My buddy Smrrt thinks he can write a better story than me! Oh it's on! Here, have a look.
Edit: I won't be able to redo chapter 1 on my own in time. I'm gonna have to find an editor first.
The story? HiE; human turned pony, starting season 1. Okay, there's more to it. Minato is a character from a game called Persona 3 (actually you can enter whatever name you want). As you can guess he's not your usual human in Equestria. He has a certain power. It's called persona.
WARNING: People who don't know the game will be lost during the first few chapters.
Chapters (1)
Sorry for blank comment, still new to this. This fic seems really cool please upload more
5992779 My "sponsor" (I lost a bet and now I need to write this) was getting worried about the story, seeing as to how many dislikes it got so fast. Good thing I put it into a group.
Btw, you can edit your comments anytime.
5992793 your doing this for a bet?
it's still really good though, IGNORE THOSE HATERS.
P.S. Should have comedy tag, I found this humorous
5992843 Dude, anger management. I never add comedy tag, because my comedy depends on situation. Most of this is just copy and paste from the first episode.
I'd read this if not for that horribly rambling, awkward description and the complete lack of a cover image (which to my mind shows lack of interest in your own story). Persona crossovers are not to be entered into lightly.
You NEED to learn how to write a story description. What you have up there isn't a story description, it's a blog post.
How often do you update?
Took a quick peek at the story itself when a friend went "WTF?" over the first two paragraphs.
Let's start with this:
Don't do this. Ever. There is no excuse for this.
I skimmed the rest of it and honestly? This is terrible. You need a prereader and an editor. I'm not trying to be mean here, I'm being honest. This needs massive amounts of work. It needs prereaders, it needs editors, it needs a REAL description and cover art...basically, you submitted this long before it was ready to be shown to anybody.
Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to agree with 5993419 in terms of quality.
Honestly though, this story has a lot of potential, but only if you get around to cleaning up the spelling and grammatical errors littered throughout the chapter.
You have intrigued me enough to follow it though.
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Okay guys, I've been letting this going on for a while, see the reactions of people and I think it's time I answer/explain some things.
The easiest things out of the way first.
I don't have an update schedule. I'm a spontaneous writer, I write when I feel like it, plus I'm looking for a job right now.
Next on the list would be the grammar/spelling issue. I'm German, so my grammar is not the best to begin with. I'm gonna need a proofreader for this story, but so far I have none. But I agree with one thing, the first chapter is a mess. I knew I should have make it shorter, the first is always the hardest. I'm gonna revise that one on my own, though I don't have much time on my hands right now. In order to not forget it, I'll add a random deadline for myself.
However, I'll most likely release the second and even the third chapter, before I go back to the first one. It's easier for my to write chapters, than rewriting chapters. It gets my mood down seeing my own mistakes.
Eh...ah right the "summary". That's gonna stay for now. It's an experiment from my side and I wanna see a few more reactions.
Last but not least (unless I overlooked something), the wikipedia thing. Get used to it. You're only the second person complaining and it's been part of my bad joke writing style, since I started on fanfiction.
Oh yeah, cover art. Dude, just because I have none, doesn't mean I'm disinterested. I just had one bad experience of getting sued and since then I've become careful. I can't draw myself.
And now I got a question for you guys. Most of us have at least heard of the famous OC Nyx from penstroke. Did I write the name right? Eh, doesn't matter. I've been playing with the idea of putting Nyx into....Nyx body. That sounded so very wrong.
Since I can't decide whether this is a good or the stupidest idea ever, tell me what you think about it. This is CR, signing of.
5995740 Its funny, I was about to recommend mithrilmoth when he posted his comment
5995740 still think this is awesome.
Ha, nailed it. Managed to "convince" my dear friend Smrrt (that's "death" in Croatian) to write a crossover, with a similar concept like this story, of his own. B****rd believes he can do a way better job than me! 20$, a pizza and not so honorable honor are at stake!
6029306 the hell are you talking about
6041814 Smrrt and I have a little competition going on. Namely who can write the better P3 crossover.
6043781 oh. Where is his?
6045026 In progress. Said, he needs some time. Unlike me he already got a job. I'll add a link, when it's there.
6045043 thanks man
6045043 Just read the thing, I like yours better.
sigh still waiting for an update, I would edit this myself but, seeing as I didn't notice any mistakes, I don't think I'm exactly qualified to.
ok beggining hope to get a good story
Keep going... I LOVE IT!!!