For a first time in writing clop, ya did good. It gave a partial woody. However, I liked the part where he went down on her. You hit it home, that Equestrian Stallions don't eat out their Mares. Pretty much, wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Where the sex was not explicitly detailed, the emotions and thoughts was refreshing. This was good.
I don't generally read these stories to get off on. Hell, I don't read these stories unless they're part of a bigger story.
I would like to see more like this. I hate seeing people trying to make it overly complex, or just good in general, and failing to do so. I'd say good job.
5863020 Thanks was kind of worried how it would be received.
5863055 So this is part of a bigger story, which is why it's left incomplete. There was an earlier portion between the main character and Cloudchaser, but it was thrown out at the time to keep the teen rating...until I made this. There will probably be other chapters, but like I said, I'm not pro at this by any means so any um *cough* pointers, are appreciated.
5864377 I was going more for emotion so seems like I got that part right.
5865809 I love you guys so much I felt I had to try and go the extra mile.
Nice and simple. Not really needed for your story, so good idea on making it separate.
i.imgflip.com/k50f7.jpg
Also, is this complete, or will more be added with other characters?
For a first time in writing clop, ya did good. It gave a partial woody. However, I liked the part where he went down on her. You hit it home, that Equestrian Stallions don't eat out their Mares. Pretty much, wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Where the sex was not explicitly detailed, the emotions and thoughts was refreshing. This was good.
I don't generally read these stories to get off on. Hell, I don't read these stories unless they're part of a bigger story.
I would like to see more like this. I hate seeing people trying to make it overly complex, or just good in general, and failing to do so. I'd say good job.
5863020
Thanks was kind of worried how it would be received.
5863055
So this is part of a bigger story, which is why it's left incomplete. There was an earlier portion between the main character and Cloudchaser, but it was thrown out at the time to keep the teen rating...until I made this. There will probably be other chapters, but like I said, I'm not pro at this by any means so any um *cough* pointers, are appreciated.
5864377
I was going more for emotion so seems like I got that part right.
5865809
I love you guys so much I felt I had to try and go the extra mile.
5866176 My pointer: Do what you just did! No need to change perfection.
Nice! I liked how this was written. Nothing over-the-top, just genuine emotion and sex. Cute but sexy.