ·548 members
Bon Bon is tired of hiding her obsession. A masquerade party is the last thing she needs. But somepony else in attendance feels the same way, and a chance encounter between them could be the start of a deeper obsession.
Written prior to Episode 100 and its revelations about Bon Bon/Sweetie Drops. (Sorry.)
Inspired by an episode of Gotham.
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I am never eating any jelly that comes from Ponyville... ever.
5924373 I wouldn't worry too much... the Ponyville health/food safety department will doubtlessly be receiving a complaint.
The story was pretty original, so that's nice to see. A lot of tension, the whole time I was silently screaming "YOU TWO ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER"
Stallion likes his Jelly. Is that so wrong? For a second though I figured he murdered Bon Bon and added her to his preserves. Then I reread the section.
5924373 hey theres more jelly then Hughbert's in ponyville i should know i live there
That's a cute little story. It's well paced and is a nice call back to a character that was part of a song. Heck the video game playing pony got a brief animated run on the internet so why not the pony strangely obsessed with large jars of jelly?
I would suggest tagging it with a Luna, Lyra and Applejack tags as well because they have direct speaking parts. Also, just something I noticed, the word want appears to be missing in the sentence: Something about Hughbert made her to say more, but she also felt afraid of going further.
The last conversation also needed a few more annotations just noting to who Lyra is speaking too. I got slightly confused at the end. It might just be me but, I'd have liked some actions for Lyra when speaking to Luna and Applejack.
For example: "Applejack come on," said Lyra turning to the orange earth pony. and something like “But, Princess,” begged Lyra as she turned to Luna, her eyes welling up with tears, “Please, you've got to tell me! She's my friend!”[/i] might make it easier to read at the end.
That said, I enjoyed it and it was a cute read. It also sounds like Applejack could make a mint in the jelly business if she wanted to expand and create "Safe" jelly.
I enjoyed this one. "Believe me, kid, you reeeeeeeeally don't want to know."
6447538 Thank you for your suggestions! I know it's taken me a while to incorporate them, but I've now done so.
I didn't realize how rough that ending was. It should read much better now.
He, he, he. Ah yes, the power of "that which is unsaid". Thank you for leaving so much dangling, it really made the story.
8293952
Oh, this old thing.
Thanks for reading it, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! I do still enjoy this ridiculous old story. Though coming back to it now, I feel like it almost needs a stronger conclusion, or an epilogue, or something...
Hahaha
Though in all seriousness, he probably makes one kind of jelly for selling and one for, ahem, personal use.
8525419
Glad you enjoyed it!
Bon Bon and Hugh remind me of a certain Garfield comic strip.
Faust made two of 'em!
8525419
I think he may have an Amazon merchant account: apparently you can purchase 55 gallon drums of the stuff on Amazon. The mind boggles...