Cancelled because it's an old fic I was trying to bring up and failing. In the distant future I might revisit this but I doubt it
My character Duncan, an immortal human ends up in Equestria. This is set after Duncan has been thru a few of my other personal stories first, as such his powers should be more developed than normal. However I want to focus more on character evolution and my writing with this, as this is my first story I am posting for others to read (other than my personal thought on the creation of Equestria story) my other goal is to learn to write better.
Chapters (3)
Probably the coolest combo ever a demon wolf human pony thing you need a like! !!
Luna doesn't talk in Ye Olde Butcherede English anymore. She talks like a normal person now.
Soooooooooo... the big thing setting this Gary Stu OC apart from the others this site (and fanfiction in general, really) is plagued with is that he's in more (unpublished) stuff that talks about him? I'm sorry, but the concept of a half-demonwolf human with a bunch of powers is not gonna go over well with the FIMFic crowd, a lot of whom are pretty disillusioned with even STANDARD HiE fare. Myself included, admittedly, but if you'd seen what I have...
I appreciate that you're setting the story up to develop his character, since it feels like not many people use OC stories as anything other than "look at this stupid fuck I made and marvel at their informed awesomeness." However, I can tell right away that you're writing the story to suit the character, which is typically the wrong order for your priorities to be in. It's really easy for character pieces like this to fall off the rails and end up about nothing, which could lead to not knowing when to stop and bloating it tens or hundreds of chapters more than it ever had to be while never ACTUALLY making the lead character grow as a person and instead forcing a million OTHER OC's into it to compensate...
...I've seen some shit, dude. This is a rocky start, and I'd rather not see that sort of thing happen again.
Thank you for the critiques as I said I am a new writer and need all the help i can get
5839102 thank you, your post was most enlightening, I would like to ask what you mean by writing the story to suit the character? I don't understand and would like to so I can improve the story.
5835474 thanks for that point i will go back and edit soon
5839689 By "writing the story to suit the character," I mean that it seems like the character is the most important part of the story and that the narrative is almost an afterthought. It's something I see in a lot of OC stories: an excuse plot, a flimsy reason to inflict their characters onto viewing audiences that the mods will let pass.
In my opinion, it works a lot better if the story is put first and foremost, something the character can complement rather than the story complementing the character. It can't just be a shoddy plot cobbled together to make the OC look good. Even character pieces should tell a decent story, and the ordeals a character faces that help them grow are far more compelling to read about than "this guy can do all these magic stuffs and this is a thing he did."
If you want a good character piece... well, I can't think of any examples on the site, but Breaking Bad comes to mind. It's primarily about the rise and fall of Walter White, but his isn't the only story being told, and all the stories are just as compelling as his. Walt may be the main character, but he's not the ONLY main character, and there are others just as crucial to the story as he is. His actions drive the plot; the plot's not there just to show him off and make him look good.
Basically, I guess, make your character part of the story, but don't make your character the story.
And hey, you have an awesome attitude towards feedback. It's a breath of fresh air, let me tell you.
5840209 Thank you for the reply,
so what I am understanding is a good story is like a d&d group on a quest, the dm is telling the story and the players are there to help it along?
so add other characters perspective and don't have it just following what "The main character," is doing? Maybe in this case add in a conversation with twi, fluttershy, and luna at the luncheon?
You're most welcome, I try to recognize help from others when I see it, even when it stings
5841207 Yeah, that's almost exactly what I'm getting at. Hell, don't be afraid to include scenes that don't feature or aren't directly about the main character. If the narrative you map out puts your character in one place, it's fine to show how events are affecting people in another.
Zecora, type it with me Zecora
Pacing is a little fast but good story