An unforgettable encounter
"So Octavia, how long have you played music that lovely" I asked as the waiter brought out drinks.
"Oh, about since I was a little filly in Canterlot" she explained.
“Okay, I see Canterlot- wait Canterlot?!" I yelled embarrassing Octavia when I yelled.
"Yes, Canterlot, now Lightning please quiet down" she said her face bright red. I saw that she didn't like to talk about her life in Canterlot so I calmed down and said sorry. She said it was fine so long as I didn't do that again.
"So can I call you by a nickname; honestly it's kind of hard to say Octavia all the time" I said as I put the menu down.
"Fine, you may, but please nothing embarrassing" she replied. I pondered about it for a while.
"Hmm, how about Tavi?" I said as she thought about it.
"Yes, that is suitable" she said and gave a little smile; as I was about to thank Octavia for the meal I blacked out.
XX Time Skip XX
I woke up and looked out the window to see it was mid-day; I wondered what had happened last night. Why I was in some-pony else's bed- wait, it looked like a guest room.
"What happened," I said out loud to myself; just as I was about to get up out of the bed I started hearing really loud music from downstairs or what I thought was downstairs. I opened the bedroom door and took a big step forward and tumble down some stairs all the down into what appeared to be a living room. I stood up and went to where the sound was coming from to shut it off. When I got there it was coming from a dishwasher so I shut it off and relaxed.
"Hey, you killed the wubs!" a boyish sounding mare said; I looked up and saw she had blue hair with a lighter blue streak in it and she had sunglasses on so i couldn't see her eyes that well.
"Wubs " I said in a confused tone and she starred to explain what a wub was but I stopped her before she could speak. "Um, where am I" I asked
"You're in the house of the one and only Pon-3" she said
"Listen Pon-3, I want to know how I got here" I said with my mind set on finding out what was going on.
"First, call me vinyl; next, I kind of knocked you over the head with a vase" she said.
"Wait, what" I said in a surprised tone. Vinyl just seemed to giggle.
"Yeah I kind of thought that you were forcing Octavia to be there with you cause she was crying" she replied.
"What, no! She was happy because I said I liked her music" I said frantically.
"Yeah Octavia told me that and she might have yelled at me" Vinyl said. I said goodbye to vinyl, my newest friend, and headed home. When I got there I plopped myself onto my bed and started to relax, but there was a knock at the door
"Who could that be; I never told any-pony where I lived" when I opened the door I saw a familiar face.
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5914505 well thanks for that but i don't care if you dislike cause i honestly felt like someone like you would say this but i am planing on making a ship fic that is twidash
5914511 i had help with the editing i hope you saw that
5914518 Alright, I'll look into that later and see if you improved.
5914547 don't worry it will have no hints that life in ponyville is happening
5914518 It's mainly how the chapter titles don't look right that. That really turned me off from reading it. If you just fix those I'll probably read it for what it is.
5914561 well if you have suggestions tell me i may or may not replace the chapter titles
5914522 I tried.... I WAS STUCK ON A TABLET! (No offence Lightning.)
would now be a good time to mention some thing that would help improve?
5914588 sure go ahead
5914594 First of all, they need to be longer; if you can, try to have between 1000 to 1500 words AT LEAST. Second, stop wanting to say "well" and "so" all the time. Third, you need to ad loads of detail; detail gives the story something that helps the reader, I don't know, see it in their head. Fourth, your pacing needs a little bit of work; try to stay off of the time skip and just say stuff like, "After a while they headed-" That might help. Did this help at all?
5914601 thank you i will try to get to work on that though it's to late to change the first three i'll see to it in further chapters
5914615 great!
5914663 thanks for the help i will fix those proplems right away
It's scary, I was going to write something like this involving my OC as he moved from Cloudsdale to Ponyville. It's not the same, but pretty damn close. (did you look at my unpublished stories on my account?)
5914801 well i guess great minds think alike
5914960 indeed.
5915632 this is my first go at a fiction don't worry i will get better
5916314 I'm not too worried. It was simply a mistake I needed to correct since it went by improperly corrected.
5917324 talking about the house
5918072 yeah i'm working on the fourth chapter right now but i will fix this