Kyro..... The one who opened the doors.
Kyro sat up from his bed, sweating. He knew he opened the doors, but to what?
All he remembered from his last trip to Equestria was that he helped Starswirl.
Suddenly a Red light started to flash and make alert sounds. Kyro knew a world was in trouble;So he grabbed The most powerful sword he had The Oath Born. Kyro ran to the teleported and flipped the switch. A crackle of power and he vanished from his base to Equestria.
Celestia was lowering the sun when she heard a voice from behind her. It was a Small, Human figure with a helmet and a blade coming out of it.
It was a pawnaird, but celestia did not know this. She spoke softly yet firm
"Who are you?"
The figure replied
"Some powerful magic Ya got there, names kyro we should go talk somewhere thats not in the open."
Celestia agreed to go with kyro to a more private area.
"So where are you from kyro?" Said Celestia as she walked beside Kyro.
"Another world, and to be honest I have been here before".
Celestia was shocked. Another World!?
She replied.
"We don't get visitors from other worlds."
Kyro grew silent.
He turned around and explained every little detail on what has happened so far.
Celestia pondered about this and gave kyro her story; after she was done she said to kyro
"Kyro we should wait till morning to introduce you to my Student and her friends, in the meantime, shall I introduce you to my Sister, Luna?"
Kyro nodded And followed Celestia to Luna.
Twilight was woken by spike, who was so excited that he was yelling.
Also Twilight's friends where there too, with looks that said" I can't wait"
Spike saw that twilights eye were open, and read the letter in his claws.
"Dear twilight, A visitor from another world has come to Equestria, there will be a Big party in the castle ballroom, I hope to see you all there!"
Twilight had a look of sarcasm on her face and said.
"Alright then, let's go see who pony it is."
Later, They Six Entered the Castle, With More guards than usual.
As the Entered the Throne room, Kyro greeted the Six.
" Hey Girls!"
Celestia Cut into Kyro's Introduction.
"This is Kyro, The Protector of the Worlds"
Kyro Told the Six Everything he knew about what has happened so far.
"So let me get this straight, You have a Sword called the "Oath born", And you protect Over A Million Worlds?"
Rainbow Dash Asked Kyro after he was finished.
"That's about right"
Kyro Replied.
"And What's a Deathless?"
Kyro Spoke Seriously "They cant be killed, only with the Oath Born"
"And if you try to kill them with normal stuff, They'll just Go to their Regeneration Chambers"
Silence grew on the Seven Beings.
Kyro Added " I Am also a Deathless"
The Six got ready to Fight Kyro, Except for Fluttershy who was cowering in a far corner.
Celestia Spoke "He is still on our side, Who pony said that Darkness can only be Evil?"
The Six Relaxed.
"Everyone has a Deathless version of themselves, Even Celestia"
Kyro then Noticed Spike, Twilights Assistant.
Kyro Jumped up and ran toward him, observing the Small Dragon. Spike had a worried face while the Six were Giggling.
Kyro then Backed away from Spike and Said "Guess I'm not the Only Oath Born Master Here"
Twilight Spoke up
"What do you mean Kyro?"
Twilight was still getting used to Kyro, As the others were warming up to him.
" Your Assistant Spike can Also Wield the Oath Born, He just has to think about the Sword and it'll come to his hands"
Spike did not hesitate to do so, suddenly a Black handled and black hilted Sword, With a Silver Blade with Golden Carvings in it, the blade also had 4 Circles cut out in each section of the sword's blade. Spike, With Blade in hand, swinged it in front of him with a diagonal slash.
"Whoa! Its light as a Feather!"
He Said as he admired the sword
"Yep it sure is, its made like that so anything can use it and on the plus side, You can travel the Worlds with me now, Since you have the Sword now"
Spike was so excited, no-pony knew the possibilities of what he could do!
Kyro, Almost as if he had Read Spikes thoughts said
"Don't get too excited, you still have to pass the test"
Spike Looked at Kyro curiously
"Test? What kind of Test?"
"Combat Test, To see how well you can handle yourself in a fight"
Every pony in the room stood with shocked expressions.
Kyro took them to the garden outside the castle. The air was fresh and brisk, Kyro Ran to the middle of the garden path and looked over at Spike.
"Okay, lets start!" Kyro said as he summoned his Oathborn, which was different than Spikes.
instead if gold carvings it had a Swirl of colors, which matched Twilight's, Rainbow dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie pie and Applejacks Coats.
It was made out of Helio, A ancient material, and a hexagonal pattern to the metal.
Kyro wasted no time as he rushed towards spike with eyes narrow.
Spike by instinct held up the Blade and, To Kyro's Suprise blocked it.Spike retaliated with a blow to kyro's helmet.
Kyro Stood up with no scratches at all and said
"That's good enough for today, let's go enjoy that party shall we?"
"I brought the Dresses!"
Rarity said excitedly.
Kyro just chuckled and the eight of them walked towards the ballroom.
....wut
Okay what I read here isn't a story, it's a thousand words of bad grammar trying to put over that "this character is super duper awesome fantastic" and failing at it. There's no storyline here, you just introduced a character and had main characters we're familiar with fawn over his prowess instead of letting us see it for ourselves.
First rule of storytelling; show don't tell.
Also I'm totally sympathetic to giving your characters theme tunes to associate with them but that should be put in a blog post which is then linked to in the authors notes rather than a video just intrusively inserted into the top of the chapter.
Some specifics:
- "Who said a pony of darkness can only be evil" Celestia should not have to say this and the Mane 6 should not have to learn this lesson since they hang around with Princess Luna, the events of Luna Eclipsed were all about this.
- "The protector of worlds". Pretty damned sure Equestria has more than one protector, this guy getting the title just seems like an informed attribute.
- "Twilight's friends were all there with looks that said I can't wait". First, this doesn't match most of their characters. Secondly, it's again another example of trying to hype of Kyro by making the Mane 6 excited even though they would usually be concerned or cautious about Celestia summoning them about stuff from another world (remember Equestria Girls and to a lesser degree the Reflections arc of the comics).
- Why does only spike have an oathborn (and what that is is extremely poorly defined)
- Pretty sure if you catapult a Deathless into the sun or blast them with the levels of magic Twilight has been shown to use they wouldn't get back up, you can't regenerate if there's nothing left.
- Why does his Oathborn match the Mane 6 other than again to try and get cheap likability from the reader? There needs to be a storyline reason for such a specific color scheme.
- Oathborn's are so potent they can be stopped by a normal helmet... what?
- One maneuver is a training session to this guy? Geez never show him a boot camp.
So yeah, on the whole, not a good start here my friend. Your first chapter should, besides being entertaining; establish our main characters and their basic personality and motivations, establish any changes made to the canon world that will be significant right away, show us some interaction so we can get an idea of what the characters are like without being told and should set up future events of the story.
This did none of that and was mostly a dull read. Kyro is quite clearly a creator's pet and this shows in that the author is far too interested in trying to make him seem "cool" rather than giving us any reason to like him or care about anything he does.
Overall: 0.25/5
First off
Yes,most likely the Deathless bodies would be destroyed, but not the soul.
Regeneration chambers take information from the soul and create their new bodies.
Second, My fualt on the Whole darkness can't be good thing, I have terrible memory of past events.
Third, Kyro's Oathborn and the matching color is that that's the Equestria version of the Oathborn, The mane six colours are part of this becuase, And spikes is will yes, I know its very poorly described, but the Oathborn takes its colours and Look by its owners personality. Sorry if that was completely confusing.
Fourth, Kyro's armor is made by Helio, the same material makes up the Oathborn.