• Member Since 29th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 5th, 2016

bronys unite


Comments ( 43 )

I don't know...I was hoping for something sort of Sweet-Apple-Massacre-esque (since I am now very desensitized,) but there are too many punctuation errors here for me to get into it...
Also, the dialogue is pretty unrealistic so I'm having trouble finding it immersive. I'm sorry; I'm just being honest.

Many grammar/spelling errors, gore story, walls of text, trying to warn about reading it multiple times...

Well it was an an alright troll fic I guess.

"Joe the chunky Mexican"
OH GOD MY SIDES

This is a potentially hilarious idea, really, but the way in which it's presented... Isn't so hot.
Everything about this is awkward to read, and could be done so much to better. To get an idea of just what could be improved, read your story out loud.

This idea you've come up with is original, and I believe it deserves only the best, in terms of presentation.

Trollfic is trollfic.
I can't vote this up cause it sucks. I can't vote it down because it entertained. Woe is me.

What's with the influx of these troll fics?

[youtube=uJ1hKtYOx_c]

671005 I don't need crack to write this stuff I need boredom

More, I want to see more please?

670648 When you worn people they are more likely to do it so that's the reasoning

671421 Well it is generally a shorter story then usual so it shouldn't take me long to type though but yeah and yes I know grammar is not good but I was never good at grammar.

671434Grammer doesn't matter to me, just paragraphs. I suck at grammer also.

671448 Well if you spot the mistakes point them out I just did a little review real quick. The reason why I hate it though is because I struggle with spotting puncuation errors and this was actually meant to be my second fic but was rejected for not having ponies which was bull shit but yeah. I really do enjoy comments even the haters has long as its critiscism I'll take it. I'll take it like Tiger

671493Lol! Poor Tiger!:rainbowlaugh:

Okay, I'll try!:pinkiehappy:

670635 the reason dialogue may not seem realistic is because well that's just how these people are because if you read to the bottom you would notice that it says these are real people and their personas but this is seriously how they would react. The reason Kris continues to laugh is becuase he ignores pain and finds it funny even when most people think it would hurt. Jake actually is a druid and we constantly joke around about him having sex with a tree, so why the hell not. The others also have their personas has well

671521 Well I don't feel like I'm bored but I'll still work on it because well when I get bored shit gets freaky, one time I wrote a clop-fic then my boss found it, lets just say it was a long day in hell

671533Damn you must have been so embarassed.:derpyderp2: and nervoused

Not really I actually had fun that day in hell and made many people have a hell of an expierance. I pulled rule 34 up on his computer when he left his office and he came back the next day that was when we had a good laugh hearing the computer being smashed.671555

671590 Yep. Right now I'm working on the next chapter and I'll let you guess who they encounter the name of the chapter is "why not me" Here is your list to guess from:flutterrage::pinkiecrazy::rainbowdetermined2::raritywink:

671599Umm, if I put that in the comments it will be spoiling if I get it right!:pinkiegasp: Is it okay if I message you my answer?

Yes why else would I tell you to guess go ahead make my day.671628 Plus not very many people are reading through the comments I think

671636Well just in case I'll message you.

Okay but the strange thing is you commented has soon as I started to hum to myself. The next chapter is already really strange thought lets just say Attack of the flesh lights 671664

671673I'm set for anything, except the color blue, that color is evil. It reminds me of that LSD Dream Emulator game.:pinkiesick:

Oh god IT'S SCP run for your life, but don't worry the enchanted fleshlights aren't blue :ajsmug:

I..... like the cover art.

671821 It wasn't hard to find, but yeah what about the story

671824

I'll post about that later, brb staring at cover art.

671835 Okay it's not completely cupcakes related but it has cupcakes in it and she is the main antagonist so I decided why not

A list of my favourite quotes:

"I'm going to cum until you die."
"Come the fuck on Kris stop laughing we are in a land of faggotry."
They all sighed and looked away as Jake finished off the tree.
They all shivered as the realism hit them like a freight train to the ass hole.

This was hilarious! :rainbowlaugh: I'm gonna guess you are Tiger?

Seriously, though, :trixieshiftright: with a more varied vocabulary and more punctuation (even just more commas to make pace) this story could become more horror - orientated - If that was your goal - Otherwise, this was pretty good! :twilightblush: A like for you =3

673837 not meant for horror but it can serve that purpose if needed

Fix your past and present tenses.

"What's the worst that could happen?" I asked (Keyword to past tense=Ed being used to describe a past tense.) Instead of asking a question, the past tense can be use like this. "Well I did great!" I said. (Keyword to past tense=Said.)

Opening the door, *Insert name* trips on and twig and says, "F**k you twig!" (Keyword to present tense is Says= 'S' is being used at the end of 'say' representing the word to be a present tense.

Ed=Past tense, sometimes the D at the end of a word is representing a past tense.
S=Present tense

That is all I know dude, be sure to use those tenses and all.

676941 okay I will try to keep that up then

Zay

"QUIT YOUR BITCHIN' AND GET BACK TO THE KITCHEN.":rainbowlaugh:
Oooh man. Save for the myriad of spelling/grammatical errors (as per usual from this fic), this chapter was comical. Strangely, I hope there's another chapter in the works.

1109562 Well you need vote on who dies next though I can't go through with that process my mind just won't think about it but yeah vote on who next chaper will most likely come out that day or maybe the next who knows

Login or register to comment